u/Informal-Fix-9701

I’m not attractive. I have a toned body, but no matter what I do to my face, it’ll never look attractive. I have a strange and asymmetrical face, with strong features that do not look feminine. I do my best to look nice and put together, but that can’t change genetics.
I have hobbies, I’m well educated, I have a job I like, I work hard, I have friends but I’m very shy and introverted. My friends tell me I’m pretty but I just don’t look like other people at all. Even my bf said to me that I have an unconventional face.

I’m in a relationship right now, and I find other women intimidating and as a threat because they are all so beautiful and interesting and social.

My bf is social and loves to chat to people, so of course a lot of women come to him too. I constantly wonder why he’s with me when he could have all those other options. I’m afraid that one day he’ll cheat on me because he has so many better girls around him. This has been a source of a lot of our arguments because I immediately get insecure the moment he entertains any of these girls.

People tell you to just be chill, act unbothered, own your look… etc. but I’m so tired… I feel like there are so many things “I have to be” that I’m just not… I’m tired of social media and feeling like I should be someone I’m not, or else I won’t be loved..

I’ve been cheated on before in my long term relationships multiple times. I give so much to others and yet I always end up betrayed. I never feel like I’m good enough. I don’t know how to believe that someone so ugly like me can be worthy of love.

I’m in therapy and I’m trying to work on this but it doesn’t seem to help. There are times that I feel like I should not be in a relationship at all because what’s the point if I can’t be the hot and fun girl all men seem to want these days. There are so many better options out there.

I just want to feel confident in myself but I can’t…

So my bf and I have been together for about 6 months now, currently in long distance until we sort that out.

We were recently able to spend some time together and we went to an activity / date.

There were other people at this activity, some couples, some others, and a woman who joined alone. As the night was going on, my bf and I were having a lot of fun, laughing and enjoying ourselves.
Then, at some point this woman who came alone wanted to make conversation with me, so I answered her questions, asked some questions of her too and tried to be friendly, but she was really dry with me and uninterested in anything I said to her.

She then turned to my bf and started chatting with him, and she immediately changed her attitude. She became really friendly and asked lots of questions from him. My bf is very social so he chatted back to her.

I didn’t think much of it but then time just went on and they kept talking while I was on the side doing the activity by myself, not having anyone to talk to. None of them involved me in the conversation.

I decided to go to the bathroom to cool down as I felt getting upset, came back, but the conversation was still going on and the topic was not something I could have added to.
I started looking at my phone for a minute, trying to distract myself but I kept getting more and more upset because I felt so invisible. Then I just continued the activity.

Eventually, the person leading the activity started talking to my bf so at least that broke the one on one, but I still felt very upset. It was written on my face, so then my bf noticed and tried to ask questions or make me laugh, but this girl was laughing at his jokes, which just made me more annoyed. At some point the activity changed so we got away from that person for a bit and my bf was trying not to talk to her anymore. But at that point I felt too upset.

On the way home I brought it up to him and he said he was just being friendly. I told him that him not involving me makes me uncomfortable and sad because this was supposed to be a date and I ended up not even included for a while. He doesn’t seem to understand the problem here.

I’m not sure how to make him understand why this bothers me. He told me next time just tell him to stop or try to get his attention, but that feels weird and controlling. It really bothers me that he always entertains other women and we had a lot of arguments about it already. I understand that he chose me but I feel disrespected when these things happen. He feels that I’m overreacting because he’s just being social.
I asked him how he’d like it if I did the same with another guy, and he said he would not like that.

How can I handle the situation? I’m not sure if this is a compatibility issue.. I’d like to be able to express it to him clearly why this bothers me but I can’t seem to find the right words.