r/UKrelationshipadvice

TLDR: My long-term girlfriend wants to hang out with a guy I think is creepy and I don't know how to approach the conversation about how I feel with her.

Hey 35m been with my 38f for about 10 years.

I'm not great at putting my thoughts on paper so bare with me.

Things have been a bit strained recently, we moved cross country for her to start a new job which has turned out to be incredibly stressful, and at the same time my freelance work has dwindled. I'm definitely not in a great place mentally. my self esteem/confidence is a bit low and my anxiety levels are high, hence looking for an outside perspective.

So here's the situation. There's a guy she used to work with, she describes as a lonely alcoholic. She seems to think his intentions are plutonic, but I'm not so sure. He's done a few things that seem a bit weird, like asking her to be his plus one at a wedding. He also seems to be willing to go to quite some lengths to see her. I've always said he seems a bit weird but she reassures me he's fine.....

He has friends who live in the next town over (to were we live now) who he visits sometimes and he asked if she would want to hang out with them when he went to visit. So she went to hang out with them. I didn't get invited, didn't really bother me at the time. Crucially, that time she got the bus home (I did offer to pick her up). Anyway. Soon after he invited her again, but this time he suggested she stay over. She told me this immediately and I said it was a red flag. She kind of blanked him for a few days and he said something like "that was my friends idea by the way". I don't buy it, she does. So at this point in time, I'm pretty sure she's planning on staying over at his friend's house next time they hang out. I don't know if I'm cool with this. It just seems weird, they're house is a short taxi/bus away, I have also said I'm willing to pick her up.

To be clear, I trust my girlfriend, she is not the one I'm worried about, I don't think she's going to get drunk and fuck someone else, especially not this guy, for a start he doesn't even sound very attractive, but more importantly, she just isn't that type of person.

What I'm more concerned about is him. We all know what some men are like, especially lonely ones. I'm worried that she will trust him too much. Like when he goes to the bar and gets a drink, he could easily slip her something and then what? Nothing good that's for sure. I would feel awful if I just sat back and let something like that happen, but also, she's a grown woman and I'm not usually in the business of telling her what to do.

The thing is, I'm not sure how to talk about this without it back firing. I'm essentially saying I don't think she has very good judgement/is naive/stupid and I'm worried it will come off as controlling (maybe it is controlling?) and me just being insecure (maybe it is).

How should I approach this situation? Part of me feels like I should just ignore my worries, it'll probably be fine, I'm just overthinking it, another part of me wants to put my foot down and say absolutely not, why would you even think of doing something like that and another part of me wants to demand to meet him/know who these other people are and the address she'll be staying at.

As you can see, with my emotional state, I'm not thinking clearly. I know we need to talk, but I don't know how to go about doing so in a way that's respectful of her autonomy and won't end up in an argument.

TIA, hope this isn't too much of a ramble.

I’m not British, so I’m wondering if this could be a cultural difference.
I met a British guy online, but we’ve never met in person.
Both the idea of meeting up and having a phone call were his.
He suggested a phone call for Sunday at 6 p.m. and said he was looking forward to it.
On the day, he messaged me saying an urgent matter had come up. He apologized for cancelling and asked if he could have until the following evening.
I replied:
“No worries. Take care.”
About a day later, instead of sending a message, he only reacted to my reply with a 🙏 emoji.
There was no explanation, no follow-up, and no attempt to reschedule.
I’m genuinely confused.
Is this something that could be a cultural difference, or would most people find this strange regardless?

I did the dreaded thing this weekend of getting upset my partner for thinking he was looking at other women.

I know it’s all in my head, I have body image issues and used to hate myself to the point of self harming over how I look.

I sometimes still do but rarely.

I’m never skinny enough for myself. I’m currently 5’2 and 56 kg which is on the higher end. I was around 50kg when I met him, until last year and I’m trying to get back.

I managed to patch things up with my husband though I feel the damage is done. How do I be better for myself and him?

I know one thing is I used to go on walks for at least an hour or two a day, more on weekends to help my mental health but that’s stopped now we live together at his parents (we’re in between moving house which shouldn’t take too long) and going from the city to the outskirts made me feel uneasy about going out alone like I used to. It’s again, all in my head, but it’s just less diverse and I just feel out of place as a person of colour.

Hi all,

I am 28,F in UK and I have had terrible luck with dating. I have been on many dates but nothing seems to be achieved after them and I have been ghosted and received responses where the person does not want to see me again.

My dating life is really starting to get me down,I am nearly 30 and feeling quite worried about it all. I am not sure whether this is me and whether I need to improve something in my dating life.

Any advice would be great. Thank you!

I am looking for advice regarding a situation my mum is in.

