Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. Over a year ago I had a falling out with my therapist because I found out had been lying about his credentials and also that he was a r*** apologist.

I have had severe trust issues ever since. This was someone I pried open my broken heart to, after being abandoned by all of my loved ones to deal with my chronic illness alone.

And I hate myself for going to that jerk for nearly a year, not realizing that I wasn't making any progress. Taking too long to realize that he would literally refuse to help me or offer me literally any guidance about my issues. He would just tell me "You're doing great!" And that's it. I was so desperate for any type of support that it took way too long for me to realize I was actually getting worse. I was becoming dependent on his shallow useless compliments.

Eventually he just started dropping the mask completely and admitting that he didn't remember a thing about my issues, even though I had been talking to him almost a year at that point. It was at that moment I realized that he had almost no emotional intelligence. Whenever I talked about any situation, he would always be rendered speechless. I don't really have the heart to explain more about the r*** apologist stuff.

What's heart breaking is that I used to love the idea of therapy. How could it possibly be dangerous? Therapists are good emotionally intelligent people, right? But my trust in therapy has been completed violated and destroyed.

I don't want to hate the idea of therapy. I want to get better. But how am I supposed to get over this? How the hell am I supposed to trust therapists again when it would need a therapist to get me to that point?

My girlfriend (F25) says she feels great with me, notices that I treat her well, and is attracted to me. But at the end of the day, she feels empty.

To add, we've been together for two years, and the last one was long-distance. We saw each other every couple of weeks, but lately I haven't been able to visit her, so she traveled to see me.

I think recently, after some of my shortcomings that she hasn't told me about, she believes it's a problem and is considering ending the relationship.

I've read on this sub about people having this feeling after a first date, as if they're afraid of building something good and already knowing it will end. I think she's not thinking too much about this feeling and can't make sense of it, entering into a state of self-sabotage and thinking she's settled with being with me, but I find it strange, since, as I repeat, everything else is perfect.

I think her biggest mistake was not telling me about it, and mine wasn't realizing it in time. But I wanted to ask: is it normal to feel empty, even when you're with someone with whom you have a truly great connection? How much of an impact do you think these shortcomings might have had?

Due to work reasons, we won't be able to see each other for three months, and she wants to break up before leaving. I was hoping to understand something more about what might be causing this feeling, since she can't explain it well either, and I only have one chance to talk to her and see if we can fix it.

Do you have any experience on something similar that you can share? Could a no-contact period help her understand if she truly doesn't feel anything or if the emptiness increases without my presence?

I keep noticing something in people around me. Loyalty is everywhere but real emotional intelligence is not. I know people who will stick by you no matter what but they cannot talk through a simple issue without turning it into tension or blame.

I used to think loyalty was the main thing that mattered in friendships and relationships. Now I see it is not enough. Some people stay but they do not listen. They react fast. They take everything personal. They shut down instead of understanding where the other person is coming from.

I have also seen the opposite. People who are not always around but when they show up they actually understand you. They can sit with discomfort and talk things out without making it messy.

It makes me wonder if we overrate loyalty and underrate emotional intelligence in general. Because staying in each others lives means nothing if nobody knows how to handle each other properly when things get hard

Is emotional intelligence actually more rare than loyalty these days?

Like so many posts have already discussed, forgiveness is extremely hard. I've recently been meditating on the concept of forgiveness without atonement or absolution. Basically, one can forgive without absolving the perpetrator. They are still guilty and may even deserve whatever karma the universe decides to dish out. The point is apparently to release their control over you and to let go of resentment.

But how does this not cause cognitive dissonance? How can you live through the impact of abuse (for example) and simply forgive? The impact is still there. It's just not clicking in my brain properly and I desperately want to be free of resentment but ignoring the very real and lasting impact seems utterly insane. Like two competing ideas entirely.

Follow up, how do you protect yourself from further harm if you're known to forgive? Especially if you're known to forgive people who overstep boundaries or are forgiving to those who are consistently inconsiderate.

