u/CappucinoCupcake

Furst ob all, I habs decided that in spite ob being a JUNIOR CRIMNAL MASTERMIND, I lubbs teh Lady and hab therefore pawmoted her to teh posishun ob MEOWMA. Teh pickchurs show me doing deep, trusting sleep on her.

WELL. We libs in MOAST interesting tiems, Frens. It hab been a week ob sadness, as Holly-Elizabeth Peekaboo teh Feral went to teh Bridge on Chewsdae night. Meowma cried a lot and habs teh sads.

BUTT. Then on Wednesday I did a smol sneeze or two. On Thursday, I did sneeze my head off AND I DID NOT EAT MY DINNER, CAN YOU EBEN BELEEBS IT. Meowma put messij in teh groop chat at her werk, and they said “bring lubbly Stormy in, he can hang out wiff us and you can get him checked out”

THEN. I got werse and werse. By teh tiems I was at Meowma’s werk, I was drooling and sneezing and bery unhappy. Teh vet did a check ob me and in ASSOULTE OUTRAG SHOKK and HOROR, SHE BIOLATED MY BORTHOLE! DISGRAC! Teh vets poked and prodded me ALL DAE!

(Meowma note. I have been worried out of my mind, on top of the grief of losing Holly so unexpectedly. Stormy was in a dreadful state on Friday morning, and I’m sure the additional stress of being bundled into the carrier didn’t help. He had a thorough examination, no issues with his lungs or breathing, temperature was normal and he’s gone from 1.79kg last week to 1.94 this week - yay. The vet gave my child anti-nausea and antibiotic injections, plus a Piriton, and and a bag of meds to give home. Finally, we have sent off an extensive SNAP test, results of which should be back from the lab early next week. Both the vets took great care of him, and have told me whatever Storm-Storm has is unlikely to be life-threatening, thank Bast)

BAPBAPBAP BAPBAPBAP BAPBAPBAP that enough from you, Meowma. This MY storee. Teh antibiotics poke was bery painful so teh vet and nurse did it without letting Meowma be in teh room for me. Instead, they gave me back to her for cuddel afterwards. I was wrapped up like teh purrito and BERY UNHAPP! I was put bakk in pen BUTT I was allowed a Lick-E-Licks for being teh Brabe Boi.

FINALLY, after a million forebers, we was in teh neighbour-lady’s vroom bocks and HOEM. I eated some dinner and then Meowma took me to teh bedroom and I was allowed to sleep next to her all night! All by myself!
Today, I am catching up on much-needed sleep. Meowma sai my smol lief habs been a rollercoaster and “it’s a lot for a kitten to go through” so she let me rest and try to resist wake me up to check I am Otay.

Meowma would pree-she-ate any healing white light, prayers and gud thoughts as we find out what happening wiff me. Thank mew, Frens

Stormy Armageddon, Dark Lord ob All

Live from teh outside ob mine howse, this your OUTRAGGGED roving repawter for KKMG, Toulouse-William.

WELL! I was eating mine secon brefus on top ob teh shed. SUDDENLEE, that ratbag tabby did a jump up AND HE TRIED TO HELPS HIMSELF HAOW BERY DARRRRRR HE!

I made such an - in teh werds ob MNM ‘undogly noise, Toulouse,there is plenty ob kibbles for both ob you, noes needs to waek teh naybores!’

THIS IS EGG STREAM OUTRAG AND I DEMAND A PAWYER!

This hab been Tee-Dubs for KKMG

CRIMEZ 1: Knokk ober teh water bowl in mine pen, roll in teh water and then roll in mine litterbocks. 0/10 do noes recommend as I HAD TO HABS A STINKIN BAFF HAOW DARRRRRRR

CRIMEZ 2: Wait until teh lady habs cleaned my pen, then knokk ober water bowl AGAYN. Go CRIMEZ!

