u/pqrstyou

I often hear single people (women) say, “I just want to meet someone (a man) in person.“ But then, no one I know ever does. As a woman, I could tell you where to go to meet women.. because everywhere I like to go…is full of women. Lol

I’ve heard people say run clubs, or Home Depot, etc. But just curious where you spend a lot of time as a man, that has a lot of other dudes where you would be open to actually meeting someone.

and bonus points if you have an actual example of where you’ve met someone.

Curious how Many times per week/month or year you are going on a date, and how often those dates turn into second dates.

How often are you meeting a date in person and how often on an app?

And how often does a date try to kiss you or do things get physical within the first 1-2 dates?

I was throwing my jeans in the dryer, and suddenly remembered how I used to hang dry all my jeans so they wouldn’t shrink. They were flares and so they would be stiff as a board and had to tumble dry them once they were dry! That was in the early 2000s days when the flares had to drag on the ground until they were shredded to be cool. None of my other friends did this.

I also have memories of traveling hours to shop at the tall girl store, before anywhere carried long enough pants, and forever feeling like every heel that was low enough was an old lady looking shoe.

EDIT: I’ll also add what I call: the face-shoe-face look. Where someone locks eyes with you, and you see them mentally calculate, “oh, she’s wearing heels“ so they look for the heels, and when they look down and realize you’re in flats and look back at your face like, “holy shit!” Haha has happened to me hundreds of times.

It made me curious—what memories do you have —fashion or otherwise—that you feel are probably unique to growing up a tall girl?? Just for fun :)

I started HRT 2.5 weeks ago. progesterone daily and a 2x weekly patch. So far no truly bad side effects, which is amazing. But some I was not expecting and wondering if anyone can relate.

The best is that I’m finally sleeping! The strange is that I’m dreaming about my ex constantly. We haven’t been together for 3 years, and in those years I’ve dreamed of him maybe 2 times total, but he’s in my dream almost every night. Its weirding me out. I also often feel like I have some extra grogginess in the morning.

I‘m taking 100 mg of progesterone nightly, and was told doing it this way can cause spotting. I’ve had times where I run to the bathroom thinking I’ve had breakthrough bleeding, to find nope. It’s just that, uh…lubricated now. On that note, I can sometimes smell myself when I wake up in the morning. It doesn’t smell bad per se, just like..sex? Which is off putting because it worries me I’m out in public giving off that fragrance, especially when I’m dripping like a faucet.

I also definitely have noticed a heightened sense of smell, and feel like my sweat smells different, and at times is now clashing with my deodorant. I was like ew what’s that smell?? one night, and it was my armpit!! I never have smelled bad while Wearing deodorant.

Can anyone relate?? What do I do about the smells?

Prior to this time in my life, I hadn’t dated in a very long time. My “dating“ life was before dating apps, and at a time when I was in my teens and early 20s when it was likely people were single and connected to me somehow through school or friend groups.

Dating through apps feels like you are trying to generate something out of the thin air, and it just feels incredibly unstable as a way to form a connection that can grow. First, we are meeting on an app where options (at least seemingly) are endless. The radius of how we can meet someone extends 100 miles or more, if you’re willing to do long distance. Then, you add the fact that very few men are actually dateable, ie. Attractive, employed, healthy, emotionally stable. So those men, have a lot of options. When you do find someone that fits your standards, it’s likely extremely competitive. They are likely getting A LOT of attention.

Let’s say you find someone who is maybe more niche in their attractiveness, and maybe lines up with you and you like them—but isn’t fielding a thousand DMs. This person then likely still has very specific taste or expectations or baggage, or is more fixed in their personality and who they are and what they want. Like me, if they’ve been single for awhile, accommodating a new person often feels like too much work, even if you like them.

Add to the fact that lots of people on dating apps are very unserious and ultimately just out of a marriage or a relationship, out there looking for a self esteem boost, and not really ready to date. The amount of freshly separated men I’ve encountered is absurd.

It just feels like the combination of this dating culture + being in your 30s is a really unlikely way to form something that works. I’ve had great dates that go nowhere. Or dates that feel like omg who is this crazy person so set in their ways. Or dates where i know I’m just one of many many many.

I don’t think dating is ever easy, but at this rate it feels like an absolute miracle that anyone finds each other and connects and matches on all the levels. it’s easier said than done these days to meet someone in person, and even if you do—it’s still likely they’re on an app and in the same situation.

Sigh. Sorry for the negative post, it’s just feels like a zero sum game.

I know we’ve all been adults for a long time. But in my mind, even in my mid 30s, I still feel like I have imposter syndrome around adulthood at times. I had this vision in mind of where I’d be by now, what I’d be like, what I’d be doing, a certain amount of stability, etc. and even though I fully support myself, work full time, own my vehicle, pay my taxes, and generally take good care of myself—I feel like myself and many friends of mine are not where our parents were at our age.

