r/introvert

Im 22m and I got no idea how I'm meant to get a gf. My life is go to work, go home, go food shopping weekly and occasionally the gym. No part of me wants to go on nights out with my friends because I just don't see myself enjoying it. I've been on 1 date in my life (last week 😂) and I didn't enjoy it either. Just felt draining.

People in here with women, how did you do it And what's it actually like having a gf as an introvert?

I’ve been seeing a lot of people say they’re introvert despite wanting to socialize and have a lot of friends and it’s just making me wonder how many people are colloquial or psychology introvert.

Psychologically an introvert is someone who someone needs time alone time to be able to feel comfortable socializing again. Meaning socializing is really draining and tiring and they prefer alone time so they can recharge and preserve energy. They can still have people who give them energy but those people are very limited and even then their energy can be drained.

Colloquially an introvert is someone who avoids social interactions and is often know as “antisocial” (which the correct term would be asocial). They tend to avoid social interaction all together and are often known as loners.

I’m just wondering how many people get these two mixed up. Cause i feel like not everyone is an actual introvert or just says they are cause they think they’re asocial and avoid people. And they associate introvert with being less social which isn’t even the entire case. Introverts can socialize a lot and still enjoy human interaction.

The main difference between the two is one is more focused on where you get energy (psychological) and the other is more caused on how asocial you are (colloquial).

So like. I love the idea of having a life long partner to help support and spend time with. But I hate the idea of having to live someone and have to have physical intimacy a lot and then be expected to have kids. And while I know there are guys who won’t expect those things I do feel like most guys my age want that stuff down the line. And sure I’d be willing to give it to the right person. But I just overall hate the idea marrying. I don’t want to live with someone. I don’t wanna share my bed. I don’t want dirty dishes from someone else. I don’t want to be in charge of doing the dishwasher every week ( my current roommate doesn’t know how to work the dish washer ). I don’t want kids.

I just don’t think I have the social battery to be in relationship. I’m already getting tired of having to talk to my friends to every single day but I feel and weird not talking to them every day cause it’s become a habit. But lately I’ve been wanting to cloister myself up and disappear.

I just lowk kinda hate being an ambivert cause I want people to leave me alone but I don’t know how to ask or execute it without feeling weird and thinking about having to deal with a person every single day just sounds horrible to me.

I’m not against marriage. But I just don’t think I wanna get married unless I can live alone or have my own bedroom.

I’m mainly struggling to keep a conversation with people. It’s always just seems awkward to have someone else talking to me and I’m unsure what to say after. Anyone have any good tips on how to become more extroverted (enough to keep a conversation and answer questions in a group of people (5+))

Im 34 never kissed, never dated never had sex. Anyone relate?

6 months ago I had the perfect set up, I work from home. My kids go to school. My husband worked outside our home. I had a 3 year old dog who never caused any issues. Then our dog passed away in a sudden accident. Our whole family was devastated. A family who had owned our dogs brother reached out and asked if we want a puppy from a litter her just fathered. Which our family was so excited about!

Then my son started his first summer at home from kindergarten. I have help and places he can go, camps etc.. but there are some weeks he is home, which for the most part he plays well alone.

Then my husband switched jobs and is now working from home too. He has his own separate work space and it has been nice having him here to help with our son and the puppy.

BUT here is my issue. I use to have 40 hours a week alone basically. Now I feel like I am snippier and grumpier. I am never really alone and on the best days I am here with the puppy. I am not a big puppy person. I am fine and can handle it and do well caring for him, but I am not super in love with puppies in general. I know all of this will pass. Few months, my son will be in school. My husband will travel for his job. The puppy will get older and be more of a companion, but I am tired of feeling like I never get recharged. And I am tire of feeling snippier with my family. Maybe I just wanted to vent to other who understand it.

I feel deeply uncomfortable and repelled by people who constantly crave external validation, partying, and non-stop socialization, their chaotic lifestyle as a desperate mask for underlying personal issues. When drinking, they are unreliable "flight risks" who rely heavily on alcohol to function but ultimately cannot handle it.

