r/introvert

I have a pretty hard time at my office job, My company is quite small, so everyone knows everyone, and I’m a young girl so I guess people expect me to be cheerful and outgoing, but I’m really the opposite of that

Socializing drains me a lot, especially small talk just for being polite because I honestly don’t really see the point of it. I always try to be very polite and friendly because I know I have to make an effort so I don’t come across as rude

The truth is that every time they invite me to have lunch with them I make up some excuse, because that’s my break and if I have to socialize I don’t really rest at all. Same if they ask me to go for breakfast or go down to the supermarket with them

I don’t want to be rude, I just get really tired from sitting around chatting with my coworkers

I don’t know if anyone else feels like this, but every time I have to go to the office I end up really, really drained 😅

Ive seen some posts/people talking about this. Talking about how it’s rude to walk in a room and not say hi/good morning/what’s up even with roommates or people you live with. I was never raised this way and my parents and siblings never do it either. the only time I say something is if someone says it back or if I want to talk to someone.

I recently talked on the phone with a guy I met online (he’s 21), and he was very quiet during the call. There were often long periods of silence, and honestly, the silence started feeling kind of awkward to me, so I would sometimes giggle or laugh a little because I found the situation awkward. At one point he asked me why I was laughing, and I told him there wasn’t really a reason. I just tend to laugh a lot.
The conversation was actually pretty deep and serious at times. But sometimes he would try to say these tough or deep quotes, and I would giggle a little because I found it kind of funny. I wasn’t laughing loudly or making fun of him. It was literally just a little laugh or giggle.
But he got really annoyed by it. He told me that my laughing and giggling were very annoying and that I wasn’t acting my age and was being childish. He made it seem like I was constantly laughing and couldn’t take anything seriously, which honestly wasn’t the case at all. I was serious and listening for most of the conversation.
This was actually the first time someone has told me that I’m childish because of the way I laugh, and it made me wonder if I should try to stop doing it.
The thing is, I’m naturally a pretty shy and quiet person. I’m also socially awkward and tend to overthink a lot. When I meet someone new, especially a guy, it takes me a while to become comfortable and stop being shy. I often overthink the way I talk because I’m scared that I might sound weird, so I tend to hold back and let the other person talk. I’m more of a listener than someone who constantly talks.
With my female friends, I’ve never really had this problem. The silence never feels awkward because they usually have lots of stories to tell and things to talk about. But when I’m talking to guys, I often feel like there’s so much silence, and it makes me uncomfortable. I think that’s partly why I laugh or giggle sometimes, just to break the awkwardness.
So now I’m wondering: Do I need to work on myself and become less shy and quiet, or do I just need to find someone whose personality is more compatible with mine?
I know I laugh a lot, and that’s just part of my personality. But I also don’t want to use that as an excuse if there really is something I should work on.
I guess I’m wondering if other shy or quiet people have experienced something similar, especially when talking to guys. Do you think two quiet people can work well together, or is it better for a quiet person to have a partner who naturally talks a lot?

Which country is the ultimate paradise for introverts?

What do you guys actually do on weekends when you don't have a big social circle, don't have family gatherings/plans, and you're not a very social person?

I’m not really into going out all the time, and I also don’t enjoy watching movies or binge-watching series that much.

Sometimes the weekend comes and I’m just like… okay, now what? 😂

I’d love to know what people who are in a similar situation actually do with their weekends.

Do you:

• Have hobbies?
• Go somewhere alone?
• Exercise or play a sport?
• Learn something?
• Work on personal projects?
• Read?
• Explore your city?
• Just stay home and relax?
• Have some kind of weekend routine?

Looking for genuine ideas that make weekends feel fulfilling, not just "watch Netflix" or "go party." 😅

What does your typical weekend look like?

Here is the abstract below. This explains that your higher than normal reaction to external stimuli, is not 'you', it's simply a variation in your brain. It's not a character flaw, it's not something that just goes away with a self help book. It is what it is, as they say.

