r/workplace_bullying

I used to work at a daycare and everyone was always nice to me but still from the jump I always got those vibes that you can’t put a finger on. But still all was well. Almost a year into my employment the director said we need to have a talk in the office. I had no idea what to expect. She basically ended up telling me that people have been talking about an odor coming from my classroom. Yes, I knew exactly what she was talking about- given that I was hyper aware of my excessive sweating issue for as long as I can remember. I then later found out that they would send one of my coworkers over to my room to pretend to converse with me and make up some fake conversation just to report back and tell them if it stunk in my room. Honestly, this broke my heart and traumatized me. I felt so clowned and belittled. It’s one thing that I stunk and the truth hurts but it’s another thing to be deceitful and act like you’re having genuine conversations with me, personally coming to my classroom and acting friendly, just to be an actual infiltrator. This was years ago and I’m still traumatized

A few weeks ago, I (60f) had low blood sugar incident at work. I was beyond the shaking stage, but I was told I looked high, talking incoherent, slurring my speech, heavy eyes, just not making sense. ​​At some point it clicked in my head that I wasn't feeling well, so went into break room and ate a meatstick and cheese. I was questioned by a coworkrr later in the day if i had partied the night before. Or if i took any drugs that morning. Explained to her that I had low blood sugar.

The next day I went to my former supervisor (he knew my medical background and is an emt) and told him what had happened. Also went to safety guy and he showed me where the glucometer was kept.

I was absent the following Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I went into work and the fill in supervisor came to me and told me he had 2 write ups for missing work and had 6points. I questioned him about the points so I got union rep and went into his office. Went over points and write ups and HR called him and she took 1 point off because I hadn't gotten any write ups

Went back to my machine and 30 minutes later the union president came out to get me and explained the supervisor said he smelled alcohol on my breath. I agreed to breathalyzer and 5 panel. I was taken on the walk of shame to gather my personal stuff. I was driven to the testing site and blew 0.00 and negative drug test. Went back to work.

Went to my doctor that evening and explained the situation. She gave me a flyer on the signs and symptoms of low blood sugar. So I took it into HR the next day and asked her to make sure all the supervisors got a copy. At this point she said no one knew I was diabetic. I reminded her that in fact someone did. Safety guy knew and 1 of my supervisors did know.

Union at first wanted to drop it but then I was adamant about it. So I filed a grievance stating that the supervisor was harassing, discriminating against me.

So now they want me to drop the grievance, saying it was misunderstanding and told me I should have told everyone I was a diabetic then this would have not happened. The union president and vice president stayed in room with HR. The story changed. Now they are saying the supervisor said that I smelled fruity and that someone was observing me.

At this point I'm not dropping the grievance, but I believe their is more i should do. Any suggestions?

I have been working with a new manager for the past two years, and unfortunately, in most of our monthly meetings, I am criticized for my performance and the way I work.

In many cases, these criticisms are not accurate and are not supported by clear facts.

For example, my working speed is criticized, while I see other employees spending a lot of time on personal activities, such as chatting, without facing the same criticism.

After criticizing me, my manager often does not give me a proper opportunity to defend myself. He keeps insisting that his opinion is correct and says that, because he is an experienced manager, he would not make such comments without a reason.

To explain my situation further, I am a software developer, not necessarily a software tester.

I have repeatedly said that our team needs a dedicated tester, but no serious action has been taken.

During one application release, the product manager found two bugs. I fixed both of them very quickly.

The next day, a meeting was arranged with me, and I was asked why I had not done my job properly and why I had not found those errors earlier.

I explained two or three times that those problems could not have been detected in the local development environment. They only occurred in certain production environments. Eventually, I had to ask another colleague to join the conversation and confirm that what I was saying was technically correct.

I had expected some appreciation for fixing the bugs at the last minute, but instead, I was treated in this way.

Another issue is that I am accused of not being able to work independently. In reality, I handle my work from beginning to end by myself. However, my manager often does not believe this and says that he is not making these comments without a reason and that he is certain his judgment is correct.

I was also told that I do all my application-development work using artificial intelligence and that I have learned nothing about software development over the past year.

Another very strange situation involved a bug in the application that neither I nor the tester discovered in time. The tester received a good score in the annual performance review, while I received a negative score.

This happened even though, in addition to developing the application, I had written approximately 350 automated UI tests.

Honestly, I really do not know what I should do.

I have not received a salary increase for two years.

I work more than forty hours per week.

I am also not a native Dutch speaker, and I have been working in the Netherlands for nine years.

On the one hand, I often feel that I should resign as soon as possible.

On the other hand, I notice that my current salary is higher than the salaries offered for many jobs I see on LinkedIn.

I have a good relationship with my other colleagues.

I know how to do my job.

However, changing jobs would require a great deal of energy because I would have to learn an entirely new organization, product, and way of working from the beginning.