I understand that avoidant attachment is usually rooted in fear, trauma, overwhelm, and nervous system protection. I genuinely do understand that intellectually.

But I think sometimes avoidant spaces focus so much on protecting avoidants from shame that the emotional impact on partners gets minimized or dismissed.

From the anxious side, the asks often do not feel huge at all.

Sometimes we are literally asking for:

• occasional initiation,
• proactive communication,
• a meme,
• a check-in,
• or enough effort to stop feeling like we are carrying the relationship entirely alone.

And when those needs repeatedly go unmet, it can create a deep feeling of emotional loneliness and abandonment, even when the avoidant person genuinely cares.

Understanding where the behavior comes from helps with empathy. But empathy alone does not make a relationship sustainable if one person constantly feels emotionally underfed.

I don’t think avoidants are evil. But I do think the impact of avoidant behaviors on partners deserves to be talked about honestly too.

An avoidant person can even turn a secure person anxious.

I'm going through second round of therapy. The first time around I spent a year unraveling traumas from childhood and I started to make peace with things in my life, I made it to a space of forgiveness and acceptance.

I chose life. I chose it as it was, to make the best of the cards dealt. Then stepped off the gas and progressed thru life. I opened a new chapter where I explored relationships that I had previously avoided owing to lack of self worth issues. Recently I uncovered with all that acceptance some patterns were still messing up this relationship stuff. I was advised to go back to therapy.

Now we have uncovered a deeply troubling core belief that has been in my subconscious. Once floated I cannot remember a time in life I have never had it. I don't know what to do with it. I was assured we will work through it and that we will get through this etc, but my next session in spaced 7 days away, 24 hrs in and I don't know what to do with it. I can't think of a single person in my life I can discuss this. And it nots like I don't have super supportive friends, they are warm and sensitive, but this is so painful for me to share with anyone.

I can't distract myself enough or white knuckle thru it enough.

I rave with a friend who I used to encourage trying therapy cos I see unresolved issues in him. Maybe he has it right, therapy is too confronting. What's the point of uncovering this, it's going to be years to unlearn it. By the time I have the skills i would be old enough to not use it.

Might as well have lived with the symptoms.

I’m talking about people not willing to put in the work to change. I recently got out a relationship where I was very emotionally open and he just wasn’t….He didn’t want to do the work to change and it just made me feel too intense. I think I was too available ? :/ What do they prefer in a partner?

Hello everyone, we've been on our 5th dates, her texting style is always slow but energetic when she answer, but IRL she's very attentive. So last date was a dog walking date and she agrees to meet one of my family member. She even thanked me when the date is over saying that she had a great time. but after that she just went ghost. I asked her on IG DM if she wanted to go to this cafe, she said she can't this weekend, but later that day she still replied to my story. What to do now? should i break no contact? or shes just not interested in the first place? FYI we're still on dating phase

I’m trying to understand why certain people continue occupying emotional space in our lives long after communication fades.

I connected so well with a guy I met through a local club’s groupchat. We started texting each other for a week and staying up FT-ing and calling for a week, until right before our first official date which HE initiated and planned, he cancelled and said he actually doesnt have the capacity or bandwidth for a relationship or talking stage… since he is an MD resident his hours have been extremely unpredictable. It’s been 3 days since we last talked and I miss our banter and conversations!

Would it be too pushy or desperate looking if I ask him if we could still be friends or see each other casually? It seems to me that he got overwhelmed and maybe got in his head, but him putting a stop to our momentum was really sudden

One of the strangest things about growing up is how I've realised that often genuine interest gets ignored… while artificial attention gets rewarded instantly.

A thoughtful message competes with a hundred notifications. Real effort gets overlooked because it isn’t dramatic enough. Meanwhile, performative attention — quick compliments, temporary validation, surface-level interest — spreads fast because it feels good immediately.

We’re living in a time where people are deeply connected, yet rarely feel truly seen.

