r/TwoXChromosomes

[supprimé]

'm curious what everyone's main stress or trauma response is. If you're not familiar with the 4 F's:

• Fight – You get angry, defensive, argue, or try to take control.
• Flight – You stay busy, overthink, avoid feelings, or want to escape.
• Freeze – You shut down, feel stuck, numb, or can't make decisions.
• Fawn – You people-please, avoid conflict, or put others' needs before your own.

Which one sounds most like you? Has it affected your relationships, work, or everyday life? I'd love to hear your experiences.

I am 50. He is 61. After a painful divorce, I thought this sweet, kind, caring man was “the one.” That is until genital herpes came up in convo Wednesday night, and he corrected me twice. My Spidey senses started tingling, so I said, Bill (not his real name) why do you know so much about herpes? That’s when he broke down and confessed. I feel violated and disgusted and disappointed.

Yes, I have a doc appt on Monday morning at 8 am. Yes, we broke up yesterday - this after he confessed to have taken preventative medicine at the beginning of our relationship but stopped because it made his tummy hurt. No, he did not consult his doctor. No, we didn’t wear condoms, but it wouldn’t matter anyway. His herpes outbreak is always along his upper pubic area.

My last STD panel was two years ago, and everything was negative. Unfortunately, if I’m positive, I won’t know who gave it to me (likely him though as he’s my longest relationship in 4-1/2 years). My advice to everyone here? Trust no one. Test yourself before every new sexual partner and require for your new partner as well. If they balk, it’s either because they don’t actually care about you and/or they’re positive for something and they know it.

EDIT TO ADD: My apologies. I deleted relevant info from the title when I was trying to post. He’s been my boyfriend for SIX MONTHS. He only told me because I directly asked him how he knows so much about herpes. He hesitated & then confessed.

Mostly a rant

34f. I’m tired of how many men say they’re looking for a woman who “doesn’t take things too seriously.” As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been inclined to take everything seriously, because I cared.

I’ve tried to be more chill, but it’s just not in my nature. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never find anyone willing to put up with my sincerity and enthusiasm because it’s not cool, or easy. And I both wish I could be cool and easy, and at the same time resent that that would be a prerequisite.

I don’t know why I feel so awkward about this but I just can’t bring myself to feel comfortable enough to wear a bathing suit in front of other people. It’s not a religious thing, I just don’t feel that comfortable with my body. I am athletic/fit but I feel like my body shape isn’t that feminine and maybe that is part of my hang up. Either way it’s hard for me to get past the concept that wearing a bra/undies in a restaurant would be considered taboo and you are basically “naked”, but you could walk 500ft away outside to the beach and wear the same amount of clothes but meant for water and it is completely normal. I really want to get over this so I can enjoy the summer. Any advice?

i suppose what i mean is...i've always felt like i'm somehow different from my female peers. not in a way that made me feel superior, but inferior.

my entire life, navigating social interactions has left me feeling like the same little girl that sat alone at recess.

i deeply crave healthy, fulfilling female friendships, but i can never seem to reach any level of importance in the lives of those around me.

i have always been on the outside, like there's some invisible barrier between me and everyone around me.

i feel like i'm acting constantly. putting on a show of normalcy. but i think i'm truly just awkward and uncomfortable to be around.
unpleasant, unfunny, uninteresting.

i try to put myself out there all the time, and i'm never met halfway.

how do i grow out of my ugly duckling stage at 27?

edit to add: many of you have suggested neurodivergence. i took the RAADS-R assessment online for free and received a score of 140 out of 240. i'm having trouble understanding this. i mean, the results speak for themselves i suppose. i'm just...lost. i'd never truly considered this before.

I'm curious about hearing those in healthy and loving relationships. 💜

TDLR: I’m very ill and my husband is mad because I’m too sick to play board games, I don’t want anyone touching me, and I refuse to leave the house. WTF. Why are they like this?

Me: 41F (42 next month) Him: 51M. Together almost 11 years.

