u/Informal-Meaning-483

So I had a 5th date the other day, the 4th date we slept together for the first time. 5th date we went to the cinema and I chilled at his again, he is ever so caring and funny and kind. He cooked me dinner and we did sleep together again. The sex was great.

I thought it was a good sign that the next day, he wanted to go spend the next day with me. So he took me on a walk to his favourite spot, holding my hand, kissing me lots. He took me for breakfast and honestly the way he looked at me across the table I just felt so desired. It was a lovely day and we sat on a bench having deep chats. We went back to his flat again but didn’t sleep together again but were dancing round his flat singing songs and laughing

When I went home, I sent him a text message thanking him but he didn’t reply. I was a bit confused. By Wednesday I still hadn’t heard from him, he sent me in the evening a video of him playing a song on piano and singing but when I replied he didn’t reply.

On Friday I asked him if he want to go and get coffee Saturday morning. He said he was too tired. I haven’t heard from him since

How can a guy immediately go from being all romantic and into you on a date to acting this way?

Update: basically I went on a fourth date with a guy on Friday night last week and I did stay over and we were intimate, but then he wanted to spend the rest of the Saturday with me. We went for a walk, he held my hand everywhere, he was kissing me lots, without sex being the motivator that day. We ended up finishing the day doing karaoke in his apartment and dancing round the flat. It ended on a high,

But ever since the date he’s just been so distant. I decided to take the plunge and ask if he’s free for coffee tomorrow morning and all he replied was ‘I don’t know I’ll be up by that time.’

It’s really upset me because I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. This always happens and I’ve never had a boyfriend so I wonder how I’ve ruined it.

He’s always been an incredibly dry texter but this time it feels really hurtful as it’s complete contrast to how he is in person.

What could be going on in his head?

Feeling sad and frustrated

So I’m a 30 year old woman and I’ve never had a boyfriend

I dated a bit in my 20s but I didn’t find it a positive experience, a lot of bad behaviour from the men which led me to feeling very hurt. I’m a very sensitive person.

as a result, I withdrew myself from the dating scene entirely and it’s just been me focusing on myself. My friends however encouraged me to get back out there recently, and I’ve had the desire to do so. They said my bad experiences in the past with being cheated on, ghosted, and constantly flaked on were bad luck

I find dating quite nerve wracking and feel vulnerable putting myself out there, I’m a very sensitive person.

I went on some dates over this year but the guys never texted me afterwards

Then I recently met this guy and we really get along, chemistry, he’s funny and I am scared because I realise I like him. The one thing I don’t like right now is the communication, he’s a terrible texter and tends to plan dates at the last minute

I don’t like this because it makes me feel uncertain and worried they might flake on me and it triggers a bit of anxiety

This guy I have been seeing, texted me on Thursday and said he would like to see me Saturday, however there was no plan. I was at my friends house yesterday lunchtime however, and he gave me a call

He said “hey I’m just round at my mums house helping with cleaning and some diy, but it shouldn’t take a few hours then I’ll be free to see you.’ I let him know I was at my friends house until 5pm and then free then myself

So I got back home, started getting ready having shower etc. I felt excited to see him

I get a few texts from him saying he’s very tired but finishing up soon. He told me it’s taking longer than he thought.

I replied and said please can we actually plan a time for me to aim for, as I don’t want to waste evening sitting around waiting

He apologised that he hasn’t had time to actually make a plan but that he was driving back home now. This was at 7pm. I was all ready. Felt a bit frustrated by this point so I gave him a call and he didn’t pick up

In fact, he didn’t text me again all night and I didn’t see him. It left me in tears because I feel really let down and then at 3am I got a text from him ‘sorry. I layed down for a bit and then passed out.’

I’ve been in tears, mostly because I feel attraction so rarely and for once I felt excited and positive about someone. I don’t understand why every guy I meet acts like they don’t really care, is it my fault?

I haven’t replied to his message, I don’t know what to say. I feel so angry and upset and now I don’t even know if I should see him again. I want to see him again as he’s so kind and caring man in person but I feel so let down.

