r/InsideIndianMarriage

My feminisim instinct suggested to set boundaries from the start of marriage. I did. I did not rush in trying to impress my mother-in-law. Throughout I've been respectful. They (my husband's mom, father, brother and sister)came, lived with us and we were a happy family. I respected my space so when I used to come back from office will greet them and go straight to my room and relax. (later got to know she would brag in front of her son, ohh I dont ask her even to make evening tea). I suggested to hire cook, mom-in- law denied. We would have dinner together and then chat for a while daily. Weekends I will cook lunch and help for dinner. They stayed with us for 3 months. Later I got to know they had issues I was not bonding with them. (She would be always making faces, so much negative vibes. Not a single day she asked me beta what do you like to eat, its not that I expect her to cook for me but if she expects me to bond what she did for me to get motherly feeling?)

But when they went back, I did not call her daily. I would come in my husband's call and greet them. Oh my God! It was such a big issue! My husband said, " dont come on my call, if you feel like call yourself, formality krne ki jrurat nahi". And I told him bluntly I dont call my parents daily, I cant do this! I am not comfortable. And he said okay. Slowly giving me silent treatment and it became months of silence and small issues led to big ones and resentment grew.. But not calling mom-in law was the starting point.

Now I think it was matter of just one call. I could have done it. I thought my husband was understanding but he was stubborn you call on your own. And I was being stubborn that I will come on your call.

And I know people would advice me now why dont you start taking little steps to bond? But what about the mental trauma they gave me coz I couldnt just call! My husband withdrew from the relationship coz I couldnt please his family. Then I felt lonely coz my husband started giving me silent treatment, then fights and then I resented more talking to his family and the loop..

Its so confusing when to set boundaries. Now I feel what was the fuss just 5mins call daily would have saved my mental peace and marriage. Part of me feel betrayed coz we dated 3 years before marriage, he knew how much anxious I feel around people, and I call my parents twice a week during weekends. I did not like his mom, but I never complained, and i would have called her if I liked her. Why is there so much pressure on daughter in law to bond!

And this is not a rant, but suggestion to all those girls who are going for love marriage. You think oh my guy loves me so much, but after marriage dynamics changes. You fell in love with the guy, but if you cant fall in love with the family think twice. My parents warned me about his family background. Yet I was in love. And yes I knew his family is different from mine. But i thought I dont have to live with them, its fine. Little did I know from distance they can ruin your married life.

The siblings, mother should have a life of their own. Else it becomes your responsibility to bond with them. coz they then complain, and husband is used to hum sath sath hai concept that you become non-sanskari.

Better sit and do the expectation setting of family. For unmarried men who find this post triggering like what's wrong with me, do set your expectations with your future wife. Everyone has their choices, but don't lovebomb woman that I love you the way you're and then expect her to mould after marriage. My husband knew how much I hate talking on calls, how much introvert I'm. He knew me so well yet he is unhappy after marriage.

PS- I'm not asking for advice, I have learned my lesson and sharing my experience. I know my husband and in-laws are toxic (it took me a year to realise so I know). These sweet on the face mom-in law are more dangerous.

It was my mistake I never discussed family expectations. coz I never thought not calling daily is big issue.

I met my husband 2.5 years ago and we’ve been married for 4 months now. It’s an inter religion, state and language marriage. My husband was raised by a single mom his whole life. She looks confident, soft and devoted from outside, but after marriage I realised how controlling and emotionally manipulative she actually is.

Even while dating, my husband never took decisions on his own. He would call and ask me before deciding anything. During marriage discussions, I became emotionally disappointed because he was literally unable to do anything independently. He needed that hand-holding support and even most wedding arrangements from his side were handled by his aunt and uncle. Later I realised it’s not entirely his fault, he was never really taught independence. His mom did everything for him (literally bringing food and water to bed), never trusted his decisions and never taught him financial responsibility or confidence.

On top of that, she is clearly not ready to share him emotionally after marriage. There are many indirect expectations at home:

1. Bedroom doors should stay open until she goes to sleep. She stays in the hall almost the whole day and goes to her just to sleep. If I close the door during the day, she would just be cranky and distant.

2. She doesn’t like him helping me with chores. If he does something one day, she’ll do that the next day before he comes home.

