u/RM_MR_Underground

(24M) I always take care on how i behave in public, but there is this thing that still bothers me, is how i fail. In the past, during childhood, whenever if fail at a sport during the PE class, i would be mocked and offended by colleagues. In my house, my father wanted all to be perfect and would notice, screaming, every single thing i did wrong (like letting my toothbrush at the bathroom instead of letting it in my room). I grew up hearing complaints from him. So i grew up afraid of failure, and taking all the measures to avoid it.

While in work environment, i put a pressure on myself to do everything right, but i was still hearing some complaints and that was so frustrating. I felt miserable every second at this job. My manager was a bitter person overall, she always had a disgust frown "patterned" at her face. She was always complaining about me. I was multi-tasking to the bones, but to her there was nothing good. Since i was working at retail, i had to be worried about the costumer too. Whenever i don't knew something, the manager would like with that frown of disappointment and answer annoyed. If i failed (i.e took more than 10 minutes to process ), the customer would be mad, and the manager would be mad at me by ruining the reputation of the store. Like an old man screaming at me ,calling me slog, and the manager was just looking and did nothing.

But the point is, whenever i fail, i have to deal with the pressure of parents, colleagues, bosses, friends, all the mockery and annoyance coming of them. I would like to know how get over it.

Hello from Brazil !

1 - Posthumous memories of Brás Cubas, by Machado de Assis : An absurd story about a late bourgeois, who writes his memories of a life spent on shenanigans and wanderings through the high society from Rio de Janeiro, the emptiness of the character and all the people from that society. The author was inspired a lot by Rabelais, Jonathan Swift and Charles Dickens, but has a very unique writing, making him a genius and should be at the literary canon

2- Rebellion at the Backlands by Euclides da Cunha: The author describes a conflict ocurred on the northeast, between the republican army and a group of religious revolutionaries. The description of the region where the conflict ocurred, the devasted desert, makes Eliot's " The Waste Lands" looking like a mere walk at the park.

3- The poetry by Manuel Bandeira: Tragic, Sardonic, Feeling, Bitter, Sweet, even philosophical. You can feel his whole life is there. The description of a life dedicated to the art.

4- Yacala by Alberto da Cunha Melo: A tragic ballad of man obsessed with the discovery of something new. A discovery that took him from everything else.

5- São Bernardo by Graciliano Ramos: Imagine a mix between MacBeth and a Western ? We got São Bernardo, the tragedy of a Machavellian man who wanted to be a Landowner and obsessed on winning on life.

I would like to know yours too!

I've read Under the Volcano by your advice and it was marvelous! I'm so glad i heard you and persisted! Now i got another book revolving around addictions, Requiem for a Dream. I'm a big fan of the movie. I wouldn't say the book is a classic , but the movie surely is a classic, since it deep dives into the human vices.

(24M) Not exactly a NEET, but i'm on hard place now. Lost my dream job last year, friends abandoned me, all my dating atempts failed. While i don't get a job again, i try to fill my mind. I spend my days reading the books i like, studying , and doing cardio at the park. Sometimes i play games, but not more than 2 hours. I've just finished college last year.

I'm re- studying Pharmacology and Chemistry at home, by reading books, because i yearn to get a job on the chemical companies from my area, and they often give some exam during the interview, so i need to be intellectually repared. It is really tiresome, my brain aches after that, and i'm mentally drained and too tired to do anything else.

I dont go to the gym or sports because it's enjoyable for me, and i don't feel motivated. My physical health is A-okay though , because of the cardio and eating clean. But sometimes i think i could do more and feel like a loser for not doing a lot of things, like some i knew that had time to work, play soccer, go to the gym, play games, play guitar, read books, go to a dinner with girlfriend, and etc. My parents are disappointed with me for not being like these people. My father, mainly, is always reprehending me because of something, in a way to show his frustrations about me. Heaven Knows i tried to be a good son and toe the line, being distant from drugs, clubbing friends and other distractions like that.

I would like to know, how be more "productive"? How not feel like you' re doing less?

(24M) Not exactly a NEET, but i'm on hard place now. Lost my dream job last year,. While i don't get a job again, i try to fill my mind. I spend my days reading the books i like, studying , and doing cardio at the park. Sometimes i play games, but not more than 2 hours. I've just finished college last year.

I'm re- studying Pharmacology and Chemistry at home, by reading books, because i yearn to get a job on the chemical companies from my area, and they often give some exam during the interview, so i need to be intellectually repared. It is really tiresome, my brain aches after that, and i'm mentally drained and too tired to do anything else.

