r/confidence

I'm 28 years old. I've been on dates with a total of 5 girls in my life. The first 3, I went on multiple dates with. They all seemed to like me. I'm not the best looking guy, but I guess I'm fairly attractive and have been called that by them.

The 5th girl, I just went out with last week. She said yes to a second date. The first date was lunch followed by a movie. I asked her out to an arcade this Friday. The thing is, what I've always struggled with is physical intimacy. I've never held hands or kissed a girl before. I'm still a virgin. I think that's what has always held me back.

I just don't know how to do it without it being awkward. I really like this girl out of everyone I've met and I don't want to blow it with her. I also don't want to put her on a pedestal. I just need advice on how I can break the touch barrier without it being awkward. Kissing seems almost impossible to me. I want to, but I can't ever imagine doing it. It seems like such a foreign concept because I'm so inexperienced.

hi all
i’m going to a concert this weekend it’s going to be super hot (i also have POTS)
i know i should wear shorts or a skirt…but i have major (to me) cellulite on the back of my thighs and have always felt insecure about it.
does anyone have tips on how to not be so worried about it 😅

Due to some issues in my childhood, I have developed the sense that my presence is never wanted with individuals or groups. At some point my closest friends have shunned me from the friend group for absolutely no reason on their own admittance, and this has shaped the person I am today.

Whenever I see someone who I am on friendly terms with I always assume that me saying good morning to them will not make a difference to them and might even annoy them. Even when people are hanging out in a group, I think to myself that they already have their own thing going, what can I possibly add to them?

I am very conflicted with my thoughts. On one hand I feel like people wont care if im there or not, or whether I say hello or talk to them. On the other hand, I am worried that this might be considered rude. Its just that I dont want to be the person who is always there and cant detect when their presence isnt wanted.

I, 36F, am really struggling so much with my body image. i had an ED for so long, recovered, moved to montana for 12 years and all i did was hike backpack ride horses etc so i was really active. now i moved back to new jersey to be close to family and naturally i just don’t move as much as i did in montana. i workout and eat healthy and all that as much as possible but im also trying to learn to love the body i have.

anywho, before you get bored. jean SHORTS are my biggest nightmare. i really want to find a pair of shorts that aren’t jean shorts but are super cute, flattering to my body and can be styled easily for going out (nothing fancy just to lunch or what have you). i feel like all the ones i find are either like im going hiking, working out or just in pajamas. i also feel like some of the styles that aren’t workout shorts either accentuate my stomach in a way that 🤮 or they flare out so much it looks like im wearing a little shorts parachute lol

i wanna add a photo so you can see what im working with however i dont see where i do that? halp lol

* i forgot to add that i don’t look good in longer shorts (nothing fancy that im looking for shorts that are too short) but i feel like the ones that go a couple inches above the knee make me feel bigger and shorter lol
im 4’11

Hi, i'm on a self-improvement journey pretty much and discovering a lot about myself rn. I'm 26(F) and chronically ill, deemed fully unable to work last year and still coming to terms with that as a highly ambitious person even though I see myself too, that ever having a career is not feasible and would 100% wreck my health like studying did.

I'm starting to notice that I have a lot of issues surrounding validation and productivity to give me confidence. I am quite selfconcious, and have always been. my diseases make me fat and even though I am happy with the general way I look with my face and hair, I know I am deeply insecure, who wouldn't be when you contract a disease at 12 that made you gain crazy weight as a symptom and it won't move, not after a decade of trying every and all weightloss tactics. But even before my illness, I was never the most confident kid.

I was laying awake last night and realised that my entire life I have used productivity (school, studying, productive hobbies) and validation from others about those by getting high grades, doing big academic prestations etc. and now that studying and work has fallen away from my life, I struggle A LOT. I notice that I still try to get that validation from others. I sew as a hobby but it is almost gone to a compulsory point where I recognise that the things I sew I use them to get the validation. At the same time, drawing, a hobby I used to do for relaxation has been ruined because I know doing it as a job/monetizing it won't work. I just don't see a point in doing that anymore.

At this point, my health is deteriorating because of this. I do too much, and daily worry a lot. Even things like cleaning my house is difficult because it needs to be tidy at all times in case people show up. I am in the biggest health crisis right now since diagnosis and I know for a fact this insecurity and not being able to deal with being on disability is the main stressor causing my flare.

I want to learn how to give myself the validation I crave, how to get more confident despite it all and how to get out of this cycle of usung productivity and validation as a way to give worth to myself? I want a slow life with as much energy as I can with my conditions, stress free and happy

lack of confidence, lack of communication skills and incompetence has been a part of life from my childhood.

Relatively small issues feel a huge burden, I am scared of being judged, indecisive and socially anxious.

Honestly a lot has been going on lately, things are happening too quickly in my life rn and I can't seem to keep up with all this.

I feel I have fallen behind in life compared to people my age.

I live a fairly isolated life so I feel like I am a normal person tho I get reality checks with its time to socialize. I feel humiliated and frustrated when I get connected with people and get my point across to other people.

Also my voice gets shaky for no reason when talking sometimes (usually more often when talking to a group of people)

Now it's not like I haven't tried to change this. I have tried stuff, it kinda worked too, it's just I never could consistently keep the routines up for it to have a long term effect.

I usually just doomscroll on social media apps watch random movies and anime and jerk off once a day, and call my only bestie in one or two days to talk about random shit, that's been my life for a long time.