I want to see him in person and tell him how I feel that this is unacceptable.

Also keep worrying does this mean I’m maybe undesirable if guys always act this way, even when I lower my standards

I have a manager who seems to get her word in all the time about my life outside of work

I am a very active busy person and I enjoy all my activities after work.

Unfortunately, I came down with respiratory virus for 3 weeks and in that time had to stop all my activities, my touch rugby league, hiking club. I’ve felt ever so depressed the last 3 weeks but in that time I’ve rested and then on Monday I was back up to full fitness

I’m feeling great this week and energised. I still have a residual cough which is clearing whatever is left of the virus I have and probably sounds worse than it actually is, but I do not feel unwell at all.

Today I was so excited because I had touch rugby league. I got into my fitness gear ready to go.

I get back to my desk where my manager goes ‘tell me you’re not playing touch rugby today??’

Me: ‘yes of course I am, why?’

Her: ‘you’re not well enough, you have a cough. I think that’s silly of you.’

Me: ‘no this is just residual, I’m feeling better than ever to be playing again today.’

Her: ‘no you shouldn’t be going.’

So I end up not enjoying the evening worrying about what my manager thinks. And another colleague texted me to say she was really annoyed and talking about how I should be resting NOT going and play sports

Is this anything to do with my manager?

I expect tomorrow she will send me a message also saying the same thing about how I should not have played.

It follows on from a couple months ago, I was feeling quite tired for some reason one day, I think it was hayfever as it can make me feel tired. I still was working and not making a fuss, just had tired eyes, only to receive message the next day saying ‘we noticed you were tired yesterday, are you getting enough sleep? Are you taking any medications that might make you tired, any chance if so of taking non drowsy ones. I can refer you to occupational health, but being tired will affect your output, focus and performance.’ Just from one day of being tired, when I’m someone who is normally just full of energy.

Yet she was tired on Monday and wouldn’t stop going on about it.

Am I doing something wrong, I never share anything about my hobbies or personal life with her because I don’t want her to know! Except this time she saw me in my gym gear so I couldn’t escape

I went on a first date today spent the whole day together and I think it went pretty well. We got along very well and it all flowed, there wasn’t much flirting though and I didn’t get a compliment from him. He told me to text him when I got home safe which I did, but he just sent a hug emoji reaction. It’s been quite a hard thing for me to put myself out dating again and I find it hard to read signs from men so not sure what to think? Or what my next steps should be

Hey does anyone have any advice. Basically I was struck down by a horrible respiratory virus for the last 3 weeks which for most of it, I’ve been in bed a lot because I’ve just felt the most ill I ever have in my life. I have still worked through the illness due to a busy time at work but have been working from home.

Tomorrow I am back in the office but I don’t know why, despite it being 3 weeks and feeling a lot better (still coughing to the point I sound like I am choking and a terrible amount of mucus), I am absolutely exhausted

I went to the shop today and by the time I got home, all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep. I have no energy whatsoever and I have to go into the office tomorrow back to my toxic workplace and I’m feeling really nervous and worried about it

Coupled with the fact there’s a problem in the office with the temperatures at the moment so it’s currently 15 degrees. How can I boost my energy levels so I can work properly tomorrow and not appear tired (if ever I am tired at work, my boss gets irrationally angry so I have to ensure I don’t appear tired.)

Any tips? If I don’t go in tomorrow and work from home again, it’s just going to look bad.

Wonder if anyone has any advice

Ever since I was a teenager, I always felt invisible to men and had this constant worry I would never find a partner or get married. It’s always been my goal in life to have a family

But I’m 30, turning 31, and life has just passed me by. In my 20s, I really put myself out there to date, even had my first boyfriend at 25 and was very happy. Only for him to suddenly switch up and pull away. After healing working on myself, I felt ready to date again and met another lovely man who I just clicked with. He too told me at 6 months he would never love me

I’m not someone who feels attraction very often, and it’s usually based on personality

But I’m 30 and these days I don’t even get replies on dating apps, I try and put myself out there again and do hobbies when ever I can but my work is very busy, so I don’t really meet anyone

What shocks me is that at school I was in a class of 15 girls and 15 boys. I am the ONLY remaining women out of that class now that hasn’t had kids, or gotten married, and it just feels baffling to me how I ended up in this way.