I dont go to the gym or sports because it's enjoyable for me, and i don't feel motivated. My physical health is A-okay though , because of the cardio and eating clean. But sometimes i think i could do more and feel like a loser for not doing a lot of things, like some i knew that had time to work, play soccer, go to the gym, play games, play guitar, read books, go to a dinner with girlfriend, and etc. My parents are disappointed with me, but Heaven Knows i tried to be a good son and toe the line, being distant from drugs, clubbing friends and other distractions like that. Life happened.

I would like to know, how be more "productive"? How not feel like you' re doing less?

(24M) Not exactly a NEET, but i'm on hard place now. Lost my dream job last year, friends abandoned me, all my dating atempts failed. While i don't get a job again, i try to fill my mind. I spend my days reading the books i like, studying , and doing cardio at the park. Sometimes i play games, but not more than 2 hours. I've just finished college last year.

I'm re- studying Pharmacology and Chemistry at home, by reading books, because i yearn to get a job on the chemical companies from my area, and they often give some exam during the interview, so i need to be intellectually repared. It is really tiresome, my brain aches after that, and i'm mentally drained and too tired to do anything else.

I dont go to the gym or sports because it's enjoyable for me, and i don't feel motivated. My physical health is A-okay though , because of the cardio and eating clean. But sometimes i think i could do more and feel like a loser for not doing a lot of things, like some i knew that had time to work, play soccer, go to the gym, play games, play guitar, read books, go to a dinner with girlfriend, and etc. My parents are disappointed with me for not being like these people. My father, mainly, is always reprehending me because of something, in a way to show his frustrations about me. Heaven Knows i tried to be a good son and toe the line, being distant from drugs, clubbing friends and other distractions like that.

I would like to know, how be more "productive"? How not feel like you' re doing less?

(24M) I've always hated playing sports because when i was a kid, i was kinda sheltered, had no one to play with. When i got into school, i was meant to play it in PE class. I immediately sucked at it, and had to deal with all the mockery of my colleagues from school. And whenever i showed some difficulty in any new sports with groups, i would be mocked and offended. Some of them became assholes everytime it envolved games, they would get abnormally competitive and rude. I received a negative reinforcement. So i grew up hating sports.

I see it is a great way to socialize when you do it properly, it is a shame i've never found great comunities to do that. The only exercises i do nowadays are cardio(walking, jogging, etc).I wouldn't say i hate sports, i just didn't got one i was reinforced positively. I didn't liked the sports i've tried so far, but i think i defo should try some non obvious. I took a little extra time with more physical activities. So, i came to ask, which sport should i try?

(24M) I wasnt always like this, but i became after being bullied, deceived and disappointed by people i thought were my friends and would be along with me forever. Part of it, i admit,was my fault, for being naive and idealizing things. Now i'm on " not the slight bullshit mode". If i note some mockery and annoyance, i'll dump them. If i realize i can't talk about serious subjects with them, dumped too. If i note some rude or toxic behaviour they are not willing to change, dumped.

But this way of life has a price, i may end up alone, and i dont want it. I'm an introvert with decent social skills, i'm always trying to get better , like asking questions and showing enthusiasm, talking less of me and being interested on the other person. I'm doing my best and i'm willing to change my "introspection" . But it's strange and depressing that people, even those who consider themselves with "great social skills" don't do the same. They don't retribute my " effort", and the act of conversation may get tiresome.

I noticed a lot of things changed after lockdown, and one of them that is topsy turvy is the way people interact nowadays. It is bizarre, people only know how to speak non stop. Either this or responding very dry, as the mere act of talking was a burden. I got tired of these both types of conversation really fast. Example, at a course that i went and i was new. There were a group with two guys leading , talking non stop about their work. At first i was kinda interested, and made an observation, but that was for nothing, the two guys used my observation only to re-start to talk and brag about their stuff, and the rest of the group just orbiting. All the time with that refrain : " I did, i went, i was, i got" . Booooooring. These conversation was also making me upset because i've lost my job , that was a similar job to theirs, making it like "talking about rope at a hanged man house" (but it wasn't their fault, just how i felt). Interactions like that make me feel like a misanthrope, but i don't hate people, i just get tired of some repetitive behaviour of them.

However, i'm lucky if these conversations are not rude, like with people who think they know it all.