She lives with a controlling man, but not outright abusive in the typical sense. He doesn't allow her to use the household as if it is where she lives.

Some random examples or the type of controlling;

• He times her showers and goes in to check she hasn't moved the thermostat for it.
• In the dead of winter he turns the heating on for when he wakes, but my mum goes to work 2 hours before he does and he has banned her from turning it on earlier for herself.
• She has had to give up her favourite pastime (gardening) as he wouldn't allow her to water her plants in the garden. Meanwhile he set up an irrigation system for his own.
• He does not allow her to use fans even in the recent heatwave.
• Probably a given, but of course he does non of the cooking or cleaning. Even when my mum had a major operation and was told to do nothing for 2 months he never once did a single thing to help. He still made her do the cooking and cleaning as he believes she should have to.

This is just some examples off the top of my head, but there are more. Needless to say she wants out. His behaviour is slowly escalating over the years. However she does not earn enough to be accepted for even studio flats, but is not in a bad enough situation to be even considered for council housing. Her situation with her ex-partner isn't bad enough for domestic abuse places to help either.

The landlords won't take in to account she would be eligible for rent help from the government and thus would be able to afford it. So that doesn't work.

I have of course offered her a room in our house, but she doesn't want to 'put us out', no matter how much I reassure her it is fine.

Even if I could put down a deposit for her on a studio flat to buy, I wouldn't be able to afford the buildings/mortgage/household maintenance on top of our own house and she would be unable to either.

I am seriously worried. She feels stuck and it is starting to effect her. I also worry her partner is one of those people who will one day snap and hurt her seriously.

I'd be grateful for any advice in this situation.

I’ve been talking to a British man online. What I’m curious about isn’t the cancellation itself—I understand that unexpected things happen.
He first suggested a phone call on Saturday afternoon, but I was working. He then chose Sunday at 6 p.m., so I kept that time free. On Sunday, he messaged to say that something urgent had come up, apologised, cancelled the call, and immediately suggested Monday evening instead, without asking if I was available.
There was another occasion when he invited me for a drink and said that, because it was hot, we should meet on a weekend evening. Looking back, he always seemed to choose the dates and times based on his own schedule.
Is that generally considered normal in British dating culture, or would some people also find it a bit one-sided?

Been with this woman since February, we promised each other since the start there would be no ghosting, at times she has taken a while to reply, sometimes 2-3 days on a couple of occasions, but this is easily the longest. On what’s app messages are going through and not blocked, phone is ringing and messages have 2 ticks but not been read with blue.

M34, she's F33.

We've been on 8 dates so far and recently agreed to be exclusive.

She's everything I've been looking for. She's gorgeous, into the gym, we're financially stable, have amazing sexual chemistry, loads in common, and every time we're together I genuinely feel special. We also speak on the phone around three times a week, so it's not like we're lacking communication.

The only downside is that she lives about 2 hours away, so I'm usually the one driving to see her each week.

The strange thing is... I feel like something is missing, but I can't put my finger on what it is. It's not that I'm unhappy, and there aren't any obvious red flags. I just don't have that feeling of certainty that I expected.

I broke up with my ex last year, and I genuinely feel like I've moved on from that relationship, so I don't think it's unresolved feelings.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did the feeling eventually disappear as the relationship developed, or was it your gut trying to tell you something? I'm trying to work out whether this is just overthinking, the long-distance aspect, or something I should actually pay attention to.

I am looking for some advice regarding a difficult situation with my husband’s best friend and our roommate. He has been struggling with dating due to nervousness and social anxiety for as long as I’ve known him. He won’t go to therapy or talk to a professional about his not so successful dating life.

As we all know, making new friends as an adult can be difficult, and I myself have been trying to meet like-minded women to build new friendships. However, I’ve encountered a recurring issue. Whenever I am out with a single woman or invite my single friends over, our roommate adds them on social media and pursues dates with them. Sometimes these dates are behind my back. This has made it very challenging for me to maintain and grow my own friendships. Because he often tries to date my single friends whenever I introduce them, I have already lost four or five friendships after the relationships failed within a few dates.

Am I wrong for wanting to set a boundary and ask him not to date my friends? I would appreciate your perspective on how to handle this.

Asking half-joking but also half-serious, in anticipation of the next couple months of summer.

I feel so uncomfortable and lethargic in the heat, my face gets super shiny with SPF on it, I'll probably smell at some point even with deodorant, I get vexed at public transport being inevitably delayed because the track has melted somewhere. I just find the heat stressful all around, and I know many people feel similarly.

What are your experiences of dating in the past few years as the summers have gotten more overbearing? Do you find it a hindrance?

We were walking and there was a couple in front of he touched her ass then her back and my husband made a comment about being uncomfortable which I laughed at.

