r/AskMenAdvice

My husband has a weird fixation on height and hates tall men and women who prefer taller men. To be clear, he’s not even short; he’s 5’10”.

I need advice because nothing I do or say helps. Maybe some male perspective will help me figure this out.

I’m 5’0”, so height has never mattered to me when it comes to guys. I simply don’t care. I’ve told him I don’t care about height, but he’s obsessed with it regardless. He hates tall men, anything over 6 feet, and how they have more advantages in life, and he hates it when women express their preference for taller men. I’ve asked him why does it matter if some women prefer taller men if I don’t care about height? And I’ve given him examples of how out of all my friends, only two have ever preferred taller men and that’s because the one friend is also 5’10” and the other is more shallow than puddle. All of my other friends have all dated and/or slept with “shorter” men and have not cared an ounce about height.

I try to tell him that it IS unfair that taller men tend to get an advantage in life and that women who only care about height are shallow and it shouldn’t be that way and it sucks, but it's not like that everywhere and not everyone feels that way. And to be fair, he greatly outperforms his two tall coworkers at work and is recognized for his hard work and they aren’t. I’m super proud of him; he deserves the recognition. Clearly, his job doesn’t look at who’s the loudest and tallest and that’s a good thing!

One time, he was going off about height again, so I gave him a list of celebrity men that women thirst over that are short like Tom Holland, James McAvoy, Kit Harington, Tom Cruise, Jeremy Allen White, Josh Hutcherson, literally a ton of K-Pop guys, etc. There are so many. Personally, I love Daniel Radcliffe and Austin Abrams, and neither actor is known for being tall. His response is, “So if you’re short, you have to be a celebrity for women to find you attractive then.” WHAT?! That’s what you got out of that?!

Today, he sent me a Twitter thread with some movie that Jeremy Allen White is a part of, standing next to some other tall actor whom I guess is also in the movie. He says, “All the comments are making fun of his height,” and “No one thinks he’s sexy.” It was a short thread, and the only people ripping on his height were mostly from other men. At this point, I’m getting sick of him complaining about tall men. It’s a turn off. I told him his obsession with height is off-putting and that Twitter is literally the worst place for opinions. He sent me a snippy text about how I can go to the gym today without him and he’ll go alone (I usually wait to go with him together after work).

His fixation on height is bizarre. It doesn’t matter to him that I don’t care about his height and that I love him. My opinion has never mattered when it comes to that or how he looks, because he only cares about outside validation and how he looks to others. I guess because I’m his wife, he knows I love him regardless, so my opinions about how he looks are invalid?

What can I do to make him get over this? He has a lot of other insecurity issues, but this one seems to get to him the most. That and his fear of not being cool in Gen Z’s eyes. I don’t know what he wants from me when he goes off on these rants. If I point out he’s wrong and give examples of how only shallow people care about height, he finds a way to not believe me. What am I supposed to do? Tell him, “Oh, yeah. Short men suck and don’t deserve to live”??? What does he want from me? Because obviously, my opinion doesn’t matter to him.

EDIT for context: He's not an incel/redpill type of person. He hates those kinds of men. He fully supports women and their rights. He DOES has cyclothymia, which he was diagnosed with this year after a trip to the psych ward after having a mental break and feeling like he wanted to harm himself and is now on mood stabilizers. He doesn't receive therapy, however. He thinks it's a waste of money and time, no matter how many times I bring it up and suggest it.

My husband was watching our 20month old for two hours while I took some time to myself.

When I got home, I heard our son in his room crying with the door shut. My husband was in the other room playing video games with his friends online with his headset on. I got really upset about this because he wasn't caring for our son and was gaming with friends instead while our son cried. He said it was around 30 min That our son was in the crib out of the 2 hours he was supposed to be watching him.

My husband got mad and told me to get out and slammed the door and apparently this was a live stream and his headset didn't mute and a lot of people heard our argument. This was his friends livestream (and source of income) and he was upset that I ruined this. I was now also mad that the argument switched so that he was mad at me, and felt like he wasn't taking accountability for watching our son.

Anyways, i was frustrated by the whole situation so i took our son to my moms house for the night to get some space and came back the next day after my husband apologized to me and said nothing like this will ever happen again and that he was wrong. He was raised by his dad and apparently his dad used to let him cry it out in his crib when he'd have tantrums. I don't agree with that.

I was venting in another thread and asking if I overreacted to The situation (im a stay at home mom), and so many women told me to leave my husband and divorce him.

I'd rather work on things and have this be something that doesn't happen again.

Would most men divorce their wife if she did something like this?

