r/legalcatadvice

Soo mi Pawther has recently started to do teh werk frum home. He sez is coz he has his own bidness nao and that means he has moar time for mew and patting mews floof. I love mi Pawther and this makes mew happy...

...execpt he do the BIG STEEL of mews faberit napping chair! Ai sez no Pawther, that is mews chair, gib it back and sing teh Songz of mai people but noooo he sits in it's all days going taptaptap on the loud hooman Tappy noise ting and talking intoo smol hooman talky thingamajig which makes udda hooman noises.

He brings down rug for mew and sez mew can nap on that while Pawther werk but is not comfy like chair.

How mew gets Mai chair back? Both Pawther and Meowmy sez Pawther needs teh chair to do teh werk to keep mew in the mush and treatos but yet mew has only hads ONE treato in seventy..eleventy...eleventybajillion yeerz!

Frens, this situashun makes mew big sadz. How get Mai chair back?

Hallo eberybody!! Mai name iz Mikey. Ai iz de doggo brudder ob Arietty and Haku 13yo SICs of Oriental Extraction. Dey iz alwayz meowing about dis sub so Ai fought Ai'd check it out.

Ai juzt wanted to tellz youz all about mai day. It waz de bestest day eber.

Ferst, Ai got to go seez mai frenz at doggy day care!! Dey had de pool up and wunning so Ai gotz to swim. Den mudder picked me up early.

Ai gotz herz all to maiself while herz runz errandz. Ai got a tweat at somewhere called a farm a see.

Den, when wez getz home, I got to hang out wif big sisfur Emma and herz in de sweep square woom.

Ai juzt wanted to say Hai to eberybody. For doze in de You Ess A, I hopez you haz a happy and safe Memorial Day.

Dis me in de vroom vroom machine earlier today.

Wez, Sam and Fred, meowmy do abandamint. Herz sez Grandpappy not so good so herz go delta airlimes to bisit himz and wez get cat bacation at cat spa. Dis us

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helno fren. Dis KynxKat reportz da webber in da Souffeast Ooukay.

Heablimez

I do a big lookie out for da webber!

Evbem da "not quite as fat pigion (but still pretty fat) " pigeons are out on da son shine.

It a bank holida weekemb means moemwy no do da workies on da moonday! Usally sdis mean bad webber. I fink usally illegal for da sonshine on da bankhoilda weekemb. But dis timez we get heat wave! Dis means lots of son puddles for belly up but floof cattos lime me hab be carful no ober heats.

Keep cools out da frenz.

Dis da offical webber

This Ebening and Tonite:

A biggy dry nite wiff clear spellz to strt, cloudee generaly thickein as da nite progregessses wiff perhaps a few outbrexs of sky waterz developing towards dawn, wiff a low risk of heavy sky boomz. Windee will remain generally light. Minimimum temperachure 14 °C.

Satrday:

Any cloudee an sky waterz should clear durin da morning timez to give a brite, sonny and hot day. Get those bellys ready! . Maximimum temperachure 31 °C.

Outlook for Sonday to chuesday:

Largely briht an sonny throughout an notibelly hotz, a little cooler along da coast wiff an onshore floweewoooblowwies.

Datt wab da webber

What webber like wher eu be?

Make sure u stay coolz if hots and warms if coolz.

Make sure you stay Tune in to da KKMG for all you Mews and webber

Mama got up late this morning. She runs to kitchen & makes her gogogo juice and then to the office. (She works from home, so she ok.) Now, iz fine that Mama decide that she not have breakfast, but she never gave me any food either!!!

So I iz doing a starb, so I walk all over her desk and rub against her trying to get her attention. She thinks I iz just playing like alwayz (I do do this a lot). But I keep at it! Who knows when I will lose my strength! She keeps taking me off her desk & putting me on the floor. Finally she say “Lucy! I iz working on something very important! Stop being a pest!” And she *<sob>* kicked me out of the office & shut the door!!! How can I supervise her work? And I still haz no food!!!

Finally, she come out to the kitchen to make herself lunch. FINALLY she notice my empty dish and my listless wasted body. She say, “Oh, my poor Lucy! I forgot all about yoo! I iz soooo sorry!” And she get me food & water. But, she says we iz out of churus so I can’t get one till after she iz done with her work nonsense. What kind of mama doesn’t keep the pantry stocked with churus at all times???

