Do you kiss on first dates?
… is it weird I don’t kiss on first dates?
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Past 2 dates I’ve been on the guys has gone for a snog in public and I’ve said no. Then they’ve told me I’ve made it awkward. The vibes weren’t there
I've apparently ran out of profiles in a 20 mile radius, with a handful of outgoing likes and getting only one match.
I'm 42F, foreign national and my interests and hobbies revolve around history, art, music. They're very important for me so I swipe left on anyone that only lists football, the gym or gaming as their passions. I've set my age limit between 35 and 50.
Could it be the algorithm showing me unsuitable profiles or could it really be the local dating pool? Has anyone that travels noticed big differences in demographic depending on location?
Neither of us is single. Not sure what to do. Should I ignore this feeling or try to find out if they are really interested? What would you do?
I’ve recently started seeing someone, and we’re still getting to know each other. He’s been pretty direct about wanting me, but he hasn’t given me any indication that he wants to ask me to be in a relationship with him. It’s still pretty fresh, but he’s been consistent and has even asked me questions about the future.
Now, there’s someone else I’d also like to get to know, and he seems like a really great person too. Is it wrong that I’m getting to know both of them and planning to decide based on who I develop stronger feelings for?
I do feel a little guilty because it’s happening at the same time, but I’m assuming they might also be talking to or seeing other people. I just don’t want to reject someone now, only to realize later that I could have had something really good with them. Especially because, honestly, it’s pretty difficult for me to find genuinely good matches when it comes to men. These two are currently the only guys I’m talking to who actually seem interested in getting to know me, so part of me wants to play it safe and keep both options open for now. I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket when neither of them and I are actually in a committed relationship yet. I’d rather get to know both of them naturally and see who I connect with more before making a decision.
Is this wrong?
For context I (29F) had a good date with a guy about a year older than me on Saturday. It was pretty lowkey just coffee and a walk but I liked him a lot and felt like we had an interesting conversation. He seemed nervous at first but definitely relaxed as the date went on and I was getting a few positive signs, he commented a few times that he liked x, y, z thing about me and they were things to do with my approach and outlook not my appearance. Not necessarily a flirty vibe which I just put down to first date nerves (I’m terrible at flirting anyway!).
After about 3 hours of chatting I asked what he wanted to do and he said he was going to head off. I felt this was a bit abrupt in the moment but realised afterwards that we had been talking for a while without any lull in conversation. We hugged and said it was nice to meet each other but there was no talk of a second date.
Later that evening I thanked him for coming to see me (he drove about an hour) and said I’d enjoyed our conversation and hoped he enjoyed the rest of the weekend. I didn’t mention a second date as I kind of wanted that to come from him and usually when I send a message like that it’s enough for the guy to then get the message and ask me out again. He replied the same evening reflecting back what I said to him, he enjoyed meeting me and thanked me for my company and then hoped I enjoyed the weekend. I can’t figure out if that was a polite way of shutting the door or if he was just ‘matching my energy’ so to speak and wasn’t sure if I was interested in a second date.
I haven’t heard from him since then and don’t know what to make of it. Before our date we were messaging pretty steadily for a couple of weeks, 1 message per day with a few days gap in between sometimes (the gaps were on my side because I had a lot going on and don’t like to have constant messaging before meeting someone). We both said we’re not really texters and prefer in person connection, but I would have hoped to have heard from him by now. I did see he was online on the dating app we met on so clearly he’s on his phone… He also travels a lot for work and sounds like he has quite an intense job. He also initiated the first date, he asked me last minute if I was free for a dinner thing the next day when I had other plans but I said I would still like to meet and so he then suggested the day/time that we ended up meeting.
So help me: is this a normal, slow burn kind of pause after a first date while he collects his thoughts, is he busy and trying to match my energy, does he need a stronger green light from me to set up a second date or is he just not interested? I haven’t felt a connection to someone like this in a while so I guess I’m more invested with this than other dates I’ve been on, and of course this is the one where I don’t hear from him afterwards 😂 I don’t want to appear needy or desperate by messaging again but I also don’t want to look back and think I left things unsaid and therefore don’t know what could have been. My natural instinct is to reach out again just to make sure, but I’ve done that in the past and usually find that if I have to be the one to reach out, he’s probably not interested. It’s whether I give him a few more days before reaching out as well incase he is busy with work. I also have a lot of noise in my head about what you ‘should’ do as a woman in dating from all the rubbish you hear online, which gets in the way of me just being true to myself a lot of the time. I got the vibe that he liked the idiosyncratic and authentic aspects of me, so does it then follow that being myself and following my instincts is the best way to go? But then I’m still single so maybe there’s something to it! Any advice appreciated (especially from men as I never know what you lot actually want!) x
We went to my in laws for dinner and my husbands friend always comes around too so they can have a game of pool so he was there. My husbands sisters friend came over and I didn’t see her but they both said hi.
