r/InsideIndianMarriage

My wife and I are an Indian/NRI couple from the same city. We have known each other for many years and have been married for a while.

Our marriage itself is good in many ways. We communicate well, open up to each other, and generally respect each other’s opinions and boundaries. We do not want separation, and we do not want this to damage an otherwise strong relationship.

The issue is our family dynamic, especially whenever we visit India.

We come from very different family systems.

My wife’s family is social, outgoing, proactive, generous, and action-oriented. They like gatherings, hosting, feeding people, planning things, celebrating occasions, and being around extended family. They are also financially comfortable and self-sufficient.

My family is almost the opposite. They are quiet, reserved, not very social, and have a small social circle. They are also not financially strong and are largely dependent on me for bigger expenses. They do enjoy life in their own way, but money and confidence limit what they can do. They do not host, travel, spend, or plan things in the same way. They also do not usually expect much from anyone.

Because both families are in the same city, there are no natural boundaries. Sometimes I think this would actually be easier if our families lived in different cities. Then we would naturally have designated blocks of time with each family. Because everyone is in the same city, every day becomes potentially available to both sides.

A quiet day with my parents can become a plan with her family. A casual free evening can become a dinner. A small occasion can become a gathering. A plan with her family can create guilt about my parents. Time keeps bleeding across both families, and somehow both sides can still end up dissatisfied.

My wife’s family is not bad or disrespectful to me. If anything, they shower a lot of love. Their way of showing love is different from my perspective. It comes through food, hospitality, gifts, effort, and social togetherness.

But for me, that kind of love can feel intense and overbearing.

My biggest issue is not that they invite us or want to spend time with us. My issue is that a polite no does not feel like a complete answer. If I say I am tired, or I do not want to attend something, or I need a quieter day, it can turn into persuasion, negotiation, emotional pressure, or a tug of war. I can give in once or twice, but when it happens repeatedly across a trip, my patience and mental peace start to crack.

On many occasions, I have had to put my foot down and become the bad guy. I understand that boundaries sometimes require that. But there are only so many times one person can keep doing that. I also know I cannot expect to get my way every time. Marriage requires compromise. I do not want to reject every plan. I want fewer plans to become battles.

My wife also feels she has done her part. From her perspective, she has shielded me from her family’s intensity and tried to protect my mental peace. She feels there is still a bare minimum she expects me to do during each trip, and I understand that.

The problem is that what feels manageable in theory becomes very different once we are actually in India.

We may agree to a certain number of plans, but then things come up: a forgotten birthday, relatives wanting to meet, someone suggesting a meal, or some small family obligation that feels difficult to refuse. Individually, these things are not unreasonable. But cumulatively, they add up and make the trip feel packed again.

Even work time does not always stay protected. If we go to India for three or four weeks, I usually only take one week off and work remotely for the rest. Part of this is practical, but if I am being honest, work also becomes a socially acceptable way to avoid being pulled into too many family obligations. But even that boundary does not always hold, which makes every pocket of time feel negotiable.

My biggest concern underneath all of this is my guilt as a son.

I have lived away from my parents for close to 10 to 15 years. I chose to build my life away from them, and I carry guilt about that. I understand that marriage brings additional responsibilities and that I cannot spend all my time only with my parents. But because both families are in the same city, every time I go out for a social plan that I do not even want to attend, I feel like I am taking time away from my parents.

My parents do not expect grand plans from me. They do not need outings, restaurants, events, or celebrations. Their dynamic with me is simple: they just enjoy me being around. Sitting at home with them, having tea, talking, or even doing nothing together is meaningful to them.

So when I am pulled into repeated social plans elsewhere, especially plans I did not actively want, it hits a deeper guilt. It feels like I am choosing obligations over the limited time I have with my parents.

I think a lot of my resistance comes from that guilt. It is not only about whether my wife’s family is overbearing. It is also about the fact that I already feel I have not given enough time to my parents, and I do not think the other family fully understands that.

There is also a subtle money, pride, and status dynamic that I struggle with.

Her family’s generosity usually comes from a good place, but because they are more financially comfortable and more proactive, they often end up leading the situation: deciding, hosting, organising, suggesting, and acting first.

I do not think they intend to make anyone feel small. But sometimes it reinforces the feeling that the family with more money and more confidence naturally sets the terms, while the quieter and less financially secure family has less agency.

My wife’s family has more ability to act. They have more money, more social confidence, more initiative, and more plans. My family is quieter and has less financial ability, so they do not create as many occasions or ask for as much.

Even when time is split fairly on paper, this dynamic can still feel frustrating. Her family’s plans are more visible, more active, and more structured, while my family’s needs are quieter and easier to miss. So it can feel like the more active family sets the emotional tone of the trip, even if that is not anyone’s intention.

One part I do not think my wife fully sees is that my parents have also adjusted to this wider family dynamic. Because her family is more social, more proactive, and more financially comfortable, they often lead the plans. My parents may participate, smile, and even enjoy parts of it, but that does not mean this world is natural or easy for them.

I think they sometimes stretch themselves socially because they care about me and want things to go smoothly. My wife may see them enjoying themselves and interpret it as them being included in a good way. I understand why she sees it like that. But from my side, it is more complicated.

Sometimes my parents also care about their pride. If the other family always acts first, hosts, decides, and creates the occasion, my parents can end up feeling like passive participants rather than equal family members. They may be grateful, but they may also feel small or unable to reciprocate. Gratitude does not cancel out pride.