3. She body shames him constantly even though he has only developed a slight belly.

4. We are expected to sleep as per her schedule. He comes home at 10.30, we have dinner at 11, she would expect him to sit and talk till 11.45 and go to her room and would expect us to sleep before 12.15. If we dont she would gaslight him the next morning in my absence.

5. If we buy things for the house like AC, plants etc, she initially appreciates it but later says things like “this is my house, you should ask permission."

6. She never lets me cook, do his laundry, or manage household work. I mostly just sweep the house every evening. I eat the rice for all three meals. Ive reduced to 2 meals now. One irritating thing she does is ask me for recipes often but never actually follow them.

7. She indirectly judges me whenever I eat junk food while she herself makes papadam or fried snacks almost daily.

8. She comments on almost every purchase or expense we make but uses everything comfortably herself.

Financially, my parents support us whenever they can. Everytime i return back from my parents, they send us so many things. She barely shows gratitude. When my parents visited his place before marriage, she dint even bother to feed them 2 meals a day. Even if its one extra person, we have to order food. My MIL has not spent a single penny for us. She never gets anything for her son and he doesn't get anything for her by himself. The expensive sarees or home appliances I gift her will be rotting in her cupboard. My MIL is not transparent about finances with her son and didn’t contribute anything towards marriage expenses either. She compalins whenever we make any purchases for oursleves but she makes my husband order groceries every other day. No weekly or monthly grocery shopping, she makes him order online whenever she wants.

The biggest issue is their emotional dynamics. They fight badly, say extremely hurtful things and then forgive each other within hours like nothing happened. She often gaslights him, emotionally manipulates him and pushes him to the edge. And calls him the worst son for loosing his shit.

Today during the fight she asked us to move out of the house for a month. Honestly, part of me desperately wants that space because I feel mentally exhausted in this environment. But another part of me feels guilty leaving her alone, and I know my husband will probably normalize everything again within a day.

My question to people who’ve gone through similar situations: Did things improve? Did your MIL/mom change eventually? Did you continue living together or move out? How did you protect your marriage through all this?

P.S. I started therapy a couple of weeks ago. I honestly don’t know what else could make this better.

Is it common for women to lie about their past?

when women enter a new relationship or a AM setup, do they frequently lie about their past be it emotional or physical, their bdy counts and other flings.

Is it common these days , or women with truth and honesty, still exists ?

And guys out here, how do you identify , or wild guess that a specific one would have a high bdy count and lying on face ?

I’m a 32 year-old Tamil woman, divorced 2 years back, and a single mother to a 5year-old son. My family ,friends,wellwishers suggesting me for second marriage, my female colleague waiting for my opinion about marrying her relative guy, He is also divorced age 33, very fitness-oriented, and seems good attitude with great ethical thoughts ,handsome as well so thinking about making my yes for him but few questions,

is my decision of second marriage look selfish?

In future Will make my son to see my decision as selfish ?

Genuine opinions are welcome, positive or negative no issues?

last month i had went to see my hone wali wife. our rishta is fixed. its arrnage marriage. its been one month and we had not talked. our marriage is in december. should i message her now or wait for some more time. also what should i message

We got married a few months ago and are so far having a great relationship. Except for one disagreement.

We are both middle class. We are staying in my parents flat. But we will be buying our own flat shortly. The funds for this flat is coming from my past earnings only but both our names will be on the registration. I'm fine with that.

However when I asked here casually in the future if any of the inheritance from her parents will come to her, she said no and it will all go to her brother.

I was a little surprised. When my inheritance comes (I'll be sharing is equally with my wife).

She has savings but not much. I didn't ask her for it but shouldn't she be putting it in a joint account as an example. If I'm sharing past and future earnings as well as any future inheritance, shouldn't she be doing it too?

She says it's my duty to provide. Which I believe I am. But this seems a little unfair. Am I wrong?

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I got married 4 months back. It is arranged marriage. I am introvert and don't talk much. My wife talks a lot. Before marriage it looks like a good match, there are minor differences there but both the families told it would be there and I don't want to cancel the marriage because of minor differences.

I loved my wife and wanted her to be happy. The initial few days were fine, everything looks good. I work in corporate and go to office daily. After coming back also I have some work left. She doesn't want to work and it's ok for me. She does cook and clean the house. During spare time she read the book, watches reels and movies I feel she gets bored sitting at home alone but she tells me she is fine.