His mum came in and said to the friend that she’s single and can introduce him to her. He said no but she kept suggesting it. Then on her way out she said she had a crush on my husband years ago, and he says “really?!” looking a bit too excited.
A few mins go by and he spots her car on the drive and he compliments it - “shes got a nice car tbf”.
Then on our way out he keeps mentioning how it’s nice, new etc etc
I said he should’ve asked what she does for a living and he said no, he’ll just ask his sister. Why would he care?
He’s not particularly close to his siblings, never has been so it’s not like he’s close to their friends. It all rubbed me the wrong way.
Went on first date coffee with girl. It lasted 3 hours. Halfway through we went to the park. I brought up dating and what she likes in a guy. She said something along the lines of she got out of a breakup and emotions are raw. She's not in a position to date anyone right now and wants to heal before putting herself out there. She wanted to change the subject. She teared up a little while saying it so I hugged her.
As we were heading back, I asked why she said yes to the date if that was her headspace. She said she thought I was attractive and liked that I asked her out. After I asked her this, I noticed that she was a little bit more playful/teasing and asked me questions...I feel like she sensed me pulling back a little so she maybe compensated because she thought she hurt my feelings or something? She also offered to drive me home twice. At the end, we hugged and I noticed she was rubbing my back...?
I told her to let me know when she gets home...no message. Been a few days. Would like some clarity - was what she was saying genuine, or was it a soft rejection and I should chalk it up? Thanks!
First time posting, I’m a regular Reddit browser but have set up an account for this question. I’m a M/40 and my wife is 35/F we’ve been together 15 years and married 10. We have 2 young children and moved into a perfect dream house last year and all has been good. We’ve had a solid relationship and she is a very loving wife and would go to hell and back for me. She has a very close friend 35/F who I get on well with and she is very flirty with me but in a joking way and will make comments about getting with me in front of my wife so it’s just playful banter, she herself is in long term relationship with children. The first hiccup in our relationship was last year, due to having kids and going down the easy route we had let one child sleep with one of us while my wife or myself slept in the spare room which resulted in us not having much intimate time together. I started watching to much porn which got boring and moved on to me looking at women I knew from social media and using their pics to get my kicks. My wife decided to have a route through my phone one day and seen some saved pics of her friend. This broke her heart but we managed to get through it and I was honest and told her about the porn issue. I told her which was the truth that I didn’t want to be with her and it was more that she had a lot of images on her social media which is why I had chosen her to do it over. It still bothers her as she is self conscious that I don’t find her attractive so have to reassure her a lot (this has always been the case with her due to her being a bit overweight even though she is the most attractive out of all her friends). My wife had never told her about this but made up some story about me getting a bit close to a girl she made up just so she could vent to someone. Over the last few months our sex life has dipped again with the same problem being us not sharing a bed due to the children and her friend slowly came back into my mind with me doing the same thing as what got me in trouble in the first place. On Friday I went out with my wife and her friends and partners and the friend was out with us being her usual flirty self with me again just to be clear she would have no intention of doing anything with me. Since then i have been on leave from work due to the kids summer holidays and I cannot get this woman out of my mind, it’s been 24/7 me thinking about her and what it would like to be not only to have a fling with her but to be with her properly and the worst thing is I feel disconnected from my own family. I feel like I’m doing what I can to bring her into conversations with my wife and I even go out my to walk by where she lives even though I know I won’t bump into her. I’ve even told her about a party we are having soon which was meant to be family only as I know she will just invite herself over and come. I’m thinking this is a lustful crush on her which I’ve probably taking to the next level but does anyone have any advice on how to handle this whole situation, it’s making me feel sick and so low that I’m feeling about this towards my own family. I should have everything I want in life at the moment but these feelings are really getting to me. I’ve always pictured me and my wife being together forever and always felt good about our relationship so I’m worried that I might be having some sort of midlife crisis. Any thoughts or
suggestions would be welcome, thank you
I have been dating this British guy for about 7 months now. We met on a dating app and we were doing long distance. He told me that he wanted something real and I am the same, and the relationship was great at first. I felt his interest and his presence. We only ever message and never had calls. I don’t know if that’s weird too or is common among British people to just chat. I thought it was only because of time difference and the we’re both busy at work. But comes the past couple months I felt he became disinterested and our conversation feels routinely instead of asking more curious questions about each other. But I set it aside because we were set to meet as he was flying to me.