To be fair, my wife also has her own difficulties with my family’s dynamic. They are quieter, less socially active, and financially limited in ways that do affect us. From her side, I can understand why that may feel restrictive or frustrating at times.

From my side, I think finances play a major role in how my parents live. They may not host, travel, spend, or plan things the same way her family does, but I do not think that means they lack warmth or interest. Their way of being present is just much simpler and quieter.

Another thing I struggle with is that my wife is naturally more generous than I am in this area. She is able to overlook my parents’ limitations more easily and be genuine with them. Because my parents are easier-going and lower-pressure, she is usually able to maintain warmth with them.

I struggle more because her family’s expectations feel harder to contain. When I feel overwhelmed or pressured, it shows, and that makes my wife feel like I do not like her parents.

From my side, I feel the situations are not fully equivalent. When my wife has issues with my parents, I try to protect her peace because my parents are more likely to accept boundaries and back off. With her family, I feel the pressure works differently. My wife wants to make them happy, but I feel that often comes at the cost of my mental peace.

I also know I am not blameless. I think my fight-or-flight response kicks in, mostly flight. I emotionally withdraw. I dread plans. I dread India trips. Sometimes when these thoughts hit me, I spiral because I can already imagine the guilt, the pressure, the negotiations, the packed schedule, and the feeling that someone will be unhappy no matter what we do.

I know this can sound like a first-world problem. An NRI couple complaining about family visits, meals, social events, and in-laws wanting to spend time together. But emotionally, it has become heavy enough that I sometimes do not feel like going to India at all.

That scares me because we are also thinking about having a child. I worry that once a child is involved, everything will intensify: more visits, more rituals, more expectations, more social events, more opinions, more comparison, more pressure, and even less space for us to make decisions as a couple.

My wife wants me to have a healthier relationship with her parents. I understand that. They are her parents, she loves them, and she wants her marriage and her family to coexist peacefully. I do not think she expects me to become extremely close to them or suddenly enjoy every social event. But she does want me to be warmer, more accepting, and less avoidant.

I want that too, at least in principle. But I am also trying to be honest with myself: I may not genuinely like the way her family handles time, boundaries, and expectations. What I do want is a respectful, functional, warm-enough relationship with them.

For me, a healthier relationship has to mean warmth with limits, not unlimited availability.

I do not want to reject my wife’s family. I want a version of the relationship where warmth does not require unlimited availability.

What I am looking for is not validation that one family is good and the other is bad. Both families create pressure in different ways. My family creates pressure through financial dependence and lower social participation. Her family creates pressure through social intensity, decision-making, and financial confidence.

I am looking for practical advice, not validation that one family is right and the other is wrong.

For Indian/NRI couples who have dealt with this: how do you structure trips when both families are in the same city, maintain warmth with overbearing but loving in-laws, and stop one spouse from becoming the bad guy every time a boundary is enforced?

Also, before having a child, what boundaries should we agree on so this dynamic does not intensify later?

I stopped reacting. Because anything I ask becomes an accusation and ends up in conflict and the statement that he is not going to change.

I'm an outsider even after 8 years. I do agree initially I was angry on so many things. I made sarcastic comments and the rude statements that might have left a scar.

I didn't enjoy the same way as the family did.

Now my husband is distant from me. He doesn't share anything. We only talk logistics . He talks so comfortably with my cosister than me.

My mind has so many things running - the list of chores to be done and finished that even when he speaks I m literally unable to hear.

I don't have any hearing issue cause I realized whenever I m lost in my own thoughts, I am zoning out . Other times I can even read between the lines.

He feels unheard and he is resentful that I never listen.

This one incident where I booked the appointment for the same day instead of the next day. I did a mistake he yelled at me - I was defensive at first but later accepted my mistake and further in the day even thanked for pointing out. He was upset for a long time and the yelling continued.

When he yells I become silent thinking that he wants to vent out but he expects answer but the truth is I don't know the answer. Should I tell what's on my mind or what he wants to listen. I don't even know what he wants to hear when he pointing out my mistakes.

I see him speak so freely with his siblings and parents. No matter he gets back to them and he is happily talking. With me it's only yelling and even that is unheard.

How can I pay more attention to him? May be I remind him of the pressure, resentment and contempt from the marriage.

How can I make him feel more comfortable?

I (27M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) since 2018. She’s the only relationship i’ve ever had. Her family has never accepted our relationship. Since January 2025, they’ve emotionally and physically abused her because she refuses to leave me. They took away her phone, restricted her freedom, and made her life incredibly difficult. I filed a police complaint and tried everything i could think of, but nothing really changed. Despite everything, she never gave up on us. She still finds ways to call or message me several times a day using her cousin’s phone.

At the same time, i’m going through the worst phase of my own life, and it isn’t just because of our relationship.

I’m dealing with serious family issues caused by my father (completely unrelated to my relationship), and they’ve completely changed my life. I don’t want to go into every detail because this post would become way too long, but the situation has left me and my mother emotionally broken. Right now, my biggest goal in life is to get her out of that environment and give her the life she deserves. I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life feeling trapped in that house.

Trying to carry all of this has completely wrecked my mental health. Over the last few months, i’ve had multiple mental breakdowns. My sleep is terrible. My mind never switches off. I constantly feel overwhelmed, anxious, and emotionally exhausted. It feels like i’m carrying everyone’s problems while slowly losing myself.

