r/legalcatadvice

Hai frens, hai! Mai deaar sisfur Tali u/Charivari8 ❤️❤️ an mai deer inpaw brofur Jax u/MagicalManta ❤️❤️, Ai an we awl ob uz here atta Casfle Void wish yoo da supa berry besst furr yoourr furrs anniversary!!

We helps wiff da purrparrin ob da sooprize pawtee, butt! We awso dided a ting forr yoo by ouwrmseffs. Ai hadda idea an den Ai ask mai sisflins furr help acuz da moar paws da bettah. Sou, atta Casfle Void, we haffs set up dis furr yoos. ❤️ Iss furr afta da pawtee, hwen yoo mite be an littul tired frum awl da play an danse an ebberyting, an soo yoo cud haff sum tyme for yurrseffs atta annibersaree az well!! Mai brofur Stridah haz set up an romanse mix furr yoos wat wills be playin atta room awl nite, incloodin Pluto's rendishun ob Wonnerful Worle. Mai sisfur Serana haz debised a nyeow coktail, da Talijax, wiff an bit ob void catto majjic infoosed so it wills albayz taste ob yurr faboorite licky snak! Ai haff collectid awl da mannee picshores ob yurr two's mylestonez togedder ❤️ an mai sisfur Hekate haz helped me wiff da decorashuns an drapin ob da curtainz an awl. An finallee, Sir Merlin haz sooperbised da secoritee so dat yoo wills be unndisturbed here az lonk az yoo lyke. ❤️ Az da Cabin Gurl Ai will awso mayke shure dat yoo gettits da full menoo ob fuds delibbered weneber yoo likes!

Doo yoou lyke eet? 😌❤️ Wes hope yoo haff da bestist ob days! See yoo atta pawtee!!

Greetins,

Wednesday an Strider an Sir Merlin an Hekate an Serana ob de German Void Pak! ❤️❤️❤️

Meowmy's sifter got me houz.

Lemme see yoos spooky houz!

Hello frens is Morgana the beautifull agin!

I was minding min bizznizz yesfurdai and then i heard a NOISE!!! So i reakt i go look into hallway why is there noise?!? This awake da curriosity ob mine mammi, her does a lissen and realise is meows!

Her hurry go look why da stairwell does meows! It not do that afore!?! And look what hers find!!! A kitty?!?! Alone ousside at de nite tiems in da rain!?!?!

But then her does somefing BAD! Her let it into MINE uhpartmunt?!?! Gib it MINE fud?!?!? Her say “oh poor little fren does you hab a homin?” Her set up da hallway and baffroom and let dis STRANGUR use mine litterboks and tois?!?!

Her make post on de book ob de faces and try to find if her Can find de owner, but herms find out it has no ear tattoo, no mikrochips, no Eye-Dee at all?!?!

I need to soo mine mammi for take in dis Introoder into mine haus! And gibbing it mine food! Dat is feft!!!

(Mammi: Late last night i heard an all black cat crying alone in my stairwell, hiding from the rain, and possible fireworks(? Idk something loud that said boom) so i immidietly took it in just incase bc why isn’t it trying toget home? I’ve been trying to reach a possible owner but so far no bite, (if no one shows up I am legally in the clear to keep her and I do Think I Will))

HI mommy and daddy went away for 200 sleeps (10 people days) and got back 140 sleeps (7 people days) ago. I don't trust them and want to sue for emotional distress and lack of kissies and lickie treats. Mommy say I am being overly clingy now which is bery rude. Does 1 bajillion lickies seem like a reasonable negation starter? I enclosed a picture so you can see how cute I am.

It apparintlee “chik up tim”. Meowmy an pawther shov me in sof box (I do a biiiiiig skratch on pawther. Hehe, go crimez!)

At firs ebereeting gud. Dey so I so nis an prittee (duh). But den… Dey tell us dat I hab leshuns! An dey need to tak mai teeths!!!!! Sooooooo fur no tak teeth.

Meowmy do a biiiiig sad an skar do. It acuz ob anisheshia. She do a cry. I angee but feel bad.

Wat to do? Wo to soo?

- Maleficent the Magnificent

(Ugh. I was a crying wreck in the office. Any encouragement would be appreciated, as well as any stories from people who’ve done this before!)

Furst ob all, I habs decided that in spite ob being a JUNIOR CRIMNAL MASTERMIND, I lubbs teh Lady and hab therefore pawmoted her to teh posishun ob MEOWMA. Teh pickchurs show me doing deep, trusting sleep on her.

WELL. We libs in MOAST interesting tiems, Frens. It hab been a week ob sadness, as Holly-Elizabeth Peekaboo teh Feral went to teh Bridge on Chewsdae night. Meowma cried a lot and habs teh sads.

BUTT. Then on Wednesday I did a smol sneeze or two. On Thursday, I did sneeze my head off AND I DID NOT EAT MY DINNER, CAN YOU EBEN BELEEBS IT. Meowma put messij in teh groop chat at her werk, and they said “bring lubbly Stormy in, he can hang out wiff us and you can get him checked out”

THEN. I got werse and werse. By teh tiems I was at Meowma’s werk, I was drooling and sneezing and bery unhappy. Teh vet did a check ob me and in ASSOULTE OUTRAG SHOKK and HOROR, SHE BIOLATED MY BORTHOLE! DISGRAC! Teh vets poked and prodded me ALL DAE!

