u/Informal-Meaning-483

I made plans earlier this week for a second date. Then this morning, he texted me ‘any plans for the weekend?’ I was so annoyed I just said, probably just enjoying the sun

I then said ‘seems you may have forgotten we had plans.’

He replied with: Ooops…You’re right. I did indeed forget. Sorry (insert my name)! Let me see if I can free up Sunday or Monday

I’m so annoyed about it, I haven’t replied. I feel like I’ve completely lost all previous excitement I had about this match and I don’t know what I should do or say?

Went on a date a few weeks ago. He planned it, he put in the effort and seemed really interested in me. He held my hand at the end of the date and said he wanted to see him again

But since the date all I have had is sporadic texting. Which I am upset about because it’s been ages since I’ve met anyone and I want to have a fun dating experience

I decided to take the plunge and last Sunday ask him if he wants to do another date today (Friday). I said I booked a restaurant we talked of for 7pm. The only response as ‘sounds good.’

But then all week he hasn’t been talking to me, giving me dry responses if I text him. Like I asked him a question to get to know him and all he replied was ‘probably.’

It’s now Friday, and I booked my train ticket for the date and got my outfit ready and everything but nothing has been mentioned. He’s not asked me anything about the date, he’s not texted me for a few days. I texted him and said ‘still on for tonight?’

And he read it and didn’t reply

I’ve been crying for a few hours this morning as I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

If he’s not interested, why doesn’t he just tell me?

I’m 30 year old woman, and I really want to find a healthy relationship

I sometimes go on dates with guys and it’s clear they interested in me on the first date. They hold my hand, kiss me and speak of how they want another date with me. I’m nervous on dates but that’s normal I think, it will take me a while to relax as I get to know someone.

But then after the date, and it happens EVERY time. The guys will just start to string me along. Dangling the possibility of a second date in front of me but never making plans. Texting me and then I reply and then taking 3 days to reply to me. Sending cold low effort texts. I reply warmly and don’t take so long to reply, I ask questions and make an effort and I don’t get the same effort back

Some guys circle around me for years and never ask me out again. When I suggest it, they don’t reply

This has happened so often now, even with guys who have nice personality who I am not going for them for physical attraction, that I’m starting to get very upset. I’m really worried and don’t understand what I do wrong. I don’t know if this is just normal early dating and I am being too sensitive.

I wish I knew what’s wrong with me, I just want the opportunity to get to know someone and develop a connection

At least I feel

I am 30, fairy attractive, intelligent, kind woman, I like who I am.

But every time I decide to put myself out there to date, or I meet people organically, they are inconsistent and leave me feeling confused. I have never in my life met a man who is consistent and has made me feel confident that they like me. I feel like I am an afterthought

Each man that comes into my life is hot and cold, confusing behaviour. Which leads me to feel anxious. I then take a break from dating and focus on myself and when I feel ready I put myself out there again. But it’s the same thing again and again

I am starting to feel convinced I am not likeable. And now I find dates nerve wracking and not exciting as I just kinda expect the same thing to happen

I met a guy last month and we went on a few dates but he takes 3 days to reply to my text messages. But is very much into me on dates. I don’t know what I do wrong for this to always happen

Ever since I met this guy, he been a bad texter from the get go.

He will text you first with a ‘hey how’s your day?’ I will respond fairly quickly with an engaging response. And then he won’t reply, sometimes messages a few days later with a completely different topic. When planning date logistics though, he’s quick to reply.

I’m someone who is quite anxious in dating, I see slow replies as confirmation that someone doesn’t like me and I find it confusing.

My last reply to him when he asked how I was feeling after a night out the night before I replied ‘I’m actually
I dunno. He’s also 40 and I’m 30 and I don’t know if it’s just a difference in communication style. Can anyone advise?

I’m 30 and never managed to get a boyfriend!

I used to love texting pre Covid and during Covid. But then ever since then, I’ve found texting a chore and I’ve become so bad at it. Even if I’m interested in someone, I overthink all my messages and don’t see texting convos as real convos. I prefer to connect in person.

I think it’s because in my job, I spend the whole day replying to instant messages via Microsoft teams, which causes me a lot of anxiety crafting the right professional messages. So when I get home, I am exhausted with messaging and don’t want to be on my phone. Has anyone else experienced that since covid?