We met before and I clarified to him that if I was only an option, to break it off clean with me. I assumed that wasn’t the case as he continued talking to me, and started calling me endearments or called me babe constantly.
Once we met again though, I was a lot anxious and afraid that the relationship was ending. We didn’t do much together too as he didn’t plan any dates but a cinema when we were together for a few days. We had an argument after, and I told him I was letting him go if i’m not the person he wants to be with even though I don’t really want to and brought up that I was unsure where I stand in his life. He called me his girl before when everything was still okay but that’s not necessarily a girlfriend is it?
He hasn’t responded for a few days since my last message. Am I being ghosted? Should I move on and stop hoping for a reply?
TYIA
Pretty much the title.
Been seeing this girl and it’s awfully obvious she’s avoidant attachment.
Sometimes she’s warm and other times she’s quite a bit colder.
It feels as if she’s scared of me not liking her back? Or something of the sort, not too sure myself.
I’m not sure if I’d be ready for a serious relationship with someone with these sorts of traits though, but I wanted to ask whether it is manageable, and if so, how?
Is there anything I’d need to look for?
Anyone had any success in discovering secret phone messages if they’re getting immediately deleted? My partner is always acting shady and super protective around phone and reckon he has some connection going on with someone from work. He works remotely at home and it’s always when he’s at his desk that he quickly flicks out of what he’s doing or quickly puts phone down. I’m thinking of trying to set up a pet cam or similar to see if anything is going on there. Would they even pick something up like that? And would they become visible over Bluetooth of WiFi settings?
I’ve asked a number of times why he acts like this and whether there’s someone he’s messaging but he always flatly denies it. He could be telling the truth of course but my gut tells me different. After 6 years of our relationship being in the verge of ending and now both trying to salvage and work on it, I’m loathe to give full emotional input in if somethings going on with someone else.
50M here, Nottinghamshire. I have spoken with a friend of mine, she's seeing somebody who is travelling 75 miles to see her. The logistics and expenses of such a thing would be nightmarish. She's a wonderful lady, but I would never start a relationship in such a long distance. I was just curious, how far would you go for a potential relationship?
Myself, I am settled on about 25 miles, including both Nottingham and Chesterfield. No luck until now, but still hopeful.
I’m a guy approaching 40, and I think I’ve only recently understood one part of “pretty privilege.”
I was married for about 10 years and had basically no adult dating experience. I never thought of myself as especially attractive, and got almost zero romantic attention as a teenager.
After my divorce I spent about a year focusing on myself, career, gym, clothes, grooming, skincare, hair/beard, etc. Basically a late-30s glow-up.
Then I got on Hinge.
In my first few months I went on seven dates and six wanted to keep seeing me seriously. After a later two-year relationship ended, I went back to dating and the same thing happened again, but even more intensely.
Lots of matches, women initiating sex quickly, buying me concert tickets, inviting me on trips, wanting relationships, etc. At one point I somehow had four overlapping situationships, and most knew I was dating other women.
What surprised me was how much some women would tolerate.
Women I thought would say “absolutely not, sort your shit out” sometimes stayed involved. Some kept coming back after I ended things. Some accepted situations they previously said they wouldn’t.
That changed how I think attraction works.
I used to think looks mostly got you through the door, then personality and behaviour determined what happened.
Now I think strong attraction can actually change the rules.
People tolerate more, attach faster, become sexual faster, forgive more and rationalise red flags they probably wouldn’t accept from someone they were less attracted to.
Ironically, the woman I fell hardest for was probably the least conventionally attractive of the women I dated. I found her very attractive personally, but it was mostly her personality and our connection.
She also had the strongest boundaries.
