u/MalcahAlana

It apparintlee “chik up tim”. Meowmy an pawther shov me in sof box (I do a biiiiiig skratch on pawther. Hehe, go crimez!)

At firs ebereeting gud. Dey so I so nis an prittee (duh). But den… Dey tell us dat I hab leshuns! An dey need to tak mai teeths!!!!! Sooooooo fur no tak teeth.

Meowmy do a biiiiig sad an skar do. It acuz ob anisheshia. She do a cry. I angee but feel bad.

Wat to do? Wo to soo?

- Maleficent the Magnificent

(Ugh. I was a crying wreck in the office. Any encouragement would be appreciated, as well as any stories from people who’ve done this before!)

Yu guys, if yu dident no, plast-eek is da best. I lik to hid in it an do lotsa liklikliks. Den meowmy did a beeg hawribel ting; she tak it away! She no gud fur me. Lies. All lies. I try to do a hiss an a bapbapbap but it no werk.

Aneewun abel to do a soo afore plast-eek gets thron out?

- Maleficent the Magnificent

Iz been a sad week yu guyz. Grandmeowmy an pawther’s kittee went ober da Rainbow Bridge. Pawther doin a BIG sad. Meowmy an I wanna git him a mimoryual gift to mak him feel nis.

He gotted kittee pikshure soks ons, if dat helps.

Aneewun got anee ideeyus? Here me doin a wundir.

- Maleficent the Magnificent

As yu may no, im doin a starb frum da lak of treats. Dere haz ben NO GREENIES TUDAY. Dey no gib treats? FINE. Imma buy mai own. Meowmy sitz in dis chare all day an peepul gib her mony, I can do dat too! Das da plan. Imma sit in dis chare, peepul gib me mony, an I buy mai own dam Greenies.

SO DERE MEOWMY.

- Maleficent the Magnificent

Greenies ar gud. I want dem. Espeshullee sins I doin a starb. So I go to shelf. Firs I luk at meowmy. She just luk bak. Den I *cashully* do a reech to da shelf. Nuthin. So I do a meow. Nuthin. Den I do mor. An mor. A den… a den… I hear it… “No Maleficent.” Dassit. Dey no I dyeeng, an dey don car. I off. I fin mai own treats. I takin my new hom wif me. It keep me comfee wil I luk.

- Maleficent the Magnificent Ober an Owt

Meowmy lub to lay on cowch. She is da bestest blankit eber. It furry an sof a warm. I lub blankit, an I *gess* I lub meowmy. (Dat a sekret tho.) I do a clim on meowmy’s ches an do da teensiest tiniest mew befor I do cuddel. I do it when I want pawther lap too. I onlee do dis mew fur pawrent cuddel.

Aneewun els do dis?

- Maleficent the Magnificent

Here me on blankit.

Day started nis. Den meowmy an pawther do a hawreebul trik wit Churu an git me in da bag. To my hawrar, we go to pokey plas! Meowmy say my breefing sownd kunjeested (dono wat dat) an she wan do a chek. I TRYED to meow dat I fin. No one lissen.

Meowmy mayd me do an eggz rey on mai lungz. She krayzee. Den pokey plas ladee say mai lungz GRAYT! No nede aneeting! See meowmy, I told yu so!

Now bof of uz ruyn our day fur no resun. Sih.

- Maleficent the Magnificent

As we all no, werk iz stoopid. Wy pawther do kliky klak an not pet? So tuday, I do a plan. Pawther wak away fur on sekond, an I see my chans! I jump an do a lite box stele! Now pawther no work. He HAZ to pet. I tink iz eggsellant crimez.

Go crimez!

Maleficent the Magnificent

I so happee to rikreeayt da wedding sene, bekaws it speshul! Meowmy an pawther did a mawiage las yere. (I no inbited. Rude.) Meowmy say da fren who offeesheesyt da serimony rede frum mobie. She gotted marryed to dis! So, sins I no com, I do a coppee!

(Our friend read from the wedding when she officiated. It’s very special to us.)

Meowmy got ankseyetee an needz me a lot (so needy). Wen I owt dat mene I git lotsa pets an cuddlez. Dey nis, but dey no fill mai bellee.

So I tink an I tink am I tink an I com up wif ideeya! Wen she no see me she can’t get her needed petz. So I do lotsa hiedz! I hied until I hear her shakin treatz before I com out. Now I get both petz AN treatz!

I hihly recommend hiedz crimez.

- Maleficent the Magnificent

Here I iz in bitween hiedz.