That said, I’ve been on 2 dates with a guy, and our text convos are pretty much dead, he’s not very good at texting too. He’s slow to reply and when he does reply it’s boring. We connect better in person but a friend said if a guy is the one, you won’t be able to get enough of them through texting and texting should be super super fun!

I’m a big overthinker, but like this afternoon I replied to this guys message instantly he was asking about my day and almost midnight he’s not replied back but read it. He will probably reply in the morning. Bad sign?

Should I listen to my friend?

My friends often have a lot to say when I am dating which makes me question everything. I am an overthinker anyway, and find dating really confusing and anxiety inducing

I find texting hard too. After dates I find it hard to know how I feel. Sometimes I takes me a few dates to know if I am interested. I can’t feel excited early on., I don’t know if that’s because I am older and more guarded. I used to go on dates in the past and be incredibly excited and slightly obsessive, but that never led to anything good. They were always guys that were unavailable so i think my friends have seen me get excited for men like that.

I have a third date on Friday with a guy, again I feel quite nervous and overthinking. I told my friend about it, and also that we don’t text that much. He’s not the easiest to text. But I appreciate some guys aren’t ?

He otherwise makes effort to plan nice guys, he’s kind, funny, but I am not certain if I am into him yet. I feel nervous around him but I don’t know if that’s just butterflies, I don’t feel attraction very often. I don’t know if the nerves and butterflies I am feeling is actually attraction, I don’t know

I told my friends about the date and now this evening I’ve been sat with them and one friend is saying ‘your eyes don’t light up when you talk about him. You haven’t done a little smile when you mention him.’ “Remember when you dated Charlie, you were talking about him non stop after the first date.”

‘You should be able to text him through the day and share little random things. He’s not the one.’

I feel sad and confused because now I feel I have to end things with that guy even though I’m getting to know him. My mind is spiralling that I should know if I am excited or if he’s the one.

You see I’ve been hurt a lot by guys in the past so I am very guarddd and reserved with dating. I don’t know whether to listen to my friends.

My friends often have a lot to say when I am dating which makes me question everything. I am an overthinker anyway, and find dating really confusing and anxiety inducing

I find texting hard too. After dates I find it hard to know how I feel. Sometimes I takes me a few dates to know if I am interested. I can’t feel excited early on., I don’t know if that’s because I am older and more guarded. I used to go on dates in the past and be incredibly excited and slightly obsessive, but that never led to anything good. They were always guys that were unavailable so i think my friends have seen me get excited for men like that.

I have a third date on Friday with a guy, again I feel quite nervous and overthinking. I told my friend about it, and also that we don’t text that much. He’s not the easiest to text. But I appreciate some guys aren’t ?

He otherwise makes effort to plan nice guys, he’s kind, funny, but I am not certain if I am into him yet. I feel nervous around him but I don’t know if that’s just butterflies, I don’t feel attraction very often.

I told my friends about the date and now this evening I’ve been sat with them and one friend is saying ‘your eyes don’t light up when you talk about him. You haven’t done a little smile when you mention him.’ “Remember when you dated Charlie, you were talking about him non stop after the first date.”

‘You should be able to text him through the day and share little random things. He’s not the one.’

I feel sad and confused because now I feel I have to end things with that guy even though I’m getting to know him. My mind is spiralling that I should know if I am excited or if he’s the one.

You see I’ve been hurt a lot by guys in the past so I am very guarddd and reserved with dating. I don’t know whether to listen to my friends.

Hi everyone, I recently turned 30 and feeling hopeless about dating.

I didn’t always feel this way, when I was 25 I met my first boyfriend. He pursued me first, but I found myself being the one putting the efforts in term of planning things. You see he was new to the country and didn’t have much money. But I was happy and excited and felt incredible close and drawn to him, something I had never experienced before. He was kind and thoughtful. But in time, he pulled away and he never made and effort and admitted he didn’t love me

It hurt a lot and I worried at that point if perhaps I am unlovable. I was positive that I would meet someone else who would meet my needs in terms of effort.

