u/Lady_SybilVex

Guys yu wud nawt belieb! How manee ob uz bring spoilz ob owr hunts to da hoomanz to trye an teech dem impawtanse ob huntz? But alwayz dey juss trow eet oot an say ewww an such? But todae! De meowmie sez she wus on way bakk frum hooman skol uni-verse-city (wait... she frum da univerrse?? Mebbe SHE iz alium??) an she sez pretty ting wut make herm tink ob uz immediatelee... an denn she do a grabs an stealz an brinks it howme! Luk at picsure! FRESH nip iz result ob hunt!! Da bess!! An sinse she wear it az decorashoon ob herms bakpak now awl herm stuff smell so nise! She haz eben pawmissed ta brink moar!

Greetins,

Serana the Princess ob de Black Siamese (ifyaplease) Crime Cattell!

(I saw that my uni is growing lots of catnip, sage and similar in huge beds as insect food on my way home and so I pinched a little XD Go crimez? 😂)

Not shure if pawyer needed furr dis one! So, it iz me, Strider de Boy. Awt least metinks dats me! Ai do a confooze. Mebbe yu kno dis, wen da hoomanz hab soooo manne names furr yu? Furr eggsample. Wen Ai climb an shelf acuz Ai liek ta sit ups highe, de meowmie 2 will sez "Stridah Boy Elessar Little Bear Cassian getown!!!!!" an Ai luks aroond an tinks, woo awl deese odder cattos wat she cawllin?? Orr wen Sir Merlin helps myne sisfurs wit emptyin derms bowls, dey sez "Sir Merlin Azriel Hieronymus wateezyudoin!!" an bye de tyme dey haf sed eet da bowl eez emptee. Orr, when lil Wednesday eets sumtin she shudnt, dey sez "Wednesday Dousha Nymphadora Hassan Ayşe Ben Sahid Pikachoo Livia Drusilla DROPEET!". Dis soo confuse. Who awl deez odder cattos dey be tawkin aboot? Wat iz "full gobbernment naym"? Iz dis insoolt?

Confoosed greetins,

Mebbe Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah, DeeJay!

Frens, tonite iz BEEG PAWTEE NIGHT fur awl europeyan cattos an awl owr innernashoonal frens! Todaye iz nite ob moosic an danse furr da hoomans at ESC Yuurovishoon Song Contawst an ob cowrse dis meenz dere wills be CATTO VISHOON SONG CAWNTESST!!! Put onne yurr bestest garb or whishever yuu liekz an sing an danse wit uz da songz ob da peepl awl nite long! Tonite's locashoon ob choise is Vienna in Ausstria! Dey hab amazeen cakez (tho awl infurrior taw fren Dame AJ's ob cowse) an creem an snaks an moountainz ta clim an casfles an awl ta eggsplore! Come anz pawtisipate!! ❤️❤️ Yurr songz can be da hymnz or da freeki stuffs or funfunfun or dramaticc or anyting yuu wants! Feel free ta wave yurr flagz ib yu liek or nawt! 🎶

Time furr innernashoonal pawtee an sellybrate! GO DANSE AN SINGIN CRIMEZ!

Greetins,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah, DeeJay! Luk at owrs koreograffy! Eben Sir Merlin join in wit da banna an glitter bawl sellybratin!

Metinks da hooman Navy gots to dem mebbe an loks dem up! We iz doin an beeg worree!! Fur manee furebbers u/Nickye19 neider Stridas girlfren Arwen nor myne bestesd belubbed boyfren Gus hab been seen anywerre an wen we wents ta check onna profyle it sez dat Reddit BANNDED dem? 😭 We iz doing beeg worree!! Wills dey eber comez bak? If yuu can hear uz Arwen an Gus an ratty bros, we misses yuu terrbullee! u/One_Advantage793 u/Charivari8 u/JelloSquid808 mebbe we muss putt togedder an serch an rescoo pawtee furr dems or sum! An wit Gus juss habin gotted himbs knightehoode an uz pawparin himbs furrs birfdae! 😭

Myne belubed Arwen, Ai awlso misses yuu fierselee 😔 did yoo take da ship to da undyin lands afturr awl? Wateber wills we do? Ohh...

