u/Sebastianlim

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Salty-Limit411.

Trigger Warnings: >!Abusive Behavior, Stupidity.!<

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AITAH for telling my girlfriend her best friend has 2 years to find someone or we're moving ahead without that condition?, Posted May 20th, 2026.

So me (28M) and my girlfriend (28F) have been together for 3 years now and i recently brought up the marriage and kids talk. My reason is pretty simple, i want to be fit and active while my kids are growing up. Like if we have kids at 30 ill be 48 when they turn 18 which still feels decent enough to actually be involved and active in their lives. So i wanted to start planning ahead.

She said she also wants to get married and have kids but she had one condition. She wants to get married around the same time as her best friend. Not the same event necessarily just the same season or timeframe. Honestly i found it cute at first.

Here's where it gets complicated. I actually know her best friend personally and she is genuinely terrible at relationships, never lasted more than 6 months with anyone and is currently single. But the bigger issue is her best friend doesn't even want to get married. So my girlfriend's whole plan is to first convince her that she wants marriage, then find her a guy, then hope that guy proposes, then coordinate weddings.

I told her i don't mind waiting but i'm not comfortable with our future basically being in someone else's hands. She got upset saying i don't respect the friendship. So i said fine, 2 years, if things fall into place great but i can't wait forever with no end in sight. That got her even more riled up.

AITA for putting a timeframe on this?

EDIT: so after reading through all the comments i decided to reach out to her best friend and told her everything. and honestly her friend found the whole thing just as ridiculous as you guys did and immediately went and talked to my girlfriend trying to knock some sense into her. now my girlfriend is mad at both of us lmaooo. but hey at least her friend and i are on the same page. will update if anything changes.

EDIT 2: Did not expect this to blow up like this so here is a quick update. GF is currently giving me the silent treatment. But the wildest part? Her best friend texted me again apologizing for the collateral damage. She said she explicitly told my GF to drop the ridiculous condition. Instead of listening, my GF lost it on her and accused her of “betraying their friendship”, "not supporting her dream" and “choosing a guy over our friendship.” So now the two of them are fighting. After reading all your comments about codependency and projecting the red flags are glaring. Im taking a few days of space to seriously re evaluate this relationship. I dont think this is just about a wedding anymore. Will update if anything changes.

EDIT 3: Its been a few hours since the last update. I had a long talk with my GF earlier. She is still very upset and keeps saying that I don’t understand how important her friendship is and that I’m forcing her to choose. The best friend also messaged me again saying she is done trying to explain and is taking a step back from my GF for now. Honestly after everything that’s happened in the last 2 days I think I need more than just a few days of space. This whole situation has made me question a lot of things about our future. I will give one final update in a day or two after I clear my head.

EDIT 4: The situation is finally over. this post was getting way too long to keep updating with all the edits, so i posted the final conclusion in a new thread. you can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/nsD5Fi3Ap9

Relevant Comments:

u/Plastic-Cabinet67:

>Ok. The girlfriend thing should tell you exactly where you srand in this relationship. Girlfriend come first. Think about it.

OP:

>i hear you and i won't pretend that didn't cross my mind too after this whole thing. but in 3 years she has never once made me feel like i come second. this condition genuinely came out of nowhere which is why it hit me so hard. i think it says more about how much that friendship means to her than it does about where i stand with her. still doesn't make it okay though

u/Music_withRocks_In:

>If she really cared for her girlfriend she would respect her not wanting to get married (or have kids??).  She doesn't respect her friend as a person, she just wants some Instagram girl power movie montage of them doing things together, and is willing to actually plan her adult life around it!!!!

>Honestly that sounds like someone so selfish with so little empathy that I would never have kids with them. How can she respect her kids choices if she can't even respect the choices of her best friend?  This isn't someone mature enough to have kids.  

OP:

>this actually hit different because you made a point i hadn't even thought about. she's basically trying to force her friend into something her friend doesn't even want, all for the sake of this picture perfect moment she has in her head. and you're right, if she can't respect her best friend's choice of not wanting to get married then that is a bigger issue than just the condition she put on me. i'll be honest this comment made me think more than most of the others here

&nbsp;

u/Affectionate-Food266:

>You're going to have to state your case and set a hard boundary. Or let it go. Having a grown ass woman plan her life around other people than herself is insane. Nta!