I live alone and live quite a lonely life, toxic job that I haven’t been able to find anything else but I am trying. And I try to stay positive, but the fear of getting too old and life passing me by is really consuming me

I keep asking myself, what is wrong with me? I’ve never in my life had a guy say ‘I love you,’ and when I have dated, I’ve found myself putting in effort and being caring and supportive without the energy matched. I have a lot to give , and I’m deeply empathetic and sensitive person. Just don’t understand why it never happens for me

I was driving back to my parent’s house at 10pm at night on a dual carriage way. I was in the left lane driving at 70mph, and suddenly this car speeds past me in the right lane, then suddenly cuts into my lane causing me to have to break suddenly. They then proceed to drive at 20 miles per hour slowly in front of me, I stay behind them for a while and keep back but they keep breaking suddenly. I assume they are drunk so I just want to get past them now

So I overtake and drive quite quickly to get away from them. I’m back in the left lane. Suddenly they speed right up to me from behind, and put their full beam headlights on so I’m a bit dazzled. But I keep driving at 70 mph.

Only for them to overtake me again, cut in front of me and slam on their breaks, and drive at 20mph again. At this point I don’t really know what to do, I keep well back but they slow so much to like 10mph I too have to slow to that speed. I don’t want to pull over as I don’t particularly feel safe.

One last time, I overtake them, only for them to do the same thing, speed up, full beams on. They overtake me and do the same thing again. I just continue at this slow speed for the rest of my journey until I come off the carriage way

But it left me feeling really shaken up. Why would they do this?

Story always goes. Get a match, have a back and forth. Move to WhatsApp. I find myself carrying the conversation and asking questions. Then I get tired of the one word replies and so I stop replying and I never hear from them again

I got a dating app match 2 weeks ago, we moved to WhatsApp. But I’ve been really sick and bed bound this weekend and had a severe migraine so I literally wasn’t on my phone for 24 hrs, he knew I was sick, I had told him. He sent me some videos of him doing headstands which I thought was a bit weird but I replied and said it’s impressive and asked him if it was calisthenics and he replied ‘yes.’ He sent me some more so I just hearted them

Then I asked him what he’s doing this weekend, and he said ‘making sushi’s.’ And he sent me a photo of some sushi. I felt a bit fed up of him not asking me questions so I didn’t know what to say, then I was sick and literally couldn’t look at my phone so I replied the next day and said ‘wow chef! That is A LOT of sushi.’

To which he replied ‘lol.’

And that’s it, the conversation has ended, I’ve been in tears because this is how it has always gone and I’ve not managed to get a dating app date in over a year, I don’t know how to revive the conversation, I believe I always ruin things, is this my fault. I’m such a loser when it comes to texting on the apps with a stranger

For the past 2 weeks. I have been bed bound by a severe virus, which has been awful. I live alone and what makes me so sad is I realise how alone I am and how no one cares because not one person has contacted me. I wish I had someone to go to the shop for me or get me some meds.

So I been crying all night

Basically this summer, I tried to put myself out there. Everyone said ‘join some hobby groups don’t use dating apps.’ I’ve never had any success on dating apps, so I joined all sorts of groups this summer and was getting to know some people. But in terms of the dating thing, men in these groups didn’t give me a second looking

I feel like my dating experience is how the average man feels. I am told I am pretty but men act entirely uninterested in me and I’ve never known why. The two occasions I dated and one guy seemed smitten by me, both of them pulled away and eventually said they didn’t have romantic feelings. This led to me having a complex about worrying about being unlovable

I did in fact go on a date in May, it was great and we kissed, and he asked me when I was free for the next one. But then I didn’t hear from him for 3 weeks in which time I had forced myself to move on, he came back said his grandma had been sick. He then asked me when I was free again, and then he said he was a bit too busy. And then we made plans again but he said he had a fever. He sent me a message and said he found me attractive a few weeks later and so I asked him when I could see him and he said after his holiday. After his holiday he said he was sick again. Finally nearly 4 months later he’s asked me on our next date, but I’ve completely lost interest it’s been too long.

