r/wizardposting

I (1591M) recently took on a new apprentice (208F). Certain wizards have since started spreading rumours that I only take young, attractive women as apprentices to use inappropriate clairvoyance on them, or worse. Let me be clear: this happened just once and was plainly an accident. I apologised – and since I happen to have Gvindack's Minor Honestifier in my tower, I can prove my apology was sincere – and provided her with runes to ward her room against divination magic and keep it from happening again.

Now, I won't deny she's attractive, although as long as the paradox keepers believe there's still hope my wife will regain her dimensionality one day, I won't affirm it either. In any case, her looks are not why I took her as my apprentice. I took her as my apprentice because her talent for wrath-affine xylokinesis greatly aids me in my current research. All I want from her is her assistance in it and in a variety of tedious and mundane tasks, and all she wants from me is knowledge and mana. It's entirely normal for apprentices to be much younger than their masters, and my field of study has been rather witch-dominated in the last few centuries, so there's really no reason to suspect any ulterior motives behind my last five apprentices having been young women. I'm fairly sure she isn't interested in me sexually, either; after all, I could be her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather! Well, I'm probably not, but it's hard to tell with the amount of offspring I've fathered; I was quite a rascal in my younger years, and didn't fully consider the consequences of casting a widened *Disperse Sperm*.

But I know there are those of you who won't believe me no matter what I say. Fine then, believe what you want, but at least leave us be. If there were something to those allegations, why would you care? Who made you her guardians? She's young, sure, she is an adult by any conventional metric: She has had an apprentice of her own, she has developed her own Fireball variant, and she was once nicknamed "The Terrible Crone" in a certain village which has since moved into the Realm of Unending Lumbago. She can make her own decisions and doesn't need wizards who only know about her from vague rumours to stand up for her in these matters. If she's uncomfortable with how I'm treating her, she can voice whatever complaints she may have, and if she doesn't feel I'm receptive to them, she can bring them before the Slightly Lesser Council. Of course, she's also entirely free to quit her apprenticeship, walk out of the door and teleport across the all-devouring void that has been growing around my tower since my gardener had to quit on account of his lycanthropy-induced moonbriar allergy.

I suspect those who gossip and call me a creep and pedomancer behind my back are simply unable to imagine having an attractive apprentice and not doing to her what they claim I'm doing, which speaks volumes about their moral character ‒ not that there isn't enough other evidence for their depravity. Unlike them, I'm not going to name names, but if you know my neighbours, you can probably guess who keeps summoning archdemons suspiciously frequently, and who has been seen consorting with knights-errant.

20 years ago, march 21st 2026 i cast the first part of my chronomancy spell, the idea brilliant if i do say so myself.

Id study, for 20 years, then cast the second half of the spell and have those 20 years of knowledge put back into my brain.

Simple, elegant, bad idea, turns out 20 years worth of experiances can cause your brain to explode, so i cast another chronomancy spell to go back to before i cast the initial spell, in the hopes to avoid that, and the temporal paradox from killing myself and going back further.

But I cant do it, on interaction with myself i explode... well my old version does, so i need help from my fellow wizards, if you see me gloating about my spell can do convince me not too? Please, theres so much blood, i got like 6 versions of myself laying around the place and i cant explain this to the cops

Behold my power, i am a genious, i figured out how to cram in as much study time before exams. Ive cast a spell, the first part, which will create a "lock" on this exact place and time, in 20 years ill cram in all my study work and then cast the second spell, thatll bring me back to this time, merging with my previous self.

Its so simple, so elegant, i dont know why others havnt done this before?

In my Attempts to Colonise the Pandemonium i discovered these Species, and i am Probably posting this Daily now, because of the Hidden Nature of Pandemonium, and the Sheer endless Flora And

Cave Wyvern (Wyvernus Azeraki):

A smaller Species of Wyvern, inhabiting the endless Caverns. They are Slightly Smaller than Their Surface Cousins, and have scales ranging from light grey to black. They hunt Bats and and Similiar Creatures, but also attack bigger Creatures, if they are in a Pack. A Pack of Cave Wyverns is about 20 Wyvern, with a Varying number of young Cave Wyverns following them. Cave Wyverns Build nests, high up on the Ceiling of big Caves, attacking from above. Everyone that knows the Surface Wyvern, probably knows about their infamous poison on the Scorpion-Like Tail. The Cave Wyvern doesnt have that, instead, they have a Very Long tail covered in Spikes and Blades, that they Sharpen on rocks. But even if the Cave Wyvern doesnt have the Tail, it still finds ways to poison you. Like their bigger Draconic Ancestors, the True Dragons, Cave Wyverns use a Breath Weapon, to cover you In Poison. This poison doesnt Kill You, it just Blinds you, and its a muscle relaxative. The Cave Wyverns Themeselves are Immune against This Poison. When you feed a Pack over a Long time, they will start to see you as an Allied, and will help you, and fight for you, as long as you return the Favor.

Pandemonium Cow (Bovus Pandemonii):

This Species kinda Looks Like a Yak, and its as Big as a Young Elephant. It has very Thick Grey Skin, but you probably wont see it under the masses of fur. These Bad Boys produce up to 3 Tons of Fabric every year. I dont know how they taste like, because i am a Skeleton, but it probably tastes like Yak. They Have Very Big Horns, and are Very Peaceful Creatures, that dont attack anyone if not provoked. They live in the Giant Lush Cave Systems connected to the Feywild and Arborea.

And i Found a Lot of Acheroni Hobgoblins In the Caves connected with Acheron and the Hells.

I hope to find many more Species

So if you saw my previous post you know I turned a dwarf into an elf.

It turns out he was not bluffing, and it also turned out he convinced a LOT of other dwarves.

I've already tried to counter hex them a couple times and got a few more into elves, but there's too many dwarves.

At this point I'm planning to put a potion of elf in their water... bypass their damn magic negating runes.

I am however taking any ideas on how to fend off these hundreds of dwarves. also don't tell the dwarves about that plan