OP:

>already did that, gave her a 2 year window as a compromise. if she still wants to stay angry over that then i guess that tells me everything i need to know about where this is going.

[UPDATE] AITAH for telling my girlfriend her best friend has 2 years to find someone or we're moving ahead without that condition?, Posted May 21st, 2026.

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/WtQjLGxhq2

Since the original post was getting way too long to keep updating, i'm putting the final conclusion here.

First off a massive thank you to everyone who commented. A lot of you pointed out things about codependency and enmeshment that i was completely blind to and honestly it gave me the clarity i needed.

Before getting into the update i just want to address two things that kept coming up in the comments.

To everyone roasting me about my timeline, yes i know you can still be a fit and active dad well into your 30s and 40s lol. It was just a personal goal i had in my head but fair point taken.

To everyone jokingly suggesting i should just date the best friend since she's apparently the sane one, absolutely not lmaooo. We are cool but i am staying far far away from that entire dynamic.

A lot of you were also asking how i missed such a massive red flag for three years. Honestly i didn't understand it either at first. I think as a guy you are sometimes so starved for affection and care that you hold onto it tightly when you finally find it. But it wasn't just that, i genuinely felt loved and cared for. She worked from home for her dad's business and there was no lack of emotional or physical intimacy either and she made my life so easy like would always make food for me, handled all the household stuff willingly without ever complaining and even when i offered to help she'd just wave me off saying she had it. This whole condition truly came out of nowhere and blindsided me completely.

After my last edit i left our apartment and spent the night away to clear my head. I made up my mind that i was going to sit her down calmly and try to make her understand how absurd this whole thing was. My plan was that if she finally understood we could look into couples therapy together to get to the root of it.

We had that final long conversation this morning. I tried to explain why having my future tied to a third party was a dealbreaker for me. But instead of trying to understand my perspective or even taking the lifeline of therapy she doubled down. She said her best friend is "abandoning" her and that i am being unsupportive of her vision for her life.

I even asked her directly to be honest with me if she simply wasn't ready for marriage or kids yet because that would be a completely different and understandable situation, one i was willing to work with and make compromises for because i genuinely didn't want to lose her over some fantasy plan. But she said no, she loves me, she does want marriage and kids, she just wouldn't drop the condition. And when i brought up the fact that her best friend had literally told her she doesn't want to get married, she just waved it off saying "she will come around, i know her better than she knows herself." That's when it became obvious that i was essentially the third wheel in my own relationship and that no amount of reasoning was going to get through.

It was a long hard conversation and there were a lot of tears but i made the decision to end the relationship. We want fundamentally different things and i can't build a future with someone who prioritizes a fantasy timeline over our actual partnership.

We are currently sorting out the apartment situation and i'll be staying with family for a bit while we untangle everything. It hurts right now, not going to pretend it doesn't. But reading through all your perspectives genuinely gave me the clarity and reality check i needed to see things for what they were.

Thanks again everyone. Won't be updating after this, just focusing on moving forward now.

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Reminder - I am not OP.

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Stunning_Way9393.

Trigger Warnings: >!Stalking, Harassment, Attempted Rape.!<

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AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 4th, 2026.

This happened 2 days ago at mine (28) and my wife’s (39) wedding and a lot of people are telling me I’m in the wrong for having my ex (27) arrested and my wife is saying I ruined the wedding and caused a scene.

First a little backstory on my ex, we were together over 5 years ago for a matter of weeks, I broke things off because I just wasn’t into her that much, she began to pester me over text and social media all of the time to get back together or just hook up, this went on for months and in a particularly week moment I gave in and slept with her again at this point things got a lot worse, I tried to explain that it was a mistake and I still didn’t want anything with her, from then the messages ranged from abusive to begging me for sex eventually I just blocked her, from then she started turning up at my house, work and social spaces I went to often.
She attempted to force herself on me and threatened violence and at that point I got a restraining order. Since then I haven’t heard from her in years.

I met my wife 3 years ago and she is honestly the best thing in my life, we fell in love hard and honestly have a great relationship, we got engaged after 2 years and 2 days ago finally had our wedding, the day was going amazingly until a friend of mine who I’ll call Chris turned up with his +1, my ex, I spoke to him and he had absolutely no idea about my history with her and we tried to get her to leave.
After she refused I decided to just ring the police, 2 officers showed up to arrest her for breaking her restraining order and she flipped out, she was shouting and screaming, she hurled abuse at my wife and claimed that we were ment to be together which obviously distracted from our wedding.