I think that is part of what fuels that feeling for me, but it’s also partially influenced by my own ideas. I think to me, an adult is someone who is responsible and takes care of things, and I am never quite on top of everything, no matter how hard I try.

Curious what “being an adult” looks like in your mind and if you fit that or feel like you fall short?

Examples^(:)

- Went to a “vintage“ shop and it just looked like my 8th grade wardrobe.

- Seeing ads for “flash effect” on Instagram that look like old 90s disposable or digital cameras taken in the dark.

- Seeing ”Y2K” as a descriptor for ”vintage fashion“ on sites like poshmark.

- seeing kids with actual digital cameras out and about, instead of phones to take photos.

- Kids having “early 2000s” as a dress up theme for spirit week at school.

-tamagotchis are back.

-eyebrows are getting thinner.

-super low rise pants are back.

do you love it? Is it weird? Does it make you feel ancient?

I remember as a kid in the 90s, my mom saying that clothes I had were like what she had in the 70s. Maybe it was inspired, but there was clearly a distinct difference. What’s out there fashion-wise today is EXACTLY like what we wore. Not flares inspired by bellbottoms.

It makes me feel old, but what’s weird about it for me is that kids are exactly repeating a time period in fashion and culture when things could not be more different in tech, our world, etc. It’s like an uncanny valley kind of feeling for me at times.

I Never would’ve thought the early 2000s would be cool again!

I work in a field with mostly women, but there are some men in my workplace who seem to have a low level of respect for some of the women I work with. These men happen to be some of the employees with the most power. The men can be dismissive,
not own up to mistakes or apologize, over emphasize when a woman is emotional, throw their weight and power around, and seem to manipulate those women who have more power than them. ( I work with some great men, too.) But the women I work with have a really hard time with these particular male coworkers.

I’m not asking you to explain or speak for all jerks, but I have noticed as a woman myself that I’m a bit immune to the negative interactions many of my coworkers get embroiled in. I don’t feel as though I’m on the receiving end of disrespect most of the time. I don’t know why, but I feel like I get respect others don’t. I’m just curious from your perspective as a man, what traits or behaviors in a professional setting command respect?

(I feel like I will get a lot answers like, I respect all women. I love that. But I want to understand why some men are able to take some women seriously and stomp all over others.)

Intentionally flairing this under life and not romance, because I see this as the opposite. I haven’t been on a lot of bad dates—but I’ve been on plenty that don’t go past 1 date. I’m trying to shift my mindset to not see them as wasted time. I want to go into a date with curiosity and what could I learn from this person, even if I learn rather quick they’re not the one (or even the one for now.)

I had a couple of dates recently where I learned a lot in a very short time. One actually started to shift my perspective on myself, and made me want to dedicate more time to things that are important to me. He lived his life in a way that appeared really intentional, even if it wasn’t a love match. And another who was deeply into many hobbies that were super fascinating to me.

There have been plenty of others that just taught me about myself and what I value and am looking for. Either way, I think we need to change our expectations of dates. They don’t have to be all or nothing. We can always get something out of a conversation with a stranger.

Just curious if there’s a person / date or two that stands out to you as memorable because of something you learned from it. Good or bad!

and what set it off?

I don’t mean, low level seething and angry/frustrated every day like holding a grudge or being inundated with a barrage of horrible news. I mean something that really made you want to yell and hit something—whether you actually did or not. Where you were so upset you felt enraged or like something else took over and you “lost it.”

Went out with someone, and for the first time in a long time, really liked them. We had fun and our date lasted hours. I was sure we would see each other again, and then he slowly texted less and less, until it had been a week of not talking. Prior to our date we had chatted everyday and he seemed very into me. Verbally affirming it. In person, he made no comments about my appearance, and even though we enjoyed our time together he only ever said he had fun. Nothing physical happened.

After not hearing anything, I reached out to say thanks and wish him well, and he said he had thought about it and it just wasn’t going to work, that his schedule Is getting busy coming up and he knows he won’t be able to give me the time. He was genuinely very nice about it.

But I just have the feeling he is being nice, and is really has nothing to do with his schedule—he’s just not attracted to me. I’ve used the same excuse when letting someone down I wasn‘t attracted to. There was some truth to of course, but I wanted to spare their feelings. So If you were attracted to someone, would your schedule matter at all? If you weren’t into someone would you actually tell them why or make up an excuse?

My friend is trying to hype me up and say there’s no way a lack of attraction is the reason. But I feel like I know because it feels like a switch flipped after meeting. I just wish people would be honest. So please, be honest with me.

