I'm finding it difficult. Ignored, unwanted, unloved. Emotions that really get on top of me that medication and therapy has done little to combat. The reminder of being alone almost every day, the loneliness it brings and the feelings of worthlessness. I try to do my hobbies but being inadvertently reminded of being alone just compounds things
When I was at my aunt's this afternoon for a family occasion, the topic came to relationships and when my aunt asked if I was single, I said yes. Her daughter kept on asking throughout the afternoon why am I single and "is it because I am bald?" I tried to brush it off but it felt cutting and left me feeling terrible inside. Thankfully, the gathering finished and rushed home.
First of all, my cousin recently turned 10, so I understand that she is a kid and not fully aware of her words.
Even so, I just felt terrible - being in my mid 30s, never being in a relationship or even kissed a woman already had me feeling as if something is wrong with me. Today just made me feel terrible and I just want to shut myself off in the world.
Being in my mid 30s, putting myself out there constantly socially and in dating apps - only to never had a gf, date, romantic moment or even a match. It just makes me realise that no matter what I do - the harsh reality is that it will never be good enough and I'm not meant to date.
Some people are just at the bottom of the pile and forever alone through brutal reality despite putting in time, effort and investment. It just feels brutal to have a need that is part of human life never happen and be the permanent odd one out.
I try not to have negative thoughts and be positive. But over 15 years of trying and not even have a moment where I felt hopeful of being with someone is really hurtful. I took advice from friends, dating coaches, even therapy to regulate my emotions.
The feeling of being unloved and never receiving affection weighs heavily on my soul. I sometimes ask why did it happen to me? I've put in so much effort only to be shunned. I do not blame women for not preferring me because I am not entitled to anything. I just feel the burdening sense of having failed as a man.
I'm so tired. Tired of failing. Tired of being alone. Tired of being unloved. Tired of waking up. Tired of therapy but working and resulting in not being able to afford it. Tired of all the advice given to me not working.
I'm just tired of life itself. Not even a glass half empty type of guy anymore - I've smashed it up against the wall
Over the last 24 hours I've been caught between two polar paths as a result of never being in a relationship, had a date or even being affectionate with a woman and now approaching my mid 30s.
Part of me wants to turn away from dating altogether - sick and tired of being constantly rejected, frustrated at taking breaks to recharge, better myself, do self improvement only for no results but feelings of failure.
The other part wants to feel loved and desired - a product of never having love/affection in my life. Two polar opposites tearing at my soul - combining frustration with a hole within me where I feel defeated.
It's very overwhelming because never being loved or wanted despite trying my best is very difficult to take. It just really hurts.
As a 36M, it's very overwhelming to have these feelings - left behind in dating (I've spoken before of how I've never had gf/or kissed anyone), have a basic job where trying to go for higher paid jobs ends in rejection and how therapy/meds over several years has done nothing to alleviate such feelings.
Seeing friends and family continuously excel with achievements just compounds the feelings. Even today, a friend of mine announced their pregnancy while another got a high paying job. It's difficult.
Never had a girlfriend, date or held a woman's hand at the age of 36. One piece of advice I saw was to speak to a friend or someone I know that will give unvarnished advice.
I asked a former work colleague I know about my situation dating wise and asked for advice without the platitudes. Unfortunately, the advice was brutally harsh.
She said the fact I have been alone and never even kissed a woman let alone hugged one at the age of 36 will be a turn off to most women because they will wonder why that is the case. She said not disclosing it only to find out later is like kicking the can down the road. She said I was conventionally unattractive - height doesn't help as well as physical looks and being kind (her description of me) doesn't help. When I told her that I had updated my wardrobe as well as grooming she paused and said "I see" and sighed heavily.
The real kicker at the end was she said that I will probably be alone because I've been left behind in dating that has changed in less than a decade and from what I know of you am unable to roll with the times and just unfixable
It hurt inside but i didn't really say anything because I asked for an unvarnished view. I just thanked her for her time. Being told it's over in so many words is a gut punch.
Was with my mother and sister a few days ago - my mother tentatively mentioned how my dating life was. I say tentatively because she knows it is a very sore subject for me as I've never had a gf or had any physical affection with a woman and I'm 36.
I just said the situation was the same to which my sister said "it's OK - some people are just never meant to find love and be alone. Just try to be successful in other areas"
I get what she was trying to say as she knows I like to write but wanting to date and completely failing despite my best efforts is very hurtful. It just made me lie on my bed and think I am that repellent to women I should just go into my bedroom, lock the door and write because who I am and what I look like is simply ugly.
