Todai meowmy hab paynters at da howsie! They mak funny smells an noyses! An. Big outrayyg! Ai, Mitten, lok in won room becalwz dey no wan kitty paws on da paynt! Fineally da paybters leab an Ai can go on mine poorch an dew a relax! But. Veri outraaaygae! Veri lonk dai!
-Mitten, HS (onerary signapurra)
She is very not amused.
Ai, Mitten, waz on mine poorch an sawed dis gyant birb rite nex too da skreen.
Ai run ober too it a dew an ekekek! But. Da gyant brib no moob oar reak at awl!
Da hole fing iz veri kreepee!
Ai, Mitten, will bee tree on Sondai! Eberywon inbited too pule pawty four mai birbday!
Der will bee birbs an libbards to chasie, churu an chimkin, an fishies too eat, pule to go inn oar not go inn, son to snooz inn, an bocksez! Der will pawso bee menee oppratunatee for crimz!
Hope too sea yoo der!
Lub Mitten
Tooday, Ai, Mitten, seed dis stranj fing in mine yard.
Meowme say iz annymal call “armydillio.
But. Armydillio sound maid up. And. It no hab fur. An it no hab fedders. An obbeeuslee iz not libbard oar, froggie, oar turtell, oar snek. Sow Ai don fink iz annymal at all.
Witch beg da kweshton—wat iz dis stranj fing?
Ai sittin on mine poorch doin a relax when meowmy star too sing—
“Ai sea Lunden Ai sea Franz, Ai sea Mitten unnerpanz!”
None ov dat make cents!
Wee in Floordah—herm no can sea Lundon oar Franz!
An Ai no eben where unnerpanz!
Ai fink herm goed krasee!
Hear iz pikchur ov Ai wif look ov confuse an disguss!
Spair hoomin try too gib Ai, Mitten, a swimmin lessin!
Hib put on mine sharky ves an sez “Mitten, Ai gib yoo swimin lessin. No bee fraid, Ai show yoo.”
But. Ai knot fraid an Ai no need lessin. Ai no how too dew da swim. But Ai chews knot too! Hib mean well but sow dumdum!
Hear iz pikshur ov Ai, Mitten, az BatMitten!
(Waz Ai’s costoom lass Meowloween).
Toodai iz Ai, Mitten, sekon gottcha dai!
Ai kneeded a housie. Ai sawed Meowmey outside herm housie an sided Ai want dat housie.
Ai look at herm a dew a cute. But herm say “yoo look lyke nyce cat—go fine somewon who lyke catz.” Dis go on fur sebral dais.
Den Ai formyoolate a plan. When herm git out ov da vroom vroom, Ai, Mitten, do a jump in two da vroom vroom.
Den when herm all fluster an distrack, Ai follow herm into da housie an say “gotcha! Now dis iz meow housie!”
Sow now Ai hab housie! An now herm lyke catz!
Ai, Mitten, waz cosea doin a relax on mine poorch an habin gud cat nap. Den Big Outraaaayge!
Meowmy dangall da fedder wan rite inn front ov meow!
Herm no Ai canit rezist dat fedder sow it ruein mine big relax!
Dis oz gyant outraaayge an now Ai, Mitten, dew big soo for rongfull an eggsesib fedder!
Ai, Mitten, hab tenfoyold hat sow Ai iz reddy four anyfing!
Ai, Mitten, hab tenfoyold hat sow Ai iz reddy four anyfing!
In onher ov Moobie Toosday, hear iz Ai, Mitten, doin a stain alibe dans!