She doesn't come to movies, small outings or lunch outside. But she wants I should be available emotionally for her. I tried to be available to her, but she talks about any small mistakes I did in phone to her family and friends, so I got frustrated and started spending time on myself.

She talks like she wants 100 percent of me to agree to every thing she says,and if I do that she will take care of me. I don't agree to certain points while talking, she gets angry because of that. She didn't ask how I am doing or how is my work after marriage. I ask her every day how is she doing and everything ok and all.

I am kind of a logical person when it comes to spending that is how I grew up and think once while buying any items. But whatever she asked, I didn't ask her why it is required and all. But I don't know why she feels I am not spending money on her. For some big items(>10k) to purchase it got delayed a week or 2 because of some reason. She tells I am kanjoos and tells me at her home if any thing she ask, she was getting next day only. We went to honeymoon and during that time she keeps on getting angry for small things. I don't know what to do and how to make her happy

She reads some english romantic novels and tell her friend in phone that that guy did this and that for his girlfriend. She compares me with all her friend and family relatives and what they do for their wife every time we talk. I once told her about how tough one of my relative is and how she handles work and home, i shouldn't have tell that, I didn't want to compare and it was just normal talk we were doing but she thinks I am comparing and tells it you compare with them everytime we talk on some thing

My wife (31F) and I (32M) got married 6 months ago (known each other for 1 year before marriage) and it seems like we are fighting since forever.

This is going to be a long post so please bear with me.

I met my wife using a matrimonial app. After a good first date, we found out that we want to settle in different locations. I saw this as something which has no future, so I stopped contacting her post the date. She called me a few days later out of the blue and said she missed me a lot and wanted to see if we can work something out. I ended up agreeing to the location she wants to settle in.

We went on another date, where after a good time she said I'm kanjoos because I said my cab fare of Rs800 was expensive. On top of that she accused me of being with her only because I wanted to get physical with her (We had hugged and kissed on the cheeks, nothing more. And everything was consensual, nothing was forced). She also said that I don't know how to treat a woman (she wanted a bouquet of roses, but I said it's something I give when I truly feel the person is right for me, so I will definitely not give roses on the 2nd date. I need more time for it). I felt that she questioned my character and called me names for no reason so I told her this isn't healthy and I don't want to do this anymore. She quickly realised her mistake and apologized heavily and told me not to break up with her, which I agreed to (I feel that was a big mistake).

Fast forward a month later, she's pressing me to gift her something. She compared me with other guys and said other guys are giving their wives/gf a phone, diamond or gold. I told her not to compare me with other people as it's toxic. She understood but continued pressing me to gift her something otherwise she would become all sappy on calls. I told her I need my time to gift her something, it's not that I don't want to gift her stuff. Fast forward, I bought her an iPhone 16 Pro as a surprise a month later. She was quite happy and said she's sorry that she pressed me so much to buy her a gift, told me she'll learn to be patient.

My brother and his wife invited us to their place for lunch as things progressed further. Post the meet she accused me of having an affair with my bhabie (WTF) because we shook hands and I spoke good things about her. I ended up having a big fight with her because of that and had to show her my WhatsApp chat to make her believe I'm not having any affair. I wanted to break up with her again but she begged me not to. Her hatred for my bhabie kept growing on after that though. She reacts strongly whenever her name is mentioned. She once mentioned that she hated her.

She also makes it a point to express her disinterest in visiting my brother's place. She has also unnecessarily said a few mean things about my brother, the latest one was yesterday which has affected me a lot. I have told her multiple times not to speak bad about them without any reason, but she keeps doing that. Mind you, my brother and his wife have gifted her gold earrings for the wedding and have been nice to her only.

She also doesn't like dogs and has a problem when I pet my brother's black lab. She doesn't like when the dog jumps on me or licks me. She gets jealous and tells me that only she has access to my upper body. She also makes me shower before I hug her. More recently she used to object me liking dog reels too, which was so ridiculous. I lashed out at her saying that I love dogs and will like as many dog reels as I want.

I feel she has many expectations which I fulfill. I go out of my comfort zone and do it for her. I learnt to make tea for her everyday even though I don't drink tea. She doesn't like to hold stuff when we are out, asks me for princess treatment so I don't let her hold stuff. She likes gifts and surprises.. I do my best to provide that to her.  Apart from this, I take care of the kitchen and other household chores as she has hybrid work culture and has to go to office 3 times a week.