When sober, they prove equally difficult to be around, often focusing on trivial, unproductive topics and deliberately pushing my buttons to provoke an emotional reaction while being highly volatile themselves. I consider myself an "immovable introvert", I *do* protect my peace and need for solitude, their refusal to respect my boundaries inevitably leads to conflict but what disgusts me and gives me the ick is:

It grosses me out that when they can't get their supply energy vampire out of me they just run around like rats in the street at all hours, looking for the next victims to drain of energy. They don't filter for high quality connections either they just want someone, anyone to drain.

I've done my fair share of socializing, hanging with what I consider high quality folks. But I never felt like I was going to explode because I didn't hang out with them and turn rabid looking for people to soothe my need for... idk say talk to someone regarding a game or life event.

The main reason i ask this question is because if i want to go somewhere fun whether it be trying out new food, exploring mall etc. I always need friends for that which in most of the cases they are not available.The thought of going alone makes me tremble or more precisely it makes me nervous. Even in college too if i want to go eat somewhere else because I want to I can't i dont have anybody to give me company. The main fear I have about it is "What will people think of me?"," They will think I don't have friends","They will think I lack social skills"etc.

I would like to have opinions about this.

I found out talking to people specially people who asks a lot of questions and try to argue makes me sick .. my stomach will hurt lme, I will become feverish, my energy will drop and I will not be able to do anything else.. just want to go home and be with myself .. do you guys feel the same? I decided now to stop communicating with others unless it is important or people are quiet and I feel less stressed with them ..

I have reached a point where I’ve completely forgotten what it’s like to approach a stranger and feel fear. About six months ago, I started meeting new people online quite often. Around that same time, I kept coming across YouTube videos of pranksters approaching strangers on the street. I started thinking about how many failed takes they must have to go through to capture that one perfect moment, since people don't always react the way you want them to. That’s when it hit me: strangers are a bit like Tinder in real life — it’s just a simple 'yes' or 'no.'
I decided to test this theory. I started approaching people, making small talk or giving compliments, viewing every interaction as a real life Tinder swipe. Eventually, something changed: I stopped feeling any emotional weight in these moments. Whether I was paying a compliment to a stranger, chatting with a cashier, or being yelled at by a random grandmother because I didn't let her cut in line I felt nothing. In that moment with the grandmother, I actually stopped for five seconds, struck by a strange realization: 'Wait, am I really not feeling anything at all?'
I also noticed that I stopped feeling any difference in status based on age. Whether someone is 20 or 40, I treat them as equals. In short, I only invest my emotions in someone after we’ve actually formed a connection, not before.
I am an emotional person by nature, but I’ve learned to stop spending that energy on strangers. I’ve started viewing everyone as equals, simply as fellow human beings. I don’t treat new people as tools I see them as individuals whose lives run parallel to mine, but who likely won't impact my own journey. I’m not being immoral or cold; I’m just practicing a form of emotional conservation.

I don't want to seem insensitive with this post, but i'm assuming this is a safe space.

My mother just does not stop talking. She's always talking about something or the other and it's never anything really intellectual or conversation-worthy. It's random rants and a lot of the times it's hating on other people, pessimistic news and other stuff. I can literally feel my "battery" draining so hard when i listen to her. I never have anything suitable to contribute - as it is our relationship is extremely strained.

I am mostly on my laptop and have earphones plugged in and i listen to background music on Youtube even if not songs. I just need to signal that i'm not listening to her so she'll maybe get the hint, but it rarely stops her. She also keeps hounding me if im not actively engaging with her - "it feels like i'm talking to the walls", "we barely talk anymore"

I just don't know what to do. Your house is supposed to be a safe space. The last thing i want to do in my comfort zone and safe space is chatter constantly. I value silence so much. She wants to talk while the TV is on (comments like ew, what is she wearing, that guy is such an idiot), she wants to talk while we're eating, just constantly. We are just such different people.

Do i just have to live with this? Moving out is not an option right now - more because i have to support her in other ways and financially (for her) too.