I have been slowly getting sicker and sicker over the last week. On Friday, I finally went in and tested positive for influenza A. Lovely. I’ve also been having issues with A LOT of swollen lymph nodes, mostly on my neck and head. It turns out I had an abscess under a tooth - there was no pain or swelling, just the lymph nodes. I had it drained, tried one antibiotic which didn’t completely take care of it so now I’m on a stronger antibiotic which is working but is also causing a lot of GI distress. My fever is 102.7 and won’t go down, I was told it’s because of the 2 infections and not to be too concerned, just continue to monitor and if it goes above 103 and still won’t go down to come back in. I’m also dealing with symptoms of perimenopause that my dr won’t confirm because he is a dumbass and I’m going to get another opinion. All that to say, I obviously feel like crap. I even voice how I feel to him so he should be well aware. Hell, I haven’t done my workouts for 2 days - which I do no matter what always - so that should show him right there that I feel awful.

Today is his day off. He is now having as little communication and contact with me as possible because I won’t go to church with him and I won’t play games or cuddle with him. I only go to church for him, I am not religious. I do not like being touched when I am sick. And I have no brain power for playing games and my throat hurts too much to talk. I just want to lie in my recliner, move as little as possible, and zone out.

He is a GROWN adult! Why can he not entertain himself? Even when I’m not sick, he still expects me to entertain him. I’m a freelance graphic designer and I’ve started scheduling work stuff on his days off so I don’t have to be around him all day because he makes life hell when it’s just us two and there are no plans. He also does NOT pick up any household slack when I’m sick and he acts like it’s a personal attack against him if I’m not up for cooking dinner. He grew up as basically an only child because his only sibling was a lot older than him. I would’ve thought this would’ve given him the skills to entertain himself (I was in a similar situation and I LOVE doing solo hobbies) but I was WRONG. Or maybe he got tired of doing things solo and now he hates it, idk. But when someone is sick, you should only expect the bare minimum from them and let them rest so they can recover faster. I really think he doesn’t give a shit about how I feel, he’s upset because he has to “suffer” too. Ugh.

Read a book! Play video games! Paint your miniatures! Go to the game store and shoot the shit with your bros! I don’t care, just leave me alone. I’ve had 3 long term relationships and this is the only one where it feels like my partner is so clingy and obsessed with time together.

A bonus rant: I have been on a health kick since 2024. I have lost 186lbs - from 301 to 115! I lift weights and do cardio and try to move as much as possible to not be sedentary. I also cook mostly healthy meals and try not to have unhealthy foods in the house. He wants to lose weight but will not put in the work. He eats my healthy meals at home but he manages a grocery store and has to look at all the junk food all day so he buys it and binges before he comes home. I find wrappers in his car all the time. He’s tried to workout with me but we don’t have similar schedules and he makes it hell, complaining the entire time and rarely lasts longer than 30mins just lifting weights.

He also eats ALL the food. It’s now a rule that my son and I serve ourselves first because he underestimates how much we eat and doesn’t leave enough for us. He’ll go back for seconds and eat everything that’s left. I’ve started having to hide anything I want to eat. For the 4th, I made a whole spread as we were having a couple people over. Tons of deviled eggs, pasta salad, potato salad, baked beans, burgers. The works. He couldn’t eat it all so there were leftovers. Today, he ate 12 deviled eggs (which was all of them), the leftover burgers and potato salad. He went for the pasta and I asked him to save me some. He got huffy because he couldn’t eat it all. Yet he constantly complains about his weight and he won’t accept any advice! His doctor gave him a list of foods (which I’ve been suggesting for years) and I’ve been adding them into our diet and he hates most of them and complains. I’ve tried preparing different ways, still hates them. So I told him he’ll have to start making his own food since I can’t cook up to his expectations. So he’s mad about that.

He also told me he’s sick of me complaining to him all the time and said he doesn’t want to hear it anymore. When he starts complaining to me, I remind him of this and tell him I don’t want to hear his complaints either and I walk away. So he’s also mad about that.

I’d leave if I could. I just can’t right now and I don’t know when I’ll be able to. My son (12) and I talk about what’s going on (in an appropriate way) so he knows dad’s behavior is unacceptable and how NOT to act.

A lot of them ask about how we'll use our training to serve diverse communities. That includes different races, ethnicities, languages, and...women.

