u/theresasarrow

Let’s say a bro goes on a few dates with a woman you gad a crush on, didnt work out with them, and you still see that woman 2 years later, would you try and date her or is she off limits?

Met a kind man at a Christian Young Adults group. We date with marriage in mind and keep chastity. Went on one lunch date about a month ago and since we saw each other weekly, I feel like he’s been using public appearances as a way to stay connected with me. I missed the past few meetings and suddenly after 10 days of no texting, he texted me to ask if I will be in the next meeting. He said he cant wait to see me, but YA group comes, and I was too shy to approach him and I think he was too since we spent the time chatting to our own group of friends with 0 interaction until the END. When we were leaving he came up to me to me hug me and said “I saw you there earlier” he lingered for like 20 seconds then said he had to go…

Since our lunch date, I’ve been transparent in wanting to know him better, he expressed that he wants to “catch up” with me, and since then I stopped texting until he asks me out… he is really receptive over text but a mutual friend told me that he has been single for 6 years, and he tends to fail at follow through.

He is incredibly kind and conscientious, the virtues are there but since he is in his late 30s, either he’s used to being single or doesn’t know how to keep momentum going, or exploring the field…

I have other men asking me out, but tbh my eyes are set on him!!! I felt like we clicked well during lunch date and I admire his personality and character. Should I just let this go or let this be a slow burn???

I’d been seeing a guy for a few dates (3). On our last date, he told me he wasn’t 100% there yet and wasn’t sure whether he wanted to continue romantically, but said he was still curious and open to seeing me again. He said he found me very attractive, we have similar interests and worldviews, and be enjoys talking with me.
We later talked on the phone, and he reiterated that he was open to getting together again and suggested we go out again to see where things go.

A few days later, though, he texted me saying he’d thought about it and realized we weren’t “at the same place in terms of how we feel about each other and what we’re doing.” He said he wasn’t interested in pursuing me romantically and thought seeing me again would lead me on.

He also is pretty inexperienced and admitted he broke up with bis previous gf 4 years ago because he was scared of his feelings. When I asked him what he learned about his previous relationship, he said that there are a lot of beautiful women in the world and he shouldn’t be scared of passion. However since then he hasnt been in a relationship.

I texted him every other day throughout the month when we were seeing each other to check-in and touch base with him. I was also emotionally open in appreciating who he is and being curious about him.
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Now I’m wondering whether being upfront about liking him made him feel pressured and scared him off. I just don’t know where things go wrong!

We had seamless conversations, similar niche worldviews and beliefs, attraction was mutual!

When you liked and found somebody attractive within the first few dates, but was unsure of, yet continued seeing them and eventually started a relationship with?

I (26F) am seeing someone who may be lukewarm towards me. After the second date, he admitted attraction towards me and acknowledged our compatibility, but he said he doesnt feel quite sure of his feelings but “open” to seeing me again seeing where things go. He then planned a date for us.

My question is, with dating intentionally with marriage in mind, should you evaluate compatibility more quickly by asking hard and personal questions early on and ending “lukewarm” connections despite of shared values, principles, and worldviews? Or is it better to “ease” into making a decision by giving the connection/chemistry more time to develop (assuming you have matched core values and worldviews)?

Assuming you find a date you’re compatible with but do not feel that initial “chemistry” / spark in the early stages, do you keep seeing that person and try to make it work or do is lack of initial “chemistry” still the dealbreaker for you?

I can see the argument for discerning early, asking the hard questions early on, but I can see how that prematurely cutting off a potential good match because for sone people, it can take time to get used to another person. Also I found that date environment and how questions are prefaced high affects comfortability and openness in the type of conversation that hard questions demand.

How do you balance intentionality with giving attraction and emotional connection enough time to grow?

