u/Ang3lL0cksz6199

I have always been very self confident of my flat chest, I am 32B, barely even fill it out. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he says he likes my boobs the way they are. Yet I can’t shake the feeling he enjoys when other women have more than me. I think if I had bigger breasts, maybe we would have sex with me more. He used to try and build my confidence about this but nothing seemed to work, so he sort of gave up with reassuring me. Getting boobs out has been pushed so much in tv, mainstream media, that’s it’s pretty much normal these days and it’s always had a lot of power over me and how I see myself. I hate looking at myself because of it. I have tried to put on weight to gain it there, doesn’t work. Tried exercising and focusing on other parts of body, doesn’t help and I give up. I am so weary when we are out in public or other women who have more than me, it even bothers me when he is scrolling and some meme accounts or whatever post about big breasted woman. He says it’s not always sexual, well why do we have sex more once you’ve been exposed to that??? I even wore a dress and used stick on breast inserts for a larger appearance and he couldn’t keep his hands off me, it makes me feel like that’s what he is lacking or something.

I am very in my head almost every day about this and it is worse when I am around my boyfriend. I don’t even care if the breasts are large or not, anything that is more than mine and I feel shit about myself. How do I become more confident in myself when it comes to this?

And do men genuinely prefer bigger breasts? Because my boyfriend says he doesn’t - but I know it’s like a natural thing to look, I get the whole it’s a science thing to see if they are good enough to have children with. What is everyone’s take on this? Do men actually like woman with no boobs as well as women with average to large size? Do men think about boobs more often than they say? When men see women with cleavage showing, do they sexualise it? If a man sees a pretty person with cleavage or breasts out, does this make them want to have sex with their partner?

I’ve been with my boyfriend coming on 5 years now, I am 25F and he is 28M, we have had lots of ups and downs over the years mainly to do with me hating how I look and placing all my insecurities within the relationship at the forefront of everything, likely due to me just not trusting people. But we have been mainly happy and are fine currently.

Over these years, I have felt that I am always the one to initiate sex with him, I would have sex nearly everytime I see him if I could - (1 weekday and over the weekend), however he never seems to want to. He always says he is tired or I choose poor times. He has had multiple different jobs over the course of our relationship and would put it down to stress at points, but he has been in a stable job and has a decent sleep schedule for the past year now and he still tells me the same things. He has always said the same things even when situations have been different and he doesn’t take opportunities to, like a free house.

I would also ask him if he pleased himself in private and he would always say no and he’s not like that, when a few things make me sus (such as jumping to get a VPN when adult sites ask for ID) but the other day when I said I have pleased myself and asked him he said he did edging like a year ago and then said actually over a year ago and I knew about it. Which I most definitely DID NOT. I only knew about it nearly 3 years ago and I do often ask him over the years if he’s pleased himself to which he always says no. Which makes me think he lies about this sort of thing and probably watches porn as that’s a more probable thing men do and all my male friends say they do this. And the idea of him watching porn and seeing other woman is something he knows is get upset about, so it’s easier for him to avoid admitting to this.

We have had talks about this, and he says he is tired and I pick bad times or his mum is in the house as mentioned before, he has said on other occasions he feels like he is not pleasing me and my sexual needs, but I don’t feel he is giving all opportunities for this to happen. Does anyone know what is going on here?😅I am not really sure how to approach this now as I have tried a lot.

Side note - I am insecure anyway and I get worried he is always looking at other women for what they have that I don’t n stuff and we have had many discussion/arguments about this, and I know
I can be a bit much. But now he gets really angry when I see a woman on his Reddit feed and he scrolls past it quickly so I can’t see and I ask him to show me and it’s usually of a raunchy woman or post even if it’s roasting them, he gets angry and seems embarrassed. (He doesn’t actively follow woman on there or anything but sometimes things pop up and he says I am clueless how algorithms work, when I know if you look at something it’s more likely to appear in the future) What does all this mean?

I shower everyday and am very clean about hygiene. I would really appreciate some advice. How else can I approach this situation to resolve any bad tensions? This is my first post😅