Norepinephrine (NE), a central catecholamine neurotransmitter synthesized primarily in the locus coeruleus (LC), plays a critical role in regulating arousal, attention, emotional processing, and stress responsiveness. While contemporary personality neuroscience has established the role of NE in acute psychological states, its contribution to stable personality traits remains underexplored. This review synthesizes neurobiological, psychological, genetic, and psychopharmacological evidence to propose a NE-personality continuum that links tonic and phasic dynamics of the LC-NE system to enduring individual differences in alertness, anxiety, and adaptability. Alertness is associated with optimal noradrenergic tone and efficient phasic signaling, which enhances the signal-to-noise ratio and attentional focus. Anxiety arises from chronic hyperactivation or dysregulated NE release, particularly involving excessive α1- and β-adrenergic receptor activity and impaired modulation from the prefrontal cortex. Adaptability denotes a harmonious interaction between the limbic system and prefrontal cortex, which facilitates cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation in response to changing environmental demands. The connection between NE activity and personality traits follows an inverted U-shaped pattern. Low tone leads to apathy and less engagement, moderate tone helps with resilience and optimal functioning, and high tone leads to hypervigilance and rigidity. This model combines findings from fundamental neuroscience and clinical research to provide a physiologically based framework for understanding how long-term variations in noradrenergic regulation affect personality traits, as described in established trait theories. The findings underline the feasibility of adding noradrenergic biomarkers and pharmaceutical therapies into clinical practice, as well as the importance of longitudinal and multimodal research to determine trait-level causality. This is especially important for understanding how to use these elements to improve treatment plans for personality disorders.

It feels like you are just simply trying to become the least common denominator with other people, most of the socializing is just simply bunch of random small talks, drinking, partying which serves no practical value at all. It does not lead to any improvement in valuable skills such as reading, writing, music, etc. It always annoy me hearing these people who were clearly very privillaged like good lifestyles habit such as reading daily, studying a lot, etc. And they feel bad about themselves and feel like they are "wasting their lives" all because they did not drink, go to parties etc. Like why the hell does that bother you so much??

I've always given myself a hard time about my "social anxiety". Why do I feel so awkward talking to people and how can I NOT be like this?

Yet, it catches me off guard when someone calls me "shy". I don't really see myself that way. I'm a perfectly comfortable public speaker, for example. I've realized that the anxiety isn't because of the socializing itself, it's from constantly feeling like I have to hide that I'm not interested in talking to someone while I'm talking to them.

There are only three or four people in my life right now who I enjoy talking to even after everything that has needed to be said has been said.

It would probably be nice to have more people in my life who I'm close to. At the same time, I'm also kind of fine with what I have right now. Although, all relationships end in one way or another. I worry I'd be lost without my inner circle. It would also just be nice to genuinely enjoy conversations more if nothing else.

Putting this into words makes me feel like an antisocial asshole. Maybe I am. I DO care about people generally. I want people to have happy, good lives.

Has anyone else felt this way? How do you handle it? Is it possible to make yourself become more interested in talking to people?

I am actually a shy/introverted guy, a below average looking guy, not handsome, maybe a 4/10. I am very insecure about my looks. I don't talk to any strangers and even if I talk to them, I feel like I am very boring. I don't fit in there.

I don't have any female friends either. I know that is because of my character and the way I am. I don't know how to talk. I don't know how to express my feelings. I don't smile at people first because I think they are not interested in me. My friends mock me, saying I don't have feelings, but I cry a lot when I am alone. I don't remember when I last laughed genuinely.

Sometimes I feel like people like me should not exist in the world. I don't think I am a good brother or a good son either.

I don't think I even deserve a relationship. I don't know if a girl would like me. I don't know if I would hurt her. I don't know if I can express my love to her. I don't know if I would become a burden to her.

Sometimes I imagine myself leading a happy life with my wife and kids. But then I remember who I am and what I am like and I feel like maybe that kind of life isn't meant for me.

I 20M and in college and recently it's been kinda weird. I have like zero interest in a girlfriend. I honestly prefer chilling and doing my own thing. I'm not really interested in girls until I know them at least a little bit but I feel like that's normal. I'm sure once I meet the right person I'll care but for now I'm fine how I am. Anyone else like this? Should I fight against myself or look anyway or just keep doing me?