CRIMEZ C: Zoomzoomzoom into kitchen and eat teh Big Catses Brefus. Bery deelishus

CRIMEZ 8: Gibs teh lady a baff. I hold her faec in plaice and gibs her a baff wiff mine sandpaper tung.

CRIMEZ 10: Steel teh lady’s hart. She do an adore ob me, as she should.

Your Fren teh kittin who still thinking about a naem. Yesterday was Stormy Armageddon, today is comeherestinker, tomorrow - who knoes?

Human note: Some kittens were brought into the clinic the other evening, with a decidedly suspicious story as to why they were being dumped. The clinic is not a rescue shelter, however almost all of the kittens were adopted pretty much immediately. Leaving one teeny-tiny, absolute terrified

BAPBAPBAPBAPBAP BAPBAPBAPBAPBAP BAPBAPBAPBAPBAP

I WAS NOES SCAERD! HAOW DARR! OUTRAGGGGGGG!

I taeks it from here, lady. I was playing teh long gaem, Frens. I saw teh lady. I chose her. Bery quietlee, bery sneakilee, I did bury mine faec in her arms when she held me and I did a shake wiff nerbes. I did go rigid wiff fear (not) in teh caeg - to teh point teh lady did get teh vet to check me ober, can you eben beleeebs it. Teh vet sai “he noes poorlee, he’s terrified” LIES, SALAMANDER AND MOAR OUTRAGGGGGGG

There was hushed conbersations weighing up teh pros an cons ob taek me hoem. Then a slightly louder one about haow teh lady would be “bery sipped off if they don’t let me habs him”

An so it caem to parss that two nights ago, I was put into teh carrier full ob soff towels. I did sing a song ob VICTORY all teh waes to my new Kingdom.

Soem catses did greet me, MOAST politely, at teh door. George E Porgie was furst, we did a nose boop. Eamonn teh Inbisible and Jasmine teh IBS Crimnal did smol hiss ob greeting. Holly Elizabeth Peekaboo teh Feral did an ignoar HAOW DARR.

I was put into a big pen wiff a litter tray, a soft blankie and soem fud and water. I eated mine supper, I did a sleep all night…noes tell anyone, butt it was teh furst tiems eber I could relax.

Teh next dae, mine troo character started coming out. I escaped teh pen, I zoomzoomzoom zoomzoomzoom zoomzoomzoom. I sing songs loudly and at length. I did wipe mine dirty bottom on teh lady. I did a hide under teh bed and it took teh lady nearly an hour to fish me out from under. I do not walk anywhere, I ZOOMZOOMZOOM. I am noes big enough to jump yet, BUTT I am teh bess climber in teh werld. Then i jumpjumpjump and teh lady habs to run to catch me. She sai she egg sauce ted and to that I say GO CRIMEZ GO CRIMEZ GOOOOOOOOO

Pee Ess I habs yet to tell teh lady my naem. She sai Stormy Armageddon would be gud choice considering my behabiour 😈

Two years ago tonight, I said au revoir to William teh Other Tuxedo. I am still overwhelmed by how much love this small, bratty, adorable little Tuxie generated across the Reddit world.

Wills - Ai maiself still miss you terribly.

Thanks to Fren Olaf, this mine oen self and Preshus Ruby as Jay and Gloarious Purrchett

Eamonn teh Inbisible

Yes, Frens, todae is mine Speshul Dae. It a bittersweet day for Mama as she remembers mine bio-Mama and all mine siblings at teh Bridge.

Butt. I habs chimpkin! And gushy fud! In honour ob mine Burfdae, mine bowels MOAST well behabed…I only poop on Mama’s sheets 😈😈😈

Burfdae Caek and Icy Screem for EBERYONE!

🎂🍨🍨🍨🍨🍦🍦🍦🍦🍧🍧🍧🍧🍦🍦🍦🍦🎂

Jasmine teh IBS Crimnal

Pee Ess big thank mew to Fren Olaf’s Purrson for this egg salad pickchur ob me.