Her assessment was basically, you’re smart, fun and fundamentally decent, but you’re insecure and using attention from women to feed your ego, and I don’t want to be part of the mess.
She was probably right.
Going from very little romantic validation for most of my life to suddenly getting a lot of it did weird things to my brain.
And I finally understood something attractive women often say:
Having lots of people want you isn’t necessarily the same as knowing why someone wants you.
Do they actually like your personality? Are you unusually compatible? Or are they overlooking things because they’re extremely attracted to you?
The biggest lesson for me has been this:
If people keep rewarding you even when you behave badly, you need stronger internal boundaries because the outside world stops enforcing them for you.
I occasionally mistook “she still really wants me” for evidence that my behaviour couldn’t be that bad.
Obviously, that was wrong. I am fucking around with several women, in love with one who doesn't really want me right now, talking to multiple exes and lying to some.
I still don’t think I’m exceptionally handsome. I suspect it’s more the combination of looks, fitness, grooming, career, confidence and personality.
But my dating experience changed enough after improving my appearance that I no longer believe looks simply get your foot in the door.
Do highly attractive men genuinely experience a different set of behavioural rules from women, or am I over-attributing this to looks?
I can’t believe I’m saying this but
In my 20s, I never understood why my friends got excited by the men they met. For me, I would have crushes and meet nice guys and soon realise they never saw me in the same way back and therefore I never got opportunity to date
Over time I just learned to give up.
I had a brief thing a few years ago and we instantly clicked and connected, had intimacy for the first time, fun dates and stuff and I thought gosh this is what my friends are so excited about and what it’s like to have someone like you. It felt nice but it only last a few years before he told me he ‘thinks I’m lovely but I don’t see you in that way.’
Tried to meet other guys since, yet it’s the same thing, guys never like me back. I’ve even tried asking guys out myself with no luck which is so embarrassing and I feel so much shame
I’m very sad about all this. I want to settle down and have a family, only one out of my friends that have not had a partner
People say to join clubs and stuff and I’ll meet someone there, but I never understand it, I do all that but I never come across single guys and if I do, they are not interested in me in that way. I don’t know how to change that
Im otherwise very fit, like doing my hair and makeup and dressing nice. Guys look at me and ogle when im walking down the street but thats as far as it ever goes.
Very worried , just joine dating apps with no luck
I haven't talked to her about this yet, but I've been thinking about it a lot for the past six months.
I have a few hobbies, and before the relationship, pretty much all my free time revolved around them. Now I spend about 90% of my free time with my girlfriend, and honestly, I'm totally fine with that — I enjoy being with her. But I don't want to give up my hobbies either. Recently, on a family trip, I got into billiards — my younger brother and I played almost every day. So today I suggested to my girlfriend that when we have some free time, we could go to a billiard club and play. Her response: "Sorry, you know I don't like that kind of thing." I'd be okay with that, but the problem is that 99% of my suggestions for spending time together turn into similar rejections, or it ends up with her just sitting on her phone while I'd like to share my leisure time with her. I've already accepted that we'll never paint miniatures together or play Warhammer, but damn, could she at least try hopping into Minecraft with me for a couple of evenings, or watch something we both like instead of watching Desperate Housewives for the fourth time this year?
This has been going on since the very start of our relationship — everything I'm interested in gets shot down with "Honey, but I'm just not into that, how about we go to that handmade doll shop instead?" At the same time, when I want to get together with my friends and play Warhammer for one day out of the month, it turns into her sitting with a grumpy face the next time we meet, and throughout the whole game she texts me asking when I'll be done.
Also, I think it's important to mention that I'm very supportive of my girlfriend's hobbies — I regularly suggest spending time on her interests and always do it with genuine enthusiasm, never showing that playing some Roblox nonsense isn't really my thing.
Am I an asshole for wanting just a little bit of time for my own stuff, especially when she's not interested in any of it?
I'm 29F, originally from Canada and have been dating a Welsh guy for the past 7 months. His family is aware of me and I have spoken to them on the phone multiple times, even his grandmother and sisters. He's done the same with mine, but obviously hasn't met them in person yet as they don't like jn the UK. He's mentioned to me many times how he wants me to meet his family, and how I'm so special to him but no plan yet has been set.
