u/Both_Leave1808

Had a 3a tear with my delivery and I’m 10 weeks postpartum now. I got the “all clear” at my checkup but honestly I’m just… scared. Not sure if it’s the fear of pain, the memory of the tear itself, or just not feeling like my body is “mine” again yet. For those who’ve been through a 3a (or worse) tear, how long did it actually take before sex felt okay? Did it hurt the first time? Any tips that helped, whether that’s lube, positions, PT, going slow, whatever worked for you?

Also open to hearing if it’s normal to just… not feel ready yet even after being medically cleared. Trying not to feel like something’s wrong with me for still being nervous about this.

TIA 💛

Had a 3a tear with my delivery and I’m 10 weeks postpartum now. I got the “all clear” at my checkup but honestly I’m just… scared. Not sure if it’s the fear of pain, the memory of the tear itself, or just not feeling like my body is “mine” again yet. For those who’ve been through a 3a (or worse) tear, how long did it actually take before sex felt okay? Did it hurt the first time? Any tips that helped, whether that’s lube, positions, PT, going slow, whatever worked for you?

Also open to hearing if it’s normal to just… not feel ready yet even after being medically cleared. Trying not to feel like something’s wrong with me for still being nervous about this.

TIA 💛

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I know the title sounds strange, but please hear me out.
I moved countries for my husband. I left my family, my career, my friends, and everything familiar because I believed we were building a life together. Instead, over time, I’ve been hurt more deeply than I ever imagined.
The emotional pain has been relentless. I’ve experienced long periods of silent treatment, emotional distance, feeling unwanted, and constantly questioning my own worth. I’ve cried more in this marriage than I ever thought possible. I’ve struggled with anxiety, lost confidence in myself, and there have been days where I genuinely felt broken by everything that has happened. I don’t even recognise the person I used to be anymore.
Leaving immediately isn’t a realistic option because of financial and immigration reasons. Realistically, it may take me around four years before I have the independence to make my own decision.
I don’t want to spend those four years consumed by anger or bitterness. I also don’t want to pretend none of this happened. Part of me wants him to one day realise what he lost and how much damage he caused, but I know I can’t build my future around that.
So I’m asking people who have actually lived through something similar:
How did you stay emotionally strong while quietly preparing for your future?
How did you remain kind in everyday life without feeling like you were betraying yourself?
What practical things did you do to rebuild your confidence and independence?
Looking back, what do you wish you’d started sooner?
When I say “revenge,” I don’t mean hurting him or ruining his life. I mean becoming someone who is financially independent, emotionally healed, and strong enough to walk away with dignity if that’s what I ultimately choose.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through this. Right now, I feel like I’m surviving one day at a time, and I need hope that life can eventually become peaceful again.

I know the title sounds strange, but please hear me out.
I moved countries for my husband. I left my family, my career, my friends, and everything familiar because I believed we were building a life together. Instead, over time, I’ve been hurt more deeply than I ever imagined.
The emotional pain has been relentless. I’ve experienced long periods of silent treatment, emotional distance, feeling unwanted, and constantly questioning my own worth. I’ve cried more in this marriage than I ever thought possible. I’ve struggled with anxiety, lost confidence in myself, and there have been days where I genuinely felt broken by everything that has happened. I don’t even recognise the person I used to be anymore.
Leaving immediately isn’t a realistic option because of financial and immigration reasons. Realistically, it may take me around four years before I have the independence to make my own decision.
I don’t want to spend those four years consumed by anger or bitterness. I also don’t want to pretend none of this happened. Part of me wants him to one day realise what he lost and how much damage he caused, but I know I can’t build my future around that.
So I’m asking people who have actually lived through something similar:
How did you stay emotionally strong while quietly preparing for your future?
How did you remain kind in everyday life without feeling like you were betraying yourself?
What practical things did you do to rebuild your confidence and independence?
Looking back, what do you wish you’d started sooner?
When I say “revenge,” I don’t mean hurting him or ruining his life. I mean becoming someone who is financially independent, emotionally healed, and strong enough to walk away with dignity if that’s what I ultimately choose.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through this. Right now, I feel like I’m surviving one day at a time, and I need hope that life can eventually become peaceful again.

