r/AskMenAdvice

Hi, my fiancé wants me to be abit slimmer before the wedding day because of his preference to really skinny women. I lost 20lbs in the last 7 weeks due to extreme dieting and he wants me to lose another 10lbs . I am starting to think he does not truly love me and has other intentions with me. We haven’t had sex yet and he makes comments that he can’t wait to be able to throw me across the room
I’m 5’4 and my current weight is 128lbs so I’m not objectively big and my fiancé is around 6’2 and he is very skinny. As July is soon I’m feeling really pressured and find myself skipping more meals now which is impacting me at work I don’t want him to not be attracted to me on our wedding night

Is it better to just let them process their trauma, and just date someone else?

What’s been your experience?

I cum pretty quickly. Been looking for fixes for months to last a bit longer. Everywhere I read says do Kegels, so I am starting to do kegels and edging for 20-30 minutes before ejaculating (masturbating). My question is, how do kegels improve PE? Are you supposed to be doing a kegel WHILE your penetrating, or is it only right before/at the point of no return? Are you strengthening with kegels so you can prevent yourself from cumming once you reach that point or is it to prevent you from feeling like you're getting to that point? Trying to research it but nobody really gives definitive answers, just "do kegels".

Also working on breathwork, they say focus on 6seconds in, 6seconds out... does tis really work? is this to activate ur Parasympathetic NS to prevent you from getting too excited?

Sorry alot of questions here. Thanks for reading/answering (if you do)

there is an emotional disconnect when I talk about my inner world. When she calls I know I am going to hear about every thought and tea at her work. I can literally say not a single word for 10 minutes until she asks "hello? Are you there?" Though I usually engage and show interest in her topics.

I get talked at. And my interest feel unimportant as I usually get a "that is cool.....nice...." no follow up. No digging deeper. I might as well be talking to a coworker who doesnt care about me. Then I really dont know want to bring up my inner world

Foe the record, I KNOW she loves me and doesnt want to hurt me. I just feel its one sided.

Please help, what to say to her?

My girlfriend (23F) and I (23M) have been dating for 4 years now, and I plan on proposing to her next month. We’ve talked about marriage, our life plans, and she really wants to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me.

Last weekend, I had my birthday, and I invited my sister (22F) over to celebrate. My girlfriend and my sister are close friends, so the party was good, we had karaoke night, drinks, pizza, it was fun.

My sister does get drunk pretty easily, and by the end of the party it was obvious she was pretty drunk. We were all talking and joking around, and then the topic switched to parent loss (my mom passed away 12 years ago, and my dad took his own life a few months later). The topic was pretty heavy, and I also got a bit emotional about it, and my girlfriend was consoling me.

My sister then talked about how I was there for her during that traumatic time. Now keep in mind, my sister was extremely drunk here and was stumbling on her words. She then said she always loved me when she was a kid, but seeing how I stepped up after we lost our parents, that’s when she fell in love with me, and that she knows it’s wrong but she can’t help it. She then said that’s why she’ll never marry because it wouldn’t be fair to her husband because her heart would be some place else.

There was a lot more she said that night but I was pretty drunk and those were the main things I remembered. My sister then just crashed on the couch and fell asleep.

My girlfriend obviously was pretty pissed the next day, and my sister apologized and I thought that would be the end of the drama. However, my girlfriend now wants me to go no contact with my sister, at least for the next year.

Am I wrong for thinking my girlfriend is overreacting? Sure, what my sister said was a bit weird, but she was literally drunk out of her mind and did not have control of her mind. I told my girlfriend she should be ashamed of shaming people who had traumatic pasts. My girlfriend has her mom and dad who are both still healthy and alive, she has no idea what it’s like to lost parents at such a young age. My girlfriend apologized but said regardless of circumstances what my sister was extremely weird and that I need to put distance with her.

Is my girlfriend overreacting? At this point, I’m having doubts even proposing to her. I’ve already bought the ring and hired a photographer and everything, but I’m just having doubts now about my girlfriend.

My (18) boyfriend (22) and I are long distance. Judge me if you want, but we send nudes and recently upgraded to videos of us masturbating. He said he’d like to see me do myself and moan. But I found out I don’t really make any sound while masturbating, it doesn’t feel as natural as during sex. Any advice? Thank you.

I'm 19M working in a male-dominated job and never had a gf before. Reading stuff online lots of people say at around my age is the best time to find a gf as most people would be in college with lots of women around. Except that for me I'm in a male-dominated job so on a regular day there's basically no opportunities to be around any women and in general I would have way less chances of meeting women compared to the average 19 year old. For others who are/were in my position, how did you find a gf?

I noticed I get nervous and end up talking in a high pitch around strangers and women.

Do other guys do this? Any tips to stop this?

Because whenever I talk in my normal confident voice people seem to listen more and also women seem to respond better.