But that never happened. I’m 30 now and every guy I’ve met since then, has just been completely low effort and hot and cold. Leaving me feeling frustrated and confuses. It got to the point where I don’t even look for a relationship anymore because it disturbs my peace each time

But I am lonely and I do want a family. A bit about me I work in data, I’m fit and active, very thoughtful and creative, I like who I am.

But even when I’m not looking for a partner, I will need a guy and he will just be inconsistent. It means I can’t be excited to date. For example I recently met a guy and we sometimes go to dinner and then I won’t hear from him for a few weeks. Whilst my other friends meet guys and they are immediately excited about them. They tell me that go on more dates, most guys are nice and pursue.. but that’s not my experience

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Been crying about it today.

Dating just ruins my peace, every time

Hey everyone, I am a 30 year old woman and I’ve become very independent after being hurt in dating during my 20s. I have learnt to like my own company but at the same time, I am longing for a healthy relationship and someone to do life with.

My first boyfriend was an unemployed actor. Although kind, he was broke and his money issues made him insecure. He never put effort in and he eventually dumped me . I was 26.

At 27, I started dating someone else but he was so hot and cold. Nice date and then disappeared after. He rarely texted me. It made me feel confused. And then he ended things with me.

Since then, everyone I’ve met in dating, has been completely inconsistent, hot and cold. Or lacking in effort in communication. I come across as my normal friendly self, but every guy that comes into my life treats me the same way. Even when I’m not looking, I’ll meet a guy and they make me feel utterly confused.

In November I went on a date with a guy, amazing chat, chemistry and a kiss, he tells me he had an amazing time and then I never heard from him again, even after I reached out to him, he never replied

It’s making me really sad and worried. I hear things like ‘if a guy likes you on the first date, you’ll know.’ I’ll go on a first date with a guy and usually don’t hear from them after, then they might come back later

Last February, I went on a date with a guy from bumble. He seemed nice but a bit cold. When I got home from the date, I never heard from him again. I didn’t reach out to him either but that’s because I never chase

A year later, he messages me again, I suggest meeting up as I don’t want to waist my time texting. And then he disappear again. A few weeks later he messages me and asks me when I’m free. I ignore him completely

Then he texts me last week ‘guess we’re destined to be neighbours and never meet again.’ So I agreed to meet him and we had a day out on Sunday. I felt nervous (dating can make me feel so vulnerable) and at times things were awkward but at one point he held my hand, and then we had a kiss in the car

Then he’s back to being cold over text, and I did text him myself and I’m met with just dry pathetic responses

Now I feel sad because dating makes me feel vulnerable. I feel strong feelings of embarrassment after the date, like something must be wrong with me. Every time I meet someone with potential this happens . I don’t know what’s wrong with me now

Hey everyone, I am a 30 year old woman and I’ve become very independent after being hurt in dating during my 20s. I have learnt to like my own company but at the same time, I am longing for a healthy relationship and someone to do life with.

My first boyfriend was an unemployed actor. Although kind, he was broke and his money issues made him insecure. He never put effort in and he eventually dumped me . I was 26.

At 27, I started dating someone else but he was so hot and cold. Nice date and then disappeared after. He rarely texted me. It made me feel confused. And then he ended things with me.

Since then, everyone I’ve met in dating, has been completely inconsistent, hot and cold. Or lacking in effort in communication. I come across as my normal friendly self, but every guy that comes into my life treats me the same way. Even when I’m not looking, I’ll meet a guy and they make me feel utterly confused.

In November I went on a date with a guy, amazing chat, chemistry and a kiss, he tells me he had an amazing time and then I never heard from him again

It’s making me really sad and worried. I hear things like ‘if a guy likes you on the first date, you’ll know.’ I’ll go on a first date with a guy and usually don’t hear from them after, then they might come back later

Last February, I went on a date with a guy from bumble. He seemed nice but a bit cold. When I got home from the date, I never heard from him again. I didn’t reach out to him either but that’s because I never chase

A year later, he messages me again, I suggest meeting up as I don’t want to waist my time texting. And then he disappear again. A few weeks later he messages me and asks me when I’m free. I ignore him completely

Then he texts me last week ‘guess we’re destined to be neighbours and never meet again.’ So I agreed to meet him and we had a day out on Sunday. I felt nervous (dating can make me feel so vulnerable) and at times things were awkward but at one point he held my hand, and then we had a kiss in the car