So i wuld like to know, are/were you like this? How did you change?

I always wanted to learn at least the minimum about philosophy, since i love literature and poetry. I was told years ago i should start with Plato, so it is what i did. I've read some dialogues, such is the four dialogues involving Socrates's judgement, The Republic, The Symposium, Memnon, Phaedrus. Then i bought Parmenides, and dude,it was absolutely insane. My head was aching and i could barely understand what they were discussing about. I realized i should take another works to get more familiar with Plato's work. For me the dialogues were never that easy. I often needed to reread the sentences, but taking it slow and writing notes, i think i could take the distance.

I would like some advice on what dialogues read next, or what do you consider the best order to get the idea. It is never easy and it wont give me single answers, but i certainly can get more fluent.

(24M) Not exactly a NEET, but i'm on hard place now. Lost my dream job last year, friends abandoned me, all my dating atempts failed. While i don't get a job again, i try to fill my mind. I spend my days reading the books i like, studying , and doing cardio at the park. I've just finished college last year.

I'm re- studying Pharmacology and Chemistry at home with the academic material, because i yearn to get a job on the chemical companies, they often give an exam during the interview, so i need to be intellectually repared. It is really tiresome, my brain aches after that, and i'm mentally drained and too tired to do anything else.

I dont go to the gym or sports because it's enjoyable for me, and i don't feel motivated. When i don't love a hobbie and don't crave for it all the time (like reading), i just cannot do it. But sometimes i think i could do more and feel like a loser for not doing a lot of things, like some i knew that had time to work, play soccer, go to the gym, play games, play guitar, read books, go to a dinner with girlfriend, and etc. My parents are disappointed with me for not being like these people. My father, mainly, is always reprehending me because of something, in a way to show his frustrations about me. Heaven knows i really tried to be good son.

I would like to know, how be more "productive"? How not feel like you' re doing less?

Now a funny story. This year, on January, i started a job on a retail drugstore. Long story short, was a terrible job overall, a dead end. A bitter and annoying manager. Doing multiple tasks all the time and for the manager never was good enough. One of them was the cleaning, since there didn't have janitorial service. Then the kitchen started to smell really bad. Whoever came to the kitchen would scream " OMG what stink!" . During the cleaning sessions, we washed the drain with water, but the stink only increased. Detail: we didn't have cleaning products, because the manager wouldn't buy it.

All these flaws, lack of organization, perspective and security made me feel miserable at this job, and i was there only 1 month. I was thinking on quitting the job but wasnt so sure ,wasnt an easy decision. I thought i should " be a man " and stand. Then, one day, when i just arrived, i felt that horrid swamp smell even before arriving at the balcony. To worsen, a coworker was eating fried fish at the kitchen, and the stink of fish blended with the other stink, forming a Super Saiyajin of stenches.

I started to dangle. I could take the high pressure routine of dead end job. With some effort, i could take the complaints of a bitter manager and spoiled customers. But i couldn't take stenches along with all these shit. I'm not as hard as a cockroach. That's why the civilization developed cleaning products, perfume and deodorant, to left the stink at the middle ages. During the lunchtime, i wrote a quitting request and printed at a bookstore near there.

Some stink made me quit the job. May be impulsive, may be futile, childish, dumb but i don't regret that much.

(24M) I have a friend of the same age, let´s call him Reilly . Reilly is an intellectual. Always liked to read and study complex subjects, like philosophy, theology, history, psychology, sciences in general. Reilly was always trying to "understand more" something, exactly like a Socrates, for those who are familiar to philosophy. I started to love reading because of him and i'm grateful to him for that.

But then Reilly started to be so obsessed with studying and reading that he started to claim he could learn, know everything and reduce the world in a nutshell. I started to being worried with his pedantism. In our country, it is very common to find digital influencers streaming tons of courses about something, like " My course will teach everything you'll need to learn about X, subscribe over here". There is lot of liars and crooks between these bunch of influencers, but we all discover that when it's too late.

Reilly got an idea observing that. He could stream a course teaching about "everything " he claimed to know. A course where he would teach " Philosophy, psychology, theology, biology, Laws, history, sociology,...). I give him credit because he was a very intelligent guy, but repelled by the idea of working, for several reasons. His course would be a way to earn money easily, But there was a problem, he didn't know about these subjects. For most of them, Reilly was using AI to make some abstracts or getting secondary books to know about.