It’s the lying that’s the hard part for me he can do what he wants but why delete and hide it should I be concerned that he doesn’t love me at all should I just take this as this is who he is? I’m baffled and it’s making me mental! I had his baby last year and it’s making me question everything. I know he never paid for anything or talked one on one just watching pre recorded videos of that stuff and instagram. Will my husband mature? Can I grow to trust him again?

F26 here. I got my boyfriend M28 a sex toy and I’m curious how guys would feel if their girlfriend bought them one. Would you think it’s weird or totally normal? Why or why not?

He’s never expressed explicit interest in one, but I just thought it would be fun. I got it for the purpose of us using it together. The specific toy I got him is a pocket p*ssy, and I read on other posts that some women were saying that THAT specifically is weird 😭 now I’m hesitant to give him it?

TLDR: I bought my bought BF a sex toy, wondering if he will find that weird or fun.

Hello all, I’m hoping some of you can give this naive man some well needed advice or some knowledge from your own experiences 😂😂

I’ve not been in the dating world at all really as I had a partner for 12 years (high school sweethearts that drifted apart) so unfamiliar with how fucked up modern dating is nowadays… ANYWAY I started dating again last year and met a woman I really liked. I could tell she really liked me, we got on amazing, loved hanging out, laughed and joked and flirted all time, sex was incredible and building towards meeting parents, did a city break weekend away together and were planning going on holiday together in summer just past… it was all going amazing but I think I now missed some signs.

‘I wish you were my boyfriend’
‘You’re the first man to treat me so good’
‘I like you so so much’
‘You’re the first man to remember such small details about me’
‘You’re the first man to know this’
‘You’re the first man to make me cum this way (from head and hands)’
‘I have the most respect for you out of any man’

Now at the time I was naive to this being a bad thing until I read online that if they say ‘you’re the first man to…’ you should run and never look back. I didn’t understand but it seems pretty universal over on twitter? Wondering if it’s the same here? At the time I assumed it’s a great thing… but looking back now I’m wondering. She said she’d been in toxic past relationships, she is very much a ‘man hater’ type, ‘only slept with under 10 guys’ and some of the reels she’d like on Instagram were pretty ‘don’t need no man’ central… anyway needless to say with my rose tinted glasses on and seeing she looked like Sydney Sweeney’s twin I didn’t clock it especially when she was so nice to me until a random Tuesday she needed space and wanted to end things for no apparent reason other than ‘I’m (she) not stable’

Since learned she’s taking Xanax for her nightmares I know she’s had some mental health problems and pills in the past and is now seeing a psychologist… but she went so cold to me out of nowhere… she has said ‘you did nothing wrong’ and it’s true because I did have genuine intentions with her…

I guess my question is… is it a bullet dodged?? Because part of me would have liked to see her again because it felt genuine but I’ve not reached out now for 2 months… despite her interacting with my socials and her texting occasionally but just liking her texts and me staying distant is beginning to feel like a bit of a dick move…chemistry and like for eachother was evidently there but wow rollercoaster lmao

people keep saying im not ugly, but a guy has never been interested me nor have i ever been in a relationship where i didnt initiate. i js dont get it idk what to do

repost bc it got taken down for generalization?

I'm going to be honest here because I don't know where else to put this.

Every woman I've gotten close to in my life has turned out the same way. Deceitful, cheating, lying, selfish, manipulative. No loyalty and no basic decency once things stopped going their way. I'm not talking about one bad breakup. I mean girlfriends, friends, coworkers I trusted, and even the women in my own family. Every time I think someone is different, it ends the same way.

I grew up being told women were the caring ones. Nurturing, empathetic, the emotional backbone of everything. My actual experience has been the complete opposite, and I feel like I was sold a story that never matched reality.

It's gotten to the point where I go into every new interaction expecting to get lied to. I watch for the angle. I assume there's something they want. I'll admit I watch a lot of true crime too, and that probably doesn't help, because it feeds right into what I already believe.

I'm not posting this to start a gender war. I know logically there have to be good women out there. But I've never seen one up close, and at this point I don't know how I'd even recognize one if I met her. Part of me wonders if the problem is the people I'm drawn to, or the environment I grew up in, or something in me that keeps landing in the same place.

So I'm asking guys who've been here:

1. Did you ever feel this way, and did it actually change?

2. What made you start trusting again, if you did?

3. How did you figure out whether it was them or a pattern in who you were choosing?

I don't want to be bitter for the rest of my life. I just don't know what the way out looks like.

I absolutely don't look good balding nor do I look good when completely bald, so shaving doesn't help at all. I think I have lost my soul and my humanity. It affects my self esteem so much and my academic performance has been declining significantly. I'm just struggling. I can't see myself as a human anymore.