I know the title sounds strange, but please hear me out.
I moved countries for my husband. I left my family, my career, my friends, and everything familiar because I believed we were building a life together. Instead, over time, I’ve been hurt more deeply than I ever imagined.
The emotional pain has been relentless. I’ve experienced long periods of silent treatment, emotional distance, feeling unwanted, and constantly questioning my own worth. I’ve cried more in this marriage than I ever thought possible. I’ve struggled with anxiety, lost confidence in myself, and there have been days where I genuinely felt broken by everything that has happened. I don’t even recognise the person I used to be anymore.
Leaving immediately isn’t a realistic option because of financial and immigration reasons. Realistically, it may take me around four years before I have the independence to make my own decision.
I don’t want to spend those four years consumed by anger or bitterness. I also don’t want to pretend none of this happened. Part of me wants him to one day realise what he lost and how much damage he caused, but I know I can’t build my future around that.
So I’m asking people who have actually lived through something similar:
How did you stay emotionally strong while quietly preparing for your future?
How did you remain kind in everyday life without feeling like you were betraying yourself?
What practical things did you do to rebuild your confidence and independence?
Looking back, what do you wish you’d started sooner?
When I say “revenge,” I don’t mean hurting him or ruining his life. I mean becoming someone who is financially independent, emotionally healed, and strong enough to walk away with dignity if that’s what I ultimately choose.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through this. Right now, I feel like I’m surviving one day at a time, and I need hope that life can eventually become peaceful again.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever been in this position, but I really need advice from people who’ve actually lived through it.
When I got married, I left everything behind for my husband, my family, my comfort, my career, my country, and the life I knew. I genuinely believed I was choosing love and building a future with someone who would always protect me.
Instead, over time, I feel like I lost myself.
His family has hurt me in ways I never imagined, and what hurts even more is feeling like my husband didn’t protect me when I needed him most. Years of this have left me with PTSD, so even small reminders or flashbacks can send me into panic, anxiety, and depression.
The thing is, leaving isn’t an option right now.
I’m in the UK on a spouse visa, I’m studying for my degree, I don’t have financial independence yet, and I have a young son. I know people often say, “Just leave,” but life isn’t that simple.
For a long time, I found myself fantasizing about revenge. I imagined becoming the perfect wife for the next four years, kind, loving, supportive, letting him fall even more deeply in love with me, and then leaving once I’m financially independent so he’d finally understand what losing me feels like.
But deep down, I know revenge won’t heal me.
What I really want is to survive these next few years without losing what’s left of myself.
So I’m asking people who’ve had to stay because of children, finances, immigration, or other circumstances:
How did you become emotionally detached while still keeping the peace at home?
How did you stop being triggered every time painful memories came back?
How did you stay calm and kind without feeling fake or resentful?
If you have PTSD, what actually helped you stop spiraling when flashbacks hit?
How did you focus on building your future instead of constantly grieving the relationship you wished you’d had?
I’m not looking for advice on manipulating anyone. I just want practical ways to protect my mental health while I finish my degree, become financially independent, raise my son, and create a future where I have choices.
If you’ve been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped you get through those years.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever been in this position, but I really need advice from people who’ve actually lived through it. When I got married, I left everything behind for my husband, my family, my comfort, my career, my country, and the life I knew. I genuinely believed I was choosing love and building a future with someone who would always protect me.
Instead, over time, I feel like I lost myself.
His family has hurt me in ways I never imagined, and what hurts even more is feeling like my husband didn’t protect me when I needed him most. Years of this have left me with PTSD, so even small reminders or flashbacks can send me into panic, anxiety, and depression.
The thing is, leaving isn’t an option right now.
I’m in the UK on a spouse visa, I’m studying for my degree, I don’t have financial independence yet, and I have a young son. I know people often say, “Just leave,” but life isn’t that simple.
For a long time, I found myself fantasizing about revenge. I imagined becoming the perfect wife for the next four years, kind, loving, supportive, letting him fall even more deeply in love with me, and then leaving once I’m financially independent so he’d finally understand what losing me feels like.
But deep down, I know revenge won’t heal me.
What I really want is to survive these next few years without losing what’s left of myself.
So I’m asking people who’ve had to stay because of children, finances, immigration, or other circumstances:
How did you become emotionally detached while still keeping the peace at home?
How did you stop being triggered every time painful memories came back?
How did you stay calm and kind without feeling fake or resentful?
If you have PTSD, what actually helped you stop spiraling when flashbacks hit?
How did you focus on building your future instead of constantly grieving the relationship you wished you’d had?
I’m not looking for advice on manipulating anyone. I just want practical ways to protect my mental health while I finish my degree, become financially independent, raise my son, and create a future where I have choices.
If you’ve been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped you get through those years.