On the other hand, I don't have any particular liking for gifts or surprises. She does buy me clothes and other material stuff for which I'm alright even if she doesn't buy. One thing I had asked her for was to make me delicacies that we usually make during festivals at home (I miss home made delicacies so I asked her to make and told her I'll help her in making it), but she very strongly said that she isn't interested in all that and won't do it. I have made her some dishes in the past so this was quite hurtful.

I feel it's very unfair.. plus the constant fighting is affecting my physical and mental health. I really feel like taking a divorce but she always says she'll hurt herself or kill herself if I leave her. And yes, in each and every fight she'll cry and act as if she's the victim.

It’s heartbreaking to see how many women get trapped in toxic households. I feel fortunate that I was able to leave before it destroyed me completely. Recent news has me going back to what I endured and be grateful for where I am today.

My marriage was a love-cum-arranged marriage. I met my husband myself, saw potential in him, and introduced him to my parents before moving forward. Everything initially seemed normal—not perfect, but manageable. There were small issues in his family, but nothing that hinted at the level of toxicity that would unfold later.

I do hold my husband accountable for not fully sharing the day-to-day reality of his home. But over time, I realised much of the hostility came from his family’s jealousy and emotional instability.

The first signs appeared immediately after marriage.

The day after our wedding, my sister-in-law left for college without showing any interest in spending time with the family. I ignored it because she was pursuing an MBA. But on the day we left for our honeymoon, my mother-in-law (MIL) created unnecessary stress an hour before our airport departure. Around the same time, she started making comments about money:

“This is my money, I won’t let you waste it.”

This was over trivial things like buying a dustbin or a ₹1,000 Miniso bill. She openly checked our room whenever we stepped out, using maids as an excuse. Even grabbing McDonald’s before leaving for our honeymoon became an issue.

During our honeymoon, we kept receiving calls asking us not to waste money shopping. It was humiliating because my background was never hidden. I come from an upper-middle-class South Delhi family, and my parents had even gifted us $500 for the trip. I genuinely believe that became the start of their resentment.

After we returned, things escalated slowly but constantly.

Dustbins were checked. Spending was monitored. Even when I cleaned my own sink or toilet, my MIL accused me of “wasting money” because they already paid a maid. The irony was that I was voluntarily doing those things for my own comfort.

Food became another issue.

I quietly struggled with their style of cooking because I dislike seeing whole tomatoes, onions, or whole spices in food. Instead of complaining, I simply ate less. After weeks of my MIL complaining that I “never eat,” we sat down and discussed a simple solution—blending the masalas in a mixer. She agreed in the moment but never actually implemented it.

Small incidents started revealing deeper disrespect.

A new pure linen night suit I had bought for my first night was ruined while we were away. It had clearly been stained and aggressively scrubbed. When I gently tried to make things easier by telling my MIL it was okay and I would still wear it at home, she casually dismissed it with:

“Yeh toh hota hi rehta hai.”

A silver tray gifted to me by a relative was deliberately used as a chopping board, despite me clearly explaining that it was silverware. It ended up covered in knife marks. When I ordered a proper wooden chopping board, she refused to use it, claiming “wood particles would go into her mouth,” only to later secretly buy and use her own.

Nothing was ever about logic. It was about control.

I was asked to use expired maida and damaged cookware to make pancakes. I had barely cooked before marriage, but I started cooking because they refused to make even the smallest adjustments. Every personal expense became an attack. If I went for therapy, dermat appointments, nails, laser sessions, or even coffee, my MIL would say:

“Gulcharre uda rahi hai pata nahi kahan.”

The house atmosphere became unbearable.

Every single evening there would be screaming fights about money. The moment my husband came home, instead of peace, his mother would start shouting over tiny expenses. Before marriage, his parents proudly claimed he was the backbone of the family and had transformed their finances. After marriage, the narrative changed completely. Suddenly he had “ruined” them financially.

The truth was very different.

When my husband stepped into the family business, they had roughly 5 crore in assets. By age 30, he had helped grow it significantly, including major property profits and investments. Yet after marriage, his contributions were erased and twisted into accusations.

