u/Kitchen_Cry_5511

i (19F) probably should've broken up with him (20M) sooner, but i was clinging onto hope until i finally realized who was showing up in the present. it wasnt someone curious, who wanted to be better, nor was he someone with the capacity to love me the way i needed. i met him as someone fun, caring, and so sweet, but then i met the version of him that was unreachable. he grew cold when i brought up heavy feelings and was left on delivered for days at a time. ive communicated abt the way we handle things, for my wrongdoings, and how we could build a healthier dynamic. he gave promising words with no action and itd leave anyone confused. you can care and love your fullest, understand both sides, but u cant carry a relationship alone :3 yall dating someone w avoidant attachment SUCKS BOOTY CHEEKS 😓😓😅 find someone that will step forward with u :)

Hii! Im 19F and my bf 20M has adhd (might be relevant idk!). We're LDR and he first pulled away out of nowhere a few months ago for abt a week. He talks to me very sweetly and was super warm. We ended up having a bit of future talk and idk if that scared him off lol. It wasnt completely ghosting but more like 5% of what it used to be (constant calls and texting. codependency ik 🫩). This dug up abandonment trauma from my past relationship and I went absolute panic mode to where I was met with defensiveness (him saying that hes not even disappearing), but we agreed to call fewer times a week so that we both have time for ourselves and for each other.

It went alright until he quit his job to trade and he started texting me less and less. He mentioned he needed time to get a schedule together so ofc i gave space. It had been some time and we barely texted and hadn't called in months and i ended up expressing that all I want is to feel chosen and like I matter to him. He ended up going silent for 5 days and came back saying "I did what I said I wouldn’t do again. idk why I’m being so inconsistent and inconsiderate of your feelings and would understand if you want nothing to do with me at this point but I miss laughing with you and seeing your beautiful face and just being in your presence. ik what you said about not tolerating what I continued to do but I wanted to just see how you’ve been." I told him that what I value more is how we handle things moving forward and that I'd love for us to be more open with each other to which he said he understands and will try. I told him that I never want to trample over him, but I don't know what lines im crossing if they aren't delineated.

Throughout these past few months I realized I lean heavily anxious in relationships bc of my past and that I was quite smothering, critical, and made him the basis for my mood. I acknowledged and apologized for that when we had conversations like this. Im not in therapy or anything, but I have been reflecting tons and am able to mostly control myself now.

I understand a relationship isnt always going to be exciting, but how you show up for yourself and your partner is what makes it healthy long term. Im not downplaying my hurt either. It exists, but I also feel for him bc he grew up with his mom and her bf constantly yelling at each other that he had to live w his grandparents to get away. He told me that he feels safer with his emotions bottled up. All I want is for him to feel safe with me, but ik only he can fix that by facing himself. Ive expressed how I never want to be against him, but instead face things together with him. I know it's hard bc I also used to be the person who shuts down when it comes to confrontation until I was forced to for a situation too long to address here heh. But yeah I love him dearly and just wanted to see if im handling this the right way and what ur guys' thoughts are :3

Hii! Im 19F and my bf 20M has adhd (might be relevant idk!). We're LDR and he first pulled away out of nowhere a few months ago for abt a week. He talks to me very sweetly and was super warm. We ended up having a bit of future talk and idk if that scared him off lol. It wasnt completely ghosting but more like 5% of what it used to be (constant calls and texting. codependency ik 🫩). This dug up abandonment trauma from my past relationship and I went absolute panic mode to where I was met with defensiveness (him saying that hes not even disappearing), but we agreed to call fewer times a week so that we both have time for ourselves and for each other.

It went alright until he quit his job to trade and he started texting me less and less. He mentioned he needed time to get a schedule together so ofc i gave space. It had been some time and we barely texted and hadn't called in months and i ended up expressing that all I want is to feel chosen and like I matter to him. He ended up going silent for 5 days and came back saying "I did what I said I wouldn’t do again. idk why I’m being so inconsistent and inconsiderate of your feelings and would understand if you want nothing to do with me at this point but I miss laughing with you and seeing your beautiful face and just being in your presence. ik what you said about not tolerating what I continued to do but I wanted to just see how you’ve been." I told him that what I value more is how we handle things moving forward and that I'd love for us to be more open with each other to which he said he understands and will try. I told him that I never want to trample over him, but I don't know what lines im crossing if they aren't delineated.

Throughout these past few months I realized I lean heavily anxious in relationships bc of my past and that I was quite smothering, critical, and made him the basis for my mood. I acknowledged and apologized for that when we had conversations like this. Im not in therapy or anything, but I have been reflecting tons and am able to mostly control myself now.

I understand a relationship isnt always going to be exciting, but how you show up for yourself and your partner is what makes it healthy long term. Im not downplaying my hurt either. It exists, but I also feel for him bc he grew up with his mom and her bf constantly yelling at each other that he had to live w his grandparents to get away. He told me that he feels safer with his emotions bottled up. All I want is for him to feel safe with me, but ik only he can fix that by facing himself. Ive expressed how I never want to be against him, but instead face things together with him. I know it's hard bc I also used to be the person who shuts down when it comes to confrontation until I was forced to for a situation too long to address here heh. But yeah I love him dearly and just wanted to see if im handling this the right way and what ur guys' thoughts are :3