r/extroverts

i’m an introvert and i’ve been living in the same building for 3 years. i’m friends with all the doormen and yet every time i walk past the front desk, i run this code

def pass_through_hallway():

# objective: cross the hallway

while doorman_in_field_of_vision:

look_at(doorman)

if doorman_not_in_field_of_vision:

stop_looking_at(doorman)

if look_at(doorman) and doorman.looked_back:

say("hi")

smile()

elif look_at(doorman) and not doorman.looked_back:

pretend_to_be_natural()

if doorman.looked_at_me_in_the_last_few_seconds:

# anterior cingulate cortex + anterior insula

anterior_cingulate_cortex.activate()

lower_head()

squint()

feel_embarrassed()

raise_head()

half_turn()

say("GOOD MORNING", volume=MAX_VOLUME, looking_at=wall)

overthink(

"why did i do that",

"he noticed",

"why did i say it so loudly",

"i can never walk past here again"

)

This may or may not have anything to do with introversion or extroversion but in the comments, I want only extroverts to share your thoughts.

A friend and I met online. Many years before, we both were caught in a similar problem and looking for solution and help online at the same time and that's how we met, around Covid. So the initial connection was nice because we both were looking to talk to someone, and we shared everything from our childhood, family, everything ...

And this friend would want to meet only for coffee or lunch or brunch. That was okay because I had and still have other friends to hang out with for fun events. This friend is an introvert (as they themselves say, not me labelling them) and still doesn't mind opening up and sharing. The first few times, it was fine. And it's been years. My life has changed a lot - it happens with everyone, no? Many good things and bad things - that's life!

Recently I realized that this person is the only person in my entire network who has no passion and no interest in anything at all. All my other contacts - extroverts and introverts, men and women - have something they really like - career, learning, travelling, photography, games, makeup, clothes, books, TV, movies, music, cooking, food, partying, spirituality, investment, something ... So when I catch up or hang out or talk to them, on both sides - their side and my side - we have many interesting updates to share. But with this friend, it's always the same - at this adult age, this person is a shadow of their parents - going wherever they go, doing whatever they do, and each time, the talk is the same - their parents/family trying to set them up with someone to meet, someone like them/their people, and me hearing and nodding and listening about how that went and why it failed. Nothing interesting. Always boring restaurants and rarely some cinema. For years.

It hit me only last time when we met and they said their own younger sibling pointed out that this search for a partner and the family setting them up is pretty silly. No excitement about anything, really.

Here's the thing: this person genuinely thinks it's normal. They have hardly any friends. Before you think depression, anxiety, PTSD, no, nothing like that ahs ever happened in their case - never - perfectly healthy, physically and mentally. Financially sound as well. Very loving, supportive, closely-knit family.

I realized that each time I was the one bringing the energy and excitement to teh table all these years and they just share some story about some match they met and how crazy it was or some trip they went on with their family - nothing else. For a few months now, I feel like all my energy and joy leave my body when I think about this person. I recently shared a work related document with all my friends and asked them to share it with others, too, and this was the only person who didn't reply. Something told me to never ping this friend again. I feel drained. I've been thinking about ending this pointless friendship for good. We used to hang out at least once a month, but I need to give that time to other interesting things and other people in my life or at elast be happily alone at my place, watching or listening to something or relaxing because the thought of meeting them makes me tired instantly.

Has it ever happened with you? What did you do?

By nature I'm a pretty extroverted person. I don't really care what others think, I can interact and communicate with others easily and I'm also kinda loud.

Now Im debating whats the fine line between being extroverted and confident in yourself and being socially reckless.

For context I come from a very close minded post soviet eastern European country. Everything you do, you get stared at.

I sing along with my friends (even if not loud), I get stared at.

I get excited, I get stared at.

I dance at concerts and sing along, I get stared at.

I speak loudly, or scream with my friends I get stared at. (This is quite understandable).

And while I dont give a damn about others opinion, the stares just get uncomfortable.

I tried taking my shirt off at a concert (having a tank top underneath it) and I was filmed at.

I screamed at a concert (around 30k people), I got yelled at and got told to go fuck myself.

And I'll admit, Ive done some stupid stuff and I take accountability for them and I get why I might have gotten stared at.

But recently Ive started thinking about if its me thats the problem, or the society I live in?

How do you guys find introverts to be in a friendship?

If you’re extroverted, what are your thoughts on obtaining a friendship with someone who is more introverted. What are the pros and cons for you personally?