Even small things became toxic.

If I made food for myself because I was hungry, I’d hear:

“Main kitchen separate nahi hone dungi.”

Meals became associated with stress and humiliation. I lost 8 kilos in 3 months.

Things eventually became abusive.

My MIL kicked us out twice. Each time, my parents helped us return because we still wanted to save the marriage and family dynamic. But after every return, we were taunted with:

“Kya hua? Unhone rakha nahi?”

At one point, my MIL abandoned her own son on the roadside after an argument and drove away, forcing him to take a cab home. This happened after I had encouraged him to spend time alone with her to improve their relationship.

The final breaking point came when both families sat down together.

Instead of accountability, my in-laws blamed my parents and accused us of controlling their son with money. They even suggested my mother and I had intentionally made me lose weight to manipulate appearances.

Meanwhile, my husband had spent years sacrificing for them.

When my father-in-law had cancer, he had no savings or insurance. My husband put everything on the line to get him treated at the best hospital possible. Yet none of that mattered anymore.

My SIL also became increasingly hostile. She barely visited during our struggles but somehow remained deeply invested in discussing my family’s financial status. I later realised she was heavily influencing my MIL behind the scenes.

The double standards were unbelievable.

When my husband travelled for work, it was labelled “ayashi.” When my SIL travelled for work, it was called “career.” She could order Swiggy daily at her hostel, but I was criticised for ordering food.

Eventually, we left.

Not once did they ask us to stay. No emotional effort, no concern, no support. Instead, they continued using my husband for property work, business collections, and financial responsibilities while emotionally abusing both of us.

Even after separation, the abuse continued.

Months later, my MIL suggested my husband should turn me into a “dance girl” or send me to a kotha for money—all because he used 6 lakhs from their account to close a loan connected to family property matters.

That was the final line.

My husband slowly cut contact completely.

Today, it has been 11 months of no contact for me and 5 months for him. Life feels peaceful again. I’ve started smiling, eating properly, cooking, creating, and living again. We even got a puppy.

Sometimes I still feel unsafe or emotionally affected by what happened. But I also see my husband trying every day to become a healthier person and build a better life away from that toxicity.

I know many women never get the opportunity to leave because they lack financial or emotional support. I was lucky to have parents who stood by me and a husband who eventually chose to walk away from the abuse too.

I’m grateful I only spent 3 months in that house.

And if karma exists, I hope it eventually reaches the people who caused all of this.

I(33F) feel very lonely in my marriage and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is genuinely unhealthy.

My husband (33M) is a workaholic and a perfectionist. He expects perfection from everyone around him too. We have a 1-year-old baby, and I’ve been doing WFH for the last 3 years. We also moved from a tier-1 city to a tier-2 city because of his job, so I don’t really have much of a social life anymore.

He usually comes home around 8 PM, which is exactly when our baby goes to sleep. I take the baby to another room so he can sleep peacefully, and then my husband opens his laptop again and continues working. We rarely have proper conversations, and when we do, it’s mostly about his work.

What hurts me the most is that he doesn’t seem interested in what I’m going through emotionally or mentally. He helps with household chores whenever he gets time, and when we are together physically, he does show affection and says he loves me. But his actions don’t really make me feel emotionally connected or supported.

He even ignores his own family for 4–5 days because of work, so I know it’s not just me. But I still feel neglected.

I’ve been staying at my mom’s house for the last 15 days, and he hasn’t called me even once on his own. I’m always the one calling him, and our conversations last barely 2–3 minutes. Even then, it’s mostly about the baby or his work.

I understand career pressure and responsibilities, but I feel emotionally abandoned. I don’t know if this is just a stressful phase or if this is what my marriage is becoming.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you handle it?

TL;DR: Husband is a workaholic, emotionally unavailable, and constantly busy with work. We barely talk, he rarely spends time with me or our 1-year-old baby, and even while I’m staying at my mom’s place he hasn’t called once on his own. Feeling lonely, disconnected, and emotionally neglected in my marriage.

History: Dead bedroom since marriage, his alcohol addiction and interest towards other women.

I’m a 31F married to a 34M for 4 years- It’s a love marriage. We married fairly soon after we started dating. It’s an inter-culture marriage. Slowly got to know that they are super orthodox and chaotic. FIL has a history of running away from home, MIL has some sort of mental issue- keeps getting episodes (very hard to be around her) and my elder BIL is around 40 and is without job and keeps making bad decisions.