Have some of you guys been in my situation? Can you lmk what helped you guys improve yourselves?

​

My dear

If someone rejects you either in job , relationship, in any case u must be happy because soon u get better opportunity than this

Rejection make you more sharper and clear

Soon u will get what u want

Hey guys. I know I’m not conventionally attractive and I don’t really get much attention from women, but lately, I’ve been trying my best to change that and work on myself. I decided to change up my fashion, started wearing some accessories, and even got my ears pierced. I actually really like how it looks.

The problem is my friends (all guys) have not been supportive at all. Instead of hyping me up, they told me I look like I'm "dressing like a thug." It honestly stung because I realize I secretly look for their validation.

I want to feel confident, but it's hard when my own circle is bringing me down. Has anyone else dealt with this when trying to glow up or change their style? How do I stop caring what they think and just own the way I want to present myself

I was talking with my friend during a class break and suddenly a girl called me and said I love you. I understood this is a prank and she immediately said that she just said that to me because she was given a dare and also said that I'm ugly . I just don't know I can't get that out of my mind , I have zero female friends

​

Just wanted to know

Is there anyspecific journaling prompts, brain dumps, Reflection, wirting that you do, lists that you make, categorizations that you do that brings you back to Confidence.

I’m 22F, asian, pretty flat, no curves, no chest (unfortunately), and mid looking roundish face. I’m a cashier at a restaurant, and I had to ring up an order for a really beautiful girl. She was curvy, had a nice face, long blond hair, and pretty eyes. When I was ringing her up I couldn’t help but feel sad that I’ll never look as good as her. I also started to get mad at myself because of the features I was born with. I could never wear a basic tank top like she did and be as gorgeous as her. I’d probably look like a flat board. That was enough to make the whole shift feel shitty for me. I don’t wish anything bad on her, i’m glad that she gets to be pretty. I just wish i could be her.

I know i shouldn’t care about what other people think of me nor compare myself to others but it’s just hard when i’ve never liked myself since i was 7-8 years old. It also doesn’t help when a lot of people in person and on the internet ridicule my appearance. I thought having a bf would help but it doesn’t. I feel guilty sometimes that he chose me to be his girlfriend. If he never met me he would 100% go for her. I’m just an average (or below average according to a lot of redditors) looking girl and i feel like i dont deserve him. He is really attractive and i feel like he deserves someone who is on the same level of attractiveness. It just hurts to look at myself and imagine what i could have been.

Any advice how to stop feeling this way? Please be nice, i already feel like shit

It's easier said than done. Being the dumbest in the room or the least accomplished isn't the greatest for your self esteem, even for people very confident in themselves, because if you don't ahve confidence issues, you will have jealousy, which is bad in either ways.

I think people who say, I like surrounding myself with people more intelligent than me to be an utter crap and an optimistic idea & not the reality of those people

I go to the gym 6 times a week, 2 hours each day. I buy and buy skincare to have the clearest skin. I apply sunscreen and exfoliate to prevent wrinkles and body acne. I eat the most organic and healthy food products that my money can buy and yet, theres two insecurities I can't seem to improve, my voice and my intelligence...

I read once a day, but can rarely finish a book. I raise my voice in high pitch to sound more feminine. I have great memorization for random topics and facts but can't seem to memorize complex formulas and names. I've been friends with intelligent people in the past but have always felt insecure next to them by how slow I was at grasping certain concepts. I've watched videos on how to make my voice sound more feminine and how to become more intelligent. However no matter how hard I try to change those insecurities, I always seem to get comments on those two things about me.

I have been made fun of by how my relaxed voice sounds like and made to question my intelligence at certain times. I used to think that having a glow up would somehow make me less likely to receive those comments but that hasn't been the case for me at all.

Next year, I'm gonna start studying at medschool. I heard that there are many recitations and small group discussions that we will encounter aside from quizzes, revalida, and long exams. The worst part is that some doctors/professors want their students to become fluent in English, which I struggled with aside from public speaking. I'm from a country wherein English subjects are very relevant, although in some schools, English is not practiced enough. I know how to write and type in English, but I struggle a lot in English speaking. How did you gain confidence regarding that? How did y'all practice? Thank you

Gosh, I know I'm an atractive person, strangers often compliment me on my looks and I really like what I see in the mirror, but I just cant stop thinking that I could be prettier, I could lose some weight, dress differently, be smarter or more interesting. This started when I (18F) started dating my new partner (21F), and I also cant help feeling guilty because she treats me with so much love and patience, and here I am overthinking over girls she follows on social media, when she hasn't even given me one reason to doubt her.
This is also the first time I've experiencied this, I have always been confident in who I am and what I have to offer but I feel like I'm going crazy.

32F. Not confident at work at all. Mostly when it comes to human interactions and navigating through hierarchy and understanding the boundaries of what's expected of me vs what's overstepping when managing a case/client in a team-work setting, especially when I'm new to that workplace. It's like I can't really sense "vibes" or feel my way through. I just don't understand, period. Because when I do offer to try something, I'm mostly treated like I definitely am overstepping or said the wrong thing. So I prefer to stay silent and observe. But that makes everyone feel I'm not ready for the task at hand. I just feel that it's extremely difficult for me to find a middle-ground. Even if I'm being extremely careful to not push any boundaries.

How do people manage and overcome this???