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few dates and we seem compatible in a lot of ways. We share similar values and interests, enjoy talking to each other, and he has told me he finds me attractive.
On our most recent date, I casually asked how he felt. He said he wasn’t fully sure yet whether he saw this becoming romantic, but that he was still interested in seeing me again and finding out. He also made a comment about not feeling very curious about my hobby, which he interpreted as “incompatibility” and stung and made the conversation feel more like a rejection than I think he intended.
I called him afterward because I wanted clarification. I told him I hope we can still be friends regardless. He apologized, said the comment had been shallow and unfair because he doesn’t know me well enough yet, and then doubled down on being open to seeing me again and seeing each other again the following week if I’m available.
From a male perspective, how would you interpret this? Does it sound like a guy who is genuinely interested but still figuring out his feelings, or like someone who is trying to let me down gently while keeping the door cracked open? I’m trying to take his words seriously without assuming uncertainty automatically means rejection.

I’ve been getting to know a Catholic man around my age (mid 20s) and we seem to have a lot of important things in common: faith, values, interests, worldview, and temperament.
After a few dates (3) he told me that he enjoys spending time with me, finds me attractive, and sees areas of compatibility, but he is not completely sure yet whether he sees the connection becoming romantic long-term. He was very honest that he sees some differences between us and while he has asked me out intentionally to get to know me romantically, he is not sure if our connection leads to romantic or platonic relationship, but “open to see me again out of curiosity”
We later had another conversation where we both clarified a few things, and I actually appreciated how respectfully he communicated without defensiveness. He apologized for something that had come across the wrong way that I took personally when he mentioned one area of difference between us, listened to my perspective, and reiterated that he is still open to seeing me again and “seeing where things go.”
Some friends are telling me that if a man is not already “100% sure,” I should move on. I understand not wanting to chase someone who is lukewarm, but I also wonder whether expecting certainty after only a few dates is unrealistic, especially when both people are trying to date intentionally rather than rush into attachment.
For those who have dated with marriage in mind**:** how do you distinguish healthy early-stage discernment from someone simply not being interested enough? At what point does patience become accepting ambiguity for too long?

I have been getting to know a nice man who I share the same values, faith, interests, and hobbies with. We are both in our mid-20s. We both acknowledge that we are compatible and he admitted that he finds me attractive. However, on our third date, when I asked him how he felt (didn't intend it to be a deeper question than a check-in), he said that he is not 100% there yet and he is unsure, but he is open to seeing me again out of curiosity. He mentioned that one of the things that he finds how we are incompatible in is he doesn't find himself curious about my job and my day-to-day during the weekday... Since I am in grad school, my job currently is a means to an end (to afford my schooling). He told me then maybe next time we can talk about that. I told him that I hope we can still be friends since I've genuinely enjoyed our conversations and he said he does enjoy getting to know me too, but he is still open to seeing me and going out. I am so confused because it felt like a rejection and the comment he made about my work stung.

Since I feel comfortable being blunt and honest with him, I called him on the phone after the date for clarification. He apologized for the shallowness of his comment and recognize that he doesn't know me enough so his comment didn't have any value. He brought up seeing each other again next week, and i said I would be open to that too.

I'm not expecting a 100% certainty this early as well. is it healthier to remain open and allow the connection time to develop, or step away because he is not already certain about me? How can I distinguish patience from accepting emotional ambiguity that may eventually hurt me?

I have been getting to know a nice Catholic man who I share the same values, interests, and hobbies with. We are both in our mid-20s. We both acknowledge that we are compatible and he admitted that he finds me attractive. However, on our third date, when I asked him how he felt (didn't intend it to be a deeper question than a check-in), he said that he is not 100% there yet and he is unsure whether he wants to continue seeing me in a romantic capacity, but he is open to seeing me again out of curiosity. He mentioned that one of the things that he finds that we are incompatible in is he doesn't find himself curious about my job and my day-to-day during the weekday... Since I am in grad school, my job currently is a means to an end (to afford my schooling). He told me then maybe next time we can talk about that. I told him that I hope we can still be friends since I've genuinely enjoyed our conversations and he said he does enjoy getting to know me too, but he is still open to seeing me and going out. I am so confused because it felt like a rejection and the comment he made about my work stung.

Since I feel comfortable being blunt and honest with him, I called him on the phone after the date for clarification. He apologized for the shallowness of his comment and recognize that he doesn't know me enough so his comment didn't have any value. He brought up seeing each other again next week, and i said I would be open to that too.

