r/legalcatadvice

Stoopid hooman pawparazzi not stop take photos of me even tho I gives no consint!!

tis ai, whiskey sour

frens, youus wilz not belive wat jus happend!

meowmmy lock me in da baffroom for furever ! (10 minutes)

she big dum dum and tring tew tellz me it wuz an acident ! dis big LIE

i always at her side, how she nawt notice the laxk of my bootiful presents ?!

i do BIG screms for mani times, den demand all da atenshon ! eben 45 minuts latur i am still doin dis hehe

(shes the clingiest cat ever, and dont mind the mess, having 8 cats will do that lol)

Iz incent iz not do what meowme sayz iz do. Shold iz sue?

Apparently is not okay for me- Lord Bobert- to escape da house, do the rolling around in oil, and come back thwee days later. Meowmy says she had to cut da oil out of mai fur, but now looks all choppy and gross! Can I’s soo for defamation of my mane mees so not impressed!

Daddy sez wez “no bein vury gud barn cats rite noew” Dis salamander! Wez been huntin awl dai! Yoo seez ani meeses Daddy? No? Yoos wellcumb!!! Shuddup daddy an gits uz a meet toob (churu).

Duh Furth Wall Bois, eggspurrt hunters an masers ob snuggle puddle

Frens Iz Hammy agin. I lern dat som ob yu don get poken in da borthole at da pokey place! Dat yu getz ear ting insted. Dis verby concernen! Why poke bortholes if dem an altn...alterta...ober way! We mus stan up...no we mus sits down an kep dem frum gettin to ar bortholes! Who gunna be wit me! #nomorsbortholepoken

Henlo frens, it me Basil!

Iz heer to repawt on mai reesent crimez.

Furs, dis week I defeet da aliems! Da lites in da wand toy no werk ennymore acuz I steeled da aliems power!

Nex, obernite I knock ober da toy basket after meowmy clean it up, so herms haz to do it agen in da mornin.

Den I meowmeow fur brushies n do a belly trap n attac meowmy hand! Den I do self brushies after.

Den I haz to defend mai bocks genst da ebil snek! Iz epic battle.

Finalee iz werkin on mai sassy face fur when meowmy do a dums, which herms do a lot.

Das all. Go crimez!

Hai fwends, iz Andre! Yesterday I FINALLY got Mömthêr and Fathör to bring me home from da big store wif all da toyz and foodses. Den, dey stick me in smol room dat smell nice and has foodses toyzes but I no allowed to splore! What do to get hoomizes to let me freeee!

(Distinguished felines and honorary felines, I, Mömthêr here: we brought Andre home yesterday and while he is doing really well, he is still spicy boy so we're keeping him in our office with ComfortZone and places to hide and of course a pile of toys to play with)

Hihi! My name is Julius (Jules), & I am 7.5 weeks old. My kitty mommy 'dopted New Meowmy's sister before I was bornded because she lived outside & needed safe space to have me & brudder Calvin. Auntie & Grandpawpy brought me to New Meowmy this last weekend (Auntie keeping Calvin, Grandpawpy & Grandmeowmy keeping kitty mommy.)

I have qweshtoons!! New big brudder Gus iz nice & helps but sleeps lots. New big brudder Lazlo not thrilled about me yet (but I win himz over!) He keeps shaking head & meowing "Too oranj, too oranj, whaddever DAT means. My qweshtums:

1. Gus says I "ill-egle smol" & can do anyting. Troo?

c. Lazlo says I "bottom of pecking order"--also troo?

vi. Lazlo also sez no brain cell?!? Wat dat mean?

j. I not sure about wet fud yet. Gus says is poison so

he should eat. Troo?

New Meowmy sez I gud boi becuz use litter box, eat dry fud, & drink water good. I no like sleep alone so sleep on BIIIG skware last night--did you know there are MONSTERS moving unner blankie?!? I did big boi brave attak & New Meowmy said "OUCH!" Guess I wasn't fast enuf & monsters bit her toes.

Gus also teaching importance of MORNING TREATS. Ebbryday get MORNING TREATS. And learned if Grandpawpy here he can be made to gib more treats if do the BIG EYES. New Meowmy asked him if he thought Churu grew on trees after Gus had TREE tubes one day!

I tink I gonna like dis house. Hope Lazlo likes me soon. Hope I talk to ebbryone here again too. New Meowmy sez I will need a pawyer on retainer as I get older (?), but Gus says no worry--I can't be sood becuz ill-egal smol. Hope dis troo!

My housemate Beefy (Destroyer of Christmas Trees) has two complaints to address! I'm writing for him as his official advisor!

1. It's too bright in this dim room!

2. The Human Woman then had the nerve to take photos of Beefy enduring this hostile work environment (pic 2 is the outrayge)! (He's really good at his security side-gig guarding the table.)

He wants to consult with other legal experts like you regarding compensation ideas! And maybe retaliation crime ideas!

-Professor Longhair, very wise boy and important legal consultant)

We is Taco n Tiger n we r dum oranj kitties. We wun 2 be dopted. We r neer da layk cawled Aws We Go. We bin weighteeng 14 billion forebers (2 weeks)

Todey iz hot webber. Meowmy getz lotsa bockses. She openeded da bocks and pull owt a fing. She puts it on meownself an call it a "harmis". I kinda like it but she gib me treetz so iz fine. Wat dis "harmis"? Iz it saf? Duz it always gib me treetz?

Henlo Max (5M Russian Blue) here! Mine dad is not getting up and doing werks anymore. Hims also put all da werk stuff in a bocks and take it away! Did mine pawsuit stop da werks furever?

Iz Théo the Mighty Bitey heer wif ebidenz ob Mama being da wurst! It wuz brekfuss time and Ai waz doing a STARB! Ai waz weak from hunger and instead ob getting up to fix dis, mine mama stick da lite bocks in mai face and does a TAUNTLERY, as fren Niko would say! Can yoo believe herz stoopid kweschuns? Ai barely made it to mai food bowl when she finally got her lazy bort out of bed.

But she played herself! Her dum video iz now proof ob her trangr…turnz…her bad crimez aginst me! I put dis case befur Judge Balu.

Frens luk, mine Meowmy (=dumdum) juss did a luk at dis video from wen ay mayself Hoku, Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun, wuz just 6 weaks ole an had juss learn to go UP da stairs (but not daun. For daun ay wud sing da song of ourmz peeple until da hooman wud carry me)

Meowmy has done NUFFIN but watch da sport aw day! Hermz watched da stoopid ball game on da grass were dum dum hoomans keep shouting “OWT!” an now Hermz haz stayed up to watch anover ball game on da grass eben tho it waz soft sqware tyme three furebers ago an ai keep telling Hermz iz da long nap tyme.

Ai hear dis is becoz dere is a big competishun on am dere is sum ting called tyme difrence. Woo med dis difrence? Woo can ai soo? Dis unaceptabull - ai needz mai night tyme cuddles.

Wat iz it about dis grass anyway?

Love fren Missy ❤️

Dis me doing a sad.