Iz dere pawer oot dere wat can help uz bring diz case afore judge an deman derms releese?

So berry worree,

Wednesday de bebe void an yung ladee an Furrs Apurrentiss an Cabin Gurl ob de Grumpy Shork, BP!!

And Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah!

Frens! Yesserfureber yu mebbe recall dat Ai hear de meowmiez do da moss ominimositee tawk aboot myne innosint fase an dat Ai wuds nawt know wat wus comin fur mees rite? Okok sooo...

Furrs, dey puts me inna boks ob doom an take meez to pokey plase! Metinks oh nooooo nawt da violashooms?! But... it wuz SO MUSH WORSE. 😭

Ok so. Dey takez me outta boks. Da meowmie 1 holdsded mes an anudder fren grabs wat Ai recoognize az... DA POKE TOOHL. An dey pokes furres onna one paw an den de odder an den de odder an odder an odder an OHMEGAWD SO MANEE POKEZ AI THOT DEY NEBA STOPS! Da wurrs torchure! Ai yells an yells but NO abail. DA WURRS. Den dey puts da tishoo on mine paws were dey dids da pokez.

Den odder hooman comez in, awlso fren ob meowmie 1. She sez ok lay himbs down. Ai no wants lay down!! Ai wants go howme!! But dey grabz me an HOWLDS ME ONNA TABLE. An den DEY STEALZ MY FUR but in reely weird plase liek unna myne awrms?! Dey sez ohhh mai so much furr on da pwetty boy sooo much fur. Metinks yes it da much fur but IT BETTA STAYE ON DIS PWETTY BOY YUU POKEY PURRSON WAT IZ HOOMAN KITTEN OB AN GIRL FREN OB DA CANINE PURRSHUASHOON! Agin no abail tho!

An den da weeirdess ting happin. Dey puts da weirdd glue slyme on me?! It sooooo nasteee!! Dey putted eet unda myne armez were dey stolez da fur!!! It SUPA ICKY! Bahbahbah!! Supa colds an wets an inna weeird plase an ohhhh juss da wors! An den de pokey purrson sez, meowmie 1, juss holds him liek dat... an she take oot an weird beep beep sticko ting an de meowmie 1 makez me lay on side an dey put da beep beep sticko on mees! Fur MANNEE FUREBERS! An den, DEN dey turnz me oba to lay on odder side an put da beep beep sticko on mes AGIN! An all da wiles Ai nawt allobed ta mobe!! Dere wus sum pwetty lites onna beep machine tho!

Ai hear da pokey purrson sez, luk meowmie 1... here iz himbs insite... DIS SO SCAWEE AN AWLSO PURRVATE??? An dey sez luk meowmie here iz himbs hawrt... it gud an stronk hawrt yis (ob cowrse it eez! it beet furr myne ladee Arwen u/Nickye19!!) but luk at da mussle... himbs got manee mussle all oba (me knows dis! am stronk spase ranja dunadan catto! no need pokey purrson furr tell!!) ... but da hawrt mussle, mmm... dis more ticka dan ushual yes... it acuz himb haf da mainse coonz genez an da bwitish showrt hair genez yes yes... he mite getta da HCM in lyfe but nawt neow, neow himbs fyne yes...

An den afturr SO MANEE FUREBBERS dey finallee lets me go an wes can go howme furr fuds!!!! 😤 Ai am SO offendid! Neba did Ai hab ta lie still furr dis lonk! An why did dey stealz myne blood wif SO MANEE POKES an eben steal da furrs an awl an neow nawt eben dey do let me meets dis Sir Jerry or wudebber himbs cawlled! Jus do beep beep sticko on mes furr fansee lites on pokey lite boks! Ai dun eben unnastand! An wat iz wronk wit myne hawrt habin da manee mussle! It awl da mussles furr lub ob myne girl fren ❤️ an sisflins an frens an famblee! An it took AGES AGES ta get ta nastee stuff off myne paws an furs an chess an EBBERYWERE IT GETTED!!!