Then he’s back to being cold over text, and I did text him myself and I’m met with just dry pathetic responses

Now I feel sad because dating makes me feel vulnerable. Every time I meet someone with potential this happens . I don’t know what’s wrong with me now

Don’t know whether to write this one off or be patient

Dating is soooo confusing to me. I also have a tendency to in my friends opinion ‘self sabotage’ where I just stop talking to guys because I get worried or not sure if they like me or not

Last year I met on a dating app a guy who lives locally. At the time, I was kinda seeing someone else I had met organically and wasn’t official yet, but I still went on this date.

He was a 38 year old lawyer, tall, very good looking. When we met however, I felt really intimidated by him. Like he had this shyness and he seemed very closed off. It made me soooo nervous on the date.

After the date, I never reached out to him and he never did to me. My new relationship progressed so I didn’t think much of it.

Well my relationship recently failed, and we broke up.

I suddenly get a message from the lawyer guy, out the blue seeing how I’m doing. We talk a bit, he’s still intimidating to talk to over text, can’t put my finger on it. Basically a bad texter. Very cold and to the point over text

I suggest meeting up and it doesn’t happen. Then a few weeks later he texts me again. I told him I felt I got the impression he didn’t want to meet me. He said he did

He booked a country estate house tour for a date at the weekend, lunch and a walk round the house and gardens. He picked me up and we did have a lovely day.

I’m still soooo nervous around him though, and I don’t know if he’s nervous around me. The conversation isn’t easy. Normally I am so confident on dates and the conversation flows. Like it’s not bad conversation, he’s clever and funny and smart, I’m just soooo nervous and in my head. I can’t tell if this is a bad sign or just because I’m a bit attracted to him

Anyway, on the way home we went to the cinema, we watched the Michael Jackson movie. Then toward the end of the movie, he held my hand. He gave me a kiss in the car and said he want to see me again.

The kiss was ok, felt a bit awkward. Again I don’t know if it’s nerves.

Can two people be into each other but struggling with nerves. Like he’s a beautiful man, don’t know why I feel this way.

We text a bit when we got home but again, he is the worst texter. Just dry as hell.

I did text him last evening and said ‘you know, we really shouldn’t leave it a whole year next time.’ He read it and didn’t reply

Im 30 btw and always struggled with dating and overthinking. I don’t want to sabotage things. My friends always put their opinions in of things and I think it keeps me single. Like with this guy, they already told me to block him when he came back, but things can’t be that simple can they?

Dating is soooo confusing to me. I also have a tendency to in my friends opinion ‘self sabotage’ where I just stop talking to guys because I get worried or not sure if they like me or not

Last year I met on a dating app a guy who lives locally. At the time, I was kinda seeing someone else I had met organically and wasn’t official yet, but I still went on this date.

He was a 38 year old lawyer, tall, very good looking. When we met however, I felt really intimidated by him. Like he had this shyness and he seemed very closed off. It made me soooo nervous on the date.

After the date, I never reached out to him and he never did to me. My new relationship progressed so I didn’t think much of it.

Well my relationship recently failed, and we broke up.

I suddenly get a message from the lawyer guy, out the blue seeing how I’m doing. We talk a bit, he’s still intimidating to talk to over text, can’t put my finger on it. Basically a bad texter. Very cold and to the point over text

I suggest meeting up and it doesn’t happen. Then a few weeks later he texts me again. I told him I felt I got the impression he didn’t want to meet me. He said he did

He booked a country estate house tour for a date at the weekend, lunch and a walk round the house and gardens. He picked me up and we did have a lovely day.

I’m still soooo nervous around him though, and I don’t know if he’s nervous around me. The conversation isn’t easy. Normally I am so confident on dates and the conversation flows. Like it’s not bad conversation, he’s clever and funny and smart, I’m just soooo nervous and in my head. I can’t tell if this is a bad sign or just because I’m a bit attracted to him

Anyway, on the way home we went to the cinema, we watched the Michael Jackson movie. Then toward the end of the movie, he held my hand. He gave me a kiss in the car and said he want to see me again.