He told me about it all that a night, and asked me what was my opinion about that. Here comes the conflict. I was way too sincere. I told him it would be a bad idea to stream a course about things you "half-know", that he need to study more before engaging in some activity like that ( at least i gave a solution: study more and be more prepared). The intellectual life as a serious thing, you must follow all the steps. He didn't like my advice at all, and thought i was trying to downgrade him. Things got really bad between us after that. He started to respond very dry to me when i texted

I understand the fact of he being upset, but he must comprehend that when you want a thing, you should take the steps to try to reach. Reilly wasn't used with these long efforts, and if he keep taking shorcuts, he will be forever at the same place. It is the same thing i saw a movie on TV and started to think in doing the same without even knowing the basics.

So, what do you think about, did i do something wrong? Should 've been more positive to Reilly? Am i the villain?

Desde que comecei a ler literatura e autores mais complexos, como Tolstoi, Dostoievski, Shakespeare, Flaubert, Thomas Mann, Henry James, entre outros, me senti tentado a explorar a filosofia e ver como suas ideias influenciaram não apenas nas artes , mas nos estudos na psicologia, sociologia e o impacto que vemos dela na civilização.

Na literatura eu simplesmente navegava pelo que me interessava mais. Na filosofia descobri da pior forma que isso não iria funcionar, precisaria de estudos mais ordenados e sistemáticos. Li em algum lugar que era essencial começar por Platão e seus diálogos. Pra mim faz sentido, já que são obras bem didáticas, msm que não sejam fáceis o tempo todo.

Li A República, os quatro livros envolvendo o julgamento e a morte de Sócrates, daí fui pro Parmenides, que comprei sem saber... Meu, que furada. Em 15 páginas eu já tava com dor de cabeça e cansaço físico. Era metafísica demais pra alguém que era só um iniciante ainda.

Por isso achei que precisava largar e ficar um pouco mais fluente na obra de Platão, antes de ir pra esses mais complicados. Ouvi dizer que Teeteto e o Sofista são super difíceis também.

Gostaria de saber qua ordem dos dialogos vocês acham melhor, ou quais vocês acham os mais importantes para se compreender a filosofia platônica.

(24M) Not exactly a NEET, but i'm on hard place now. Lost my dream job last year, friends abandoned me, all my dating atempts failed. While i don't get a job again, i try to fill my mind. I spend my days reading the books i like, studying , and doing cardio at the park. I've just finished college last year.

I'm re- studying Pharmacology and Chemistry at home, by reading books, because i yearn to get a job on the chemical companies, they often give an exam during the interview, so i need to be intellectually repared. It is really tiresome, my brain aches after that, and i'm mentally drained and too tired to do anything else.

I dont go to the gym or sports because it's not enjoyable for me, and i don't feel motivated. When i don't "love and crave" for a hobbie, i just cannot do it. But sometimes i think i could do more and feel like a loser for not doing a lot of things, like some i knew that had time to work, play soccer, go to the gym, play games, play guitar, read books, go to a dinner with girlfriend, and etc. My parents are disappointed with me for not being like these people. My father, mainly, is always reprehending me because of something, in a way to show his frustrations about me.

I would like to know, how be more "productive"? How not feel like you' re doing less?

(24M) Not exactly a NEET, but i'm on hard place now. Lost my dream job last year, friends abandoned me, all my dating atempts failed. While i don't get a job again, i try to fill my mind. I spend my days reading the books i like, studying , and doing cardio at the park. I've just finished college last year.

I'm re- studying Pharmacology and Chemistry at home, by reading books, because i yearn to get a job on the chemical companies, they often give an exam during the interview, so i need to be intellectually repared. It is really tiresome, my brain aches after that, and i'm mentally drained and too tired to do anything else.

I dont go to the gym or sports because it's enjoyable for me, and i don't feel motivated. When i don't "love and crave" for a hobbie, i just cannot do it. But sometimes i think i could do more and feel like a loser for not doing a lot of things, like some i knew that had time to work, play soccer, go to the gym, play games, play guitar, read books, go to a dinner with girlfriend, and etc. My parents are disappointed with me for not being like these people. My father, mainly, is always reprehending me because of something, in a way to show his frustrations about me.

I would like to know, how be more "productive"? How not feel like you' re doing less?

(24M) Not exactly a NEET, but i'm on hard place now. Lost my dream job last year, friends abandoned me, all my dating atempts failed. While i don't get a job again, i try to fill my mind. I spend my days reading the books i like, studying , and doing cardio at the park. I've just finished college last year.