I have similar examples getting dating app matches and them just wanting to talk and never meet

I don’t want any comments like ‘enjoy your own company’, ‘it will happen when you stop looking.’ All of those comments are not true, I’m lonely and everything i try to get out of my loneliness bubble doesn’t work. I want to grow a relationship with someone and build something great, and have someone there for me and me to be there for them. T

I don’t know how to become appealing to men, I try everything and so many self help books too

Hey everyone, I finally got the first time in months got a dating app match and he’s been quite keen.

He’s keen but his texts are very boring.
He suggested meeting this weekend but I’ve come down with flu (had some influenza tests lying around) and I’m completely wiped out. Haven’t left the house in 10 days and feeling sad about life

Got so many horrible symptoms and don’t feel like myself. Every day he texts me, asks me what I’m doing today and I feel embarrassed as I don’t have anything exciting to talk about.im just in bed sleeping all day, and he’s going to think I’m boring. Usually I’m busy and active person

Also yesterday I didn’t respond to his message all afternoon as I was sleeping and I think I’m being boring in my replies now.i declined a FaceTime call too as I didn’t want him to see me for the first time when I’m looking bad and lost my voice entirely

I texted him this morning, just asked how his day is going but I wish I felt happy and then it would come across in my messages. Today he hasn’t replied and now I am worried I have ruined it . We did suggest meeting next weekend but maybe he won’t even wanna do that now

Panicking about time passing by

5 years ago, at the age of 26, I had my first boyfriend. I did so much for him, out of inexperience, and out of love. I had never managed to meet any nice guys who didn’t pressure me into sex. He was kind, warm and thoughtful. I feel in love but had my heart broken 7 months in when he told me he didn’t love me and never had and said he had dated me out of lonliness and that I was pretty and kind

It breaks me to think that’s the longest relationship I’ve ever had, it felt longer than that. It meant a lot to me being with him.

But I’m turning 31, and despite putting myself out there and building a life, I never met another man. At least any men I actually connect with deeply. When I’ve tried to date, men have demonstrated quite weird behaviours, at times made me feel unsafe, pressured into intimacy. All the traits my ‘ex’ didn’t have

I had one short thing I was hopeful for with another lovely man, only for him to tell me he didn’t see me in a romantic way

Anyway, I try and enjoy my life but it just feels like work work work and time passing by. And I’m frankly quite scared, if 5 years flew by like that so quickly, another 5 years could go by so quick and by which time I will be 36. It’s making me feel sad

Life is just work Monday to Friday, get home tired, cook dinner, sleep and repeat (I am exhausted all the time in the hustle culture, coupled with the fact I don’t have a dishwasher so feel like I’m washing up all the time).. and yet I don’t have relationships or people in my life anymore and it makes me sad

I would like to have a family one day and it feels like everyone around me is getting married and having kids with their amazing partners. For me, it seems impossible that I’ll even meet anyone I like let alone get past the first few dates

5 years ago, at the age of 26, I had my first boyfriend. I did so much for him, out of inexperience, and out of love. I had never managed to meet any nice guys who didn’t pressure me into sex. He was kind, warm and thoughtful. I feel in love but had my heart broken 7 months in when he told me he didn’t love me

It breaks me to think that’s the longest relationship I’ve ever had, it felt longer than that. It meant a lot to me being with him.