I tried to people please them in the first 2-3 tests of marriage and soon realised they are always going to be difficult. Husband was initially on their side and slowly began to se e cracks. Every time they call there’s some new issue or chaos they add to existing tensions. The threat is that they are super bad with money and I’m constantly living in the fear that it’ll fall on our head. It’s happened all the time. I’ve drawn some really hard boundaries. I find them super strange and chaotic and financially irresponsible. It feels very unstable, and I’m not able to cope. I keep getting sick (medically there’s no reason) and I know it’s emotional- I’m also not able to conceive.

My husband is on my side but I fell like we should not cut them off- but I’m not able to keep them in my life either. Has anyone been in this situation? What can I do to feel better? How to get more peace?

I’m 32M and trying to understand a pattern in my relationships.

My first relationship lasted 6 years and we were planning to get married. A big part of it was long-distance. Everything was stable and loving until she developed depression because of work stress. After that she started talking about childhood trauma, needing to “find herself,” needing space, and feeling emotionally lost. Eventually we broke up. She never blamed me or said I was a bad partner.

Now I’m married to my wife (26F). We’ve known each other 4 years, together for 2, and recently got married. Right now we live in different countries, so our marriage is also long-distance for the moment.

Recently she has also been struggling with depression and saying very similar things — childhood trauma, emotional confusion, needing space, feeling disconnected, etc. It’s honestly making me anxious because it feels very similar to my previous relationship.

I’m not blaming women or depression. I know mental health struggles are real. I just really want to make my marriage work and support my wife the right way without becoming emotionally damaged from repeating experiences.

I’d really appreciate perspectives from women who’ve gone through this or from men who’ve experienced something similar.

How do you support a partner with depression in a long-distance relationship without slowly losing the relationship itself?

Also something I genuinely wonder about: men also have trauma, but many just push through it and keep going. Why does it sometimes seem different with women emotionally?

tl;dr both my long-term partners developed depression during long-distance relationships and started saying similar things about childhood trauma, needing space, and “finding themselves.” Now my wife is going through it too and I want to understand how to support her and make the marriage work without becoming emotionally damaged myself.

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I’m trying to understand a pattern in my life and would appreciate honest opinions.

Girl 1 and I were together for 6 years. We were very serious and we were ready to get married. Around 3–4 years of the relationship was long distance. We were loyal, stable, no cheating, no major drama. We genuinely loved each other.

Then she got diagnosed with depression because of work stress. Within couple of months things became intense. Medications were changed her behaviour. Eventually she broke up with me. She said she had childhood trauma, needed to fix herself, and needed to “find herself.” She never blamed me or said I was a bad partner.

After that, I met Girl 2. We’ve known each other around 4 years, been in a relationship for 2 years, and recently got married. Things were good overall, but again we are in a long-distance situation because of circumstances.

Now Girl 2 is also struggling with depression and is saying very similar things: childhood trauma, confusion about herself, emotional struggles, needing space, etc.

I’m honestly confused because the situations feel strangely similar. I’m not trying to blame either of them. I know depression and trauma are real. I really wanna fix my marriage and don't want any more of depression shit around me.

I’m trying to understand this in a mature way and not become emotionally damaged or cynical from repeated experiences.

I want opinions from females who have gone through this or males who have been in situation similar to mine.

tl;dr men do have trauma but they go past it but why is it different in women

I’m trying to understand what’s going on in my marriage because it’s causing me a lot of distress.

A big issue is how my husband handles situations with his parents. When they corner me, criticize me, or make me feel uncomfortable, I expect him to step in or at least set boundaries. Instead, I feel like I’m left to deal with it alone.

I’ve told him I need him to stand up for me and create some boundaries for us as a couple. But when I bring this up, it usually turns into a conflict between us instead.

From my perspective, I feel like I’m being put in a position where I’m the “sacrificial lamb” to keep things smooth with his parents.

There are also some things from earlier in our relationship that still affect me. I was not ready to get married when we did. He pushed for it, and I went along with it, but I don’t think I was in the right place emotionally, mentally, or physically. I was drained because I was in middle of career change, I put in real hard work for the three years before doing two specialisations parallely, which just felt like they got vanished. I wanted to give my career a fair chance.