This is Toulouse-William, Roving Rewparter KKMG, repawting that Ai maiself am SICKTODEFF ob this stinking heat. Teh MaybeNewMama is fudding me wiff wet fud AS WELL AS MINE KIBBLE, and she put ice cyoobs in mai water bowl, BUTT, it is too hot and Ai maiself MOAST crabby about teh situation.

Kynx Kat hab allowed us repawters to forgo our usual business attire, so in this pickchur you will see me, Tee-Dubs, nekkid as a kittin as I rest in teh shaed at teh front ob mai howse.

In pickchur two (2), if’n I might introduce you to teh new junior repawter. Himbs noes hab a naem yet PLUS juss liek maiself, himbs hab a full set of troublepuffs. MNM feeding him wheneber he show up, and Ai do not mind acause 1) Ai maiself bery kind and B) Ai still gets teh saem amount ob fud.

Teh webber roundup as follows

Caturday (today) Scorchio and juss too hots

Sundae Sky booms, lightening and rain, still hot

Monday onwards: Temperchure drop ob ten (10) degrees. Hurrah.

This hab been Tee-Dubs for KKMG, signing off for naow.

Our Mama not rilly watch this moobie afore, BUTT. She alwaes did liek teh men in suits. So here we habs Tee-Dubs, George E. Porgie and Jasmine teh Interstellar IBS Crimnal…

ETA Where is our manners! Big, yuge thank mew to Fren Olaf’s human for once agayn probide MOAST egg salad pickchur

I could drop stink bombs from teh sky 😈😈😈

Thanks to Fren Olaf’s human for their purrfect pickchurs ❤️

My Meowmther wonders if’n we should habs a “Monday Musings” flair, acause as she sit next to me on teh sofa this morning, we did a think back to some ob teh MOAST BEST CRIMEZ us catses habs committed ober teh years.

🌈William teh Other Tuxedo🌈 was a GRATE BRAKER OB CAWFEE CUPS. Alwaes teh fabrit mugs, alwaes deliberate and alwaes whilst maek eye contact with Meowmther. Heheheh.

We all knoes about Jasmine’s STINKEE CRIMES, GO CRIMEZ!

Butt. Teh winner ob teh GRATEST CRIMEZ EBER in our house goes to me, myself and I, for teh tiem Meowmther put her litebocks down and I promptly yarked mine brefus all.ober.it. Frens, it was GLOARIOUS. It was mumfs before she could use it again. Heheheheh 😈

So, Frens, I would liek to knoes Your Gratest CRIMEZ.

George E. Porgie

Pee Ess A note to teh pawrents here - Spilling teh beans about our various and Magnificat CRIMEZ is NOT AN ADMISSION OB GUILT.

Stoopid heatwabe really getting in mine lass nerbe. BUTT. Mine Mammy alwaes shaer teh icy lollipop wiff me. MOAST refresh, bery cooling.

Mammy sai I mine own self is laser-focused wheneber she returns from teh Tall Icy Bocks wiff icy screem. And she is a sucker for mine cuteness, so here we are…

Eamonn teh Inbisible

Tee-Dubs repawtering for KKMG, wiff a strong outlook ob OUTRAG SHOKK DISGRAC regarding this stinking heatwabe. Frens, Ai maiself HAET it. MNM habs gibs maiself icy cubes in teh water bowel…and this was much app-ree-she-ate BUTT lass night teh Ebil Focks once again did a Big Wee in teh bowel AND A BIG POO on teh doormat! Luckily, MNM arrived hoem from werk at juss teh right tiems and she cleaned up mai fud area. Those fockses is teh bane ob mai lief, Ai swares.

Ai habs a bery niec pied-a-terre in teh shaep ob a littul shelter which is cool in hot webber and warm in brrr-chilly tiems. Ai also habs a cooling mat BUTT Ai am a littul appurhensibe about such.