Does anyone else feel completely alone because of PTSD?
I don’t have a single friend I can talk to or vent to. There isn’t one person I can call when everything becomes overwhelming. Some days I wish I could just hug someone and cry until I had nothing left.
The constant flashbacks and fear about the future have made this the hardest period of my life. I’m mentally exhausted, and it feels like I’m fighting this battle on my own every single day.
Even though I have a partner, I still feel incredibly lonely. It’s hard to explain, but I don’t feel emotionally supported in the way I desperately need.
I keep wondering if there’s a way out of this pain. Did anyone else ever reach a point where they felt this isolated? If so, what helped you keep going?
I guess I’m just looking for people who understand, because I feel so alone.
I hope everyone here is hanging in there. Thank you for reading.

Does anyone else feel completely alone because of PTSD?
I don’t have a single friend I can talk to or vent to. There isn’t one person I can call when everything becomes overwhelming. Some days I wish I could just hug someone and cry until I had nothing left.
The constant flashbacks and fear about the future have made this the hardest period of my life. I’m mentally exhausted, and it feels like I’m fighting this battle on my own every single day.
Even though I have a partner, I still feel incredibly lonely. It’s hard to explain, but I don’t feel emotionally supported in the way I desperately need.
I keep wondering if there’s a way out of this pain. Did anyone else ever reach a point where they felt this isolated? If so, what helped you keep going?
I guess I’m just looking for people who understand, because I feel so alone.
I hope everyone here is hanging in there. Thank you for reading.

Does anyone else feel completely alone because of PTSD?
I don’t have a single friend I can talk to or vent to. There isn’t one person I can call when everything becomes overwhelming. Some days I wish I could just hug someone and cry until I had nothing left.
The constant flashbacks and fear about the future have made this the hardest period of my life. I’m mentally exhausted, and it feels like I’m fighting this battle on my own every single day.
Even though I have a partner, I still feel incredibly lonely. It’s hard to explain, but I don’t feel emotionally supported in the way I desperately need.
I keep wondering if there’s a way out of this pain. Did anyone else ever reach a point where they felt this isolated? If so, what helped you keep going?
I guess I’m just looking for people who understand, because I feel so alone.
I hope everyone here is hanging in there. Thank you for reading.

Has anyone here actually healed from PTSD flashbacks?
The past year has been incredibly traumatic because of my MIL, and I feel like my nervous system is constantly on high alert. Even though some of the situations are over, I still get flashbacks, intrusive memories, and this overwhelming fear that something similar is going to happen again. It feels like I’m always waiting for the next disaster.
I really want to heal and get my life back.
For those of you who have PTSD or complex PTSD:
Have your flashbacks gotten better over time?
What coping techniques or therapies actually helped you?
How did you deal with the constant fear that the trauma would happen again?
Did you ever reach a point where you genuinely felt safe and at peace?
I’m especially interested in hearing real experiences, what worked, what didn’t, and how long healing took. I know everyone’s journey is different, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through it.
Thank you. ❤️