Is this normal around the 3rd date? I know I'm not expecting a 100% certainty and after his comment last night I'm having doubts as well, but the fact that we enjoy our time and space together, have attraction towards each other, and are compatible in different ways, makes me think that this is worth another shot, but I am scared of getting hurt again.

So I am naturally assertive as the eldest daughter of divorced parents. I try to be more feminine in a laid back way but when I want to do something (that I think is good), I just go for it. In my dating life, I realized that when a man I’m also interested in do take an interest in me and ask me out, my type-A personality comes out where if the man who asked me out does not have a concrete plan, I take the initiative to ask them for details or suggest a meeting location. I’ve been seeing a guy for 3-4 dates now and I realized that while our feelings seem mutual, I always end up “closing” the plan/date by prodding him when and where to meet. Maybe he is slower than me to make plans but with my work, I tend to need and want to know my weekly schedule at least a week in advance.

I dont mind taking the lead in this case, because I feel confident in my ability to plan, but it does make me feel insecure that I may he investing more early on. It also makes me worry that he will lose interest in me for being too “easy,” especially from a Catholic dating standpoint.

Do I need to take a step back or is this genuinely okay? I mean in one sense, I like that we can work out things together like making a plan because it feels more collaborative to me, but I’m mostly insecure about whether he thinks I am too strong/too forward.

Basically, should you leave a first date firmly thinking “i see marrying this person,” and continue on a second date? Does uncertainty of your romantic chemistry together prevent you from exploring further?

After series of rejections from men (who I mostly chase admittedly), I got asked out by a guy who surprisingly checks off all the boxes and most of what I desire in a spouse!! He wasn’t in my periphery before because I tend to desire emotionally unavailable men, but when he asked me out, I noticed ALL the qualities he possessed that matches a list I made after a heart wrenching break up I had a year ago.

I’m suddenly nervous for my first date. I’m afraid that I will naturally resort to “treat them like a dude friend” and place myself in the friendzone!

Please give me guidance!! What questions to ask, how to modestly flirt????

Ahlan! I’m a beginner arabic learner curious about etymology… I noticed that the root for ‘wound’ and ‘speak’ are the same — كلم

Why is that?

Im getting back in the dating scene after 5 months post-break with a man I thought I’d marry (13 months together).
Recently a friend introduced me to a nice Catholic man who asked to exchange numbers and took me out to mass and lunch. I’m fairly reserved and he is in the quiet side but bot shy. I enjoyed my time with him and he expressed that he enjoyed it too and that it was nice to get to know me after embracing me after our lunch.
I ran into him today and took the courage to say that I’d like to get to know him and would he be interested in getting together again?
He had a vague response and said yeah we’ll have to catch up later.

I dont even know how to respond. I genuinely liked his demeanor, how he practices his faith and he is older than me too. I would guess that he knows I like him, but I can’t felt but feel like he is softly rejecting me? My friends say I’m pretty vague too and just need to schedule a date / hangout with him. I’m not sure how to proceed and I think my feelings are getting the better of me because I find him very attractive too lol

A guy asked me out for coffee (wasn’t sure if friendly or not since he prefaced as him giving me suggestions on a mutual hobby) and in text he has always been slow to respond but sends thoughtful texts. He paid for me and said it was nice to get to know me better when we were parting ways. After running into him (he approached and hugged me but i was with friends so we didn’t get to chat) i sent him a text saying I’d like to get to know him more and if he’d like to get together sometime if he’s open to it. He gave me a vague response. He said “Yeah, we’ll have to catch up more later!”

Is this a yes or a no that my feelings are reciprocated? I dont even know what to respond to that.

A guy asked me out for coffee (wasn’t sure if friendly or not since he prefaced as him giving me suggestions on a mutual hobby) and in text he has always been slow to respond but sends thoughtful texts. He paid for me and said it was nice to get to know me better when we were parting ways. After running into him (he approached and hugged me but i was with friends so we didn’t get to chat) i sent him a text saying I’d like to get to know him more and if he’d like to get together sometime if he’s open to it. He gave me a vague response. He said “Yeah, we’ll have to catch up more later!”

Is this a yes or a no that my feelings are reciprocated? I dont even know what to respond to that.