I attended a wedding yesterday and was so exhausted , I will have my own wedding next year and I cannot imagine going through all of that.. how did you do your wedding?
Context:
My parents and extended family are used to and love big weddings with lots of people and traditions etc. and I don’t want to let them down (mainly my parents) since I an an only child and a lesbian none the less, but I cannot imagine having all of those people and things at my wedding. I know I cannot do elopement bc that would break their heart but I also know they will be sad if we have only wedding lunch and that’s it.. did anyone deal with a sense of letting others down? I don’t know what to do, I know its MY wedding and I can do it however I want but at the same time its their day too…

A week now i feel like i don't wanna talk with my friends for no reason, i just feel like she doesn't respect my boundaries just because we're friends ,also in this period where we don't talk a lot i realized a lot of things like I don't feel comfortable doing some things for her like sharing my personal stuff or telling her evry detail of my day but i still do it cuz i feel m forced to do it cuz she do the same , I don't want drama but how can i just stop being close and become regular friends barely talk .also m afraid to regret that later when I'll feel lonely because not only her but a loot of the people ik i start to avoid them and then they cut me off but none of them was close as much as her

who’s down with being friends? 17+ tho no weird stuff 😭 ACTUALLY text back im a bit awkward and get silent at times but other then that im a great person hmu chat.

Idek know where this would even belong lmao because it's kind of a mix of non-social, social anxiety, and introversion, but I've just become such a shut in I don't do anything, I don't talk to anyone, and I have such a terrible memory that everything before my 20s is now really fuzzy. I barely remember my past and the last several years have been so uneventful that I've become COMPLETELY uninteresting. If I did one of those cringe ice breaker activities and I was told to name 3 interesting things about myself I'd have nothing. Nothing really worth talking about, anyway. I play video games, I like star wars, and idk poutine is my favourite food, but I can't eat it because dumb reasons. Thanks for coming to my sped talk

So I have this new friend . We've just started talking and we haven't even met yet . However we have great conversations and we really have a natural flow when talking.

They also do initiate .

They also have to drive to hangout .

But IV noticed that the last couple times atleast so far that we've planned to hangout something's come up.

First time , they didn't feel good basically.

Totally fine right.

Second time, they were having a very bad day it seemed and we're telling me about it and they forgot that we were talking about it that day a couple days earlier ..

so the second time nothing was set in stone yet it just was discussed that we would hang on that day ...

However when these things came up they didn't overdramatize it either like it was a lie . They just said it straight forward with very very little to no detail .

And then each time they also felt bad about it and immediately mentioned rescheduling.

And now just this past weekend we again talked about it . But no day . It was just mentioned and they said they could make some time even though it's busy for them ..

Again . There is no plan obviously so I don't care about that .

With all this, something very important to add is that they are really nice and have honestly been very kind to me. They have been someone I can talk to whenever I feel I need to .

And they are happy to listen to me go on and on about the same issues lol so that says a lot too.... I want to not overthink or jump to anything yet .... Everything so far that theyv shown me as who they are is great . And they do seem honest and very genuine.

Now , as well I didnt outright ask them if they had been honest with me those times. But I did say something along the lines of

"Not saying you weren't being honest those times, but I just want to be sure I'm not being lied to . I'm in no rush to hangout . But the last couple times we've tried something's happened. "

And they just said they understand .

I tend to overthink . And I don't want to just assume things cause that's not fair to them either .

I can see it both ways, that they were honest about all of it and it's only been a couple times it's happened and sometimes life does happen and you may need to keep replanning .

The other way, is they are just lying about it and for some reason still wanting to talk to me and stuff but not follow through and are infact flaking .

I hope you all have a peaceful day. Making friends as an introvert after academic life is incredibly painful. The world becomes entirely cold.

Years ago, my ex cheated on me, breaking my heart. I lost all interest in dating. Today, I am completely isolated, possessing only one to two true friends. Reaching out on social media is impossible. The moment you text someone, they instantly label you a creep.

Joining clubs to find a belonging fails too. Strangers pull away defensively without a prior introduction. The workplace offers no comfort. It remains strictly professional, lacking any real personal conversation.

I feel myself drowning in absolute loneliness. Dating apps offer zero hope. Pages are flooded because men outnumber women five to six times here.

I genuinely don't know how to approach people when every environment feels so completely closed off.

As a chronic overthinker, these thoughts are devastating me. It hurts deeply knowing that basic human interaction gets you stamped with a terrible label. Finding a genuine friend, finding a girl to love after university, feels like an impossible dream.