M/40 looking for some advice or reassurance on feelings for another woman
First time posting, I’m a regular Reddit browser but have set up an account for this question. I’m a M/40 and my wife is 35/F we’ve been together 15 years and married 10. We have 2 young children and moved into a perfect dream house last year and all has been good. We’ve had a solid relationship and she is a very loving wife and would go to hell and back for me. She has a very close friend 35/F who I get on well with and she is very flirty with me but in a joking way and will make comments about getting with me in front of my wife so it’s just playful banter, she herself is in long term relationship with children. The first hiccup in our relationship was last year, due to having kids and going down the easy route we had let one child sleep with one of us while my wife or myself slept in the spare room which resulted in us not having much intimate time together. I started watching to much porn which got boring and moved on to me looking at women I knew from social media and using their pics to get my kicks. My wife decided to have a route through my phone one day and seen some saved pics of her friend. This broke her heart but we managed to get through it and I was honest and told her about the porn issue. I told her which was the truth that I didn’t want to be with her and it was more that she had a lot of images on her social media which is why I had chosen her to do it over. It still bothers her as she is self conscious that I don’t find her attractive so have to reassure her a lot (this has always been the case with her due to her being a bit overweight even though she is the most attractive out of all her friends). My wife had never told her about this but made up some story about me getting a bit close to a girl she made up just so she could vent to someone. Over the last few months our sex life has dipped again with the same problem being us not sharing a bed due to the children and her friend slowly came back into my mind with me doing the same thing as what got me in trouble in the first place. On Friday I went out with my wife and her friends and partners and the friend was out with us being her usual flirty self with me again just to be clear she would have no intention of doing anything with me. Since then i have been on leave from work due to the kids summer holidays and I cannot get this woman out of my mind, it’s been 24/7 me thinking about her and what it would like to be not only to have a fling with her but to be with her properly and the worst thing is I feel disconnected from my own family. I feel like I’m doing what I can to bring her into conversations with my wife and I even go out my to walk by where she lives even though I know I won’t bump into her. I’ve even told her about a party we are having soon which was meant to be family only as I know she will just invite herself over and come. I’m thinking this is a lustful crush on her which I’ve probably taking to the next level but does anyone have any advice on how to handle this whole situation, it’s making me feel sick and so low that I’m feeling about this towards my own family. I should have everything I want in life at the moment but these feelings are really getting to me. I’ve always pictured me and my wife being together forever and always felt good about our relationship so I’m worried that I might be having some sort of midlife crisis. Any thoughts or
suggestions would be welcome, thank you