Sulking after sufferin,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah 😤

Okok so... Ai wus sittin in front ob da kitchen forsefield watchin da meowmiez make derms lunch, mebbe dey wud gibs uz bits ob eet, rite? An Ai lissen to wat dey sez... moss ob eet Ai lieks, dey sez liek, ooo lukit Strider, him pwetty boy, yea, so pwetty, smol tiger, yes yes. Da meowmie 2 cawlls me an himbo catto, Aim nawt sure wat dat means. Am boy catto, so Ai iz himbs, rite?

Anywee, dats were de meowmie 1 sez an stranje ting. She sez yes luk at dat innosin fase... he hab no ideaa wat gun happen two himbs twodae...

Dis uhm. Worriez me. Wat dis mean???? Shud Ai runrunrun???? Do Ai need rescoo serbiss frum Hoku an Nalu??? But Ai ams pawlot myneselb ob Hoku Airlimes, spase divishon! Doez Ai gotta sabe myneseff? Aah! Metinks need help?! Mebbe?!

Worried,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah...

An BOFF de meowmiez are innonit! Ai cant beliebe dis!!!! De meowmie 1 haz convinsed da meowmie 2 ta AWLSO be pokey purrson?! Aggh! SEND HELP! Dey capchoore me onna table an poke me wit needlez an TRYNA STEEL MYNE BLOOD!!!! NOOOOO!! It da wurrs pawssible ting wat ever happened to mees!

De meowmie 1 sez Strida yu still coffin we muss needs finds oot why dis impawtant! AI DUN CARE!! Dey sez weell dis less stressful dan da trip to pokey plase! LESS STRESS FULL??? It liek Ebil Gary inbade da howse! It liek predawta comez ta eet yuuu in yurr safe boks! DA HORROR!!!!

Ai thot da howse wus SAFE SPASE!! But NO! Da vishus ATTAK!! Dis gon be da worrs an biggest soo EBER SEEN!! Awl pawyerz assemble pwease!!

Sir Merlin an Wednesday eben triez to help via de distracc but it no work 😭 Ai ams trawmatizzed! Wahhhh!

Yelling,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah, now wit fresh PTSD

Hallo frens, Ai am Strider wills be yurr DJ tonite!! Ebberyboddee danse nyeow! Dun dun dun dun dun!! Dis neggs song goez oout to da lobely ladee inna blak fur ober dere u/Nickye19 my lub Arwen 😎

Rockin,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah!!

It iss Ai, Elviss, uncle off ze German Void Pak! Ai haff heart zat tonite iz Mobee Nite furr ze Saturrdae Nite Feba! Furr zis speschial occasion Ai haff donned mynse Disco ootfit frum mynse wilde yous inna Germanee disco! Ai mite be an olde Kater but Ai am steel an gudde danser, hehe! Here iss me doin da Pawtee in mynse livink room!

Grüsse,

Elviss ze Kapitän of ze German Liekedeeler Purraten Katzen and Danzin Starr!

Frens, it eez tyme! Da Beltane Ball an Walpurgis Night festibitiez begin nyeow! ❤️ Pwease come dis way an enjoye yurr ebening. We hab set up da ballroom inna moss appawpiate waye furr da knightehoode seremonee an awl! An if yu peek through da windoes yu can seez us awlso settin up da bonfire!! Awlso today ANUDDER SCRATCHEE FURNICHOORE WAS SEZ UP?!?!? So now we hab FOUR IN TOTAL wat yu can climbs an jumps an runs up an down!! An we hab also DA PIZZA furr eberyun aside frum da buffet!!!

