Need urgent advice !!!!! Please help !!!
28f here
I got married a few months back. Before that, I dated him for more than two years. I am a strict vegetarian (from a veg family, never exposed to non-veg, and uneasy around it), while he is non-vegetarian. Before marriage, he promised me he wouldn't eat it in front of me. He said even if his parents made it at home, he would eat in a separate room. He assured me that at functions he would keep me company and only eat non-veg outside with his friends or at his job, so it wouldn't be a big deal and wouldn't bother me.
After marriage, I ended up accepting everything. He orders and eats in a second room, leaves the garbage there, and I am the one who has to pick it up and throw the trash outside. At functions, he eats it while I sit alone on the other side. I was opening my mind slowly and adjusting to him.
We were about to arrange a second kitchen for his food and brought things for it. I just asked him not to use our main kitchen and sink, as I sometimes prepare prasadam there. We agreed to keep the two separate. That was my one clear boundary, and his mother also knows what this means to me.
Recently, I went to my parents' home. His mother went to stay with him because his eye was unwell. She wanted to make non-veg biryani for him; he declined, but she made egg roast for him and washed the utensils in our main kitchen sink. When I found out, I was upset because keeping that kitchen and sink completely separate was the only boundary I had set. When I brought it up, he said mean things, avoided my calls 20 times, and shouted at me. He argued, "This is my home too, why can't my mother cook for me? Why can't I have my favorite food?" Suddenly, he made it about his mother's cooking, completely missing the point.
To give some background, these boundary issues with his mother are old and have been building up since the beginning. For example, right after marriage, my parents wanted to stay at our home for two days. They clearly said in front of him that we would all go outside and eat so no one had to cook. However, my mother-in-law told my husband, "I can't cook for them, I am tired." My husband then confronted me, asking if I discussed with him how his mom would prepare food, completely ignoring what my parents had already said.
Sometime later, my siblings wanted to visit us (we live in another city for his job). My husband told me we "needed space." I agreed and told my siblings not to come. But shortly after, his mother came to stay with us for 5 or 6 days.
During that past visit, while she was here, I was settling things and arranging the house. I spent time talking to her and sharing stories, yet she went and told my husband that I wasn't talking to her. She also told him not to bring my siblings to our home. She would come into our bedroom and clean everything, even the bathroom. She would open our wardrobes, cook, and do everything. There was zero privacy and absolutely no boundaries.
She also told him random things, which caused us to fight. She even asked him how we sleep, saying a couple should sleep close together (chipak ke). She fought with me about why I didn't hug him when he was leaving for the office. She called me irresponsible and said her son is doing "hard work" while I was just studying.
Everybody tells me I have it so good—a nice flat, a good car, good food, and the "best" mother-in-law. But this is the reality. Recently, I was craving a simple romantic gesture like a single rose. But my husband told me that because I am financially dependent and can't provide, I don't deserve that.
I am trying to understand what I am doing wrong. If I start earning, will these things be sorted out?