Ok this is an awkward one but I don’t really know how to handle this. I met a guy last year, went on a date and hooked up, have run into him a few times since. We have slightly overlapping events/circles so it happens.
Well recently, ran into him at another event and didn’t think much of it. Started talking to another guy there and exchanged numbers. He asked me out a little bit later and we went on our first date a week ago. It went well and we’re planning a second. Well I did a little IG digging (literally went back in some old posts) and saw some stories shared by both and pieced together that he and the guy I hooked up with our friends.
I obviously don’t want to lie to anyone but I don’t know if I should be volunteering information about this.

My BF is going through very tough months with pressure in Health, Work and he lost his light, charm and confidence.

I would like to boost his confidence and make him happy. Welcome suggestions please.

FYI: This is an old post I made a month ago but didnt post here; i only posted on other subreddits. I am looking for some more advice

So another woman in my social circle thought I may have been gay. I told her nicely that I am straight. when I asked why she asked, she said its because "im not too open about my dating life". And she is right, I am not open about my dating life. I looked it up and apparently lot of gay men who arent out yet keep their dating life concealed from people. Im glad i got an actual answer because I have never gotten a real answer from people, all I get are "vibes" or "I heard from someone else"

I keep my "dating life" concealed from people because it does not exist and has never existed. Im scared to admit that im 25 and never dated to people. That will probably open a can of worms that im not ready for. The only people who know I have not dated are people on Reddit. If only there wasnt stigma against it, I would be more open about it. Whenever dating is discussed among people I panic and go silent or I just leave the area.

But whats i believe is happening is that all the women who enter my social circle are probably being told or assume "im gay" and then it can affect their view of me and any that are interested would no longer be.

So how do I navigate this? I am really stuck

I ask this in all seriousness, not in judgement or jest. I'm 47 years old & understand that there are times the libido doesn't always keep up with the situation at hand.

I have started to date a guy. He's sweet, kind, smart & funny. I look forward to hearing his opinions on things & chatting with him in general. Twice now we've been in the midst of foreplay (once he instigated, once I did) & he just wasn't able to get/maintain an erection.

What should I do or say in this situation? How long should I (at his request) keep trying to "help"? I don't want to make him feel ashamed or embarrassed. It's not that big of a deal. But he keeps saying that it never happens, etc. I just don't know how to make him understand that it's not something I'm freaking out about but at the same time, I am 47 & work a very physical job. Sometimes my hips & knees can't keep going like they did in my 20s. So occasionally, I have to tap out.

Please let me know your thoughts on what you would prefer your partner do or say in this situation. I truly appreciate your help & hope this question isn't too PG-13 for this sub. Mods, please delete with my apologies if this is in the wrong place. Thank you.

I’m 28M, my girlfriend is 28F. We’ve been together for 4 years and living together for around 3. I love her, but lately I’ve started wondering whether I’m staying because I genuinely see a future or because we’ve already invested so much time into this relationship.

The biggest issue is that I feel like I’m always the one repairing things. We fight quite a lot, and I genuinely cannot remember her ever coming to me after a fight and saying sorry or trying to make things right. No matter who was wrong, I’m the one who eventually goes over, starts talking again, hugs her, apologises if needed and tries to get us back to normal.

I’ve tried talking to her about this when we’re both calm. I’ve tried explaining things as gently as possible without attacking her. Usually it goes one of two ways: either it becomes another argument, or she just looks at me with almost no reaction and doesn’t really respond. It feels like there’s nowhere for the conversation to go.

Every few months we’ll also have one massive fight where everything explodes. She can cry and scream so loudly that I genuinely worry the neighbours are going to call the police because they’ll think something serious is happening. Eventually we calm down and things go back to normal, but nothing really gets resolved.

The other thing I’m struggling with is attraction.
I’m quite into health, grooming and presentation. I try to eat reasonably well, exercise, dress properly depending on where I’m going, wear deodorant/perfume and generally make an effort. I’m not claiming I’m some model, but I care about looking good and I want my girlfriend to find me attractive.

She’s gained quite a bit of weight over time and doesn’t seem particularly bothered about changing her lifestyle. She notices it herself and will avoid certain clothes because she thinks they make her look bigger, but she doesn’t seem interested in eating better or taking care of herself physically.
I know saying that is going to sound shallow, but for me it isn’t just about weight. It’s the feeling that she doesn’t care about looking good for me anymore. I still care about looking good for her.