And that’s where my confusion starts. A few years ago, i wanted nothing more than to marry this girl. Today, whenever i think about marriage, i feel fear instead of happiness. I’m scared of the responsibilities. I’m scared that i don’t have the emotional capacity to be a good husband while everything else is falling apart. I’m scared of losing what little mental peace i have left. I’m scared of losing myself completely.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We’ve had arguments, said hurtful things to each other, and gone through difficult times like any couple. But we’ve also always found our way back because we genuinely understand and love each other. Ironically, since we’ve been forced to live apart for the last 18 months, we rarely argue anymore.

What hurts the most is knowing how much she has sacrificed for us. She’s endured things no one should have to endure because she chose this relationship. I know i’m the most important person in her life. I don’t want to leave her after everything she’s gone through for us.

But i also don’t want to marry her simply because i feel guilty or responsible. So i’m trying to understand what’s happening to me.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Can prolonged stress, family trauma, and constant emotional pressure make someone who genuinely wanted marriage suddenly become afraid of it? Did those feelings come back once your life became more stable, or did you realize something deeper had changed?

I’m looking for honest advice from people who’ve experienced something similar, not just opinions about whether i should get married or not.

I met a girl through an arranged marriage setup, and we met three times.
The first meeting was mostly question-and-answer. It wasn’t awkward, but the conversation didn’t flow naturally.
By the second meeting, I had started liking her after the first one, and strangely that made me nervous. I’m generally a confident person, but because I wanted things to work out, I couldn’t carry the conversation the way I normally would.
The third meeting didn’t help either. The café had construction work going on, so it was difficult to hear each other and we couldn’t have a proper conversation.
Interestingly, she herself had said that people often have a bit of a facade in the beginning, so we mutually decided that we’d meet 2–3 more times in the same week before making any decision. I was actually relieved because I also take time to open up.
Those additional meetings never happened, and after a few days her father messaged saying the connection wasn’t established between us to move forward.
The confusing part is that on paper we seemed very compatible. Our daily routines, lifestyle, values, and goals aligned well. We both enjoy travelling, trying new cafés, are working professionals, and neither of us drinks or smokes.
I genuinely feel that if we’d had those extra meetings, things might have been different. At the same time, I know compatibility is more than shared interests.
She has said she’d like to stay friends.
So my question is: should I reach out to her once and tell her I still feel we didn’t get a fair chance because of the circumstances and my nervousness? Or should I accept that if she wanted to continue, she already would have, and move on ?

I'm a 30-year-old guy (turning 31 this year) and a complete teetotaller. I recently met a girl through an arranged marriage setup.

On paper, things look quite good. She's genuinely nice to talk to, our conversations have been decent, and our families know each other and are well settled. We've met a few times, and there wasn't anything unpleasant about the interactions.

That said, I'm confused because I don't feel a strong emotional attachment from my side.

Physically, she's around 5'8", has a broad build, and is on the healthier side. I'm also on the healthier side myself, but not that broad.

The main point of concern is our lifestyles. She enjoys partying roughly every couple of weeks, goes all out during her birthday week, takes an annual girls' trip, and has quite a few male friends.

The issue is that I'm quite different. I don't drink, I'm not into parties, and I have a relatively simple lifestyle. I keep wondering whether, if I were deeply into someone, I'd probably be willing to adjust. But because I don't feel that strong connection yet, these differences seem much bigger in my head.

Another factor adding to the confusion is that we're not receiving many biodatas through the arranged marriage process, and I'll be turning 31 this year. I'm worried that I might be rejecting a genuinely good person over lifestyle differences that perhaps could have been managed, while at the same time I'm equally worried about saying yes out of fear of not finding someone else.

Am I overthinking this? Has anyone here married someone despite not feeling a strong initial attraction or despite significant lifestyle differences? Did it work out, or did those concerns become bigger over time?

​

She wants separate room for kid and i don't

My wife and I had a child recently and the child is 10 months old, my wife had post partum complications due to which she had a full time maid and nanny ...

She set up a cute room for our baby and sleeps with the baby

She said the baby is a light sleeper and would wake up if my wife went to washroom or coughed or cleared throat...but she had to visit washroom multiple times

Due to this when she was freshly post partum...she would come to our room after the baby slept for 1-2 hours ... while the nanny remained in the baby room and also we monitored through live screen...and if the baby woke up she would go back to the baby

Soon our baby started sleeping 5-6 hours ..now she would come to me and my room after baby slept...with the nanny and turned on the monitor...she would watch the monitor every now and then ..but would go back to baby only when the baby woke up again and slept in our room for 5-6 hours ....i found it strange that the baby is sleeping there and she came to our room

Then now our baby is 11 months old and sleep 8+ hours at night

Now my wife sleeps some days with me full night and some days with baby .

If baby sleeps nicely then she will come in our room leaving the baby with the nanny and monitoring

She tells me that she still needs to go to washroom often and have habit of blabbering in sleep ...which startle the baby and the baby gets cranky

She is not breastfeeding either due to health related stuff

Her points are that -

Baby sleeps at 8 and we don't...we can't even whisper or talk or go to washroom with baby in same room cause baby will wake up

She wants a sleep training and routine for baby and thinks we should not change the room

She thinks it's fully safe cause nanny and continuous monitoring exist

She thinks she will wake the baby cause she would make noise unintentionally

My point is baby should sleep with us ...but she disagrees....I find it very strange ...but because I told her this so many times she started feeling I hate her presence in our room

Now she have started sleeping in another separate room and won't come back

My sister, a 35-year-old Bengali woman, married a Marwari man, 33 year old, 3 years back. They have been dating for 5 years, and this man was very calm, educated and has a high-paying job. My sister had a career switch and was struggling to find a stable job. The guy was keen on marrying her and had no problem with the age difference, cultural backgrounds or financial backgrounds. He mentioned to my parents that he would simply hide the age difference from his family, and he had asked his family not to ask for dowry.