Now my wife is upset with me for causing a scene and a lot of our friends are saying that I should’ve just ignored it and focused on the day because she wasn’t causing any problems up until the police showed up, so AITAH??

Edit to answer some questions I’ve had:
Yes my wife knew I had a restraining order against a stalker, we spoke about it when we started to become serious
A few family members also knew but my friends didn’t as I never spoke to them about it

Edit: UPDATE

Relevant Comments:

u/Ppjr16:

> You had a restraining order for a reason. I believe she was very well aware of it and knew what the consequences could have been. She knew better than to be attending. Who knows what plans she had in mind b4 she was taken away.

> Knowing that she was there and having the fear , you would not have enjoyed yourself if you would have let her stay.

OP:

> God knows her intentions but everyone seems to think she was doing nothing wrong and was harmless

 

u/CaptSharn:

> I doubt people would be so negative if the genders were reversed.

> She is a stalker, she knew it was your wedding and violated her restraining order. It's worrying your wife doesn't understand why this is a concern. How would she feel if her stalker came to the wedding?

OP:

> I’m hoping she’s just angry at the situation rather than me and will see it from that pov once she’s calmed down a bit

 

u/stallion8426:

> NTA. She used Chris to get to your wedding and cause trouble. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your wife.

> I feel bad for Chris though, poor guy just got in the crossfire.

OP:

> From what I understand Chris has been with her for about 4 months and knew nothing about any of it

u/Thistime232:

> As in didn't know you had dated her at all?

OP:

> No, I was only with her a couple weeks and all of this wasn’t something I told my friends at the time as it was all rather embarrassing so he didn’t know about her at all

 

u/hikarizx (This comment has been downvoted):

> I think this one is subjective and while I personally think NTA I also think your wife’s opinion is the only one that matters here 

OP:

> I understand why my wife is upset but idk how to fix it

u/Thistime232:

> What did your wife want you to do in the moment?

OP:

> I didn’t tell her at the time as I didn’t want her to worry about it, I was hoping the police would escort her away quietly, which to be fair they did try to

u/Thistime232:

> Ok, but currently, as your wife is upset about it, has she said what she would have wanted to happen? You said she's upset you caused a scene, so has she expressed to you what she feels you did wrong in that moment?

OP:

> No I asked what I should’ve done instead and she didn’t have an answer just “not that”

 

DELETED COMMENT.

OP:

> Thankyou and yes I did panic at the time and there was no plan in place because I have actually not heard from ex since the restraining order was put in place so I thought it was all over

 

u/Kat092620 (This comment has been downvoted):

You had more than a temporary restraining order? Most of them expire. Why let her distract from the day? Were you physically afraid of her?

OP:

> I left quite a bit out of everything that happened in order to get a permanent restraining order but no mine will not expire

 

u/mamaallthetime:

> Wow. NTA. But I have some questions about your "wonderful" wife. She doesn't get that you might be traumatized by having your stalker show up? That maybe you needed to make it clear to this nut bar that she may NOT approach you? Your ex clearly schemed to get into a place she didn't belong. I find it pretty red flag behavior that your wife is angry at you and not grateful you're safe and wanting to find out how to keep you that way, especially after your exes little display. You'd be wise to think twice before signing that marriage certificate if you haven't already.

OP:

> From what others have commented I’m pretty sure my wife isn’t angry with me but just angry and has nowhere else to direct it atm

UPDATE: AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 5th, 2026.

I got a lot of requests for an update on my original post so here it is.

It’s been a very long day since I first posted I have spoken to both my wife and Chris.

Starting with my wife, we had a very long tearful conversation about everything from my ex to our wedding, I apologised for the fact that I didn’t consider involving her before calling the police which meant that ex’s outburst when being escorted out came as a complete surprise to her.

She apologised for the way she reacted and explained that she wasn’t angry at me but is angry at ex, the fact the wedding was ruined and that the focus was shifted away from us and to ex, her anger was misdirected.

Another reason for the anger is that a lot of guests had no idea who ex was so ex’s comment of “we’re meant to be together” has apparently lead to people theorising that I had been cheating on my wife with ex, so we are now having to put out fires before rumours begin to spread.