But it’s like I can’t. Because I keep getting nervous and start talking very fast and high pitch around people. And it’s like nobody respects me when I talk like this.

We’ve been dating for a month. We were making out and I was pushing against him. He was into it he grabbed my hips and was passionate as well. At a point he said he likes to go slow and doesn’t want to rush it. I agreed and if that’s all it is I’m totally ok with going on more dates till we feel ready. I would actually prefer it as well.

Yes I am a bit toxic in that I have never had a man do this before and it’s so extremely sexy. Most men want to sleep with me on the first date and it’s normally me telling them to hold off. Wondering if maybe there’s a reason - is he emotionally unavailable rn? Still getting over an ex? Small? How/after how many dates do I ask him what his reasons are for holding off?

I’m 21F and I’m trying to understand dating from men’s perspective. What makes you look at a woman and think, “I actually want to pursue her seriously,” instead of just keeping things casual?

Is it how she acts, how she communicates, her lifestyle, boundaries, looks, confidence, femininity, emotional maturity, or something else?

Also, are there things women do that unintentionally make men not take them seriously?

I guess I accept that I’ll always struggle with low self confidence so I’m just curious, what is the female equivalent of like “He’s so funny that he’s hot”?

(And don’t just say she’s so funny that she’s hot lmao)

My boyfriend and I were both topless in underwear cuddling. We started making out and he was pushing his hips into me and I could feel him getting extremely hard. It went on for 10 minutes or so, he even was putting his mouth on my underwear, groping me, basically everything you’d do for foreplay. I did initiate the making out but he seemed to be fully reciprocating everything.

i asked him to take his pants off at that point and he just looked kinda awkward/uncomfortable and said he wanted to cuddle. I asked him directly multiple times do you want to have sex and he kept kind of dodging the question and looking really uncomfortable all of a sudden.

It was just super confusing and strange for me. He’s never been hard and refused to even let me do anything. I don’t understand why we could both be so obviously horny and he wouldn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to push for it of course but I tried to ask and he didn’t really give me an answer as to why. It all felt very odd like there was just something he’s not telling me, or maybe i am overthinking. What could possibly be the reason for something like this?

EDIT: we have been dating over a year and had sex lotssss of times and this has never happened. I did have a longer conversation with him later and he had the same reaction just kind of seemed like there was something he was avoiding saying. It just seemed like he was horny but there was some mental block stopping him from going further he wasn’t saying.

Hello everyone, I (22f) went on a walk+coffee date (very common in Germany) with a guy from university last week. The date was pretty good, I did not had this type of connection with someone for a while. He walked me home since no public transportation was available. Then I invited him in (not for sex tho, did not let him to my room at first). Anyways, one thing and another we ended up having sex. I got the plan B the next day.

1-2 days later, we hangout again. He was seemed very stressed, he attempted to have sex with me but he was losing his erection. I told him not to stress, I don’t judge him and it is okay if we don’t. He told me he has pressure and anxiety, therefore I opened up to him about my past with vaginismus. (It is a condition which penetration is impossible/painful)

Anyways, after talking a little bit he got comfortable and we had sex. After the sex I asked him if he really likes me or he just likes having sex with me. He says that he likes me, he likes sex too and then adds that he likes me as a FRIEND. I said okay and turned my back to him.

Then I told him that I want to smoke or drink, he said okay and I just started drinking very very fast. Then we had sex again, this time I did not let him kiss me during it. He sees that he upset me, then he tells me he has issues with his family. I open up to him, he opens up to me and we end up talking about our past relationship. Then I confess him something that happened to me few years ago which absolutely broke me. I never said this out loud to anyone. Then I start crying and he starts to console me. I was very embarrassed and exposed. I ask him to have sex with me again but he just puts me to bed and tells me to go to sleep. He even suggested to leave, but I asked him to stay just for this night.

At night I woke up, locked myself to bathroom and cried. ( happened 2 times) then i went to bed again, but I dont touch him or hug him, I was cuddling with my plushie, though he put me under the blanket since I was cold.

In the morning I was a wreck. I think I never felt that bad in my life. I gave him the cola I bought for him and the book he asked. Before he was leaving, he asked me to inform him about my period and he wanted to hug me. I pulled back and he looked a bit of shocked. Then I just told him that I don’t want to see him or talk to him. He said okay and left.

However, he texted me on the weekend asking about my period. I told him I did not get it yet. Then I texted him yesterday that I got it, he texted me something like “im very happy to hear that, I hope you don’t have much period pain.” I texted him back saying I am doing fine and everything is good. I thought he was not going to answer me.

