r/AmItheCloaca

I am a most dignified cat lady, grey, 13-ish years, no teeth but can still bite!! I moved in with my human’s offspring permanently this year, and despite her never having lived with a cat - only dogs! - I have trained her somewhat to my satisfaction. This week she did something inexcusable though: she replaced my bathroom. The new box was sitting out for several days and I did inspect it most thoroughly, but didn’t use it, and then, one morning, it was suddenly sitting in the spot where my litterbox normally is! The litter was the same as normal, the spot was the same, it’s bigger and brighter than my previous box with more room for digging, but it was, of course, a completely unjustified replacement.

I have had MY bathroom for at least 8 years and have gouged it to my satisfaction. It smells very strongly of me as I have worked hard on it. This new one smelled like chemicals!

I am a well travelled cat. I have visited here many times through the years. I’ve stayed in many places. I’ve peed on random kitchen trays covered in plastic bags, in storage boxes, in, ugh, SHARED litterboxes with cats I dislike, on “sand” used for drying out a car and so on. But I have decided that I now have higher standards! That life is beyond me! Every day here is exactly the same, I have trained the dog and the new human to fulfill my needs and accompany me as bodyguards outside every morning and have my meals served at set times and is it simply too much to expect that my humble abode should also stay permanent?

To convey my disgust, I didn’t use the bathroom for 12 hours - I even did my poop song once before remembering my stance and running away instead.

The human offspring panicked, cursed that she had thrown out the old litter and the old box, and cursed ME! She said “Semlan, you absolute cloaca, you have pooped on a box lid in this very bathroom many years ago, you can’t tell me this is unusable!”. I simply maintain that I have new standards now and she should have inquired how to replace a litterbox before actually doing it so SHE is the cloaca.

(I have, now, in secret used it while the human was asleep. Somehow she heard and woke up with a flashlight to check and said I was such a good girl but I pretended I had no idea what she was speaking of. The next morning I discovered I could dig so deep I could move the entire box so I might use it again but I’m not sure)

Mine name is TJ and I doing a pawtrol today and I found da best fing eber. A little bocks that is just purrfect size for TJ.

We get lots of bocks at mine house because we need lots of fings, like churos and like pickles. So seeing a bocks is something I deal wit ebery day. I sees a bocks, I sits a bocks. It’s one of my jobs around here. Who else is gonna do it? Meowmy? Her job to order a bocks, my job to sits in it. We stay in our own lane round here. But did bocks is a new kind of bocks. It’s little, like me.

Anyways, I sitting in da bocks and guess what meowmy do? She laff and laff at me. First time she do I, I not understand. Dis is da most perfect bocks I eber see and it fits da best of any bocks I eber hab. So why meowmy laff?

She told me why and this is where da best day become da worse day. She say…”TJ! You are too big for that box. That’s a tiny box and you are a chonk. It doesn’t fit you!”

But it DO fit me. It fit me FINE. IF IT FITS, I SITS!

So, meowmy tinks I am a chonk and it a cloaca move to use a tiny bocks. But I say she wrong because I just following cat law. And I do a confuse because meowmy is usually right. Could she be right that I a chonk?

Hey guys Caspian here, 11 weeks illegal smol. Just got myself hoomans and 2 big kitty siblings. This afternoon I see the most fun toy ever, so I do big big pounce. Big bro hisses and runs, says tails are NOT toys. I just wanted to play and besides Arwen says that he did it to her all the time. Was I the cloaca?

Hello peasants, my name is Cricket (6F) I am a distinguished chicken. My breed is a salmon favorelle. Very important piece of information. My mother has the audacity to tell me I am very rude that I don’t share the treats with my sisters. My mother got mad at me for screaming like “an aggressive minecraft villager” because she was 5 seconds too late to feed me. How day she call me that! My noises are beautiful! I could have starved to death in five seconds!

I overheard her hooman friend say I am very entitled hen. But I think that hooman is very biased because I started I fight with her favorite my sister Sunny (1 F). It was Sunny’s fault for getting my way! Also that hooman friend don’t like me anyway because I hit her in the face with my wing when she picked me up! I am a salmon faverolle! I must be picked up by certain way. I feel like it is my birthright to have the most treats when I want and do whatever I want. I have beautiful feathers more beautiful than my other sister. I am very special. I have five toes when all my sisters only have four. I also lay very beautiful pink eggs. I am proud of who I am. I don’t think I need to change for other people despite what my mommy says.

Did I mention I am a salmon favorelle? Anyways AITC?

Hi everyone! Super innocent Riley here.

Well, today’s been a super crazy day fur Mommy! First she overslept and when she did figure everything out after waking up she remembered that she had to get clothes smoothers [iron] put in her fur two and a half hours and THEN she had to go with Grandma so they could get their teefs cleaned fur the next two hours!

And Mommy didn’t even get to eat between those two things so she was soo tired and cranky when she got here until she had the leftovers that Grandma offered her (but…not me?). And I’m happy that she IS here fur the rest of the day especially since she and Grandma and Grandpa have fun plans fur tonight, but in the meantime she FINALLY has an hour to rest fur the first time today!

Well, you’d think that a chance to rest would mean a chance fur puppy quality time, but ACTUALLY what she said was, and I quote:

“I love you, Riley, but I don’t want you in my room right now.”

And THEN she decided to pick me up off her bed (which I didn’t even object to since I’m so much calmer now) and put me out in the hall and close the door. So yeah, now Mommy’s getting some rest but I’m not getting Mommy snuggles and I don’t know why!