Not all Catses are as lucky as Ai maiself, so please leabe bowels ob cold water out whereber this is pawsibble. Lotsa wildlife pass through wiffout humans eben notice, such as STRAY CATSES, BERDS, FOCKSES and SKRILLS (Fat Gary doesn’t count) and they will be MOAST grapefruit for a drink.

MNM sai she hab seen manee manee caeses ob dogses and catses with heat stroke at her werk this week. Manee manee humans bery upset and they noes realise AMINALS CAN DIE IN TEH HEAT! Well. They lurn an esspensibb lessun.

Teh webber outlook for teh part ob teh you-kay where Ai reside is as follows

HOT HOT HOT HOT

GAH.

This habs been Tee-Dubs for KKMG, signing off until nexx tiems.

Tee-Dubs from KKMG wiff brake news! Teh aliems are here a they are MOAST frenlee! They gibs snacks and eberythin! Teh second pickchur is their Supurreme Leader, George E. Porgie.

MOAR news at ten!

This hab been Toulouse-William for INTERSTELLAR KKMG

Pee Ess Huge big thanks to Fren Olaf’s human for teh MOAST EGGSALAD pickchurs

You roving repawter Toulouse-William (stage naem Tee-Dubs) live from teh front ob mine howse.

Furst ob all, I apawlagise for teh lack ob repawtering BUTT Ai maiself habs been busy romancing teh neighbourhood. MaybeNewMama worried Ai will soon need to start paying child support afore Ai become considered a ‘deadbeat dad’, whateber that might be.

Anywaes and eberything (as teh brother from another mother that Ai neber did meet would sai), Ai hab in recent tiems had a SHOKK OUTRAG cold and sneezes. MNM was MOAST concern. Wiff teh helps ob teh Pokey Plaice lady, and soem medsin that she did sneekily add to mine fud, Ai am naow all better.

Earlier this week, teh webber was frightful. Teh haylestoens, teh torrential rain, teh winds, teh frost AND TEH EBIL SKYBOOMS. Ai maed teh littul shelter (see pickchur three) mai base during this tiems. Also, easy access to snacks by teh front door.

Butt, Tee-Dubs, Ai hear you sai. What ob this ‘Double Trubble’ you menshun earlier? WELL. Ai tell you. At teh weekend, in a moev MOAST unusual for Ai maiself, Ai hid out behind teh bins at MNM howse and when she got close to maiself, Ai did a big HISSHISSHISS and SPITSPITSPIT at her. This enough to conbince her Ai was pawlee, which led to seberal daes ob worrying for her. Then yesterday, Ai was back to normal, eben going so far as to put mine paws in teh threshold ob teh howse, can you eben belleb it!
Naow, this teh amusing bit. When MNM and her neighbour did come back from teh supermarket this afternoon, Ai maiself was sit on teh neighbour drivewaes. Then when MNM went to teh front door, there Ai was again! MNM sai, haow on Urf did you move so fast, Lousie-Lou? Bery quietly and bery sneekily, she and neighbour laydee did walk back to drivewaes and there Ai was, sit still and inscrutable. Equally quiet and sneekily, they did walk back…in tiems to see a slightly smoller bersion ob Ai maiself running off! THERE ARE TWO OB ME!!! We luks almoast teh saem, but mini-me has slightly different markings and an attitude pawblem (hence teh HISSHISSHISS). Could this be mine child? Could this be mine gurlfur? Stae tuned for teh next episode of “Daes ob our Lives”

This hab been Tee-Dubs for KKMG, signing out.

Once again, a film mine terribly uncultured Mammy hab neber seen, can you eben beleebs it.

BUTT. Our Fren Olaf’s human hab once again helped out (thank mew, Fren. MOAST talemt), so I mine own self purrsent mine own self and mine gurlfur
Ruby u/Ksh_667 as we dancedancedance our waes across teh disco floar.

Eamonn teh Inbisible and Preshus Ruby.