The kiss was ok, felt a bit awkward. Again I don’t know if it’s nerves.

Can two people be into each other but struggling with nerves. Like he’s a beautiful man, don’t know why I feel this way.

We text a bit when we got home but again, he is the worst texter. Just dry as hell.

I did text him last evening and said ‘you know, we really shouldn’t leave it a whole year next time.’ He read it and didn’t reply

Im 30 btw and always struggled with dating and overthinking. I don’t want to sabotage things. My friends always put their opinions in of things and I think it keeps me single. Like with this guy, they already told me to block him when he came back, but things can’t be that simple can they?

Dating is soooo confusing to me

Last year I met on a dating app a guy who lives locally. At the time, I was kinda seeing someone else I had met organically and wasn’t official yet, but I still went on this date.

He was a 38 year old lawyer, tall, very good looking. When we met however, I felt really intimidated by him. Like he had this shyness and he seemed very closed off. It made me soooo nervous on the date.

After the date, I never reached out to him and he never did to me. My new relationship progressed so I didn’t think much of it.

Well my relationship recently failed, and we broke up.

I suddenly get a message from the lawyer guy, out the blue seeing how I’m doing. We talk a bit, he’s still intimidating to talk to over text, can’t put my finger on it. Basically a bad texter.

I suggest meeting up and it doesn’t happen. Then a few weeks later he texts me again. I told him I felt I got the impression he didn’t want to meet me. He said he did

He booked a country estate house tour for a date at the weekend, lunch and a walk round the house and gardens. He picked me up and we did have a lovely day.

I’m still soooo nervous around him though, and I don’t know if he’s nervous around me. The conversation isn’t easy. Normally I am so confident on dates and the conversation flows. Like it’s not bad conversation, he’s clever and funny and smart, I’m just soooo nervous and in my head.

Anyway, on the way home we went to the cinema, we watched the Michael Jackson movie. Then toward the end of the movie, he held my hand. He gave me a kiss in the car and said he want to see me again.

The kiss was ok, felt a bit awkward. Again I don’t know if it’s nerves.

Can two people be into each other but struggling with nerves. Like he’s a beautiful man, don’t know why I feel this way.

He didn’t text me yesterday but I assume he will reach out.

Im 30 btw and always struggled with dating and overthinking. I don’t want to sabotage things. My friends always put their opinions in of things and I think it keeps me single. Like with this guy, they already told me to block him when he came back, but things can’t be that simple can they?

Like he hasn’t texted me since Sunday night when we got home

Last year I met on a dating app a guy who lives locally. At the time, I was kinda seeing someone else I had met organically and wasn’t official yet, but I still went on this date.

He was a 38 year old lawyer, tall, very good looking. When we met however, I felt really intimidated by him. Like he had this shyness and he seemed very closed off. It made me soooo nervous on the date.

After the date, I never reached out to him and he never did to me. My new relationship progressed so I didn’t think much of it.

Well my relationship recently failed, and we broke up.

I suddenly get a message from the lawyer guy, out the blue seeing how I’m doing. We talk a bit, he’s still intimidating to talk to over text, can’t put my finger on it. Basically a bad texter.

I suggest meeting up and it doesn’t happen. Then a few weeks later he texts me again. I told him I felt I got the impression he didn’t want to meet me. He said he did

He booked a country estate house tour for a date at the weekend, lunch and a walk round the house and gardens. He picked me up and we did have a lovely day.

I’m still soooo nervous around him though, and I don’t know if he’s nervous around me. The conversation isn’t easy. Normally I am so confident on dates and the conversation flows. Like it’s not bad conversation, he’s clever and funny and smart, I’m just soooo nervous and in my head.

Anyway, on the way home we went to the cinema, we watched the Michael Jackson movie. Then toward the end of the movie, he held my hand. He gave me a kiss in the car and said he want to see me again.

The kiss was ok, felt a bit awkward. Again I don’t know if it’s nerves.

Can two people be into each other but struggling with nerves. Like he’s a beautiful man, don’t know why I feel this way.

He didn’t text me yesterday but I assume he will reach out.

Im 30 btw and always struggled with dating and overthinking. I don’t want to sabotage things. My friends always put their opinions in of things and I think it keeps me single. Like with this guy, they already told me to block him when he came back, but things can’t be that simple can they?