Ever since the marriage was fixed, the guy's family created one problem after another. His family is very wealthy, and my parents are government employees. They were expecting 20 lakhs dowry along with gold jewellery. Also, gold jewellery and cash for the guy's elder siblings and their respective spouses. The guy kept quiet. He did not want to displease his mother. He also kept mentioning to my sister that his friends had received expensive gifts from the bride's family.

My parents could provide only 6 lakhs in cash along with gold jewellery worth 9 lakhs for my sister, and wow, that was way below their expectations. 2 days before the marriage, the guy's uncle called and asked to postpone the marriage by 4 months. My father was not ready because investments were made and guests invited. After a lot of negotiation, the marriage finally happened on the decided date.

My family members, along with my sister, were treated disrespectfully by the guy's family. The guy had put up a sad expression as if he was being forced to marry at gunpoint. But my sister kept requesting that we give him a chance. They would move to a different city after marriage, away from the guy's family, and things would be better.

The following things happened after my sister moved in with them-

1. She was made to sleep next to the housemaid on the floor on the night of marriage.
2. Her food plate was kept on the floor every day for her to pick up and eat. She was not provided with enough food.
3. She was not allowed to take water from the RO in the kitchen because it would make their kitchen impure. Even though she belonged to a Bengali Brahmin family.
4. She was made to collect and fold the in-laws' undergarments.
5. The housemaids were allowed to mock her because she did not have the body of a supermodel.
6. When my sister started protesting, the guy would fight bitterly with her on behalf of his family. And eventually, on the 10th day after marriage, the guy's uncle called my father to take her away.

We were happy to bring her back and never pressurised her to negotiate with the guy. After a few days, the guy called her and mentioned that this time things would be different. They would move to a different city and just forget whatever had happened so far. My naive sister believed him.

Ever since they moved, her troubles increased. They never went on a honeymoon or celebrated their anniversary because it would anger the mother and the siblings. She faces emotional abuse from her husband and his mother. They call her poor and demands her to be completely submissive. They still complain that her father had not offered gold and cash for the siblings and their spouses. Her husband misbehaves with her, ignores her, and makes her feel unwanted. If she complains about anything- the neighbours making too much noise; the food from the restaurant is not good etc.- her husbands gets very angry with her and starts a bitter fight. He kept telling her that his mother could have married him off to a rich girl with a supermodel body.

My sister had asked for a mutual divorce many times, and she mentioned that she would not ask for alimony at all. But he just won't let her leave, as if she deserves to be punished. She threatened to call the police if he does not treat her well, but he starts playing the victim.

My sister is still struggling to find a stable job to live separately. We send her some money, and for the rest she is dependent on the guy, e.g., food and lodging and once in a while clothes. She won't come back to live with us because she does not want to be a burden.

My parents and I are very worried about her emotional state.

I am a South Indian woman married to a North Indian man. I am the only child of my parents, while my husband is the elder of two siblings. Ours was a love marriage. We recently welcomed our first baby.

According to my family's tradition, after childbirth, the mother stays at her parents' home for about nine months. This gives the time to recover physically and emotionally while receiving support from my mother in caring for the baby.

The past three months have been extremely exhausting. I genuinely feel that staying at my parents' home for the full nine months would be a huge help. My mother helps me with the baby, allowing me to balance motherhood and my office responsibilities much better.

However, my husband and in-laws are insisting that I return to my in-laws' house after four or five months. Their home is a traditional joint family of six, and there are expectations that I wake up early every day (including weekends), help with household chores, seek permission before going out, and manage my full-time office job, which requires me to be in the office five days a week. I have been doing all these for the past 3 years since day 1 of my marriage.

My in-laws live only about 3 km away. They visit every weekend, we have video calls twice a day, and my husband is currently staying with me at my parents' house. I have even offered a compromise by staying at my in-laws' house every weekend while continuing to live with my parents during the week.

Whenever I explain why I want to stay at my parents' home for nine months, my husband says that it is not part of his culture for women to stay with their parents for that long after childbirth. He has told me that we will return after four or five months regardless of my wishes. He has even said that if I want to stay for the full nine months, it would only be after a divorce. He also told me that if I stay at my parents' house for nine months now, I should not return to my parents' home again for the next three years..

What would you do in my situation?