The past year has been incredibly traumatic because of my MIL, and I feel like my nervous system is constantly on high alert. Even though some of the situations are over, I still get flashbacks, intrusive memories, and this overwhelming fear that something similar is going to happen again. It feels like I’m always waiting for the next disaster.
I really want to heal and get my life back.
For those of you who have PTSD or complex PTSD:
Have your flashbacks gotten better over time?
What coping techniques or therapies actually helped you?
How did you deal with the constant fear that the trauma would happen again?
Did you ever reach a point where you genuinely felt safe and at peace?
I’m especially interested in hearing real experiences, what worked, what didn’t, and how long healing took. I know everyone’s journey is different, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through it.
Thank you. ❤️

Has anyone here actually healed from PTSD flashbacks?
The past year has been incredibly traumatic because of my MIL, and I feel like my nervous system is constantly on high alert. Even though some of the situations are over, I still get flashbacks, intrusive memories, and this overwhelming fear that something similar is going to happen again. It feels like I’m always waiting for the next disaster.
I really want to heal and get my life back.
For those of you who have PTSD or complex PTSD:
Have your flashbacks gotten better over time?
What coping techniques or therapies actually helped you?
How did you deal with the constant fear that the trauma would happen again?
Did you ever reach a point where you genuinely felt safe and at peace?
I’m especially interested in hearing real experiences, what worked, what didn’t, and how long healing took. I know everyone’s journey is different, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through it.
Thank you. ❤️

I’m looking for advice from people who have dealt with difficult in-laws, especially if you’ve experienced trauma because of them.
After my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law’s behavior caused me a lot of emotional pain. It became so severe that I eventually developed PTSD symptoms. Last year things got so bad that my husband and I almost divorced because of everything surrounding his family. We reconciled, and since then my husband has kept his promise that I only have to maintain a very limited relationship with her.
The problem is that even with limited contact, I still hear her during phone calls when she’s on speaker or when she’s visiting. She constantly makes passive-aggressive remarks, judges people based on their nationality, ethnicity, appearance, and spends a lot of time criticizing and gossiping about others.
Even if those comments aren’t directly aimed at me, I immediately feel tense and anxious. My brain automatically assumes there’s a hidden message or that she’s indirectly taking a shot at me. I tell myself, “Just let her be. Her opinions don’t matter,” but it doesn’t seem to help. My body reacts before my mind can.
We’ll also have to visit her in a few months because of a family obligation. I already know I’ll keep conversations polite and minimal, and I’ll be careful with my boundaries. What worries me is that she’ll probably act extra sweet toward my husband while subtly trying to get under my skin, and I’m afraid I’ll spend the whole visit feeling on edge.
My question is: for those of you who have been through something similar, how did you stop letting someone’s behavior have so much power over your emotions? I’m not expecting to like her or have a close relationship. I just want to stop feeling triggered every time she speaks.
If you’ve recovered from this kind of hypervigilance or PTSD-related response, what actually helped? Therapy techniques, mindset shifts, boundaries, or practical strategies during visits?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve lived through something similar.

I’m looking for advice from people who have dealt with difficult in-laws, especially if you’ve experienced trauma because of them.
After my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law’s behavior caused me a lot of emotional pain. It became so severe that I eventually developed PTSD symptoms. Last year things got so bad that my husband and I almost divorced because of everything surrounding his family. We reconciled, and since then my husband has kept his promise that I only have to maintain a very limited relationship with her.
The problem is that even with limited contact, I still hear her during phone calls when she’s on speaker or when she’s visiting. She constantly makes passive-aggressive remarks, judges people based on their nationality, ethnicity, appearance, and spends a lot of time criticizing and gossiping about others.
Even if those comments aren’t directly aimed at me, I immediately feel tense and anxious. My brain automatically assumes there’s a hidden message or that she’s indirectly taking a shot at me. I tell myself, “Just let her be. Her opinions don’t matter,” but it doesn’t seem to help. My body reacts before my mind can.
We’ll also have to visit her in a few months because of a family obligation. I already know I’ll keep conversations polite and minimal, and I’ll be careful with my boundaries. What worries me is that she’ll probably act extra sweet toward my husband while subtly trying to get under my skin, and I’m afraid I’ll spend the whole visit feeling on edge.
My question is: for those of you who have been through something similar, how did you stop letting someone’s behavior have so much power over your emotions? I’m not expecting to like her or have a close relationship. I just want to stop feeling triggered every time she speaks.
If you’ve recovered from this kind of hypervigilance or PTSD-related response, what actually helped? Therapy techniques, mindset shifts, boundaries, or practical strategies during visits?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve lived through something similar.