We also never had a honeymoon, which was something I really needed at the time to reset. Instead, I went straight into married life already feeling overwhelmed and dysregulated, and I’ve felt like I’ve been trying to catch up ever since.

I think what’s hard for me is that I don’t feel like this has ever really been acknowledged. I feel like my needs were sacrificed from the beginning, and I’m still dealing with the consequences of that now. I honestly feel like I need an apology for how all of that happened.

Another major issue: whenever I try to talk to him about these problems, he brings in other people. He will call my parents and his parents and basically create a “committee” to discuss our marriage.

This has been happening for a year.

I’m not okay with this at all. It feels humiliating and like a violation of privacy. I don’t want third parties involved in resolving issues in my marriage, especially not in that way. It makes me feel even more exposed and unsupported.

After our last fight, he told me:
- he feels like his feelings are being invalidated
- he doesn’t get enough space
- he feels like he’s emotionally checking out
- he wants to proceed with a divorce

That part really worries me.

What’s confusing to me is that I don’t feel like I have a problem with him on his own. The problems seem to show up in the context of his parents. But he seems to experience it as pressure coming from me.

I’m trying to figure out:
- Am I asking for something unreasonable here?
- Is this a boundaries issue, or a communication issue?
- Why does it feel like the more I push for support, the more he pulls away?

TL;DR: I wasn’t ready for marriage but felt pushed into it, and I’m still dealing with the consequences. My husband doesn’t defend me or set boundaries with his parents, and when I bring it up, he involves both our families, which feels humiliating. I feel unsupported and like my needs have been sacrificed from the beginning, and now he says he’s emotionally checking out.

Hello guys, 28F here had I had been married to 29M for a year now. Ours was a joint family setup where he's the single child and there had been constant involvement of his parents right from the day 1.
I have struggled with loneliness and was unable to handle my issues alone since my husband was also helpless due to our reoccurring fights.
I don't want to blame my husband here but we haven't ever resorted to marriage counselling the whole time we were struggling to get a third party help. To my husband, in the context of what he sent in the notice- he's mentioned he's tried multiple times with the help of our families intervention, which is true but it has never helped me.
He's also additionally added points where I've tried to turn him against his own parents where my intention was never that to begin with.
As absurd as it sounds, I know my husband is a good guy but there wasn't an appropriate action taken from both our sides to fix this marriage.
He's currently very stern on getting a mutual consent from me, and has mentioned he would subject me to mental cruelty based upon my WhatsApp chats and emails I sent him as an evidence (even then I had only apologised majorly to fix our marriage) if I don't agree on it. It is also true that I've tried to call him multiple times and messaged him during his work hours with only resolution to solve the ongoing issues between us. - which he's trying to put as I've mentally tormented him.

I also feel he's heavily influenced by his parents, added the fact that I've already hurt his male ego.
I do accept many things I've done and I want to put it forward that I'm taking professional help to work on myself and still want to give my marriage a chance in an appropriate way.

I want to know if there would be a possibility for the court to reconsider or send us for a marriage counselling if there's a chance.

She has a tendency to look at other relations and only pick the positives and actively ignore negative.

She actively ignores her friends who are facing bad end of their marriage, passively compares to other couple being well off, but fails to note the girl contributed a significant amount almost 80 lakhs, is highly qualified and has a high paying job. Plus her friend's husband is sometimes abusive and aggressive.

Looks at couple in mid 40 DINKs and manifests we do the same in 30s

Calls her parents lovely couple, but their arguments could be heard a mile away due to a bit of excess methi in food.

Her aunt commenting on our private life is a mere breaking the ice, my mom bringing those inappropriate comments to my inlaws notice is a grave sin

Her uncle disrespecting me is rubbed off as a joke in bad taste. Me pointing out same is bad faith

My parents going on a shopping spree just for her is forgotten, I have to thank her parents each time I wear something gifted.

Her father literally (not as a casual comment) said to me, I am no longer responsible for her is standard. But when I need financial advise he should be the first port of call.

Got angry over not stopping at their place when on a retiree trip with friends and its bad on my parents, but her parents passing by parents home 5 times without informing is perfectly acceptable.