r/Advice

r/relationship_advice

I (29F) have been married for about a year, and my husband wants me to accompany him to his cousin’s wedding this Sunday. The wedding is about 286 km away from where we live, and I work permanent night shifts. Weekends are the only time I get to recover before starting work again on Monday night.
The thing is, I really don’t enjoy weddings. This isn’t about this particular wedding. I generally dislike them. I don’t know anyone attending besides my husband, and I always end up feeling awkward and out of place. Social situations like that are incredibly draining for me.
There is another layer to this. My husband’s parents have made it clear that they wish I would visit or call them more often. They are not bad people, but I think they expected a much more involved daughter-in-law than I naturally am. Because of that, my husband tries to take me to see them whenever he can. I know he hopes that showing up to family events will keep everyone happy.
The problem is that I never feel like I can truly be myself around his family. Their family dynamic is very different from the one I grew up with. In my family, we could openly express what we were feeling without worrying too much about how it would be perceived. In his family, I constantly feel like I have to watch what I say and how I behave. I am naturally very reserved, and I also have BPD, so I rely heavily on having a safe space where I can relax and be myself. Spending an entire day feeling like I have to be “on” is emotionally exhausting.
This wedding is also 286 km away, on my only day to rest, and I have work the very next day. It also happens to be the weekend before our anniversary, and I was hoping we could spend that time together doing something we both actually enjoy.
My husband expects me to go, and we have already had a fight about it. From his perspective, not attending means people will talk, ask questions, or think badly of us. He is the kind of person who will do almost anything to avoid disappointing family or becoming the subject of gossip.
I am the complete opposite. I do not intentionally try to hurt people’s feelings, but I also do not think it is my job to keep extended family happy at the expense of my own mental health or our peace. If saying no means someone is temporarily disappointed, I can live with that.
What also frustrates me is that I have never expected or forced him to attend my family’s gatherings. If he does not feel like going, I have no problem going alone. I do not see why the same grace cannot be extended to me.
At the same time, I know he is caught between wanting to support me and wanting to avoid upsetting his family. I do not think he is trying to control me. I think he genuinely feels responsible for everyone else’s expectations.
So now I am wondering if I am being selfish for refusing to go, or if it is reasonable to protect my only day of rest and my own mental well-being.
AITA?

I married my spouse after years of knowing him. He’s well-educated, intelligent, transparent about his past, supportive of my career, and even willing to relocate or work remotely if needed. Honestly, he was the definition of a green flag.But his family? A nightmare.

Also, please do not come at me on why we have a baby or why I haven't left him yet. Things seemed normal that's why I am in the current situation as he used to be very supportive until a few months back.

The Issues

Control & Restrictions: Before marriage, no restrictions. After marriage, suddenly I’m told what clothes to wear. I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen for 3 weeks until a ritual, then shamed for “acting like I’m in a hotel.”

Exclusion: Family decisions are made behind closed doors. I’m responsible for chores but never included in discussions. Decisions get made and passed down as FYI to me.

Communication Double Standards: They never call me or my parents, never wish us on birthdays or anniversaries, never check in when we’re sick. Yet they complain I don’t build a relationship with them. The only time they call me is if my husband doesn’t pick up their phone in three rings.

Obsessive Criticism:

MIL and SIL once inspected my house with a magnifying glass, called me a disgrace to women for living “like I’m in a hostel.” At that time, I was barely earning and supporting my parents, which my husband knew nor commented, they had an issue with my earnings being less and not contributing towards the house. They are very controlling on his money which makes me feel they are worried if he spends on me he won't be able to take care of them.

They want to know everything we do and have a say in it. They keep throwing on my face they know my husband better as only they love him truly and I don't care about him at all. They do not shared anything about their life but get offended if I don't, If I do I'm always judged for any decision I take or compared/ insulted.

Jealousy & Possessiveness:They get angry if my husband takes me out—even for groceries. They call him 10–15 times a day, with morning and night calls lasting over an hour. After our honeymoon we never went anywhere together. Whenever we made any plans, my MIL always falls sick during that time.

Hypocrisy: SIL lives her life freely, she smokes, drinks, parties, travels constantly, leaves her child with family by using them as free nanny (never paid for daycare or helper) but lectures me about family values. She demands luxury gifts (like ₹50k Zara dresses) from my husband as birthday gift while calling herself “ Strong independent.” Her and her daughters travel tickets are to also be paid by my husband. I've never seen her taking care of her own mother, she bosses my husband to step in as she can't take leaves for such minor things.

Yet whenever she is sick, she wants all of us to drop things at a hat to come and support her wellbeing.

Toxic Behavior: MIL and SIL are Loud, rude, self-centered. If anyone talks logic, they shout until you shut up. I stay quiet to avoid escalation. In their eyes they are the only people who are right, keep judging everyone with flaws while calling themselves as the perfect planet on this earth. My SIL has a God like superiority complex.

My SIL didn't greet anyone from my family and was in her own high horse giving the 'I am the groom's side's vibes. Post marriage, she kept saying that only because of her things were great.

WE were the ones that paid for all expenses, their stay, food, gifts etc. SIL only got a make up artist for herself and few aunties, a backdrop for photos to show off on Instagram so apparently those efforts overpowered the complete A to Z hard work we guys put in for the event.

Resentment: My husband never visits my family, but his family dictates everything. If I set boundaries, they call me disgraceful. Their behavior is “love,” my reaction is “shameful.”  My husband admits his mom and sister are difficult but expects me to “be mature” and ignore their behavior. He avoids confrontation because it affects his mental health.I can’t imagine growing old with people who make me want to bang my head against the wall by just hearing their voices.

I’ve contemplated divorce. Initially, he wanted to work things out, but now he says it’s my choice.I loved him deeply—he cared for me but his mother and sister never accepted me, and now even he seems to believe I wasn’t the right choice. I feel I wasted my prime with someone I thought I loved but maybe I ended up marrying potential.

When things don't involve his mother and sister, he is a great human being. BUT, when it comes to them he seems to behave like a lunatic, everything they do is valid and out of 'love' which is normal that makes it seem like I am the bad guy. I can't fake being nice or build a relationship with narcissists who have in their eyes failed me as a person, daughter, daughter in law, mother. Even if I give my life to them, they will say I've done nothing. It impossible to please someone with God like superiority complex, I am so tired and done with them.

Why do people act like the relationship with the guys family should matter more than family? Can't people get a life and keep themselves busy with hobbies or friends instead of nitpicking so much on an outsider, making her feel left out (looks deliberate to me though they say otherwise)

It feels scary to start from scratch again after divorce as we have a son. I am terrified of handling things alone. I don't want to give him full custody as I know his family won't do anything to raise him and his life will be spoilt in their hands. Co-parenting with his toxic family also seems like a headache and maybe they won't let him pay me maintainance, there are no laws in the country that would hold a spouse accountable for non payment of dues.