I’m looking for advice from people who have dealt with difficult in-laws, especially if you’ve experienced trauma because of them.
After my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law’s behavior caused me a lot of emotional pain. It became so severe that I eventually developed PTSD symptoms. Last year things got so bad that my husband and I almost divorced because of everything surrounding his family. We reconciled, and since then my husband has kept his promise that I only have to maintain a very limited relationship with her.
The problem is that even with limited contact, I still hear her during phone calls when she’s on speaker or when she’s visiting. She constantly makes passive-aggressive remarks, judges people based on their nationality, ethnicity, appearance, and spends a lot of time criticizing and gossiping about others.
Even if those comments aren’t directly aimed at me, I immediately feel tense and anxious. My brain automatically assumes there’s a hidden message or that she’s indirectly taking a shot at me. I tell myself, “Just let her be. Her opinions don’t matter,” but it doesn’t seem to help. My body reacts before my mind can.
We’ll also have to visit her in a few months because of a family obligation. I already know I’ll keep conversations polite and minimal, and I’ll be careful with my boundaries. What worries me is that she’ll probably act extra sweet toward my husband while subtly trying to get under my skin, and I’m afraid I’ll spend the whole visit feeling on edge.
My question is: for those of you who have been through something similar, how did you stop letting someone’s behavior have so much power over your emotions? I’m not expecting to like her or have a close relationship. I just want to stop feeling triggered every time she speaks.
If you’ve recovered from this kind of hypervigilance or PTSD-related response, what actually helped? Therapy techniques, mindset shifts, boundaries, or practical strategies during visits?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve lived through something similar.