My wife is now very much focused on making sure I am ok after all of this though she is still distraught about our special day being ruined but we will work through that together.

On to Chris, this is where things get a little scary. Me and wife called him together firstly to check that he is ok, he is, and secondly to see how the hell she’s managed to worm her way into his life in order to get to my wedding.

According to Chris they connected over social media, she started liking his posts over the course of about a month and then dm’d him and they started chatting from there, the crazy part is that to Chris, ex has a completely different name, but the posts on her profile dated back 3 years meaning she has had this profile with a fake name for at least 3 years AND ITS NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

Chris told us that a few other guys contacted him after the wedding saying that they recognised her as they had all also got DM’s from her on different accounts, ALL WITH A DIFFERENT NAME. There is at least 3 other Acount that we are currently aware of.

Apparently ex showed no signs of being obsessed with me or even that she knew who I was, he invited her as a +1 thinking that they might eventually get serious as they were having a really good time together, he has apologised profusely but we have made it clear that we do not blame him for this.

There has been no word currently on what’s going on with ex but considering her breaching the restraining order and resisting arrest we assume she will probably end up in prison, me and wife have spoken about it and if we are contacted by the police we will absolutely press charges and wife will also be getting a restraining order.

For now we are going to try and enjoy our honeymoon and deal with the rest of this mess when we get back.
Thankyou Reddit for all of the advice and opinions you gave a lot of perspectives on the situation that I had not considered.

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Reminder - I am not OP.

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/Stunning_Way9393.

Trigger Warnings: >!Stalking, Harassment, Attempted Rape.!<

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AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 5th, 2026.

This happened 2 days ago at mine (28) and my wife’s (39) wedding and a lot of people are telling me I’m in the wrong for having my ex (27) arrested and my wife is saying I ruined the wedding and caused a scene.

First a little backstory on my ex, we were together over 5 years ago for a matter of weeks, I broke things off because I just wasn’t into her that much, she began to pester me over text and social media all of the time to get back together or just hook up, this went on for months and in a particularly week moment I gave in and slept with her again at this point things got a lot worse, I tried to explain that it was a mistake and I still didn’t want anything with her, from then the messages ranged from abusive to begging me for sex eventually I just blocked her, from then she started turning up at my house, work and social spaces I went to often.
She attempted to force herself on me and threatened violence and at that point I got a restraining order. Since then I haven’t heard from her in years.

I met my wife 3 years ago and she is honestly the best thing in my life, we fell in love hard and honestly have a great relationship, we got engaged after 2 years and 2 days ago finally had our wedding, the day was going amazingly until a friend of mine who I’ll call Chris turned up with his +1, my ex, I spoke to him and he had absolutely no idea about my history with her and we tried to get her to leave.
After she refused I decided to just ring the police, 2 officers showed up to arrest her for breaking her restraining order and she flipped out, she was shouting and screaming, she hurled abuse at my wife and claimed that we were ment to be together which obviously distracted from our wedding.

Now my wife is upset with me for causing a scene and a lot of our friends are saying that I should’ve just ignored it and focused on the day because she wasn’t causing any problems up until the police showed up, so AITAH??

Edit to answer some questions I’ve had:
Yes my wife knew I had a restraining order against a stalker, we spoke about it when we started to become serious
A few family members also knew but my friends didn’t as I never spoke to them about it

Edit: UPDATE

Relevant Comments:

u/Ppjr16:

>You had a restraining order for a reason. I believe she was very well aware of it and knew what the consequences could have been. She knew better than to be attending. Who knows what plans she had in mind b4 she was taken away.

>Knowing that she was there and having the fear , you would not have enjoyed yourself if you would have let her stay.

OP:

>God knows her intentions but everyone seems to think she was doing nothing wrong and was harmless

&nbsp;

u/CaptSharn:

>I doubt people would be so negative if the genders were reversed.

>She is a stalker, she knew it was your wedding and violated her restraining order. It's worrying your wife doesn't understand why this is a concern. How would she feel if her stalker came to the wedding?

OP:

>I’m hoping she’s just angry at the situation rather than me and will see it from that pov once she’s calmed down a bit

&nbsp;

u/stallion8426:

>NTA. She used Chris to get to your wedding and cause trouble. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your wife.

>I feel bad for Chris though, poor guy just got in the crossfire.