(Meowma note. I have been worried out of my mind, on top of the grief of losing Holly so unexpectedly. Stormy was in a dreadful state on Friday morning, and I’m sure the additional stress of being bundled into the carrier didn’t help. He had a thorough examination, no issues with his lungs or breathing, temperature was normal and he’s gone from 1.79kg last week to 1.94 this week - yay. The vet gave my child anti-nausea and antibiotic injections, plus a Piriton, and and a bag of meds to give home. Finally, we have sent off an extensive SNAP test, results of which should be back from the lab early next week. Both the vets took great care of him, and have told me whatever Storm-Storm has is unlikely to be life-threatening, thank Bast)

BAPBAPBAP BAPBAPBAP BAPBAPBAP that enough from you, Meowma. This MY storee. Teh antibiotics poke was bery painful so teh vet and nurse did it without letting Meowma be in teh room for me. Instead, they gave me back to her for cuddel afterwards. I was wrapped up like teh purrito and BERY UNHAPP! I was put bakk in pen BUTT I was allowed a Lick-E-Licks for being teh Brabe Boi.

FINALLY, after a million forebers, we was in teh neighbour-lady’s vroom bocks and HOEM. I eated some dinner and then Meowma took me to teh bedroom and I was allowed to sleep next to her all night! All by myself!
Today, I am catching up on much-needed sleep. Meowma sai my smol lief habs been a rollercoaster and “it’s a lot for a kitten to go through” so she let me rest and try to resist wake me up to check I am Otay.

Meowma would pree-she-ate any healing white light, prayers and gud thoughts as we find out what happening wiff me. Thank mew, Frens

Stormy Armageddon, Dark Lord ob All

Da odder dae mew (14f void Brianna) wakted up an politely asked Meowmy fur sum yumyum an hermz saiz No! Mew tout mew hear rong so mew ax gain. Hermz saiz no gain an Eben wurst hermz gib yumyum a brudder an sisfur! Meowtrage! Den furrends is gettz Eben wurst. Hermz puttz mew in da carrier an da vroom box an wez go pokey place! Den da pokey lady steelz mew blud. Hermz also saiz derz an introoda! Sumone call hyper Ty Roi been burning all da yumyum in mew tummy up an maekz mew two skinny Eben do mew so hongry! Who dis meanie Ty Roi an why himz burn up mew yumyum? Who mew needz soo fur da trauma an two hongry?

Dis picture of mew Meowtrage when Meowmy sayz no yumyum fur mew.

Ai, Berkley Honorary ob da Oranj need pawyer for beeg soo! Meowmy saw that Ai wuz skwinting mine bootiful rite eye an watch closely. Den todai Ai more skwinty an Meowmy seez a spot! So den Meowmy put mine bootiful self in da box ob doom an den da vroom vroom box an we go to da mergency pokey plase! Dey gib me 2 Churus when dey looked at mine eye. Dis not enuf acuz Dey also put brite yellow medsin in mine eye! An now Ai haz ta wear da cone ob shame!

Need soo for elebenty billion more Churus and make Meowmy take dis cone off!

(Ebil hooman here- Berkley started squinting a few days ago, couldn’t see anything obvious and vet didn’t think I needed an emergency appointment. Then this morning I woke up and she had goop around her eye and I could see a spot, so off to vet urgent care we went. The can see some scarring like she did have a corneal abrasion/ulcer that has since healed. They checked her eye pressures just to be sure too. So it seems she’s just irritated by the scarring which will hopefully resolve with the ointment and time. But I did not want to mess around with sight issues when I saw that this morning!)

Frens dis is field repawter Sam here wif teh webber. Ai has juss been owtside an is berry windy wif lots ob rain. Ai preedict dat dere will be a hoorycane tonite in teh soufeast ob americas! Mai is coorently hiding unner teh deck!

Make sure ewe stays inside, cause teh winds mite blow ewe away! If teh powers go owt, remember to hide under teh bed fore safety

Now to mine bruvur Pepper wif teh temparatures

-Pepper- Hello, it is sixdy three dagrees rite now an is sapposes to thunder pretty soon... uhoh!!! Dere is gonna be thunder!!!!

-Sam- otay eberybody stay calm... Pepper runned away.... hims is juss a liddle scared....

Ai fink dats gonna be all fore tonites webber...

Oh frens. Iz Basil here. I don’t no what to doo. I am scared and confooosed. I need halp from eggsperts. Please catsisst me.

I woz put in jail.

BY ORZO!

And he was doing a guard and woodn’t let maiself out! I wil addmit dat he didn’t lokk me in and I ebentualli exscaped, but what doo I doo to stop it happening again?

Diz iz foto of me being jailed.

Ai do a sit on de box-watchin soft ting, ai mynd mai own biznezz. When all ob a sudden dere is skwerrel on mai outsside libing skware.

I do a hunt hunt hunt but momma say no no boing, skwerrel fren not fud.

~boing (seenyor laydee)

Frens I've been stuffed in this box, abducted along with a little white thing calling himself Elladan I've never seen before but says he owns da Meowmies too. I have to go to da pokey place send help. Meowmy says only for pokies and chips, i say this is kitnapping illegal smol Caspian

I help Pawther get noo job because hooman person likes kitties. Ai negotiate for Churu, but Pawther also has shrimpy snackies for me, too. So mebbe I get more shrimpy snackies.

No soos for now!

-Sylvester, Cattorney at Paw

Todai meowmy hab paynters at da howsie! They mak funny smells an noyses! An. Big outrayyg! Ai, Mitten, lok in won room becalwz dey no wan kitty paws on da paynt! Fineally da paybters leab an Ai can go on mine poorch an dew a relax! But. Veri outraaaygae! Veri lonk dai!

-Mitten, HS (onerary signapurra)

Me resting up and stretching to be bery tall for the date. Petunia shared this picture on her Catagram, she got a new fur coat to ware. It mite be chilly at the birdfeeder. I hope we see an owl !