The title is one I hear a lot as a 36 year old man that is woefully inexperienced in dating. I know it's meant with good intentions but when things aren't going well at all - it's infuriating to hear. But I would like to hear from men and women what are phrases during the dating process that drive you up the wall and make you want to scream into the void?
36M - never had a girlfriend, never been intimate with a woman and never even had a date or match on a dating app. I've approached women face to face and online yet it is the same result. I can't help but feel disheartened because all my friends are in relationships and I feel that I am the odd person out. Being inadvertently reminded of my loneliness, as well as being given platitudes doesn't help - neither has therapy.
Just leaves a big hole inside of me - I know humans want connection and everyone has wants/needs but each day grows the sense of unfulfillment. And it hurts.
The reason why I ask is when with my mother and sister last night - my mother tentatively mentioned how my dating life was. I say tentatively because she knows it is a very sore subject for me as I've never had a gf or had any physical affection with a woman and I'm 36.
I just said the situation was the same to which my sister said "it's OK - some people are just never meant to find love and be alone. Just try to be successful in other areas"
I get what she was trying to say as she knows I like to write but wanting to date and completely failing despite my best efforts is very hurtful. It just made me lie on my bed and think am I that repellent to women that I should just go into my bedroom, lock the door and write because who I am and what I look like is simply ugly?"
In recent days, I've had these thoughts. That I'm unloveable (wrote a thread on this subreddit) but also things won't get better in life. I haven't had many positive things happen to me in life despite working hard, despite trying my best.
I know life is a struggle but we struggle through in the hope something will work out and our sacrifices will be worth it.
But today, I wondered - is this my high water mark? I began to feel this way after ending things with another therapist as things were not working. I've already taken multiple breaks in my life in the hope to recharge my batteries but it never works. I just don't feel hopeful any more and it is scary. Really scary.
I am 36M. Was on Hinge for two years. Always tried to make good engaging answers or questions on any prompts when liking a woman.
I did 24 hour boosts on multiple occasions and updated my profile on the advice of my friends. But I didn't get a single like or match. What hope I had was carved away and I just felt ignored. Rejected by women when I approached them face to face merely compounded my feelings.
I don't want to think this way. But I am 36, never had a girlfriend or even been affectionate or had a date. My mother avoids talking about it because it hurts my mood. As written in a previous thread, I've tried several things and have thought I am a failure. This evening, I looked in the mirror and something broke inside me - a realisation that my time, effort and investment over several years didn't work because my best will never be good enough. I don't like thinking negatively but I just feel really down right now and therapy isn't helping. Few things are.
In my mid 30s, I never knew any affection or a woman like me for who I am. Shown my authenticity, tried my best, approached women, been engaging.
No one is interested - not even a date. Just constant rejections. My friends don't know what to do - they can't even give platitudes of "I'll find someone when I least expect it" because I've heard that since I was 21 and nothing has happened.
I feel inadequate and I ask why am I alone when I try my best. No one is entitled to a relationship but the shame of being unloved and unwanted is very overwhelming. I've had therapy with CBT but it is a serious struggle. It just really hurts. Sometimes I feel I have failed as a man.
Posted on here a few days ago on this subreddit about never having a girlfriend, date or romantic moment at the age of 36. One piece of advice I saw was to speak to a friend or someone I know that will give unvarnished advice.
I asked a former work colleague I know about my situation dating wise and asked for advice without the platitudes. Unfortunately, the advice was brutally harsh.
She said the fact I have been alone and never even kissed a woman let alone hugged one at the age of 36 will be a turn off to most women because they will wonder why that is the case. She said not disclosing it only to find out later is like kicking the can down the road. She said I was conventionally unattractive - height doesn't help as well as physical looks and being kind (her description of me) doesn't help. When I told her that I had updated my wardrobe as well as grooming she paused and said "I see" and sighed heavily.
The real kicker at the end was she said that I will probably be alone because I've been left behind in dating that has changed in less than a decade and from what I know of you am unable to roll with the times and just unfixable
It hurt inside but i didn't really say anything because I asked for an unvarnished view. I just thanked her for her time. Being told it's over in so many words is a gut punch.
I try not to have negative thoughts and be positive. But over 15 years of trying and not even have a moment where I felt hopeful of being with someone is really hurtful. I took advice from friends, dating coaches, even therapy to regulate my emotions.
The feeling of being unloved and never receiving affection weighs heavily on my soul. I sometimes ask why did it happen to me? I've put in so much effort only to be shunned. I do not blame women for not preferring me because I am not entitled to anything. I just feel the burdening sense of having failed as a man.