I have an okayish pay but will never have the luxury to quit or fall down if company shuts down/layoff if I choose to raise my son alone.

If we stay in this marriage, our relationship has become rocky and obviously things will never be the same. If there are miracles in universe only then it might get better else I'll end up being those lonely woman pretending to be fine infront of society. I never imagined I would see such a day in my life.

Things were so wonderful in the start but now it feels it was all a facade? Also, ngl I wasn't perfect. I've never dated anyone else or been in long term relationship, my way of normal was not that acceptable in their family and their idea of normal was not normal to me. Too many clashes when it comes too values. Maybe that's how marriages are? If there is no abuse so people stay for the sake of kids but I hope it doesn't create any impact on the environment while growing up.

TL;DR Married a green flag man, but stuck with a toxic MIL and narcissistic SIL who controlled, criticized, and drained me. Husband avoids conflict, leaving me to “handle it.” I’m exhausted, resentful, and questioning if this marriage is worth saving.

Guys! I have a brother who married his love interest last year, they were in relationship for 5 before marriage. After marriage they started fighting alot, one can’t adjust with the other. Because both of them have their opinion on something and cant come to a conclusion on which one to listen. In the end, a big fight bursts out between them. If one adjust, they feel they are always bowing down and the opposite person is not listening. Both of them have lot of ego and a temper. They started fighting even for smallest of smallest thing. My sister in law feels that my brother doesnt love her that much and thats the problem but my brother says its not about love and even more than that. Please provide me a pov, really sad to see them both like this and I want them to be happy!!

Hi everyone, I'm 26F from Mumbai and recently went through my first arranged marriage proposal. I'm feeling a little guilty after saying no, so I wanted some outside perspective on whether I handled it right or overreacted.

I had liked the profile initially. I don't have very high expectations from marriage, I'm mainly looking for a stable life, a decent partner, and eventually a family/kids.

The guy was 28 and earns around 55k per month. Before meeting, his family had not asked for dowry or gold, so I assumed things were straightforward. But on the day they came to confirm the proposal, they suddenly asked for "₹3 lakh from our side" and also said I should wear all the gold meant for me on the day. This was communicated by the would-be SIL's mother-in-law, and honestly that made me uncomfortable immediately. But he seems like a good guy.

After that, I tried to understand the guy's financial mindset a bit better. I asked him about savings, planning for the future, and general financial stability. He told me:

he plans to take a "₹10 lakh loan for the wedding" from his side

He has no emergency fund

He has no savings

His entire salary gets spent every month

That worried me because if marriage starts with dowry demands, wedding loans, and zero savings from his side, I don't know how stable the future would be. As for the marriage loan 17k would be deducted from the salary and 20k for rent and rest all expenses, i am saving my salary as a down-payment to buy a home, offcourse for me and my future husband.

After overthinking it a lot, I decided not to proceed. But now I'm feeling bad and wondering if I was too harsh or judgmental.

Did I do the right thing by saying no?

Also, for future arranged marriage proposals, how should I evaluate financial compatibility without sounding rude or too transactional?

I'm a married woman in my late 20s. My husband and I both work full-time. I have a government job (9 to 6) and I'm currently preparing for a very competitive government exam, with my preliminary exam only weeks away. To get uninterrupted study time, I've been staying with my parents temporarily.

A few days ago, my mother-in-law developed severe back pain and has difficulty walking and doing household work. My husband called me and insisted that I return immediately because the family is overwhelmed.

I asked him what he expected me to do if I came back. I would still be working full-time, studying for my exam, and taking on household responsibilities. I suggested hiring temporary help if possible.

The conversation became very heated. He questioned my character, criticized my parents for not sending me back immediately, called me a "lowly person," accused me of having fake concern for his family, and eventually told me to "go to hell."

Later that day, I called my mother-in-law directly. I checked on her health, suggested finding temporary household help, and offered to visit. She was actually understanding about my exams and even told me not to make an unnecessary trip just to see her because she knew I needed to study.

For context, I have no problem doing household chores. When I stay at my husband's house, I do help. My issue isn't with helping. It's that I felt I was expected to immediately leave my exam preparation and become the primary person handling the household, even though I also have a full-time job.

I'm still planning to visit my mother-in-law because I genuinely care about her, but I'm deeply hurt by how my husband spoke to me.

I'd really appreciate honest, balanced opinions. If you've been in a similar situation, how would you have handled it?