Then he says she looks like his friend’s girlfriend. He claimed it was the hair and that she was as skinny. This upset me only because a year ago he told me a “funny story” about how she posted a photo in a bikini and his friend pulled it up at work and then made the “we’ll have a look, of course we’ll have a look” joke. I didn’t think it was funny. Definitely not funny enough to laugh while telling me about it.

I bought it up and he thinks I’m stupid for bringing it up, I’m not talking to him much and he isn’t talking to me either.

Another instance is when his face made the ooo look when a girl with abs walked past us on holiday, and he glanced at her a few times. We were drunk and I ended up crying about not being good enough (it now happens every time I get drunk around him). He denies he looked to this day.

I’m looking for some advice on our relationship. My partner and I are both in our early 50’s and have a child together.
I own the house and pay nearly 100% of the bills associated with the house. My partner works part time and occasionally buys some shopping and does contribute towards running a shared car.

She spends a lot of her time playing games on her iPad, watching tv shows and online shopping and does do some housework such as washing dishes and laundry.

Pretty much everyday she has packages arrive for herself or something she buys for my daughter and on the other side there is a regular amount of clothing and goods being chucked away.

I’ve made a real effort to put money away for retirement but she cannot seem to do the same and is constantly buying things for herself or our child. New shoes are one of the things she will buy every month or so. Which When I mentioned it I was told to shut up.
Her dad recently passed away and left a small amount of money which she has spent on herself already on a new iPad that she didn’t need.

Our sex life has become non existent and has been for two years which I find really hard to deal with as my sex drive is high. She comes to bed usually in the early hours fully clothed even in hot weather. The last time I suggested sex It was no and when I persisted she said not to keep asking as she felt I was forcing her into it.
So I’ve not asked since.
I’m quite shy and find it hard to explain my thoughts and feelings.

I’m at the stage now where I feel like I’m living with my annoying sister. I love her but I’m not in love with her. She doesn’t add anything to my life and I’m thinking maybe it’s time to part ways.

31F, likes men and women.

I have “long term” selected as my option. I have a comment under it saying “Not interested in short term/fwb/situationships”

(I’m not paying for premium- i tried that before and the subscription wasn’t worth the price. I just read the profile to check the compatibility).

It seems most of my likes are from people with.

Short term open long- with a comment like wanna have some fun and see where it goes” / “figuring out my relationship type”

I get they are “open to long” but I’ve clearly stated I don’t want fwb and we all KNOW “have some fun” means fwb and I’ve said clearly that’s a hard no.

I’m not expecting a commitment within a date but what I mean is if we aren’t compatible it’s a “thanks but no thanks” bye not a “let’s see each other casually”. The intent would be to meet someone long term, I’m not interested in a situationship for the short term.

Does anyone else get this?

And another Q…if you’re only on there to “have some fun” do you like people looking for something more substantial?

I'm a 50ish year old bloke, average in most ways, and I've been dating for a while now. I went in thinking that at this age, people would mostly be looking for the same thing I am — someone to actually share life with. Conversation, companionship, someone you genuinely get on with.

That's not been my experience. What I keep running into is that connection alone doesn't seem to matter. If there's no spark, interest evaporates — even when we get along brilliantly, make each other laugh, and could clearly be great company for each other. I've had situations where the friendship side was genuinely good, and the moment it became clear I was offering friendship over lust they were gone.

Maybe I'm naive, but I always thought passion was something that could grow out of really knowing someone, not a prerequisite you have to pass in the first hour. It's left me a bit deflated, honestly. It sometimes feels like being desired matters more than being understood.

So I'm asking the people who've dated in their 40s and 50s: is this just how it is now? Did anyone start with friendship and compatibility and find the rest followed? Or am I looking for something that doesn't really exist anymore?

Genuinely curious what others have found. And I am wondering if this is a male thing or same for everyone.

I'm 34f and have been single since December following a 10 year relationship. I've been dating using apps plus meeting people in person.

With three of the people I've dated, the same issue has cropped up so I want to get unbiased opinions on these scenarios.

Guy 1: I would message him daily (maybe 2 conversations per day). The first would be in the afternoon and then again in the evening once I got home from work and gym. We had around 1 - 2 phone calls per week. We went on 3 dates in the 4 weeks we were speaking but he ended up making passive aggressive jabs about my messaging frequency and I ended up feeling suffocated and obligated. On the actual dates we would speak for hours to the point where we missed two dinner reservations because we got carried away chatting during drinks.