I’m an introvert and I recently started a new job. My colleagues are generally nice and friendly, but somehow I still find myself feeling a little out of place and empty at times. I think part of it is also because my department is basically a one-man show, whereas most of the other departments have more than one person in their team. So while I do interact with some people, I don’t really have that “team” feeling or someone I naturally stick with at work.

I don’t know if it’s just part of getting older, but I feel like it’s becoming harder and harder to make genuine connections with people. Sometimes even when I’m surrounded by people, whether it’s colleagues, relatives or my in-laws….I feel like most of the conversations I have are quite surface-level. We can chat and/or laugh, but somehow I still don’t feel that sense of closeness or connection, if that makes sense.

I’m an only child, and when I was younger, friendships were always very important to me. I would be the one initiating conversations, asking people out, and making the effort to build friendships. But as I’ve gotten older, I feel like I’ve become “lazy” when it comes to socialising. 😅 It’s not that I don’t want friends, I just don’t really have the energy or motivation to mingle and start from scratch anymore.

My social circle has also gotten much smaller over the years. Sometimes I’m perfectly fine with it, but other times I look around and realise… wow, I actually don’t have that many people I feel genuinely close to.

Starting a new job probably made me notice this feeling even more. Everyone is nice, but I still feel like I don’t quite belong anywhere yet.

Does anyone else feel this way as they get older? Like you still want genuine friendships and people you can really connect with, but at the same time, you just don’t have the energy to actively make new friends anymore?

For me, it’s that being quiet doesn’t necessarily mean I’m uncomfortable, bored, or have nothing to say.

Sometimes I actually have a lot to say. I’m just deciding whether the conversation is worth stepping into.

And honestly, I think there’s a weird contradiction with being introverted:

I can spend an entire evening perfectly happy on my own, but then randomly meet one person I genuinely click with and suddenly I could talk to them for five hours.

What’s something about being introverted that you think extroverts consistently misunderstand?

And what’s one thing you wish people would stop assuming about you just because you’re quiet?

I’m an Indian guy living in the US, and I’m at a point where I genuinely want to meet new people and build meaningful connections. I spent most of my life focused on school, finished my Master’s in Computer Science, and now travel quite a bit for work. Career-wise I’m doing well, but socially and dating-wise, I’m still figuring things out. I’m a bit introverted, dating apps haven’t really been my thing, and I’m not looking for hookups. I’d rather meet people, have good conversations, and if I meet a woman I genuinely connect with, I’m open to something serious. For anyone who’s been in a similar situation, what worked for you? And has anyone actually made genuine connections through Reddit?

I mean I CAN say no but my family or nobody plans anything and we don’t really do much on weekends like we used to so what else can I say? They always ask if I’m coming very next weekend every week but we have nothing planned so I would just say okay. I would have said no. I blame myself for not saying no and I am doing this to myself. Sometimes missing someone is a good think. My best friend always says she misses me every week. We have other friends too. I work full time and take an online class in college so I get burnt out. There’s times I need time to myself. The thing is they’re understanding people and they get it. I can’t go over there every weekend. They don’t even ask if I’m busy anymore and they assume that I will come over. I’m exhausted and I need to see my family but I know everyone has their own lives and doing their own thing. I need to stop giving in and say no more but that doesn’t mean I won’t hang out anymore and always say no. Nobody seems concerned but my dad says, “You are a grown ass woman. If you wanna spend weekends with your friend, just do it. Your choices is up to you. Why would we be concerned? They’re amazing friend that love you so much and wanna spend more time with you. It’s a way to keep you around and not distant yourself so much. Keep them. You just don’t understand how much people love and adore you. If you don’t wanna go over there if we can just say no big deal. Just do it! You don’t need everybody’s approval. Stop seeking approval from everybody and JUST DO IT. If you want to spend time with family, make an effort to plan things.” I would say I’ll let y’all know but they said, “Why? You’re here every weekend so you WILL join us, so I don’t wanna hear you may not come or not sure. No excuses. You’re stuck with us and you’re not getting away from us easy.”
Like I don’t have a choice.