In my 20s, I had my fair share of breakups, house moves and redundancies. Sometimes they happened all at once and it was ever so stressful.

Just turned 30, and last year I moved into a new rental apartment, got a job as an analyst, and started dating someone new.

I recently broke up with that guy. But have kept positive as I still have my job. The job has been stressful and I’ve felt overwhelmed at times and worried I’m not doing the right career. But I’m good at my job.

I’ve been hoping to find a partner soon. That’s something that is really stressing me out too because I want to settle down and have kids.

Well this week, I just found out I am getting made redundant at work. They had brought the management consultants in from one of the big 4, and with the focus on how artificial intelligence can be used to create efficiencies. My job has been taken by AI!

I’ve been really upset and stressed about it this week. And then I got an email from my landlord giving me notice on my property as he is selling

Now I’m mega stressed. I’ve been speaking to letting agencies this week and they said that because I’m going to have no job as of next month, they will be unable to offer me a letting contract.

So I’m going to have no job, and no where to live. I’m feeling so stressed and sad, coupled with the anger that I have never found a partner and don’t know if it’s going to happen. If I had a partner, I wouldn’t be in this pickle as I would have somewhere to live

I’m so scared and don’t know what to do. I can’t get somewhere to live unless I have a job. I don’t really have many friends either , the ones that I have live in house shares. There’s no way I can house share either, I have all my furniture from my property, my three cats

My life is falling apart, and I feel I’m gonna break 😭

It’s bank holiday weekend and I’ve spent the weekend alone in my apartment feeing very alone and stuck. I’ve realised I’m not happy and worried my life is over and that I am a failure

For context, I live in the uk, I just turned 30. I’ve always find life a bit hard. I went to university and did a science degree, but I didn’t make the most of university as I was so afraid of failing my exams I just worked and worked and didn’t make any friends.

Then I was so stressy about finding work and my career, I ended up in some toxic work place environments. I moved round the country a lot, trying to find a place where I felt I could fit in and be happy but it didn’t happen. I ended up moving back to my parents house and having a work from home job.

Everything I tried I felt I didn’t fit in anywhere that I couldn’t find my people. When I made friends, it was always me making the effort and never them so things fizzled

That was until 2021, and whilst I was living at home, I met a man. I really felt me and him connected, two lost souls, deep convos and similar views about life. We started a relationship and I felt happy and excited for the future. As it was my first relationship, I was nervous about messing up and I was inexperienced. I planned most of the dates, and paid for a lot of things as he didn’t have much money. He was kind, sweet and thoughtful and he woke something in me. I felt so happy and inspired. But 4 months in, things started to change and he pulled away and I felt he didn’t like me. At 6 months he ended things

It broke me. Losing someone I loved like him.

I tried to build myself back up, therapy, fitness, reading books. I wanted to be the best person I could.

I once again, tried to change my life again. I moved to London, got an apartment, got a job in the nhs and I’ve been here 3 years now. But I struggle to make friends here, I’m lonely, and I’ve tried dating but I can’t find anyone who connects with me.

I’ve had a few dating situations since my ex but the guys have been hot or cold, not really that into me. Even though they said that I’m a nice interesting kind person etc. nothing ever has been right

I just turned 30, and I’m kinda isolating myself. In a way I feel my life is over. My job doesn’t make me happy (small team, stressful work that is not rewarding and constant criticism from a manger). I go to the gym, and run but even that doesn’t fulfil me. I want to meet someone and date but I feel like I missed the boat.

I’m an extremely deep person, I spend my alone time creating art, writing and journaling. If you’re into Myers briggs, I am an INFP. An introvert with a very deep inner world. My job feels wrong to me but I don’t think I have the skills for anything else

I feel like I am so behind, mixed with feelings of guilt about maybe ruining things with my ex. But also fear for the future, I want a family so bad, but i can’t find a partner I connect with

I don’t know what to do with my life and it scares me. I don’t know if it means I’m broken. I feel I’m just destined for something else.