We hopez yu will awl enjoye da ebenin, an furr yurr knightehoode pleawse take dis oaf:

Onnacoont ob da warriorcatz Ai wills be stronk fita aginst all frenemeez,

Onnacoont ob da pikkul Ai wills feed da starbin inclood myselb,

Onnacoont ob da cattotree Ai wills be fassfassfass,

Onnacoont ob da smols Ai wills pawtecc da week,

Onnacoont ob da crimez Ai wills defend da innosint which iz ebberyun,

Onnacoont ob da healf Ai wills avoid da pokey plase an gib healin purrs,

Onnacoont ob da dumdum langoog bareer, Ai wills neba snitch to da hoomanz,

Onnacoont ob da sicrisee, Ai wills hork inna moss unreechable spots,

Onnacoont ob da cozee Ai will take hooman hostaje furr az lonk az Ai please.

Dis Ai swearz az an memba ob da Order ob da Clawter furr da gud ob all cattohood an frens!

❤️

We hafs inclooded pichore ob da big bawll room, an awlso ob da manee new catto treez an da PIZZA!!! Enjoye!!!!

Greetins,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah an ROYAL AMBASSADOR agin tonite!

Fwens! Eet iz wit grate pleshore dat Ai announse da negs bawl at da Casfle Void - TONITE!

We hafs been talkin aboot it an bits afore but HERE it EEZ. Tonite, is da nite ob Beltane an awlso an verru speshul nighte furr all de voids! Lemme eggsplain!

Inna Germanee, da nite ob de Beltane onna 30 April is awlso cawlled da Walpurgisnacht, or Walpurgis Night! Iz were dumdum hommans tink da witchies gather in derms plases an do derms ritools! An uz az void cattoz are nat'rallee attuned to dis! So, dis is one ob de 3 holee dayez ob da voids - de odders bein ob cowrse da Hallo Ween an da 13th Fridae (on which da yung Wednesdae wuz born las year!). So, dis year we wuds liek ta inbite yuu onna negst catto bawl at de Casfle Void tonite!

Awlso! Tonite finallee dere will be de GIBIN OOT OB CATKNIGHTHOODS!! u/Nickye19 u/OneAdvantage793 u/No_Sense3670 Frens Gus, Smuffee an Olaf, yu iz alwredde on owr lisst ob knighthoods ta gib oot! Do yuu haf yurr crests onna reddee? Tradishoon demands dat yu do an bit ob contemplayte an den eider Sir Merlin or Hekate de Kween wills do an pat on yurr shoulderz wit da murder mittenz an yu take da Oath ob Catknighthood wat sez da pawtecc da smols, feed da innosint (eberyun) an so on. It nawt hawrd no worriez! Ebberyun else pawlese get inna lyne at de appawpriate tyme an yu wills be giben da title ob Sir or Dame whishever pleaseth yu! u/Charivari8 Deares Talee, yu an yur famblee mite awlso want da fansee titles? Wennesdae sez to ask yall in particoolar! 💚

Dere wills awlso be speshul honor seremonee furr de smols among uz wat made dere furrs sucesful hunt latelee! Dis impawtant step in ebery catto's life an makez dem true HUNTA! Furr eggsample, an couple dayz ago, yung Wednesday successfullee hunted herms first spidah and an silberfish wat she found!

Afturr da Knightnoot zermony, we wills hab an BONFIRE! But! No worriez! Wit Sir Merlin inna charje ob secooritee, it iz harmless bonfire wat will nawt do an ouchie to anee ob uz! Insted, if yu bringz yur girl fren or boy fren or fanse or anyun yu liek, yu can take each oder bye de paws an do an jump obar da fyre furr gud luk an manne toyz an treetoz inna upcomin seeson! Or juss do an jumpy furr funsies if yu feel supa brave! An sinse it da feast ob de approach ob summer, dere wills be lots ob owtdoor actibitees (but also inna indoors, we wills set da bawl roomz up liek da forests liek Ai did furr myne on da birfdae ob me an Serana an Hekate, if yu no liek da ootsides!) an an treashore hunt inna labyrint an da oppawtunitee ta play wit fishfish inna lake an awl! It alwso eggsalad oppawtunitee ta trye oot owr new SUPA BIG CATTO TREEZ an da BEECH HOUSE wat we haf plased near da lake!!