Remarks my home for being away from city but had to literally bus 8 hrs to reach my inlaws place

Sticks to home food at my inlaws, prefers to go out twice a day at mine

Doesn't like me going to my long time friends and cousins for technical advice, fumes at me when I dont talk to her relatives.

Cherry picking on rituals, the ones my parents follow are regressive, the ones her parents follow are mandatory and promote spirituality. The ones my parents dont follow are missing out on bare minimum and the ones her parents dont follow are the ones that dont fit in the modern world. If I have to put in a Venn diagram, two disjoint Venn diagrams is what I get

There are good few more, I'm going to stop here

We’ve(I M37 and my wife 36) been married for almost a decade now! It was a love marriage, i married an amazing person with heart full of happiness. Years passed and things started cracking majorly because we weren’t intimate, we didn’t have sex, we were and still are virgins. We went to the gyno, she diagnosed that my wife had vaginismus. She proposed some exercises but after encouraging signs early on, the will faded and eventually died. We had several talks, fights, consolations but all in vain. Now at crossroads of ageing and not having kids prompted us to go for an IVF which failed.

I still love my wife like anything, i have never cheated despite she asking me to go out(out of despair), I have no plans to leave / divorce but daily nagging and unnecessary tantrum is leaving me puzzled. We will try again for IVF.

Yesterday during a fight i cried and i told her that’s it’s becoming difficult to live in this situation. We haven’t talked since, if anyone in the similar situation, how do you deal with it.

We’ve tried counselling, therapy but nothing seems to work.

Need help navigating this situation with MIL

I've been married for more than a decade now. I gave birth to my second child 4 months ago. Since then I've been having some digestive issues. And I try to be careful, I eat freshly cooked meals or atleast the ones refrigerated properly.

My MIL has been staying with us since my baby was born. And tbh she's great. She did all of the cooking for first 1.5 months. Then we started cooking together.

2 days back, my husband and I had some errands to run. I fed the baby, dropped our oldest at school and went out. When we came back, mil had already prepared lunch. I had it. And 2 hours later, I had diarrhoea. Since I had only home cooked meal, I asked mil about it. She said she had prepared spicy dal, by using yesterday afternoon's cooked tur dal, which she refrigerated and reheated again in the evening. She insisted that Since she had put it in refrigerator by eod the day before, Dal wasnt the problem.

The next day, I had to go to the bathroom 7 times. I was tired and frustrated. Told mil not to recycle yesterday's, reheated dal repeatedly. She didn't say anything.

3rd day now, I'm still not well. Im taking medicine, but not completely recovered. Anything I eat, I've to run to bathroom within 1-2 hours. Im breastfeeding and this could impact my milk supply. In my frustration I again told my MIL not to prepare such dal or atleast inform before, so that I can skip it. Tbh my tone wasnt the most respectful.

She got angry. Told me I'm not being respectful to elders. That I got sick from having mango, kachori from the day before I had dal. She says I should do all the cooking, and she won't enter kitchen. And that none of the other family members got sick (My eldest didn't have that dal thank god.) That Im accusing her of giving me stale food. She's been doing the same thing for 40 years and noone got sick, etc. This became an ego issue.

I tried to calmly tell her that with high summer temperature, food gets spoilt earlier than usual. Its better to err on the side of caution. Especially with elderly, new mothers and kids. I've heard of people dying from eating food that's not refrigerated properly. She became even more angry after hearing that and is giving the silent treatment.

My husband agrees with me, but he feels I should be more respectful. I feel this is a safety hazard and the gravity of the situation warrants my reaction.

I honestly want to start cooking solo from tomorrow. Partly cause I dont feel I can't trust her, and partly cause I know she reacted the way she did cause I need her help. My husband feels MIL only said that in anger, and doing that will escalate this fight.

I need some outside perspective. Am I being unreasonable and hormonal? How should I handle this, without damaging my relationship with mil. Thanks in advance.

Edit- So people seem to have not understood how the dal was cooked. Mil had prepared toor dal with cumin tempering on Tuesday for lunch. Then kept in fridge at 4pm. We took it out reheated for dinner. Leftover was kept in fridge again at night. Then on Wednesday the leftover dal was added while preparing fresh dal. This was spicy and I didnt know old dal was mixed in. Otherwise I wouldnt have had it. I became sick at 4-5 PM. 2-3 hour after having dal. I have upset stomach since.