u/Loud-Plane-1860

It is a painful situation to be in. I've certainly put myself out there since I was in college. But with each growing year I remained inexperienced, the more hurt I felt and also ashamed especially as I reached my mid 30s.

I try to keep focused on my hobbies, interests and ambitions. But in the last few months I've wondered whether to permanently shelve trying - on several occasions I've stepped back temporarily from trying as I was told "it might happen when I least expect it,"

But I also was told by a few of my girl friends that some women would have serious concerns + see it as a big red flags flying if they found out about my inexperienced if the conversation arise and they asked.

It's difficult - I'd like to find love but it's painful to look for it and find nothing. The feeling of being unloved hurts but also the years of trying and being rejected every time. I feel so conflicted, so hurt and alone.

"Put yourself out there" "Just be confident bro" "No wonder you are single all your life if you keep on failing" "Just do hobbies". "It might happen when you least expect it"

This is the types of advice I've had since I was 21. Well intended people trying to help a woefully inexperienced guy that has never had a relationship only for me to carry out the advice over several years to no avail. Even after "self care breaks" before trying things - I'm still in the same position if I did absolutely nothing and sat on my ass.

No person is entitled to or deserves a relationship but I also get tired of putting so much effort for nothing and feelings of loneliness. I am in my mid 30s and I feel exasperated because on one side people say to me don't look desperate while on the other side people say I will remain alone if I don't do anything. I am tired and exasperated. I've taken so many breaks that I just don't want to take any more temporary ones because it is just rinse and repeat.

It is just very overwhelming and dejecting to still be lonely and unloved at my ages after decades of rejection after trying my best.

It is a painful situation to be in and I've certainly put myself out there since I was in college. But with each growing year I remained inexperienced, the more hurt I felt and also ashamed especially as I reached my mid 30s.

I try to keep focused on my hobbies, interests and ambitions. But in the last few months I've wondered whether to permanently shelve trying - on several occasions I've stepped back temporarily from trying as I was told "it might happen when I least expect it,"

But I also was told by a few of my girl friends that some women would have serious concerns + red flags flying if they found out about my inexperienced if they asked.

It's difficult - I'd like to find love but it's painful to look for it and find nothing. Apologies for the long post.

"Put yourself out there" "Just be confident bro" "No wonder you are single all your life if you keep on failing" "Just do hobbies". "It might happen when you least expect it"

This is the types of advice I've had since I was 21. Well intended people trying to help a woefully inexperienced guy that has never had a relationship only for me to carry out the advice over several years to no avail. Even after "self care breaks" before trying things - I'm still in the same position if I did absolutely nothing and sat on my ass.

No person is entitled to or deserves a relationship but I also get tired of putting so much effort for nothing and feelings of loneliness. I am in my mid 30s and I feel exasperated because on one side people say to me don't look desperate while on the other side people say I will remain alone if I don't do anything. I am tired and exasperated. I've taken so many breaks that I just don't want to take any more temporary ones because it is just rinse and repeat.

It is just very overwhelming and dejecting to still be lonely and unloved at my ages after decades of rejection after trying my best.

I ask because I am one of those inexperienced guys but it is also a group that is sadly increasing with every single year and those among Gen Z in their 20s.

Now, when I say inexperienced I mean on two levels.

The first level would just be a lack of dating experience - not ever having a date or any romantic moment - missing out on dating/relationships during their teens and 20s.

The second level would be in terms of the physical/romantic stage - would you have the patience/willingness to guide or coach an inexperienced guy when it came to intimacy.

Really interested to hear your views and feel free to ask me questions if you have any.

I'm tired of putting myself out there and being overlooked every time.

"Put yourself out there" "Just be confident bro" "No wonder you are single all your life if you keep on failing" "Just do hobbies". "It might happen when you least expect it"

This is the types of advice I've had since I was 21. Well intended people trying to help a woefully inexperienced guy that has never had a relationship only for me to carry out the advice over several years to no avail. Even after "self care breaks" before trying things - I'm still in the same position if I did absolutely nothing and sat on my ass.

No person is entitled to or deserves a relationship but I also get tired of putting so much effort for nothing and feelings of loneliness. I am in my mid 30s and I feel exasperated because on one side people say to me don't look desperate while on the other side people say I will remain alone if I don't do anything. I am tired and exasperated. I've taken so many breaks that I just don't want to take any more temporary ones because it is just rinse and repeat.

It is just very overwhelming and dejecting to still be lonely and unloved at my ages after decades of rejection after trying my best.

People might reply I am giving up or something will miraculously happen to me - something that hasn't happened since I first made an attempt to date seventeen years ago.

But I am just tired of it all - the pain, rejection, embarrassment, loneliness, taking breaks in the hope something will happen when in the end it never does.

I get so frustrated. People say don't come off as desperate but I normally ask if they have been in my position. Never knowing love, never knowing affection, never knowing being wanted. Just absolute rejection - sometimes kind and sometimes not.