I feel so stupid writing this. Like I want to go into gynecology anyway but also it's so dumb to be like "As a woman I think women should get to have doctors" like WHAT? How is "women" part of "diverse populations?" We're just HALF the population. That's not diverse, that's just...not neglecting half the population.

The majority of medical students are women anyway! Maybe ask the men to write about how they feel being the diversity acceptees, smh.

(I have issues with the fact that we assume that white and English are the default as well but the woman thing got me today)

• i meant "experiencing" in the title, unfortunately I can't edit that

I just started my first job ever, receptionist at a hotel. It is a huge personal achievement for me because I'm suffering from intense chronic anxiety and having a job seemed impossible a few years back, but I managed to go for it thanks to the help of my amazing psychologist.

Now, at first I was excited for getting a job (as much as excitement can coexist with lingering anxiety) and I wanted this job primarily to challenge my anxiety and prove to myself that I can do it.

My employer is a very friendly and warm man and I felt comfortable in that environement in immediately.

That was until my first day of training, when I showed up in shorts and a t shirt. I didn't think anything of it, because my co worker, who is a man, dresses very casually, he wears t shirts and Bermuda shorts. Once my employer saw me, he told me that I should go home and change because my attire was inappropriate. (The shorts weren't even too short, they reached almost to my mid-thighs.)

I mean, I know my attire was kind of casual but my male coworker dresses up the same, so I thought there would be no issue.

My employer apparently thought otherwise. He told me "i know [male co worker's name] dresses casually but you're a girl and you need to wear long pants or long skirts."

I lost all the respect I had for him at that point. I am so disappointed. It is summer, it is hot, and my male coworker is allowed to walk around in Bermuda shorts while I'm required to wear long dresses or long pants.

I am angry and so so annoyed. The experience has soured now.

Tell me, am I overreacting? Am I in the wrong?

TLDR: My employer allows my male coworker to dress casually but told me I need to dress more formally because I'm a woman.

Let me preface this by preemptively responding to the anticipated “not all men” comment;
I am not a misandrist.
When I encounter men who are truly respectful, and considerate I feel an affinity / deep appreciation for them.

However there is no viable rebuttal for the statement that misogyny is essentially omnipresent within our world, and it has been for an extremely large portion of time.
And I am so sick of that fact being so subtly (and sometimes blatantly) evident.
I should clarify that there are many different displays of misogynistic behaviour, some may seem insignificant to many, but to me every little reminder that the majority of humanity deems women as the gender that necessitates subordination fills me with rage.
I know this isn’t an intriguing new topic, but bear with me.
The way I observe practically decomposing old men staring at young women / teen girls, AND CHILDREN almost every time I’m out in public is absolutely abhorrent and I completely despise the way nobody seems to want to address it directly. I wish people wouldn’t be reluctant to be combative towards people who warrant the aggression.
I’m the most tired of the predatory pricks.
The ones who breathe down your neck while you’re in a line, getting off on invading your space, the ones who lurk and stalk, the ones who have eyes that relentlessly pursue women.
I’m so tired of it.
The other day I experienced a less severe form of disrespect, and I thought about the fact that I initially didn’t process it as something to even be cognizant of and how that response in itself was part of the problem…
I was on bleachers and a little mob of
Pre - teen boys approached. It was raining and consequently they were covered in mud. They walked past me to get to their spot, and in doing so I got kicked (lightly) multiple times and my clothing got covered in mud, it was a tight space so my response was a bit of a whatever but in retrospect, they had such a low regard for me that they didn’t even think to apologize and they could have made more of an effort to prevent kicking me.
Nobody wants to acknowledge these “insignificant” or implicit demonstrations of indifference towards women (the staring, the slight harassment, the lack of decency the list goes on) and that is a major issue because misogynistic behaviour doesn’t typically begin in a manner that is overtly drastic.
I’m so tired of people absolving men of their ill intent and not holding them accountable.
I want to go outside and not fear that I am being preyed upon.
I’m so frustrated seeing accredited statistics such as “Males account for approximately 80% of arrests that are made as a result of violent crime” and still hearing individuals try to dissolve the fact that a surplus of men are threatening in one form or another. (This stat is congruent with data obtained by the U.S federal beuro of investigation - a source that is arguably quite credible)
There is no refuting that there is an epidemic of male inflicted violence, but people will still try.
I don’t know which party infuriates me more, the offenders or their defenders.