So, she never feeds me in the morning, doesn’t pet me like usual, fails to understand my clear communication that I iz starbing, closes the office door on me, says she FORGOT about me, and has no churus in the house to atone for any of this. Iz there a number big enough to soo for? And how do I find a new Mama who will love me? I iz heartbroken 💔

Lucy the Lovebug

We brought doughnuts for everyone Voids Arwen and Gus and the ratties

(I had a little bit left over that was going stale, the greed is Biblical)

Hi! Iz me, Théo! Bigbrudderbestfren Sam’ little brofur. Ai juss wanna say, yoo haf been so nice! It halps me and silly mama feels better and not juss sad. Ai lubs yoo!

Ai dunno if Ai run da cat software. Mama says mai husky dramatics iz like tortietude fur puppers. But she silly.

Hallo frens. It is me, Sebastian da house cloud. Or I was.

I was de-clouded when I met Sir Jerry!

Dey also discovered I lost a bit of weight since last visit a few months ago. I always been "lean". But meowmy ask pokey place lady if I too skinny (she always asks dat) and pokey place lady said yes but not "concerningly so". They taked bloods and meowmy told to give me more foods. Yay more foods! More than brudder gets cos he on maintenance diet.

Fank you to frens who wished me wells with Sir Jerry. I home and sleepy and offended but otherwise meowmy says I'm my usual self. Brudder Luca is also being nice.

Seb da (wispy) house cloud.

Frens, ai saw dis news artkal bout Gary, an he sez he not no nuffin bout habbin enneee "ishoos". Wez kant let dis "sane-washing" heppen! Wez gotz a x-poze Gary an his nef...neffer...his bad praktizes!

Owen da Oranj

Owen da Oranj

Guys yu wud nawt belieb! How manee ob uz bring spoilz ob owr hunts to da hoomanz to trye an teech dem impawtanse ob huntz? But alwayz dey juss trow eet oot an say ewww an such? But todae! De meowmie sez she wus on way bakk frum hooman skol uni-verse-city (wait... she frum da univerrse?? Mebbe SHE iz alium??) an she sez pretty ting wut make herm tink ob uz immediatelee... an denn she do a grabs an stealz an brinks it howme! Luk at picsure! FRESH nip iz result ob hunt!! Da bess!! An sinse she wear it az decorashoon ob herms bakpak now awl herm stuff smell so nise! She haz eben pawmissed ta brink moar!

Greetins,

Serana the Princess ob de Black Siamese (ifyaplease) Crime Cattell!

(I saw that my uni is growing lots of catnip, sage and similar in huge beds as insect food on my way home and so I pinched a little XD Go crimez? 😂)

Frens, I need help. It's my birfday. I 13. Speshul birfday as teenager now.

But meowmies not plan propalee to gib propa reverance to the okayshun. They forgot tu mayk the binmen not come steel ma bins today. I lyk hiding behind them so no one see me and try talk to me when outside. Hoomans dum. Bin men loud and stompy and move all ova and tayk my emotional support bin strategic camouflage away.

ON MAI BIRFDAY!

Dis not okay. Wut are gud teenage crimez tu du to punish meowmies fur not planning birfday better? I never been 13 before so don't know gud teenage crimez yet.

Pic is me plotting demise of bin men. And maybe meowmy for stoopid hat.

- Hermes the dignified void

Iz Princess Donna and Princess Astrid. Weoews doing a hecking concerms at ours Catto TeeBeee outsidez, butttt them dumb dumb hooman putted stuff to blockeds ourz view!!!

And them makiong 'knock-knock-knock' sounds outsidez and aboove ourz hewads... buttt weoews no allowz to do inbestigate??? Iz ourz hauz!!!!

And them 'roooothers' who comez invbade ourzz haus, no comez and say hiz to dah FELINE OBERLORDS ob dah haus!!! And weoews no allowed out?! Such OUTRAGYE!!!

(Finally, after many weeks of delay, the weather is nice enough for the roofers to come and fix the roof. My feline overlords are not impressed that they confined to the front room... as the 'ginger-in-white-cosplay-Donna' would not hesitate to run out the front door into the traffic. Ask me how I know...)

Well, frens.. if tings weren't bad enuf, dey just got worse.

Iz wuz a lil' cold today, cuz .. oh, I dunno mebbe cuz .. IZ HAS NO FUR! So, Iz wuz shiverin' a bit.

Meomy sez "Oh poor Oscar, Iz got just di ting dat'll make uz warm!"

Iz thinkin' well, tank gaw, someone gunna take care of mi around heer.

She go to di basement closet n' come back n' ...

Dis.. dis .. is di ting.

- Oscar BBB, MM

Yessirday, my bes fren duck waz doin a big mad cuz he tink I no lub him. But I DOEZ weely lub him. I jus wanna say I iz sowwy. Meowmy putted da nip in da duck, an me an duck doez cuddlez agen. I hope he no twy to soo aneemore.

Mr. Cat