M31, Wife F29 | Married | Arranged marriage wife gets extremely anxious over small things and I’m mentally exhausted
Marital status: Married
I’m 31M, married to my 29F wife through an arranged marriage. I love her and want our marriage to work, but I’m struggling with her anxiety.
Almost every other day, something very small triggers an intense emotional reaction. She becomes extremely anxious, sometimes has what seems like a panic attack, and I end up spending 1–2 hours calming her down and reassuring her.
For example, the other night she was using her phone late at night and I simply asked her to sleep. She became very upset and extremely anxious, and it escalated into another episode. During some of these episodes, she has even had a nosebleed.
Another time, I accidentally fell asleep while she was talking to me because I was exhausted from work. She felt that I didn't care about her and became very distressed.
The problem is that these episodes can continue until 3–4 AM. I then have to wake up and work the next day, spending most of my day in front of a screen. I'm honestly becoming mentally and physically exhausted, and even going to bed makes me anxious because I don't know what might trigger the next episode.
I always try to support her and calm her down. I don't want to dismiss what she's feeling, but I'm also struggling to protect my own sleep and mental health.
To be completely honest, there are days when I feel like ending the marriage and living alone, not because I hate her or don’t care about her, but because I’m scared that I won’t be able to continue living with this level of emotional exhaustion.
Has anyone experienced something similar with their spouse? Would individual therapy/counselling for her, couples counselling, or both help? And how do you support an anxious spouse while also setting healthy boundaries?
I genuinely want this marriage to work, but I’m reaching a point where I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. I’m looking for practical advice from people who have been through something similar.