I’m looking for advice from people who have dealt with difficult in-laws, especially if you’ve experienced trauma because of them.
After my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law’s behavior caused me a lot of emotional pain. It became so severe that I eventually developed PTSD symptoms. Last year things got so bad that my husband and I almost divorced because of everything surrounding his family. We reconciled, and since then my husband has kept his promise that I only have to maintain a very limited relationship with her.
The problem is that even with limited contact, I still hear her during phone calls when she’s on speaker or when she’s visiting. She constantly makes passive-aggressive remarks, judges people based on their nationality, ethnicity, appearance, and spends a lot of time criticizing and gossiping about others.
Even if those comments aren’t directly aimed at me, I immediately feel tense and anxious. My brain automatically assumes there’s a hidden message or that she’s indirectly taking a shot at me. I tell myself, “Just let her be. Her opinions don’t matter,” but it doesn’t seem to help. My body reacts before my mind can.
We’ll also have to visit her in a few months because of a family obligation. I already know I’ll keep conversations polite and minimal, and I’ll be careful with my boundaries. What worries me is that she’ll probably act extra sweet toward my husband while subtly trying to get under my skin, and I’m afraid I’ll spend the whole visit feeling on edge.
My question is: for those of you who have been through something similar, how did you stop letting someone’s behavior have so much power over your emotions? I’m not expecting to like her or have a close relationship. I just want to stop feeling triggered every time she speaks.
If you’ve recovered from this kind of hypervigilance or PTSD-related response, what actually helped? Therapy techniques, mindset shifts, boundaries, or practical strategies during visits?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve lived through something similar.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way, but I need to get this off my chest. When I got married, I left everything behind for my husband. My family, my comfort, my old life, everything I knew. I truly believed I was choosing love and building a future with someone who would always stand by me.
Instead, I slowly lost myself.
His family has hurt me in ways I never imagined. The constant pain, the lack of support, the feeling that I was never enough, and the realization that the person I sacrificed everything for didn’t protect me the way I needed him to, it has broken something inside me.
Now I’m in a position where I can’t just leave. I’m doing my degree, I’m on a visa, I have no financial stability, and most importantly, I have a son. Walking away isn’t as simple as people think.
The truth is, a part of me wants revenge.
Not because I’m cruel, but because I carry years of pain that no one seems to understand. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “What if I become the perfect wife for the next four years? What if I become so loving, so caring, so devoted that he falls even more deeply in love with me… and then I leave once I’m finally independent?” I want him to feel even a fraction of the heartbreak I’ve lived with every single day.
I know revenge doesn’t heal trauma. I know it won’t give me back the woman I was before all of this. But when you’ve spent years feeling invisible, used, and emotionally shattered, it’s hard not to crave the idea of someone finally understanding the depth of your pain.
Maybe what I really want isn’t revenge. Maybe I just want him to know what he lost. I want him to realize, too late, that the woman who loved him with everything she had slowly disappeared because she wasn’t protected when she needed him the most.
For those of you who had to stay because you had no choice, because of children, finances, immigration, or circumstances, how did you do it?
How did you stop your heart from breaking every single day? How did you become emotionally detached while still keeping the peace at home? How did you stop expecting love from someone who had already hurt you so deeply?
I’m not asking how to manipulate anyone. I’m asking how to survive without losing myself. I don’t want to spend the next few years crying, begging to be understood, or reacting every time I’m hurt. I want to become emotionally strong, protect my peace, finish my degree, build a future for my son, and leave when I’m finally able to.
If you’ve been where I am, please tell me how you got through it. Right now, I feel like I’m grieving a life, a marriage, and a version of myself that I’ll never get back.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way, but I need to get this off my chest. When I got married, I left everything behind for my husband. My family, my comfort, my old life, everything I knew. I truly believed I was choosing love and building a future with someone who would always stand by me.
Instead, I slowly lost myself.
His family has hurt me in ways I never imagined. The constant pain, the lack of support, the feeling that I was never enough, and the realization that the person I sacrificed everything for didn’t protect me the way I needed him to, it has broken something inside me.
Now I’m in a position where I can’t just leave. I’m doing my degree, I’m on a visa, I have no financial stability, and most importantly, I have a son. Walking away isn’t as simple as people think.
The truth is, a part of me wants revenge.
Not because I’m cruel, but because I carry years of pain that no one seems to understand. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “What if I become the perfect wife for the next four years? What if I become so loving, so caring, so devoted that he falls even more deeply in love with me… and then I leave once I’m finally independent?” I want him to feel even a fraction of the heartbreak I’ve lived with every single day.
I know revenge doesn’t heal trauma. I know it won’t give me back the woman I was before all of this. But when you’ve spent years feeling invisible, used, and emotionally shattered, it’s hard not to crave the idea of someone finally understanding the depth of your pain.
Maybe what I really want isn’t revenge. Maybe I just want him to know what he lost. I want him to realize, too late, that the woman who loved him with everything she had slowly disappeared because she wasn’t protected when she needed him the most.
For those of you who had to stay because you had no choice, because of children, finances, immigration, or circumstances, how did you do it?
How did you stop your heart from breaking every single day? How did you become emotionally detached while still keeping the peace at home? How did you stop expecting love from someone who had already hurt you so deeply?
I’m not asking how to manipulate anyone. I’m asking how to survive without losing myself. I don’t want to spend the next few years crying, begging to be understood, or reacting every time I’m hurt. I want to become emotionally strong, protect my peace, finish my degree, build a future for my son, and leave when I’m finally able to.
If you’ve been where I am, please tell me how you got through it. Right now, I feel like I’m grieving a life, a marriage, and a version of myself that I’ll never get back.
If you’d like to make it even more raw and heartbreaking, I can do that too.