We wud be so happee if y'all camez! An sellibrate da Void Night wit uz an awlso get yurrselbes an knighthoode ib yu wants!

Awlso, wat wit de full moon an awl, de meowmiez sez dis nite iz an nite "were da veil is tinnest" so mebbe ib yu hab frens an sisflins onna bridje dey cans awlso join uz ib dey likez!

Wit luf to eberyun,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah an ROYAL AMBASSADOR agin! ♥️

Omg frens!!! FRENS!!! Ai tolded yu aboot da hooje bokses rite! It not one but TWO new cat tree houzes inside!!! LUKEET!

One ob dem is RELLY big liek tree trunk an we cans rase it up an down onse it set up! Da meowmie 1 triez wit lot ob noise an awl an den sez she haf "wronk tool", but da grandmeowmie an grandpawther are comin bye todae an bringin da rite tools!

AN DEN! Luk at de odder one! It an BEECH HOUSE!!! Wit da purrasee hideoot an awl! An dere wus new toye furr uz as well, an batse toye!! De meowmiez sez himbs name iz Anton Frido da bats!!! AHHHH!! Dis such grate daye!!!

An owr olde catto tree got mobed to ta ENTRANSE so now we can alwayz obersees who comez an who goez!!!

Screemin happilee,

Almoss al ov da German Void Pak eggsept Sir Merlin de Knight an Wizzard an Pawfessurr an Hekate de Kween acuz dey hab MANNERZ

Frens! Yesserfurebber an todae, nawt one but TWO hoooooje bokses arribe!! Luk! An de meowmiez start doin da weeird tings liek mobin da furnitoore aboot! Liek owr cat tree wat me an Serana an Hekate alwayz had since we wus kittenz! Butt dey nawt throw eet out!! Wat dis?! Wat dis mean?!

Worreed,

Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah!!

Dis took an bits longa dan usual acuz some ob diz iz da sassified footage an Ai had ta send awl myne agents ta find eet, da meowmie 1, da meowmie 2 an eben Spooky Valerian da spida toye! Butt, here goez. Peepl keeps askin mes, Sir Merlin, how canne yoo be Knighte AN Wizzard AN Pawfessur?? Weeeell, dis myne origin storee, az neber seen afor. Ai hope yuu enjoyez! Speshul tanks goez out to fren AJ u/MostlyLurking07 furr discoberee ob myne Chosen One idennytee! 👀

Enjoye.

Sir Merlin de Knight an Wizzard an Pawfessurr ❤️

'Ello, 'ello 😎 Furr to'ae, my'e sisfurr Sera'a de Pwinsess an Ai ha'e donned owr fi'est ootfi's yet! Wha' do yuu ti'k?

Alwso u/MaleficentShake5930 Leo Ai am afraide Aim in need ob rescoo tonite... furr onlee Ai kno da code ta hakk da atomateek fud dispensurr. 👀 Halp me, yu iz myne onlee hope...

Greetins,

Serana the Princess ob de Black Siamese (ifyaplease) Crime Cattell an Alderaan, an Hekate de Kween furrs o'her na'e, wea'er o'dressies, hae'er o'da bess fur 😌

Haaa-yahh!! Ai pikk da cosstume furr moobie tuesdae!! Iz teknikallee not from moobie but iff yu kno yu kno hehehehe!! u/Nickye19 Gus!! Do yuu liek eet? Lessgo yallah yallah tyme furr Jedi rassle tassle an epic spase lub storee! 😎

Maye da forse be wit yuu!!

Wednesday de bebe void an yung ladee an Furrs Apurrentiss ob de Grumpy Shork, BP!! Wait... wat role does dis gib Catn Smuffee?!

Hai Prinsess Arwen u/Nickye19, my lub! Wills yuu come onna flite wit me? Tonite, Ai am space ranja catto an rogue pilott! 😎 de odders wills be alonk shortlee! (Gotta be kwik tho, deres dis slug guy wat Ai owe a bazillion treetos...)

Greetins,

Strida de Boy an Space Ranja Catto an Singasongwritah!!