We’ve been together for 4 years and have known each other for 5. We work for the same company (different locations, but it’s a transferable job).
We’re both from general caste families, but we belong to different castes. Honestly, I never imagined there would be this much resistance over it.
He told his parents first, and they were genuinely happy for us. After that, they encouraged him to ask me to tell my parents.
When I told my father, he initially said he didn’t care about caste as long as the man was good. He told me the real opposition would come from my mother and grandparents. He also said that if I married my boyfriend, it would have to be a court or temple wedding because our families wouldn’t agree to a traditional ceremony.
A few days later, he completely changed his stance. He reminded me that my parents had always wanted me to marry within our community and said I should have respected that.
My mother hasn’t spoken to me since.
Then my father asked me to take six months to think about my decision.
After I returned to work, he called again and told me he’d discussed everything with my uncles from both sides of the family. Every one of them opposed the marriage and said they’d cut ties with our family if I went ahead with it.
The reason?
They said their own children would face difficulties finding spouses if people knew there had been an inter-caste marriage in the family.
To my surprise, my father agreed with them. He even said this could affect my younger brother’s future marriage prospects.
Then came the part that completely shocked me.
He suggested that instead of getting married, I should just stay in a live-in relationship with my boyfriend. He said I should wait until all my siblings and cousins got married before thinking about marriage myself—which could easily take another 10 years.
I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Why should I put my life on hold for people who have contributed nothing to it? I understand caring about my parents’ feelings, but why should the opinions of extended relatives dictate such a major life decision?
What’s even stranger is that both my boyfriend and I want to get married, and his parents want that too. So how is a live-in relationship somehow the “better” option?
The saddest part is that I always wanted a proper traditional wedding. I never wanted a court marriage. But if that’s my only option, then so be it.
At this point, I’m no longer worried about what relatives think. Their argument about protecting their own children’s marriage prospects made me realize that their social standing matters more to them than my happiness. I only wish my parents didn’t feel obligated to prioritize those people over their own daughter.
I’ve always respected my family’s traditions, but I don’t believe respecting them should come at the cost of giving up my freedom to marry someone I genuinely love.
Because of my job, I’ve met hundreds of people over the years. I’ve never connected with anyone the way I have with my boyfriend. I can’t imagine spending my life with someone chosen simply because they belong to the “right” caste.
Ironically, my parents don’t even seem interested in finding someone else for me anymore. They’d rather I remain unmarried than marry the man I love.
But I don’t want that.
I want to marry him, and I will.
I just hope my parents eventually realize that the opinions of relatives who will gossip for a few weeks shouldn’t matter more than their daughter’s happiness.
I’ve even started thinking that maybe we’ll just get married somewhere peaceful with only the people who genuinely want to celebrate with us.
What hurts the most is that people who simply follow society’s expectations get to celebrate one of the happiest days of their lives with their families, while choosing the person I love somehow means I don’t deserve that same joy.
That’s the part I can’t stop feeling angry about.

I (29F) am in love with my boyfriend (32M) of 3 years. I want to get married but he doesn’t because neither of us are financially stable. Both of us come from generational wealth but neither of us are working with an active income right now.

I have worked in corporate for a 4-5 years before getting drained out and starting my own business which didn’t work out. He hasn’t worked a day in his life except of playing in the stock market which deeply troubles me as it often destroys his mental health and day.

He doesn’t want to get married till he is on his two feet so that his considerably liberal family doesn’t taunt him and support us forever- which is fair. I want to get married because I come from a typical orthodox baniya family and they are after my life to get married and honestly marriage terrifies me unless I think of it being with him. It terrifies me that I will have to make myself smaller everyday to fit into another business baniya family with many rules and regulations that I have fought all my life to get out of.

His family loves me and already think of me as their daughter but they aren’t too keen on marriage either because neither of us earn.

My parents on the other hand are extremely forceful to get me married and they don’t care about the not earning part because they think they can provide us with ‘something’ and then we will do ‘something’. But I know they will also taunt us and try to control us.

I keep looking for jobs and getting rejected. I am so exhausted. And I lost a considerable amount of money in the business that was my parents money. Because of that, I am deeply ashamed and have not had a decent night’s sleep since then and I am barely hanging on and so is he.

I just keep wishing that my problems would go away and I would find peace and happiness and so would he and see marriage as the only option. But on thinking it over, I get doubts over if he would ever do a business with me, would ever leave the stock market and would ever look into financial security because he has none. He spends money faster than he gets it.

I don’t know. I am not perfect either. I just don’t know what to do. Because I don’t want to imagine a life without him. He is kind, funny, caring , generous, emphatic and just a beautiful human being when he is not troubled by money woes. He is my best friend and has no bad habits except this and is also just trying to make it in this world.

I guess- I am just looking for opinions of women who are older than me, have far more life experience than me on what should I do. Feel free to be harsh and counsel me like a mother figure if so. My mother groomed me to be a wife- something I never wanted to be so I don’t know how to be okay anymore.

​

I want serious advice on this

Me and her have planned to have a kid in frst year of marriage due to age factor....or start trying...

She have put forward a strict non negotiable that she will get pregnant and go through childbirth only when i ensure that she will have a very proper recovery....i agree with her but her demands around recovery sound unrealistic to me

She said she can look after the baby all the time but needs a live in nanny for 6 months to help with the baby ...she will take career break tho

She literally said she doesn't wanna wake up alone every night and hamper her recovery and want a nanny for full night duty so that she can sleep better if not full night but atleast sleep better

She wants the nanny to do the night time diaper changes and prepare milk (she cannot breastfeed for some other health issue) ..

She even wants to set a separate room for her and the baby along with nanny...but wanna sleep seprate if she feels she is sick or needs more sleep ...i got concerned about safety

She told me we can take turns and family can help her we can supervise the nanny and baby through monitoring of needed

I feel she is being unrealistic and missing out on attachment with the baby ....but she is adamant that for first 6 months nanny will do majority night durty so she gets better sleep

I cannot understand who leaves the baby with nanny at night just for sleep that too in different rooms no matter how much we monitor?

She have refused to live with joint set up beyond a few weeks ...

Been married for under year now. Married and moved to a new city where I’m living with my husband and his father who is sick. I never wanted to live with in-laws but I didn’t have much of a say in it unfortunately.

My problem is that although it’s been a few months now, I just don’t feel like home. It could be because of a lot of things - in-law, moving into an existing set up, husband wants a say in every small thing around the house etc etc.