It’s bank holiday weekend and I’ve spent the weekend alone in my apartment feeing very alone and stuck. I’ve realised I’m not happy and worried my life is over and that I am a failure

For context, I live in the uk, I just turned 30. I’ve always find life a bit hard. I went to university and did a science degree, but I didn’t make the most of university as I was so afraid of failing my exams I just worked and worked and didn’t make any friends.

Then I was so stressy about finding work and my career, I ended up in some toxic work place environments. I moved round the country a lot, trying to find a place where I felt I could fit in and be happy but it didn’t happen. I ended up moving back to my parents house and having a work from home job.

Everything I tried I felt I didn’t fit in anywhere that I couldn’t find my people. When I made friends, it was always me making the effort and never them so things fizzled

That was until 2021, and whilst I was living at home, I met a man. I really felt me and him connected, two lost souls, deep convos and similar views about life. We started a relationship and I felt happy and excited for the future. As it was my first relationship, I was nervous about messing up and I was inexperienced. I planned most of the dates, and paid for a lot of things as he didn’t have much money. He was kind, sweet and thoughtful and he woke something in me. I felt so happy and inspired. But 4 months in, things started to change and he pulled away and I felt he didn’t like me. At 6 months he ended things

It broke me. Losing someone I loved like him.

I tried to build myself back up, therapy, fitness, reading books. I wanted to be the best person I could.

I once again, tried to change my life again. I moved to London, got an apartment, got a job in the nhs and I’ve been here 3 years now. But I struggle to make friends here, I’m lonely, and I’ve tried dating but I can’t find anyone who connects with me.

I’ve had a few dating situations since my ex but the guys have been hot or cold, not really that into me. Even though they said that I’m a nice interesting kind person etc. nothing ever has been right

I just turned 30, and I’m kinda isolating myself. In a way I feel my life is over. My job doesn’t make me happy, I go to the gym, and run but even that doesn’t fulfil me. I want to meet someone and date but I feel like I missed the boat.

I’m an extremely deep person, I spend my alone time creating art, writing and journaling. If you’re into Myers briggs, I am an INFP. An introvert with a very deep inner world. My job feels wrong to me but I don’t think I have the skills for anything else

I feel like I am so behind, mixed with feelings of guilt about maybe ruining things with my ex. But also fear for the future, I want a family so bad, but i can’t find a partner I connect with

I don’t know what to do with my life and it scares me. I don’t know if it means I’m broken. I feel I’m just destined for something else.

Watching the Michael biopic earlier this week, it’s awoken something in me.

I’ve never had a hyperfixation before but I can’t stop watching Michael Jackson content, his concerts, listening to his music, watching all his interviews. Reading up on little facts about him. I can’t stop!

What is even happening to me? Is anyone else experiencing this, what is this sorcery

I’m not neurodivergent,, (I think), but I can imagine this is what a special interest feels like. I am so obsessed!

I think my ex was my soulmate and I haven’t been able to find a connection since

From experience, I’m very attracted to guys who have a lovely character, intelligent, good sense of humour. I’m very sensitive in the early stages to the way guys behave and I am slow to warm up in the early stages. But when I start to trust a guy and build a little connection, that’s when I start to feel attraction. Hence it’s something that doesn’t happen very often to me. I wish I experienced attraction more often

So when I was 25, in 2021, I got a match on a dating app. We chatted and I really enjoyed actually talking to someone on an app, very rare for me! And after a month or so of talking, we went on our first date. It became very apparent this was going to become something. He was from another country but had uk passport but had moved to my country for a fresh start. He was ever so kind, funny and we had very deep chats.

He had this really unique, sweet, vulnerable personality which was like no one I’ve ever met before. If I can describe his personality, it was very much like Michael Jackson’s, this aura and energy and sweetness that made you feel so comfortable

I had no doubts in the early stages, everyone had talked about these connections where it feels easy and flows well. The summer was spent together going to country houses, walks in the woods, picnics, escape rooms, and anything random that became across we had a lot of fun. And it makes me sad to admit that I fell in love for the first time in my life, to me he was so so special. I enjoyed sex for the first time with someone, but because he had just moved here. myself being the one planning all the activities which in the beginning phase me at all. We would call each other every night, I would meet his friends and I just felt so warm around him and full of love and affection something I’ve never really experienced in my life

Everything felt so amazing with him, music sounded better, food tasted better. I would have tears of happiness being around him as I just felt things I’ve never felt before. We connected on deep topics, talked about our deepest fears. We were so similar.