We’re both early 20s. He’s funny, my age (an accomplishment for me because my streak of being into older men was getting out of hand), super cute, has cool hobbies, friends and his own life, and a total lover boy. He’s very forward about wanting a relationship, and puts the effort in to see me / plan date on his limited budget (idm, I’m not dating him for his money lol). It’s a welcome change from all the failed talking stages I’ve been through over the past year.

But there are a few things that do make me hesitate. For one, I’m a virgin (by choice!!) and on my way to committing to a PhD program. Meanwhile, he’s not certain what he wants yet and is working a dead end job. He seems to have aspirations of going to trade school, which I like, but hasn’t actually invested into it so it seems like all talk. He’s insured under his parents but refuses to go to doctor and dental appointments, and something that I haven’t brought up yet (but want to) is subpar oral hygiene. I’m attracted to him and we’ve gone further sexually than I ever have with any other guy, but I have doubts about actually going the full mile and losing my virginity to him. There’s an unmistakable immaturity to him that is very typical of guys my age, which is a large reason as to why I fucked with older guys for a while. There are other things but I won’t go into too much detail. He has never forced me to sleep with him or anything, but sometimes his pleas for me to give him head (which I haven’t yet) border on childlike. We are two weeks in but have been hanging out a lot, so we’re decently comfy w each other. I guess that might be part of why.

He wants commitment, and i do think he is emotionally ready for it, but in every other aspect idk i do find myself wanting for more. But regardless of the grievances I mentioned, i do still love his company and the chemistry is unmistakable. I just don’t feel entirely sure about him as my bf. My friends find him alright but no one’s crazy about him. I know that shouldn’t matter because it’s not like they’re in our relationship, but practically everyone has been like “you can do better” and it has made me insecure tbh. He’s very emotionally warm tho, I think that’s why I’m so confused. Should I pull the plug on this or try to give it a little more time? I feel like bringing any of this up to him would only trigger his insecurity. I did try to soft launch a few issues btw, but each time I was met with excuses. Idk guys. Do I have commitment issues? I literally got called a stuck up bitch by multiple men on another sub for bringing this up.

Also got told that men mature slower and I should just deal with it lol. I feel crazy. Should I take myself off the dating market because I’m apparently so stuck up and bitchy and he could do better?? Like am I the problem???? Are they right about me??

I consider myself a feminist, I've done the readings, listen to the lectures, I just never felt the connection on this one topic.

I really like sex, which appears to be unusual as a women, I liked it to the point I wanted to do porn, but knew I couldn't handle the vitriol and bullying that brings.

But that goes back to my question, It seems it is majority women who hate sex. It is mostly women bullying other women for dressing for the male gaze when they don't dress modest, shaming onlyfans girls for not only posting the bad things that happen to them, mostly women calling each other sluts and whores. To me it seems like that's letting patriarchy win, letting patriarchy convince them sex is a "man thing" only men benefit from. So many critics of hookup culture, of the "male gaze"(a film term mind you) and "choice feminism" that aren't about actually criticizing the ways women uphold patriarchy, but being mad at a women whose sexual?

Why do so many women seem to think sex = degrading. Like if a man makes a sexual comment I don't automatically feel degraded or lesser than, regardless of the man's intentions, cause I don't see sexual acts done to me as something I'm losing or a loss.

Am I being too dogmatic in my thinking? Is there something I'm missing in my analysis? Cause to me it seems women are laying over and dying when it comes to this "sex" issue

I just checked that my period starts next week. I'm so sick of the same cycle. I ruminate so badly during this period, and I find myself super depressed. I will ruminate on bad memories, get upset behind drama that happened ages ago. I'm super irritable, but I feel lonely, even when I'm surrounded by people. What are ways you guys handle your luteal phase? I just want to feel better again.