But I want to speed up this process because it’s affecting my mental health. I’d appreciate help from women who have experienced this. Pls share your tips and advice. Do I need to be more assertive, what is the secret sauce?

High school sweethearts together since 2010 and married since 2023.

I never thought I’d be the woman writing one of these posts.
Before becoming parents, my husband wasn’t just my husband. He was my best friend. My safe place. The first person I’d tell everything to.
Somewhere along the way, I lost that person.
I’m a stay-at-home mom to a 10-month-old. We have help with childcare during the day, but that doesn’t change the fact that my brain never switches off. Every feed, every nap, every doctor’s appointment, every developmental milestone, every meal, every tiny decision… it all lives in my head.
A few months after giving birth, I developed severe gallstone pancreatitis. I was hospitalized for weeks, had procedures, surgery, and spent time away from my baby. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through physically and emotionally.
I think I expected that after all of that, we’d somehow become closer.
Instead, I feel more alone than ever.
The thing is… my husband isn’t abusive. He’s not a bad father. He loves our daughter.
But emotionally, I feel like I’ve been left behind.
The hardest part isn’t even the lack of help.
It’s that his mood controls my entire day.
If he wakes up cheerful, I’m okay.
If he’s irritated, distant, quiet, or snaps at me, my whole day falls apart. I spend hours wondering what I did wrong. I replay conversations in my head. I try harder to make him happy. I become anxious in my own home.
I hate that I have this much emotional dependence on another person.
But the truth is… he’s my only friend.
Motherhood has been incredibly isolating. Most of my old friendships faded. I don’t go out much anymore. I don’t really have “my people.” So when the one person I look forward to talking to comes home emotionally unavailable, it feels like the floor disappears beneath me.
Sometimes I realize I’ve spent the whole day waiting for him to come home because I have no one else to share my thoughts with.
And when he finally does, he’s tired, scrolling on his phone, or mentally somewhere else.
I know he’s exhausted too.
I know work is stressful.
I know he probably thinks he’s doing enough.
But I don’t think he realizes that I spend all day emotionally surviving so I can have a few hours with the person I miss the most.
What’s making this even harder is that I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I used to love reading. I had hobbies. I was curious about the world.
Now I feel like I’m constantly waiting—for the next nap, the next feed, the next bedtime, the next conversation with my husband that might make me feel connected again.
I’ve caught myself emotionally detaching because hoping for connection hurts more than expecting nothing.
I don’t want flowers.
I don’t want expensive dates.
I just want to feel like I’m still married to my best friend instead of living alongside someone who’s slowly becoming a stranger.
Has anyone else realized they’d accidentally made their spouse their entire emotional world?
How did you rebuild yourself without destroying your marriage?
Because right now, I don’t know whether the problem is my loneliness, my dependence on him, our marriage, or all three.

Matched with a girl through family. Honestly, she’s great—mature, understanding, practical, and we seem to be aligned on most important aspects of life.

The only concern I have is the family dynamic, especially her father.

There is a difference in our family backgrounds. My family has engineers and government officers, while her father has worked as an LIC agent/medical representative. That itself isn’t an issue for me. What concerns me is his behavior.

Some examples:

• Before he was even willing to share his daughter’s number (despite the proposal coming through a trusted family connection), he wanted to “interview” me. Fair enough—I answered questions about my expectations from marriage, what qualities I was looking for, career, finances, etc. He even started giving me investment advice on mutual funds, and the conversation became a bit odd. This is our first call lasted close to 30minutes.
• My match and I spoke regularly for about a month. Things were going really well. Then her father asked her to stop talking to me so we wouldn’t get emotionally attached before anything was finalized. Since then, we’ve had zero contact for the last two months. This minimal contact thingy question also hurt my ego.
• Now I’m visiting India, and they’re already expecting us to at least do a court marriage (or at minimum a roka), even though we’ve never met each other in person.
• We casually asked whether her family would consider applying for a U.S. tourist visa sometime in the future so they could visit us. He seemed very hesitant even to apply, yet expects me to keep visiting them in India.
• Whenever marriage expenses come up, I get the impression that he wants my family to bear most of the responsibility while being very reluctant to spend himself.

The strange part is that I genuinely like the girl. If this were only about her, I’d probably move forward. But marriage is also an alliance between families. I have no problem supporting my wife (she will maybe also study - atleast 1cr expense will have to take loans and what not, I don’t think her family will even spend any $’s), but I’m worried that over time her father may have unrealistic financial expectations from me and my parents.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? My parents have picked up on some of these concerns too. My mom is more aligned with my thinking, while my dad is less convinced. Ironically, he’s probably the most educated person in our entire extended family and still doesn’t see these as red flags, which makes me wonder if I’m just overthinking all of this.

TL;DR: Matched with a girl through family, and she’s everything I’m looking for—we’re highly compatible. My concerns are mainly about her father: he interviewed me before sharing her number (I see this more as a positive but rest issues are concerning), stopped our communication after a month, now wants us to get married despite us never meeting in person, seems reluctant to spend on the wedding or even on future, and has expectations that feel one-sided. I’m worried these behaviors could become bigger issues after marriage. Am I overthinking, or are these legitimate red flags? Has anyone experienced something similar?

What’s the thing that you’re spouse did that made you feel butterflies in my tummy.

I’ll go first - he used to pick me up and drop me to office even before we got married.

It might sound silly but that was a very big thing for me on my checklist.

Sounds silly but it special to me. What are those good things about the relationship.

Something that you are grateful for. 😊