I don't even know how to write this properly. I'm not looking for advice, motivation, or someone to tell me everything will be okay. I genuinely just need to get this out because I have absolutely nobody in my life I can talk to about any of this.

My life is fucked right now.

Since I started high school, it feels like everything has gone downhill. School is insanely hard for me. The days are long as hell, the classes are difficult, and I'm already someone who struggles to sit still and concentrate for an hour, so being forced to do it for basically the entire day completely drains me. Then I get home and I'm supposed to study, do homework, prepare for tests and somehow have enough energy to function normally.

I don't.

I'm exhausted all the time.

And the worst part isn't even the schoolwork. It's that I'm going through all of this completely alone.

I have no genuine friends. Literally nobody I can talk to when something happens. Nobody I can randomly message. Nobody who asks how my day was because they actually care. Nobody I can sit next to at school and feel comfortable with.

I'm surrounded by people all day and somehow I'm still completely alone.

Sometimes people even pretend to invite me into conversations just so they can make fun of me. They say things like "come talk with us" when I know they don't actually want me there. After enough of that, you stop trusting people. You stop approaching them. You start assuming that every interaction is going to end with you feeling stupid or unwanted.

And then when something happens to me, whether it's something completely insignificant or something that genuinely destroys me, I have nobody to tell.

I just keep everything inside.

My parents don't feel like people I can properly open up to either, so there isn't really anywhere for all of this to go.

Then I look at my life and realize I still have THREE MORE YEARS of this school.

Three fucking years.

Sometimes even thinking about that makes me so overwhelmed and anxious that I start panicking. I'm already struggling to survive one school week, and I'm supposed to believe I can just keep doing this for years?

Outside school, there's barely anything left either.

I go to the gym. That's probably the one thing I still consistently do. Apart from that, I just sit on my phone and scroll Instagram for hours. Then I sleep, wake up, go back to school, come home exhausted, scroll again, and repeat.

That's basically my life right now.

School. Stress. Loneliness. Phone. Sleep. Repeat.

I don't feel like I'm actually living anymore. I feel like I'm just trying to make it through each day without completely falling apart.

And the most fucked up part is that I'm still young. I'm supposed to be enjoying these years, making friends, having memories and actually living my life.

Instead, I'm sitting here wondering how I'm supposed to get through another day.

I feel completely alone. Completely empty. Completely exhausted.

At this point life doesn't even feel like life anymore. It feels like a survival game where I'm just trying to get through the next level.

I'm not posting this because I expect Reddit to fix anything. I don't even know if anyone will care enough to read this.

I just genuinely have nobody.

And I couldn't keep all of this inside anymore. I really wanted to share this i couldn't hold it anymore in me... and i was really holding back like this it sounds like normal guy with normal problems but it's much worse...

Thanks if you actually read that 🙂

I just have the hardest time functioning. I don’t enjoy socializing, it makes me panic and I hate it. This is acutely worse right now after a recent separation in which I lost a stepkid relationship too. Don’t know how to explain how much it took out of me to establish those relationships and how emotionally exhausted I am now knowing they failed. Don’t think I can do any of this ever again. I’m tired of trying.

I think part of being introverted is that people get really comfortable and tell you way too much stuff.

I have 6 friends and 2 cousins who always end up in some type of problematic or toxic relationships.

I was always just worried for their safety, or their well being, to the point that I can't sleep or get anxious for them. The problems aren't physical but they do seem to cause a lot of mental damage or exhaustion for them.

Thing is, you give advice, try and help them and support. But then it just continues, they keep repeating it.

After maybe 15 years of this, I finalized realized what's happening. I'm basically like "free theraphy", the kind where you never do anything to fix your issues, just enough to vent and feel good, then go again to start feeling better at the things you can never say to your partner.

I pointed it out to them, and told them that they need to find some actual help because clearly I'm not qualified. Whenever they start bringing it up, I either tell them to please stop, seek actual help or just change the subject or remove myself from the conversation.

I felt so bad and selfish at first, thinking im a bad friend yet I feel like I have to carry their problems with me, and I mentally can't handle it.