I check my phone in the morning, he texted me something like if my periods are always intense and heavy. I am very very very confused. What does he want from me? Is it mixed signals or am I overreacting? Is he pitying me because of the things that happened to me? Will he say other people what happened to me and what happened between us?

idk I just I remembered that 2015 is a whole 10 years ago. I just can’t stop but think about how better times were back then . I don’t know it could just be me but I used to live in this nice house that was 2 floors I lived there when I was 16 with my sister and parents. Now I’m I live in my own home by myself. And my family all lives by themselves. often times I get really sad and can’t bother to get out of bed in the morning because I’m thinking about the past so much.

I hoped that I could go back to the house where I once had lived in but now it’s just a place where my parents sit and watch tv and say nothing as I sit in the bedroom I had once slept in. I thought going back to the house i had once lived in would make me feel better but no it’s just quiet , lonely and Sad where ever I go.

Few months after my girlfriend (26F) and I (29M)started dating, my girlfriend said, she feels it’s disrespectful to her if I am in contact with my ex. I said I was totally fine with it and it’s understandable. Honestly I didn’t mind breaking contact with my ex, she is my ex for a reason. I don’t have anything for her. We broke up on good terms and she is just a person who was part of my life for a few years and thats pretty much it now. Evening has been good with my current GF, I’m having the best time with her. I know she is the one, I haven’t experienced the kind of love my GF gives ever. I have been building a life together in my head with her. Yesterday my GF accidentally found a conversation in my phone with my EX. I happened to wish my EX on her birthday recently and a few hey how are you messages from several months ago. Honestly, the chats didn’t mean much, didn’t have much too. My girlfriend is extremely upset that I broke her trust, I broke the promise. I haven’t seen her this upset at me. I apologized right away, even though the content of the texts didn’t have much, I understand I broke my promise, I broke her trust.

I have been apologizing so much. I don’t really know what to do. I can’t really imagine a life without her. I know I’m on the wrong and all I can do I apologize and hope to win her trust back someday but I feel extremely broken, shattered.
What can I do to fix this situation?

My boyfriend and I haven’t been dating for all that long. 6 months now. And a big issue I have with him is that he just doesn’t understand how to respond to flirting or anything sexual.

I will send him something sexy or start flirting with him and the responses (if I get one) are “oh”, “oh my”, or the latest “neat”. Honestly it’s fucking killing me. It’s started to make me really insecure. If it was a from the start he was bad at it thing then maybe it wouldn’t hit me as hard, but after we started dating and got out of the talking stage he suddenly just got so much worse at responding to these things.

He also used to tell me when he was horny but that’s also just completely stopped.

I’ve asked him why he responds like that and he just tells me he doesn’t know what to say. He told me he’d try to get better at responding but he’s not at all. I’d even find it charming if he awkwardly responded but giving me nothing is just making me feel unwanted.

What do I do?

I think women with their clothes on are pretty and attractive (well, physically at least). But the actual nude female body is kind of… off-putting to me? I don’t know how else to describe it. I’m not repulsed by naked women, but their loose boobs and butts just look kind of weird. Vaginas too. Which is weird because I’m attracted to clothes that accentuate those features but not those features themselves. Is there some way to fix this or not?

Edit: To everyone saying I’m gay, I’m not attracted to men and never have been.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year. Most of the time we’re really happy, laugh a lot, and he even says I’m low maintenance. But about once a month, I get triggered and spiral.

When I spiral, I sometimes blame him, push for reassurance, repeat the same concern, or say things about the future to make him worry/prove he cares. I usually realize I went too far, apologize, and take accountability. I just do this due to uncertainty or jealousy. I don’t check his phone, control who he talks to, insult him, isolate him, or threaten him. But he has said he sometimes feels like he walks on eggshells, which scares me.

I had two good months without doing this, then relapsed after a trigger.

I was at the supermarket, and there was a deal for those Japanese mango ice creams, so I'm like, I'll go get one. The ice cream got sold out, and I was walking around just looking at other stuff, and I guess I was in some aisles with a wife and husband with a cart, and a baby in a stroller. The thing is, I didn't even look at them this whole time. They're in the meat section, and an employee was riding those mopping machines.

And now I'm looking at the mopping machine going past the couple, and in my head I'm like they better move for the machine (they didn't, they forced him to maneuver the machine around them). I guess the guy looks back and sees me looking their way. He comes up to me, goes "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? I SAW YOU A FEW TIMES." At this point, I'm like what do you mean?? And his like what are you looking for?? and at that point I was just mindlessly strolling, so I wasn't looking at anything specific. I go, I'm looking for spices, and he goes why were you looking in that direction?? and then he goes on to threaten to punch me! And he's like get out of here and he's super loud at this point, and right up to my face. I walk away, and everyone is staring. We were in the corner of the store, and only the people in the corner saw the whole ordeal. Left whatever items I had in my hand and left the store.

Lesson learned for me is don't look at a man or woman and walk like you're blind (but that might still cause people to accuse you of staring at them with bad intent if your face is in their direction). Also gonna stop being curious or observing people. Was I looking their way? Possibly. But was I staring at his wife? No!!