To survive we need shelter, food, water. Until 1974 women in the USA could not get credit cards, or bank accounts, or a mortgage. Meaning they could not own property and thus could not access shelter. They needed marriage in order to access shelter. Coercion is not consent, and this by definition IS coercion. If you cannot live without relying on a man you cannot consent. And until 1993 women in the USA could legally be raped by their husband. Until the 1960s women could not access birth control meaning they could be legally raped and forcibly impregnated against their will.

I believe it is time people start saying the quiet part out loud which is that the vast majority of women until 1974 were sexually enslaved. Women were sexual slaves until 1974. It is not just oppression, it is sexual slavery. Label it with the seriousness that it requires.

​

Before we officially started dating, we both knew we liked each other, but nothing was labeled yet.

One night I got horribly sick. I was vomiting the entire night and barely aware of what was happening. I sent him a simple text without expecting much because it was really late.

He had only woken up to drink some water. He saw my message, forgot about going back to sleep, and immediately stayed with me.

I don't remember everything clearly because I wasn't in my senses, but I remember his voice. He kept talking to me, calming me down, making sure I was okay. When I couldn't stop panicking, he started telling me a random story just to distract me. I slowly relaxed... and eventually fell asleep while we were still on the call.

Looking back, it wasn't some grand romantic gesture. He just chose to be there when I needed someone the most.

That night happened before we were even officially together, and somehow it told me more about the kind of person he is than words ever could.

Does anyone actually know how to control emotions when they suddenly hit?

Like I’ll be fine and then something triggers me and I spiral or start crying or overthinking everything. It feels hard to stop once it starts, and I only calm down after a while.

I’m trying to understand if there are actual skills or habits people use to manage this in the moment, or if it’s just something you learn over time. am I just the crazy one that has so much emotions I can’t control

My boyfriend M24 and I F22 have been together since February this year and ever since we have just clicked so well. We hang out all the time, spend several nights together at his place etc. He is a sweet guy, he cooks for me, he takes care of me when I’m sick, he takes me out, gets me cute gifts and handwritten letters etc. He has been my rock and my everything and I absolutely adore him.

Now to my dilemma. Last night we hung out and we had an amazing day. We had sushi and watched a movie in the evening. But then it took a turn. He asked me if he could eat me out and I said no because he already did earlier on that day and it was also very late at night and I had to get up early for work today. He kept asking me and begging and saying please, please. Then he said ”why don’t you want to have sex with me, I always have sex with you when I’m tired” but with a sad face and here I could just tell he felt rejected.

Today, he has expressed remorse through text messages. He texted me and said that this is one of the worst things he has ever done to a girl, that he feels really bad, that he is genuinly sorry, that he doesn’t want to loose me and that he doesn’t know what flew into his mind and why he did what he had done. I can tell that he is genuinly sincere about his apology. He has never done anything like this before which is why I can tell he genuinly feel bad.

I still feel a bit weird about this and I don’t know how to approach the problem. I felt so anxious saying no and having to be pressured into it.

EDIT: we ended up not having sex and he apologized and he layed me down on his chest to cuddle me and then we fell asleep.

is it just me or pads are designed so badly. they fold in the middle then the back is completely flat like our butt is not flat bruh why is the pad flat then why not give it a gentle curve so that blood never rides down the back ong this pisses me off so much who even designed it

although period diapers or whatever it is work the best for me, i cant afford it 💔 and i dont think ill ever even use tampons or cups cuz of severe fear of blood and sensory issues

Multiple times over the last few years, I’ve been asked if I’m pregnant or had people assume I’m pregnant…when it’s just fat. I’m a married woman and used to be quite slim, but over the last few years I’ve gained some weight and have an apple body type, so I can see why people might think that, but I’m always so aghast that they feel bold enough to ask. It hurts really deeply, especially because I used to pretty much have an eating disorder and I can feel my thoughts spiralling again. I’ve responded by just saying no, it’s just fat or it’s a food baby, but I always go home and bawl my eyes out later. I’m lucky to have a husband who reminds me I’m loved no matter what size, probably why I haven’t spiralled back into old habits, but the comments really make me feel like my self-critical thoughts are justified. I don’t know what I’m looking for here…maybe just a sad rant and solidarity?