But I’m turning 31, and despite putting myself out there and building a life, I never met another man. At least any men I actually connect with deeply. When I’ve tried to date, men have demonstrated quite weird behaviours, at times made me feel unsafe, pressured into intimacy. All the traits my ‘ex’ didn’t have

Anyway, I try and enjoy my life but it just feels like work work work and time passing by. And I’m frankly quite scared, if 5 years flew by like that so quickly, another 5 years could go by so quick and by which time I will be 36. It’s making me feel sad

Life is just work Monday to Friday, get home tired, cook dinner, sleep and repeat (I have chronic fatigue).. and yet I don’t have relationships or people in my life anymore and it makes me sad

I would like to have a family one day and it feels like everyone around me is getting married and having kids with their amazing partners.

Hey everyone, getting really upset and depressed over this

But 2 weeks ago I came down with a flu like illness, I was still pushing through that week and going into work, cause my manager gets pissy when people go off sick.

But by Monday this week and after having spent all weekend last week in bed, I had to take this week off

I thought I would get better by now, colds for me usually only last 3 days. I live alone and I haven’t even got anyone to go to the shop for me, so I’m living off cereal and toast.

But 2 weeks later, I woke up and feel even worse. My nasal symptoms, runny nose and sneezing are the worst they have been today. Terrible headache and high temperature, terrible chesty cough

I’m so depressed and fed up, I had so many nice plans over the last 2 weeks , theatre, a weekend away, all cancelled and I haven’t left the house for two weeks

Has anyone had a cold for this long? It seems unusual for me?

It’s not Covid - I have done multiple tests

I’ve been talking to a guy on a dating app for a few weeks now but last Friday I came down with a flu like illness and been off work until Wednesday. Back now but still extremely full of cold, chapped lips, conjunctivitis, don’t really feel sexy enough right now to go on a date at the weekend. Is it really so bad if I try and push back for the week after?

A lot of my friends say to bin a guy off if he calls off a date cause he’s sick, and that he’s making excuses. Perhaps I should push through and still go but I want to make a good impression and I don’t feel I can do that when I’m still sick

I’m trying to put myself out there on dating apps as a 30 year old woman, I do go to hobby things too but I haven’t met any one that interested in me there.

When I get a dating app match, I always find the chats so boring. Like I’m carrying the conversation, asking the interesting questions and they always reply back with very short boring responses

Years ago I met guys on dating apps and I had really exciting fun conversations. I don’t know if it’s me or the problem or them

I’m looking for chemistry over text as it shows me what they like in person, I want someone who he funny, witty, asks interesting questions but I only ever get guys who send ‘good thanks Wbu?’ Am I even supposed to be able to connect with that

I struggle cause when I was 25, I met the absolute love of my life. Chemistry in the dating app, amazing connection in person. Life was fun and silly with him, doing life with him exploring different hobbies, laughing all the time, deep chats. We just clicked. But then one day he switched up and said he didn’t fall in love and ended things. I’ll never understand what happened

But don’t understand why I can’t find anything remotely in the way of a connection anymore despite being open to it. I know I can’t have what I had with him ever again, but I want some kind of connection

What is this behaviour?

In my team, I feel like I’m the only person that does any work. I’m head down all the time, but still can’t feel like I can work fast or hard enough to please my managers and it’s tiring me out. When I do a piece of work, there’s no praise, no thanks, they just go away and present it and I’m just passed another piece of work to do.

I feel when I work from home, they monitor my every move. the team lead might message me in the morning and say to me ‘can you list all the tasks you finished yesterday and how long you spent on each one.’ Sometimes she says I don’t complete things with a matter of urgency

That same team lead just floats around the office, drinking tea. I never see her doing any work. The other day she spent 30 mins of work time clearing out her personal drawer.

My line manager, has similar ways. I’m being called after meetings to say I seem distracted, when I am not distracted at all, I’m listening. They seem to watch me on the camera and my eye movements and facial impressions which makes me feel self conscious. She reported me to the team lead the other day that I was
‘Drowsy.’ Which resulted in the team lead messaging me to say that she’s referred me to occupational health, and that ‘are you getting enough sleep? Are you taking medications that make you drowsy. If so, find non drowsy versions. Being tired will affect your output and performance.’ All because I was struggling with one day of being more tired than usual

Kind of exhausted of it all. I’ve gotten quite run down and on Friday started to get sick, had a killer headache come on at work and pushed through, and I had almost completely lost my voice due to laryngitis.