His family lives in wales (Cardiff )I've brought it up a few times, mentioning my enthusiasm in meeting them in person too. He agrees, but then nothing materializes. In June I told him I wanted to meet his family by the end of summer, he nodded but then August rolled around and he started staying how his family is busy because his sister was due with her baby in August.
For additional context, apparently his previous girlfriend of 15 months only met his family once, so he doesn't seem to come from a family where partners are constantly around each other.
I'm dating with the intention of eventually getting married, so meeting family is important to me and I don't think 7 months is particularly early.
Would you consider this pretty normal given the circumstances, or a slight yellow flag because he keeps agreeing but hasn't actually made a plan? Would you bring it up again or leave the ball in his court?
I have a criminal record and it’s a bad one. I spent 14 years in prison for sexual crimes against a child. On my release several years ago I have tried to turn my life around. I have a wife and we both are fortunate to have had some money passed down to us from both of our parents (two separate loads of inheritances we pooled together) and so can afford to live in a nice neighbourhood, we both have stable jobs and my wife is very social and constantly making new friends from her yoga and ceramics classes.
I have good friends at work who don’t know about my past, but all my friends from school days and university have obviously disowned me.
Recently I have been a bit more open about my past and the years I spent living in prison but my wife has said I should still avoid giving the exact reasons for why I was in prison as I will never be able to move on as people will make my life (and hers) increasingly difficult. She is also concerned about her own reputation as she is bubbly and well-liked whereas in a bit more introverted.
I can’t help but feel she is right but also would feel better if I am able to express who I am and what I’ve done without any shame or duplicity. At the same time, I am determined to keep building this life with her and if we want to have children it will be a constant shadow over them if there father is seen as the local villain
Wife and I are at odds with each other- what do we do?
Difficult situation I’ll try to keep it brief and clear.
My wife and I are both 39. I have a child from a previous relationship who is now 12. Amicable with ex partner and 50/50 custody.
I have stated with my wife I’ve not wanted another child from the offset. My wife previously said she didn’t want children of her own. Recently she has expressed she would have been open to having one with me. She has said ,” I would be happy if it happened but okay if it didn’t.” I tried to explain I believe both parties should be clear and it shouldn’t be a situation of if it happens it happens if not fine. I tried to talk about financial impact, childcare etc and my wife believed that is just excuse making and “people make it work.” Wife said two nights ago she feels I have taken the opportunity to have a child away from her.
Another aspect within this situation is recently we were getting intimate but didn’t have a condom so it remained oral based. Wife later said she felt physically rejected whereas I said it’s irresponsible to not use protection. Previously have used the contraceptive pill and I am in the wait list for the snip.
I appreciate this is heavy and difficult. I don’t know where we go from here. I love my wife completely but my viewpoint on having a child has not changed.
Me 22M and my GF 23F met at Uni and have been seeing each other for just over 4 months and currently live together. At the start of the relationship everything was great with our sex life, we had regular sex about 5 times a week. Which is exactly the frequency I was looking for, when we were just talking she gave off the vibe that she wanted to have regular sex and that she liked having sex.
Now 4 months in and we only have sex about once every 3 weeks, it doesnt feel enough for me and makes me feel undesired and creates some sexual frustration and resentment, I dont want to resent her because I love her. What makes this so hard is that the relationship is exception everywhere else its exactly what I want it feels like a healthy partnership but I can't help but feel frustrated we arent having enough sex.
I have brought this up with her and she said its because she's been stressed. For context she started a new job 3 weeks ago her first job after university, I use sex as an escape from stress and a stress release mechanism but she shuts down completely and it makes me feel a bit disconnected.
When I bring it up I fear it will make her feel obligated to have sex with me but what I want is for her to want to have sex with me, I try to initiate about once or twice a day and it gets shut down immediately and that rejection doesnt exactly help me feel wanted or desired.
She also has mentioned a couple times that she feels a little self conscious because I'm more attractive than her and she feels like I am out of her league. I dont agree but could this be affecting her sex drive?
Im open to any advice or questions.
EDIT: I clean the house everyday (dust, hoover, wipe down the kirchen, clean the bathrooms and make the bed) to make sure its spotless for when she comes home from work, I make breakfast for us and cook dinner every weekday and frequently give her full body massages. I take her on suprise dates every week and try my best to take what i can off her plate.
For me, the biggest sign of a lack of it is when the conversation feels like an interview, mostly factual rather than bantering, and a bit like carrying groceries upstairs