I’m sure this varies wildly based on your preferences. But say you’re looking for a relationship—not just casual. When you are getting ready for a first date with someone you really just met and don’t know, what are you thinking about beforehand and hoping for? What are you nervous about and how do you hope things play out?

What are your signs it’s going well? How quick do you know if you want to see someone again? What do you want to talk about? I’m just curious what it’s like for men.

As a woman, I‘ve been on several first dates where the conversation is good, I’m enjoying my time, it ends up being a couple hours, but then I leave like—was I attracted to that person? or did I just like talking to them? On a first date it just feels like you’re absorbing so much information. How he looks, how hes reacting, how you’re reacting, how your body feels, what he’s saying, what he likes, do I feel safe? am I being myself?….on and on. It’s just a lot to take in. I personally never go into a date hoping for a kiss or something physical at the end, I just hope he’s normal and we click. So when he is normal, and we click conversationally, it seems like the vibes would be there for it to become something more but often it doesn’t. I don’t know if guys are being respectful, or get a friend vibe, or if I’m stand offish, but most dudes I’ve been out with don’t try anything on the first date. Which is honestly fine with me. Just curious what it’s like on your end!

No hate to anyone who does more invasive treatments, just not interested. But curious what has actually worked for you to look your best. So many snake oil kind of scams out there. Would love to hear your experience with anything from moisturizer to red light therapy to chemical peels, etc.

Thanks!!

I’ll start:

-confirming I’m a human and not a robot by doing little puzzles 20 times a day.

-paying for all my stations individually on my “smart” tv.

-texting without buttons

Whether it be dating, friendships, work, hobbies, etc. I’m curious what questions or mental processes you go through to make sure you are taking care of yourself in situations where it’s easy to judge yourself or feel like people pleasing—how do you check in and make sure you’re centering yourself and your needs?

I’ve been messaging back and forth on a dating app with a guy for about 3 weeks. He’s slow to respond, but usually responds at least once a day, and they are long thoughtful paragraphs. It feels more like we’re just emailing back and forth instead of texting.

He has a very physical blue collar job, and he also has a farm and lots of homeowner tasks that seem to fill most of his days. While this slower communication is not typical for me—what I’m noticing is that it’s keeping my emotions in check. I’m not falsely developing feelings or getting too attached before meeting him, which I actually appreciate—but I’m also wondering if it’s just too slow to build any momentum or if he’s just not that interested. I am getting to know him, and he asks good questions, it’s just very slow. The slowest communication I’ve ever experienced on an app—that hasn’t tapered off and ended.

The weekend before this past one he suggested we meet up in a week, and then didn’t respond for 5 days while he was working out of town. Friday he reached back out and apologized and said he was working really long days but still wanted to meet up. I honestly wasn’t feeling well, so I suggested maybe this following weekend which he agreed would be good. We’ve had several exchanges since then, that make me feel like he’s still interested, but I am just curious if with this pace if I should be reading between the lines. I get the vibe he is just not on his phone that much and is not in any rush (both attractive traits to me) But it’s just new and different to me, and I don’t know how to feel.

The good thing is, at this point if we never met, I’d be just fine. This communication style is keeping me unattached. But part of me is clearly still curious about him and feel like we have enough in common That we would have at least good conversations in person.

Thoughts? Thank you.

I’ve been eating about 1,700-1800 calories a day, increased my steps and have had a couple days where I walked 3 miles, but also days I didn’t walk at all. I’ve done a few days of intermittent fasting from 11-17 hours (the long one was accidental because I slept in)

Ive been getting about 80-82 grams of protein per day, and 70 g of fat, even though I’ve tried to have less. I also have reduced sugar (though not completely) and am still pretty high on sodium some days. I’ve been weighing myself daily in the morning after using the restroom.

I am shocked how fast the scale is going down. It makes me think the weight I first weighed in at must’ve been retaining a lot of water, and also maybe I was really over consuming calories before I started paying attention. I don’t physically feel much slimmer other than maybe less bloated.

How long will it take to slow down to 1-2 pounds a week? (My goal)

How did it work out? Been dating someone who on surface level, we have a lot of interests in common. But—we got on the topic of religion. One of us is spiritual and one of us is an atheist. Neither believes in any kind of traditional religion, but beyond that—our beliefs wildly differ.

I want to be open minded, but I also want to be realistic. Have you ever had a successful relationship with someone whose religion/spirituality didn’t match yours? Is it ultimately why you didn’t work? Did you grow more compatible over time?

I find most things in my mind are harder than they are. I avoid tasks because I think they’ll take hours and then it takes minutes. I imagined that bringing my lunch to work everyday would be so hard to have time or remember to do —and it’s not. I just have to be smarter at the store. etc.

curious what it was for you.