As he was new in the country, I was happy to help him out a lot. I remember one night he was staying at my house and had a job interview in the morning. He realised at 11pm at night, his trousers didn’t fit. So I drove him over to the Asda so he could get some trousers. It was little special moments like that, life felt spontaneous and fun.

When we had sex, I had never really enjoyed intimacy before him. It felt magical. Sometimes I was so overwhelmed with emotion and happiness after, I would cry. It was incredible

Then I got two new housemates, I moved into a flat with some girls. And everything changed about four months saying we were having an evening just gossiping, drinking wine dancing to music in the kitchen with my housemates and they admitted to me that they feel that he doesn’t like me because he never takes me on dates. “And the way he speaks, he never mentions you in his future.” The realisation really really upset me and I spent a day kind of crying in my bedroom.

That weekend I brought it up with him, and he was very defensive. It was from that point that gradually over it the course of a few months he pulled away he became quite critical of me. The connection started to fade, the intimacy faded and I hated to see it happen. I talked to him about how I was feeling. I didn’t want to ruin things

How could it go from so amazing to feeling so anxious? I read up on anxious attachment… I didn’t know if it was gut feeling or anxiety

Then he started talking about not wanting kids when he knew that I wanted them in future. He told me when he met me that he wanted kids and that he broke, Because he was ready she wasn’t. in fact, the way I found out was that we were shopping in IKEA one afternoon, and I pointed out a really cute children’s room and I simply said speech “when I have kids in future, I would like a room like that “. To which he replied “ oh dealbreaker, I don’t know if we’ve talked about it that much but I don’t think I want kids. But we don’t need to worry about these things now if you get 35 and I still don’t want kids, you’re hot and you can find someone else” I was really shocked by this comment and it left me feeling really weird

He then randomly started talking about things like he wanted to travel the world, and then he talked about wanting him to be an actor. He never mentioned me in any of these future plans and he eventually phoned me up one day and dumped me on the phone, he was crying his eyes out and saying that he has issues, he hasn’t fallen in love.

So he went for being someone who seemed to absolutely adore Me, tell Me I was so special and we shared this amazing connection to someone who didn’t care about me at all

It took me so so long to get over him, every morning I would wake up in the morning and my heart would hurt. I would cry every day for hours and hours, I wanted to know what he was doing, what he was up to I wanted to know how he was what he was thinking what he was feeling. There were so many things that I never got to ask him, things that I wanted to find out about him but I never got the chance to ask him.

A year later, something really crazy happened where I was on the London Underground visiting for a little trip, and I was sat on a tube platform which was empty at the time, and the next moment he randomly appears as coincidentally he was visiting London that exactly the same weekend. We were heading in the same direction and we had a hug, a catch up and he told me I look really good. Little did he know that I still thought about him all the time and missed him. Even that day just hours before I had been thinking about him and missing him. I put a lot of meaning into randomly bumping into him in London, thinking it might have been a sign.

Anyway, soon after I managed to move on and build myself back up again. I met a new man, and I went to the relationship trying to feel positive, take things slow, and take a healthy approach to dating. However, this relationship was just even worse. This new man was inconsistent, he was hot and cold, he seemed to not know what he wanted, despite us having a lot in common and a nice connection and he said that he didn’t feel romantic towards me.

I’ve tried to date in the five years since, but I’ve never found a connection like that again. I try not to compare, sometimes it’s hard because I know what it felt like and I know the feeling that I’m looking for. I can’t check this feeling that perhaps my ex was my soulmate, and I ruined it somehow, and I’m gonna get too ought to be in love. I wish he had come back to me, I wish I had fought for him, I don’t think he knew how much I loved him.

I’m spending the bank holiday weekend alone as time has gone by, I just can’t find a connection that is right for me. I don’t know how to do it , or how to meet them or how to trust them again

I feel like when I meet guys now, they are not authentic or they are more interested in an ego boost or my body. I’m seeking a pure connection like I had with him and I fear I will never find it now I’m 30.

Sometimes I worry I lost the love of my life and it’s all my fault