OP:

>From what I understand Chris has been with her for about 4 months and knew nothing about any of it

u/Thistime232:

>As in didn't know you had dated her at all?

OP:

>No, I was only with her a couple weeks and all of this wasn’t something I told my friends at the time as it was all rather embarrassing so he didn’t know about her at all

&nbsp;

u/hikarizx (This comment has been downvoted):

>I think this one is subjective and while I personally think NTA I also think your wife’s opinion is the only one that matters here 

OP:

>I understand why my wife is upset but idk how to fix it

u/Thistime232:

>What did your wife want you to do in the moment?

OP:

>I didn’t tell her at the time as I didn’t want her to worry about it, I was hoping the police would escort her away quietly, which to be fair they did try to

u/Thistime232:

>Ok, but currently, as your wife is upset about it, has she said what she would have wanted to happen? You said she's upset you caused a scene, so has she expressed to you what she feels you did wrong in that moment?

OP:

>No I asked what I should’ve done instead and she didn’t have an answer just “not that”

&nbsp;

DELETED COMMENT.

OP:

>Thankyou and yes I did panic at the time and there was no plan in place because I have actually not heard from ex since the restraining order was put in place so I thought it was all over

&nbsp;

u/Kat092620 (This comment has been downvoted):

>You had more than a temporary restraining order? Most of them expire. Why let her distract from the day? Were you physically afraid of her?

OP:

>I left quite a bit out of everything that happened in order to get a permanent restraining order but no mine will not expire

&nbsp;

u/mamaallthetime:

>Wow. NTA. But I have some questions about your "wonderful" wife. She doesn't get that you might be traumatized by having your stalker show up? That maybe you needed to make it clear to this nut bar that she may NOT approach you? Your ex clearly schemed to get into a place she didn't belong. I find it pretty red flag behavior that your wife is angry at you and not grateful you're safe and wanting to find out how to keep you that way, especially after your exes little display. You'd be wise to think twice before signing that marriage certificate if you haven't already.

OP:

>From what others have commented I’m pretty sure my wife isn’t angry with me but just angry and has nowhere else to direct it atm

UPDATE: AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?, Posted May 6th, 2025.

I got a lot of requests for an update on my original post so here it is.

It’s been a very long day since I first posted I have spoken to both my wife and Chris.

Starting with my wife, we had a very long tearful conversation about everything from my ex to our wedding, I apologised for the fact that I didn’t consider involving her before calling the police which meant that ex’s outburst when being escorted out came as a complete surprise to her.

She apologised for the way she reacted and explained that she wasn’t angry at me but is angry at ex, the fact the wedding was ruined and that the focus was shifted away from us and to ex, her anger was misdirected.

Another reason for the anger is that a lot of guests had no idea who ex was so ex’s comment of “we’re meant to be together” has apparently lead to people theorising that I had been cheating on my wife with ex, so we are now having to put out fires before rumours begin to spread.

My wife is now very much focused on making sure I am ok after all of this though she is still distraught about our special day being ruined but we will work through that together.

On to Chris, this is where things get a little scary. Me and wife called him together firstly to check that he is ok, he is, and secondly to see how the hell she’s managed to worm her way into his life in order to get to my wedding.

According to Chris they connected over social media, she started liking his posts over the course of about a month and then dm’d him and they started chatting from there, the crazy part is that to Chris, ex has a completely different name, but the posts on her profile dated back 3 years meaning she has had this profile with a fake name for at least 3 years AND ITS NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

Chris told us that a few other guys contacted him after the wedding saying that they recognised her as they had all also got DM’s from her on different accounts, ALL WITH A DIFFERENT NAME. There is at least 3 other Acount that we are currently aware of.

Apparently ex showed no signs of being obsessed with me or even that she knew who I was, he invited her as a +1 thinking that they might eventually get serious as they were having a really good time together, he has apologised profusely but we have made it clear that we do not blame him for this.

There has been no word currently on what’s going on with ex but considering her breaching the restraining order and resisting arrest we assume she will probably end up in prison, me and wife have spoken about it and if we are contacted by the police we will absolutely press charges and wife will also be getting a restraining order.

For now we are going to try and enjoy our honeymoon and deal with the rest of this mess when we get back.
Thankyou Reddit for all of the advice and opinions you gave a lot of perspectives on the situation that I had not considered.

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Reminder - I am not OP.