I was still working and doing my tasks. At 2.30pm had a message with another task but I didn’t get to do it due to meetings and finishing off something else.

Today I had to call in sick, I feel terrible. I messaged my line manager at 7am and phoned her at 9am. We talked about all my tasks outstanding, and I gave her an update. To which she asked me ‘between 12.23pm on Friday when you sent off the workbook to X, and 2pm when you were in a meeting, what were you working on? Did you manage to do xyz.’

Me: ‘oh hmm I can’t remember what I was doing at that exact time.’

Her: ‘try to remember.’

Me: ‘oh I think I was just looking on the data warehouse trying to figure out the new tables.’

Once again, I feel like my every move is being watched.

When I’m in the office, I get this sense no one likes me and everyone talking about me behind my back. It’s making me feel really worthless. And I go home in tears every night

For example, when I try and contribute to team conversations when people chatting, my manager and team lead just go ‘right.’ As if what I’ve said is worthless. It makes me feel stupid

I keep to myself mostly now, but when I have a more confident day, and might talk to people in the office (not excessively), the team lead will take me aside and say that I’m distracting and I talk too much. Even though she’s talking all the time about herself to us.

Please help, I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’m close to breaking. I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow but I still feel sick regardless.

Not an ad I am just genuinely curious what people experienced of it is.

I joined 6 months ago and I send about 4 likes a day and in that time have not had one match!

It’s kinda reinforcing my worries around dating and not being good enough, especially being a 30 year old woman and wondering what wrong with me. Someone said the reason I’m not finding love is because of trauma and I need therapy, but how would that expplaun no matches on an app that requires no conversation?

My profile is good and I have nice pics , but don’t understand as my friends get dates on there whilst I do not

I don’t know if I have been shadow banned or something for some reason, as one time it said I had a match and I couldn’t find the match, and then I got a message to say my account was frozen for a week. Confusing as I couldn’t see the match in the app

I’m 30, and for my whole life, I’m not exaggerating, everyone I’ve ever liked, talked to or briefly dated has discarded me saying that they don’t feel romantic.

In my 20s felt attraction rarely but I did feel it. But I got hurt by every single one, thinking why can’t they love me? The worst one lasted 7 months and he told me he dated me as he was lonely and never fell in love

Therapy, worked on myself etc, became confident to date again but the same thing kept happening. Guys initially wanting me and us having a connection, starting to trust and be happy and then they all say the same thing.

It’s happened so many times but now I feel like I have turned aromatic and asexual and that fact is scaring me. I don’t get crushes anymore and I’m worried that it’s because I’ve been hurt so many times my brain tells me it’s not worth it. Forgot what it feels like to fancy someone.

I used to feel attraction so strongly, just a touch on my arm would turn me on. Now I feel nothing and it’s upsetting me

I did actually go on a date with a guy in November last year and I actually fancied him! He was attractive and funny and we got along well, he said didn’t want the night to end, he kissed me. We flirted after the date via text but then his reply started getting slower and slower until he eventually stopped replying to me entirely. Things like this hurt me and confuse me as I don’t know what I do wrong

Feels like I’m being punished, and unlovable, for what?

Ok, so when I was 25, I had my first boyfriend. I had been so unlucky up to that point, only meeting guys who wanted to have sex (not my thing before having a connection with someone), or were inconsistent.

I met him on the dating app tinder, around the time I had essentially given up. It’s rare for me to feel attracted to someone’s photos but his profile made me laugh and we had similar interested. He messaged me first. I remember his first message ‘gotta love those late night swipes.’ And I replied ‘the late night ones are the best ones, or at least we can try and make it one of the best ones.’