I'm re- studying Pharmacology and Chemistry at home, by reading books, because i yearn to get a job on the chemical companies, they often give an exam during the interview, so i need to be intellectually repared. It is really tiresome, my brain aches after that, and i'm mentally drained and too tired to do anything else.

I dont go to the gym or sports because it's enjoyable for me, and i don't feel motivated. When i don't "love and crave" for a hobbie, i just cannot do it. But sometimes i think i could do more and feel like a loser for not doing a lot of things, like some i knew that had time to work, play soccer, go to the gym, play games, play guitar, read books, go to a dinner with girlfriend, and etc. My parents are disappointed with me for not being like these people. My father, mainly, is always reprehending me because of something, in a way to show his frustrations about me.

I would like to know, how be more "productive"? How not feel like you' re doing less?

(24M) When i was 12, i was constantly bullied by being chubby. I didn't like but pretend to not care. I never liked mockery either, i was a more quiet and sensitive kid, but when you're at middle school, one cannot escape. Then one colleague suddenly started to bully me out of blue, calling me whale , butter ball, hippo. He was always an agressive and tormented guy, he had a toxic father that beat him often. He seeing i got pissed, he continued even harder, making an awkward meme with me and send to the group at WhatsApp.

For me, he crossed all the limits. I decided to tell to principal, a really mean old lady. He was called to her office and quit the place with his face red by crying too much, and she made him say sorry to me at the front at the class. Since this day, he became really infuriated at me, and i knew recently he carries these grudges till today, because a friend of mine lives in the same neighbourhood. He told me that this bully hated me for such a humiliation, and because his father beat him really hard when he arrived home. My friend said i should have dealt "like a man" to the situation .

I felt kinda bad at the time for doing that, i know it is not cool to be denounced to the principal, but the guy was invading my space. The best i could do was solving it with a fight, but we would be discovered.

So i came to ask, am i am asshole for doing this? What should I have done?

Now a funny story. This year, on January, i started a job on a retail drugstore. Long story short, was a terrible job overall, a dead end. A bitter and annoying manager. Doing multiple tasks all the time and for the manager never was good enough. One of them was the cleaning, since there didn't have janitorial service. Then the kitchen started to smell really bad. Whoever came to the kitchen would scream " OMG what stink!" . During the cleaning sessions, we washed the drain with water, but the stink only increased. Detail: we didn't have cleaning products, because the manager wouldn't buy it.

All these flaws, lack of organization, perspective and security made me feel miserable at this job, and i was there only 1 month. I was thinking on quitting the job but wasnt so sure ,wasnt an easy decision. I thought i should " be a man " and stand. Then, one day, when i just arrived, i felt that horrid swamp smell even before arriving at the balcony. To worsen, a coworker was eating fried fish at the kitchen, and the stink of fish blend with the other stink, forming a Super Saiyajin of stenches.

I started to dangle. I could take the high pressure routine of dead end job. With some effort, i could take the complaints of a bitter manager and spoiled customers. But i couldn't take stenches along with all these shit. I'm not as hard as a cockroach. That's why the civilization developed cleaning products, perfume and deodorant, to left the stink at the middle ages. During the lunchtime, i wrote a quitting request and printed at a bookstore near there.

Some stink made me quit the job. May be impulsive, may be futile, childish, dumb but i don't regret that much.

(24M) I wasnt always like this, but i became after being bullied, deceived and disappointed by people i thought were my friends and would be along with me forever. Part of it, i admit,was my fault, for being naive and idealizing things. Now i'm on " not the slight bullshit mode". If i note some mockery and annoyance, i'll dump them. But this way of life has a price, i may end up alone, and i dont want it.

I noticed a lot of things changed after lockdown, and one of them that is topsy turvy is the way people interact nowadays. It is bizarre, people only know how to speak non stop. Either this or responding very dry, as the mere act of talking was a burden. I got tired of these both types of conversation really fast. Example, at a class that i went and i was new. There were a group with two guys leading , talking non stop about their work. At first i was kinda interested, and made an observation, but that was for nothing, the two guys only re-started to talk and brag about their stuff, and the rest of the group just orbiting. " I did, i went, i was" . Booooooring. Interactions like that make me feel like a misanthrope, but i don't hate people, i just get tired of some repetitive behaviour of them.

However, i'm lucky if these conversations are not rude, like with people who think they know it all.

So i wuld like to know, are/were you like this? How did you change?