No one deserves a relationship. But trying my best, putting myself out there, putting advice into action - all for nothing. It's just painful and I get so frustrated within myself that my best in the end is useless. I ask myself whether I should be reclusive and give up. I'm just so upset - not even therapy or my friends have been able to help.

It just hurts so much

Ugly, failed setbacks, loneliness. Therapy and pills don't work. Yeah, it's over for me.v

"Put yourself out there" "Just be confident bro" "No wonder you are single all your life if you keep on failing" "Just do hobbies"

These are the types of advice I've had since I was 21. Well intended people trying to help a woefully inexperienced guy that has never had a relationship only for me to implement the advice and still be in the same position if I did absolutely nothing and sat on my ass.

No person is entitled to or deserves a relationship but I also get tired of putting so much effort for no gain. At times I feel exasperated because on one side people say don't look desperate while on the other side people say nothing will happen if you don't do anything. I am tired and exasperated. I've taken so many breaks that it does absolutely nothing for me.

It is something I have weighed up in my mind. Because I know women will understandably have their guard up if a guy in his mid 30s hasn't had any experience.

On the other hand I feel frustrated - I'm trying to follow the advice from friends. Put in the effort of building blocks in my life. Trying to grow as a human being. Putting in effort and investment. I know no person is entitled to a relationship but I feel confused when my therapist says "you get what you put in" but dating wise there seems to just be nothing.

Part of me thinks if I've put all this effort in for over ten years to be in the same position dating wise if I did nothing at all - then should I be resigned that it just isn't going to happen. I just feel so conflicted and wanted to get an unvarnished point of view from women outside my circle of friends.

It is difficult because I worked on my profile. I had my woman friends work on it. I made sure to answer prompts on their hobbies to ask follow up questions. But in the several years of being on Hinge - I never got a like or a match. I even did a 24 hour boost and got zero likes. That was the final straw for me. I deleted the profile because coupled with zero success when trying to date in real life - it made me feel unloveable and unwanted. I felt hurt and that something was wrong with me.

It's difficult because I put myself out there. I always try to be open, engaging, respectful and ask questions. But I am 36 and still have never been in a relationship or been intimate with a woman. It makes me feel something is wrong with me. That it is my fault I am unwanted. It is a painful feeling that therapy and meds are not helping with.

They said this because I've never had a date at the age of 35 and women are not interested in me.

They've tried to be supportive by giving advice on wardrobe, grooming and tried to matchmake me with their friends (none interested) but it has gone nowhere.

Today, when I was airing my frustrations, they just replied and said that if I've been alone dating wise all my life then dating might not be something I will ever experience.

I feel sad because all my friends are in relationships - yes they have ups and downs - but they feel wanted and loved. I've never had that. I just feel really alone.

I'm 36M. Single all my life. I find it hard to get a better paying job. I'm constantly reminded of my loneliness. I find it difficult to connect to people in hobby groups. My last therapist told me therapy wasn't working while my GP said differing antidepressants weren't having the desired effect due to side effects.

Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn to in order to find some solace, I feel that things get worse.

I get anger, I get frustrated, I get lonely, I get sad. I feel as if I have failed as a man. I'm tired.

36M. Live with my mother. Poor. Lonely. Ugly. Failure. Mental health therapists don't help. Neither do antidepressants.

Hobby groups numb the pain but find it difficult to connect with people. Being ugly and mentally ill means I'm forever alone. Soon I will be forever dead because the feelings of suicide never goes away as the feelings of failure rise with each passing day.

I have learned that some people like myself just cannot hack it anymore. Are meant to fail. Are meant to die.

I'm just so tired of failing in life. I look in the mirror and try not to burst into tears at the failure of a man that I am. Mental health professionals try their best to instill advice, suggestions and exercises but whenever they fail to alleviate my mood I feel so hopeless. What shred of positivity and happiness I once had in my 20s is gone as I am in my mid 30s.

My friends have tried their best but they can only do so much. They have children and wives/husbands along with things in their own lives to deal with.

And no I do not have a gf - never had one for obvious reasons because why go out with a failure.

As I said - I'm tired, exhausted and failed in everything I do.

Being that inexperienced in my 30s feels like a burden because every time I try my best, it just ends in constant rejection.

Dating apps, single events, speed dating and a bit of cold approaching has led to nothing but setbacks.

I focus on hobbies and social things to keep me focused but the feelings of loneliness and being unwanted does grate. Therapy can only do so much and the feelings of being forever alone just grow with each rejection and each passing month.

Just feel as if I am the odd one out in life. Wracked by loneliness, rejection and brooding anger. Therapy has been a waste of money as has meds - causing my outlook on life to worsen.

Trying to get a better job has not worked. Dating? Well, me never having a gf or kissed a woman as a man in my mid 30s says volumes.

I am a failure. I'm tired.