It’s the first time I’ve ever enjoyed texting someone on a dating app, I liked his energy and the ease of the conversation. He seemed kind. He told me he was new in the uk after moving from Australia, he wanted to be an actor

We talked for a few months before we finally met. He lived an hour from me, and I was away camping with friends in his town so on one evening me and him went for a drink. The date went so well he end up coming back to my tent for a few more drinks and meeting my friends, who also really liked him.

It was a great date. The next date I felt so nervous and uncertain however, I think anxiety and I wanted to end it. I didn’t end it.

We started going on regular dates. I would plan most. Like picnic in the country house estate, walks, even an escape room (yes we escaped!). I enjoyed showing him the uk and planning these things, and our connection ever grew. I remember talking to him on a walk about some shared experiences of grief and I felt ever so connected to him. I’ve never met someone so kind and so open, he was so unique in so many ways

It was August when we met, but by November I started to see things change. He was very stressed about his finances, I found myself supporting him a lot to find a new job etc. I was understanding of his circumstances but I think he felt bad about it, especially as he lived in his mates spare room (his mate was married and had kids.)

I think the first time I started to feel sad about things was on my birthday in December, where I planned my own trip for us both, and the morning of, he said he felt too unwell to go. He seemed alright to me, and then he didn’t get me a birthday present.

Then started to come little criticisms of me, so I started to feel worried about myself like I wasn’t good enough. I tried to talk to him about him maybe taking me on a little date sometimes and that I’ve realised I’m the one planning everything. I said it could be as simple as a coffee or a little lunch out or even a dinner cooked at home. He promised me he would but he never did.

I started to get very sad. I saw my friends partners treating them so well. Whilst I was being told I was manipulative or pressuring. The sad thing was I had fallen in love with him.

At Christmas, he got me my first ever gift. I was excited to open it but completely shocked as he got me a sex toy, some vibrating rabbit thing. I had to go to the toilet and have a little cry before coming back and pretending everything was ok as I was in such shock and felt disrespected.

I made effort for his birthday, I made him a cake and took him out for a day trip. Got him little thoughtful gifts I was proud of. But on the way back from our trip, I remember feeling super upset as I took him to a restaurant as he said he wanted chicken wings for tea. The restaurant had stopped serving. I said ‘oh it’s alright, we can go get pizzas from the supermarket instead.’ When we got home, he was so upset and frustrated shouting ‘you don’t understand what it’s like to always want things and never get them.’ And he went to bed sulking with no dinner. I felt so bad because of all the other effort I had put in

He then started criticising me for being annoying or in his words ‘being disorganised when planning things.’ When I planned everything.

The shift in his personality was upsetting and confusing and I started to resent him.

He phoned me up after 8 months of us dating and said he dated me as lonely and never fell in love.

It stuck with me forever those words and for about a year, I was pretty broken. I eventually felt ready to date again and met a lovely man who seemed smart and more intentional and I felt a connection and he said he did too. I took things slow and tried not to feel anxious given my experience with my ex, but I did feel pretty fragile. This guy would take me on nice dates, tell me how much he liked me and then ghost for a week. Eventually he too said ‘I don’t feel romantic.’

I’ve turned 30 now, and my dating life is so dry. I feel like I am punished for the past experience. I try and put myself out there through hobbies and activities, and dating apps but I feel guys aren’t interested in me at all, it makes me so sad. Dating apps I just never get replies anymore and when I do, the conversation is so dry and boring and doesn’t make me feel any interest.

I’m particularly worried about never having kids, and now I’m the only one in my friend group who isn’t married. I don’t understand how this has happened

I feel angry for all the love and effort I gave to those past guys, and yet no guy wants to show consistent effort back. When I occasionally do go on dates, they do ghosting and reappearing act. Not only that, I haven’t felt the kind of connection I am looking for for such a long time which makes me worry ‘am I incapable of loving ever again!?’

I made the mistake of looking what the first guy is doing now. His life has completely changed, he not broke anymore, has settled down and bought a property, whilst I still live in a house share at the age of 30

Just feel really stupid especially for all the love I showed the first guy. How could I be so stupid and why am I so unlovable? I worry that the guy really didn like me at all and was just using me