u/theresasarrow

I connected so well with a guy I met through a local club’s groupchat. We started texting each other for a week and staying up FT-ing and calling for a week, until right before our first official date which HE initiated and planned, he cancelled and said he actually doesnt have the capacity or bandwidth for a relationship or talking stage… since he is an MD resident his hours have been extremely unpredictable. It’s been 3 days since we last talked and I miss our banter and conversations!

Would it be too pushy or desperate looking if I ask him if we could still be friends or see each other casually? It seems to me that he got overwhelmed and maybe got in his head, but him putting a stop to our momentum was really sudden

I connected so well with a guy I met through a local club’s groupchat. We started texting each other for a week and staying up FT-ing and calling for a week, until right before our first official date which HE initiated and planned, he cancelled and said he actually doesnt have the capacity or bandwidth for a relationship or talking stage… since he is an MD resident his hours have been extremely unpredictable. It’s been 3 days since we last talked and I miss our banter and conversations!

Would it be too pushy or desperate looking if I ask him if we could still be friends or see each other casually? It seems to me that he got overwhelmed and maybe got in his head, but him putting a stop to our momentum was really sudden

I am a person who is inherently emotionally analytical and intellectually curious. I tend to attract men who are analytical, restrained, and share my intellectual pursuits. I enjoy talking to these men, but I noticed that because of our shared interests (philosophy, history, religion), we tend to go deep real quickly. Within one week of talking to a person, we are able to share things in the same level as old friends and comfortably flirt and show admiration for one another. However I realized that my track record shows that majority of these burgeoning relationships abruptly end due to the man realizing he isnt ready for a relationship. Our respect for each other stays, but I feel like I’m always left alone wondering what could have been. I am in my late 20s and date/talk to men around my age.

Am I doing something wrong? Am I too much or too eager? Is there a secret tactic in not scaring these men away?

I (26F) met a guy through a local Church groupchat of similar interest who I connected with right away and shared a lot of weird and niche similarities. After a few days of texting, to my surprise, he initiated to meet up before our Church event. One day we stayed up until the break of dawn texting, bantering and flirting with each other and a day later, he said he was called into work late and cancelled our date. I asked if we could reschedule but he said he doesnt think he had any time this week. Suddenly our texts became more parse out and sporadic, though he remained engaged and thoughtful in his responses.

Last weekend he sent me a message that he doesn’t think he has the capacity nor bandwidth to be dating right now especially that he will have several work trips in the next few months. I was really surprised and confused because why initiate, go full throttle, and then suddenly hit the emergency breaks? Before you ask, he is not a catfish since we did FaceTime lol. He said he hopes our timing will line up soon, but I have been emotionally yo-yoing between disappointment and frustration. I do not click and connect with people easily and with him, it felt really effortless and I felt like I connected with him emotionally and intellectually before we even met!

Now tell me I’m delusional but… My only validation from this is he must have acknowledged that our connection wouldn’t have stayed casual had we continued talking or seeing each other. I’m just really sad that we didnt get to on our first date despite building up to it…

I’m not sure what to do, a part of me wants to wait or reach out to him, or bargain☠️ he said he’s in the busiest time of his career and he is working for the government (did not specify but with his hours and work load I think I suspect classified work)… why do you think he felt it necessary to pump the breaks before even giving it a chance and continuing conversations with me?

I met a guy a week ago who said he works for the government , he didn’t specify but he said unexpected things pop up at his work all the time. We hit it off well and we were texting, bantering, and we planned to meet up but a day before he cancelled because he got called into work in the evening. The following day he said he doesnt think he has time this week and he is so exhausted he doesnt have time for himself. He has been engaging with my texts, responding, and keeping it warm, but the flirtation has drastically decreased (close to NONE), but he continues to ask me more questions about myself, family, and values. He hasn’t rescheduled our date yet, and I noticed that I only get 3-4 texts from him a day.

Is it possible that he could be genuinely exhausted, compartmentalizing and doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth or is he slowly ghosting me? He initiated our first date but the sudden cancellation and his change of tone is making me feel anxious.

Hi all, I am a first time car buyer and trading in my 2018 Mercedes Benz CLA 250 as it is near 100,000 miles and still want to get as much out of its trade-in value. I am looking for a COMPACT SUV, that’s sporty (I like a reactive and fast car) and I can drive long distance in. I am currently in school so I’m on a budget.

I recently saw a certified pre-owned 2023 MINI COUNTRYMAN that has all the characteristics I like in a car, but a Toyota Dealership gave me a nice offer to a brand new 2026 Corolla Hatchback XSE!

Does anyone have any advice or experience driving either of these cars? Should I trade in my CLA that’s under 100,000 mi but has no engine issues??

I (26F) have a classmate (32M) who’s been married in my grad program. We’ve worked on projects together for a while, and I know we trust each other with carrying out our responsibilities and tasks. Outside of our groupchat, we have texted each other non-work related things and he texts me his thoughts and opinions on the group that wouldnt be productive to share to the whole group (inside jokes or making fun of our other teammates), but he remains pretty serious and unflirty on text so I interpret our relationship as close colleagues.
In person, he is quite attentive to me. He sits close, leans in, I’ve caught him staring and looking away, and there’s been some physical closeness that felt beyond normal classmates, such as the times when he would brush my arm with his, playfully nudge me when he can, and has placed his arm on my lower back during group photos. The other day, we were going over our final project and he leaned into me and put his arm on my lap as he was explaining his part for about 30 seconds. I froze and could not believe it, but a part of me is in denial and think he is just comfortable with me. Whenever I catch him sitting or standing too close to me when it’s just us two, I make a point to ask him about his way as a detraction.

Am I picking up on real attraction from him, or just overthinking normal friendly behavior?

TL;DR: can’t tell if my married classmate’s physical closeness to me and putting his arm on my leg is platonic or showing romantic attraction?

I have a classmate who’s been married in my grad program and I am in my late 20s and he in early 30s. We’ve worked on projects together for a while.
In person, he is quite attentive to me. He sits close, leans in, I’ve caught him staring and looking away, and there’s been some physical closeness that felt beyond normal classmates, such as the times when he would brush my arm with his, playfully nudge me when he can, and has placed his arm on my lower back during group photos. The other day, we were going over our final project and he leaned into me and put his arm on my lap as he was explaining his part for about 30 seconds. I froze and could not believe it.

Am I picking up on real attraction, or just overthinking normal friendly behavior?

Edit: to add his normal personality is serious, quiet, and reserved. He doesn’t talk to others unless spoken to and he is kind. My classmate noted that he only directs to me in body language and during group discussions. I guess we are similar enough that he trusts me, though he has commented a few times that I’m more outgoing than he is