What Would You Do if you are in this Position?
There’s one case that has caught my attention recently involving people in my social circle.
My friend, M (27), is currently going through a difficult phase in his relationship because he and his girlfriend, F (26), have different views on what married life should look like.
My friend is planning to propose to her early next year, but before doing so, he obviously wants to know what their life after marriage would look like, including how they would divide responsibilities within the marriage.
They’ve been dating for three years but have never lived together, as living together before marriage isn’t common where we come from. So they haven’t really had the chance to see what each other is like when it comes to actually running a household.
One of the few things they had already discussed and agreed on was that they both wanted to remain childfree, at least until they were in their 40s.
However, their relationship has recently become strained, and my friend has started having doubts because they’ve realized that they have very different expectations about married life.
Where we come from, society is fairly conservative. Traditionally, in most marriages, the man is expected to be financially responsible for the family, while the woman is expected to take care of household responsibilities such as cooking, cleaning, keeping the house tidy, etc.
When they finally discussed this, they ran into a pretty classic disagreement. His girlfriend said that she didn’t want household chores to be solely her responsibility. My friend then asked, “But isn’t that traditionally considered your responsibility, just as providing for you financially is considered mine?”
She replied that she still expected her husband to provide for her financially 100%, even if they didn’t have children, because she considers that the husband’s responsibility according to the customs and expectations where we come from.
That was when my friend became really disappointed. It wasn’t because he had a problem with being the provider. Rather, he felt that his girlfriend expected him to fulfill the traditional responsibilities placed on a husband while rejecting the traditional responsibilities placed on a wife.
He felt that this was unfair and somewhat selfish.
My question isn’t about who is right or wrong. I’m curious about what you would do if you were in my friend’s position.
What advice would you give him? Would you still go ahead with the plan to get married and try to work through these view differences, or would you consider this a fundamental incompatibility and end a three-year relationship?