Guy 2: I messaged him the same frequency as the guy above but called more frequently. We went on two dates over two days because he got a hotel in my city so we also met up for brunch the next day. I was helping my sister move out of our house so for three days we had no calls but I did message morning and evening. He was acting kind of off with me when we next spoke and ended up saying his ex didn't message him for days so this was a trigger for him. I tried to make more effort to message over the next few days but I couldn't get past the feeling of obligation. I stopped dating him.

Guy 3: met him on Hinge one week ago. We planned a date for two week's time. He's very full on with messaging.

Messages me multiple times a day to give updates such as this (real message):

"I gotta get car cleaned, then go get my new windscreen fitted, and then fuel up, then haircut, and then need to go to find new outfit for tomorrow and then go see my dad x"

Two days ago during a phone call he said something about me not sending good morning messages. I told him I've never sent morning messages as my mornings are really busy so I'm not really thinking about much outside of work/commute. I said my day slows down at 11.30am which is why that's when I generally message him. He then said he likes to get updates about what I'm doing and doesn't understand why I sometimes take hours to respond. I said it's probably because I'm doing something else such as watching a film. He said "yes but you can just say that, say that you're going to be watching a film for the next few hours".

Then today he messaged me this:

"Just do me one thing is all I ask, please don’t read and ignore me that really upsets me 🤣, appreciate your getting your nails done so message me when your done x"

I'd already explained to him that I like to message back once I have time to give it my full attention so it's not a low effort response. It had been an hour and a half as I was finishing getting my nails done.

I really want to hear everyone's opinions on this. These are all men that I've been on three dates or less with. Am I really expected to message more than a couple of times a day?

On dates I'm very engaged and give my full attention. With boyfriends I do probably send more updates about my day and want to know theirs but that's because they're my boyfriends and we've built up a relationship and care for each other.

I'll be brutally honest - I find it boring to get hourly updates on a (relative) stranger's day. I also don't want to give updates about my day to someone I don't know well.

Advice please!

LOL i got SA threats in my dms
It was a question aimed towards people of colour.

Yall are big sensitive Chuds

I am creating a magazine pitch and am looking to speak with women and dating experts about whether being classed as 'too opinionated' is a turn-off for men.

If there are any dating experts or women who have experienced this in a previous relationship, I would appreciate the opportunity to speak with them.

Thank you

Just venting about an experience I've had, trying to share how difficult romance is now.

After a massive long-term breakup last year, I have spent the past year and a half trying to get back into the dating scene to no avail.

I think I do alright; I strength training 3 times a week, I calorie count all my meals, I've just run a half marathon after training my cardio, I work in a professional career, I own my home, I have creative hobbies, and I spend multiple nights a week at a hobby group where I have an admin/management role

Despite all this, I've gone over a year without being able to get a single date.

Tonight I went to a nightclub in my local city that is popular among my slightly niche music taste.

I met a girl there who, to put it bluntly, was all over me. We kissed a lot on the dancefloor, she couldn't stop touching my chest, we spent a lot of the night hanging out just the two of us. It was incredibly promising

When the club shut down for the night we went to grab some food and bumped into her friends. The first question out of their mouth was about my age (I'm mid 30s). Apparently this girl I met was in her 20s.

Her friends proceed to *scream* at me about the age gap and how im apparently a creep. I just walked away, no way am I getting into an argument with people in the middle of the night after hours of drinking.

I feel absolutely defeated. Against all odds I actually manage to meet someone in person who's attracted to me, when nobody on the apps is. And I end up getting told I'm a creep and yelled at.

How on earth are single people supposed to meet anyone?

This guys just asked me to weatherspoons to see if we vibe in person. I’m more of a dinner or activity date type of person. What do you guys think of spoons on a first date? He said it’s somewhere nice and it’s a nice spot near us then said spoons…

One of my best friends is from the USA. I’m in the UK. She is pregnant and I went to visit her a couple months ago, I got them a very sweet baby grow and matching bib, and also a selection of organic teas to aid postpartum and breastfeeding specifically for her. She loved them! Funnily enough, while I was there, one of their coworkers had a baby shower which I also attended. They spent well over 100 dollars on shopping from their “gift registry” And took these gifts to the party.

Now a few months later she has sent me a link to their own “baby registry” which I guess is a USA tradition, where you are expected to order from Amazon to their address from a list of things they want for the baby.

Now am I expected to also spend more money on more gifts ? I am guessing she forgot I’ve already given gifts, or maybe it’s just a cultural thing that is expected of people to buy gifts for babies? What do I do, shall I remind her I already gave gifts or not? I don’t have much to spend as we are getting married next month and have spent basically all we have at the moment.. 😅 I definitely don’t want things to be awkward or to upset her, it’s a cultural difference. I’ve never heard of baby registry in the uk, or is this a thing? How do I navigate this without upsetting her ❤️