Same thing with clothes. She buys a lot from SHEIN but somehow never seems to have a good outfit for a nice restaurant, special occasion or dinner with colleagues. There have been times where I’ve genuinely felt embarrassed because everyone else has made an effort and she hasn’t.

She’s also very quiet around my colleagues. She’ll smile, laugh and answer if spoken to, but rarely contributes much, so I often feel like I’m carrying the whole social interaction.

Then there’s sex.
She has basically never initiated sex in our relationship. I’m always the one starting things. She doesn’t really come onto me, initiate sexting or make me feel sexually wanted. When I try sexting, some of the replies are so dry that I instantly regret starting it.

And that part has really started messing with my confidence.

It’s not even about wanting sex constantly. I just want to know what it feels like for my girlfriend to want me enough to initiate something herself.
When I look at everything together, I feel like I’m always the one initiating: sex, flirting, reconciliation after arguments, serious conversations, affection, social effort, all of it.

And lately I keep thinking: if I stopped initiating everything, what would actually happen to our relationship?

I also need to be fair to her. Earlier in our relationship, I kissed somebody else and told her about it. I know that hurt her and I take responsibility for it. Sometimes I wonder whether she still carries resentment from that and whether some of her emotional distance comes from it.

But if that’s the case, I’d rather actually talk about it.
I don’t want to be the guy controlling what his girlfriend eats, wears or weighs. I know she’s her own person. But I also don’t think I can pretend that attraction, health, intimacy and effort don’t matter to me.

The worrying part is that I’m starting to resent her. Small things bother me now because they all seem connected to this bigger feeling that I’m putting more into the relationship than she is.

So I’m mainly asking the men here who’ve been in long-term relationships:
Have you ever reached the point where you still loved your partner but felt unwanted, unheard and like you were carrying everything?

Did counselling or changing the way you communicated actually help?

Or once you started losing attraction and building resentment, was the relationship basically already over?

I genuinely don’t know whether I should keep fighting for this or accept that we might just be incompatible.

I'm 26, and on paper I have a really good life. That's actually what scares me.

I work remotely full-time and have been doing it for a few years. My job gives me an insane amount of freedom. I can work from home, go to the gym during the day, structure my schedule how I want, etc. I genuinely don't think I'll always have a job this good.

I also have a loving girlfriend who's an amazing person and genuinely cares about me.

But instead of appreciating any of this, I feel like I'm slowly destroying it.

I've been slacking at work more and more. I procrastinate on basic tasks and sometimes just don't want to do anything. I've become distant from my girlfriend and don't talk to her nearly as much as I should. I've gained around 80 pounds. I spend way too much time watching porn and chasing cheap dopamine. I'm balding, I've stopped taking care of myself the way I used to, and I barely recognize the person I've become.

The weirdest part is that I know how lucky I am. I can actually see myself fucking everything up while I'm doing it, but that still isn't enough to make me change.

I don't know if this is depression, laziness, complacency, some kind of addiction, or what. I'm not trying to diagnose myself.

I'm genuinely scared that one day I'll lose the job, lose the girl, completely let my health go, and look back thinking, "You had everything you needed to build a great life. Why the hell did you throw it away?"

For anyone who's been in a similar place: how did you pull yourself out of it before you actually lost the good things in your life?

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My lady had one of those silent but deadly ones and idk if she cares about me anymore either.

i have phimosis and im slowly getting better by pulling the skin back but whenever I masturbate / have sex, I feel like my dick is not fully erected and I dont watch porn a lot

I feel like my tight foreskin is stopping my dick to be fully erected, sometimes I feel like my boner is strong but It really doesnt look like that, I know my dick can erect bigger than that

i have talked to my doctor about phimosis and he just recommended circumcision just by looking at it, he also gave me a cream but he said I'd be better off by just doing a circumcision

My gym crush finally approached me to talk today ( yay!) I'm a woman and he's a man. However, I was pretty out of it today and am worried I came across too neutral/ standoffish in the conversation so wanted men/ others advice if this interaction sounds ok and like I was approachable enough?

He said what times do I usually come to the gym and I said whenever. I'm worried this sounded standoffish or evasive but it's true because my schedule is very chaotic. We talked a bit about schedules, preferred gym activities etc. Then I asked him the time which I'm worried he took as me looking for an out but I just wanted 5 mins in the jacuzzi before closing time, then he said see you around and excused himself from the conversation. Ik it's so silly but I also forgot to say thanks for the time which I'm worried was rude.

The whole interaction was very classic small talk, I felt quite self conscious as I could tell others in the sauna were listening. What do people think? Was this alright as an interaction or would you not bother trying to talk to me again after this?