And honestly, emotional maturity changes the way you notice people.

- You start paying attention to effort...to consistency.

- To the person who checks in without needing something back.

- To the one who listens carefully, remembers small details, and shows care in ways that don’t always demand recognition.

That’s real intelligence to me.

Not who talks the smoothest. Not who gets the most attention. But who can still recognize sincerity in a world built around distraction.

Because anyone can give attention for a moment.

Very few people know how to give genuine presence.

I have this cousin let’s call her Nicole, when our beef happened I was a teenager and she was in her early 20s. When I was a teenager and older, I used to hold the biggest grudge against her for turning my friends against me and by her being an adult and how she should’ve known better, now in my early 20s I realized that those people already had a problem with me and if they chose to take Nicole’s word and not listen to my side of the story then why should I have respect for them? Why should I continue to surround myself with people who have no respect for me? Why would I respect people who have poor judgement?

Hi! I (25F) started intentionally dating about a year ago. Before that, I had no relationship experience. After going on multiple dates, I realized I probably have an anxious attachment style. However, it got much worse this year after a sudden heartbreak at the end of last year, when someone I was seeing suddenly lost interest and disappeared without any explanation.

Since then, whenever I start getting to know someone and things become more emotionally involved (usually after a month or so), my anxiety gets heavily triggered. I start overanalyzing texts, social media interactions, response timing, effort in dates, sex, basically everything. It got to the point where I once vomited from anxiety because a guy took too long to reply.

I know this is affecting me in a really unhealthy way, and I’m already in therapy, but I’d really like to hear from people who struggle with anxious attachment too: how do you manage it during the early stages of dating?

I’m scared I’ll end up ruining something potentially special because of my anxiety. One of the hardest parts is that I can never tell whether it’s my anxious attachment making me spiral, or my intuition noticing that someone is actually pulling away.

My partner doesn’t really initiate emotional connection. I’m usually the one reaching out just to talk, saying I miss them first, or trying to create emotional closeness. If I don’t initiate, things tend to feel pretty distant, even if there’s no conflict.

When I do bring up feelings like feeling disconnected or missing them, their response is usually calm but very logical or surface-level. It’s not mean or dismissive, but I don’t usually feel emotionally reassured afterward. Sometimes it even makes me feel more alone than before I said anything.

I’ve started noticing I hesitate to bring things up because it doesn’t really lead to feeling closer, which is what I’m actually looking for when I do it.

Is this just a difference in emotional expression or attachment style?
Can relationships work when one person is more emotionally expressive/initiating and the other is more reserved?
Or does this usually turn into emotional distance over time?

Not even the other iterations, like just saying "love you", or even "love ya". I've managed to work up to those iterations with my wife, but even with her the full "I love you" is like internal nails on a chalkboard. My parents and siblings weren't particularly cold, but we were also never that form of close. We'd talk about anything, but there was never any touching or real signs of affection.

I realize they're just words, but I really do feel it's deeper than that. Seems like an unwillingness to be vulnerable, but maybe that's just me looking into it too much. Been married for years, so relationships are still possible, just feels like one of the deeper layers of them are mentally blocked off. What do you guys think? I don't suppose this is particularly rare, but I also don't think it's the norm.

Anyway, want to get over this hurdle, though in truth I'm not even sure where to start. Perhaps this is more in the territory of seeing a counselor, though I'm always curious for input on things.

7 months. Communication issues. Hidden substance usage that became a problem. Blurred lines. Closed inner world. Moments shared fell. Countless talks, discussion. Over explaining. Over leveraging and compensating.

She only understands in the moment. After? Like it was never an issue.

Now she’s trying to change things. I remember what I went through and sat through, to now a see a change because I keep trying to walk away.

How do I learn to appreciate the change? How do I feel authenticity behind it again? It feels fake. It feels forced and I’m cold and honestly, i don’t want it. Is there a way back out of this or is this altered for good? How do I reframe this mindset of being checked out? Is there any hope when it hits this deep?