I know it’s gonna sound pathetic that as a 25 year old I don’t know how to deal with this stuff, but I’ve never been bullied at all in my life, not at other jobs nor at school so I never had to adopt a different attitude to avoid it. It’s just that I got lucky to never be bullied till now.

I plan on leaving my job anyway but if anyone has advice as to deal with this next time then please reply in the comments:

I have this one co-worker who keeps making rude comments towards me at work and criticizing everything I do. No they aren’t a manager, but the boss really likes them so he lets them say and do whatever they want even when the cameras can pick up BOTH video and audio so the boss knows what’s happening but won’t do anything about it.

At the beginning of this job, I was sort of just acquaintances with this person-or at least that’s what I was trying to make it be. This person just kept calling me buddy and claiming I was their friend even though I never said I was.

A few months passed by, and I already knew this person was a red flag: again, them doing just anything because of the boss’s favoritism. Then one day we got into a heated argument while it was rush hour (I work in fast food) about how I just asked a few questions about what to do and where was what and they got very upset and claimed I didn’t know how to do my job.

Then after that I just stopped talking to them if I had a shift with them; I’d only speak to them if it was about a task but no more being friendly with them. Then one day they started telling everyone in the whole store that I was upset because I don’t want to be friends with them anymore and I said out loud that we were never friends and that I hate them and that of course caused another commotion.

It’s been about 6 months now and I’m at the point where I don’t want to go to work anymore because I know that person won’t get any consequences.

TLDR: I’m being bullied at work and don’t know what to do. Got any advice?

Classic signs, he will glance over, then smirk and laugh with work buddies.

It's surprising people do such things and think a person is dumb enough to not know.

Whats the right move? Call him out on his BS, go to HR, or ignore it. It's pissing me off

So I was in inbetted to the hospital, and I found out the hard way that nurses really like to gossip about patients, like they will help a patient with their problems then talk bad about them behind their back. This is really the first time I seen and heard this for myself. I was just sitting looking at my phone, then all of a sudden I'm getting carpet bomb with insults and rude lil jabs from different nurses (especially my nurses that's taking care of me) then they have the audacity to fake care about me like wtf, I never knew they were like this. I'm a quiet dude who would like to socialize with other if I want and never did anything wrong other then just socialize and be nice cause I don't like to be rude but they really spiked my cortisol to the point where I don't want to talk to any of them but, I have to respond to their damnds smh.

Update: I'm either soft and nice to them to make hate me or in too rude and I need to go

I have this very traumatizing experience. A fresh grad and eager to have a job and learn new things. During my first month, my boss handed me my salary and sugarcoated it with saying “I did a good job”. After that, she came in front of me told that “just do your job properly, or else you’ll see the winds of change”. (it was uttered with high emphasis that I felt something was wrong behind those words) I acted normally and didn’t show anything aside from my frightened smile. Yet deep inside, I was about to cry and tremble in front of her. Is this really ethical? What should I do since I am planning to resign the following month?

I think thats the only solution. As long as we keep working with other people, and we are forced to deal with society we will always be placed in a box, targeted, taken advantage, ostracized.

You have no control over this, this is not your fault. Dont let them gaslight you.

Actually the more you do the more it may be worse for you.

Human beings are superficial and judge you in seconds. They attack in groups, form hierarchies, and attack those who they perceive are isolated or different.

Human beings love hierarchies, and once they place you in a certain box, you will hardly get out of it.

In prehistoric times it was easy to deal with this for most individuals. You had 3 choices:

1- Camouflage / avoidance. You avoid them where they are, and they will pick another target. You dont mingle with them, you dont smile at them, you dont talk with them unless strictly necessary. Dodge them, ignore them. Pretend you have call, or you have something else to do. Starve them of the attention they crave.

2- Find greener pastures or bargain your exit. This was the most effective, and this why some societies collapsed. Tribes fear the most the loss of their young. That is why inside a tribe individuals rarely bully each other, and instead try to build and help each other, because each individual is very essential to the tribe survival. Also, take into account that you were equiped to survive on your own, and the land was abudant in resources.

3- Fight them. This would instantly reset the stance of most individuals to either neutral or cordial. You can't do this nowadays, unless you are a kid in high school, and even then you will be punished.

In my opinion only 2 is the actual real thing that works. Finding greener pastures, has a bit of 1 and 3. You are boycotting a toxic place, and at the same time depriving them of your presence. The truth is someone else will be the victim, and it is expensive in energy to be always moving from place to place or job to job. So the real answer to this problem is creating alternatives so that you are not stuck in one place and have more freedom to leave any toxic situation you might find yourself in.

This is why it is important for you to have money and resources. So you can withdraw from society at any moment, or change places.

A lot of you had these problems in school, university, work, and also your own social groups and family. The only way to be safe, is if you are not forced to deal with these people for one reason or another.

We need to support technologies that allow more individualism and autonomy to individuals. We need to boycott everything that goes against it, and that tries to impose collectivism.

The ideal society is a society where you can live happy and thrive and you are not forced to deal with anyone. You deal with society when you want if you want.

The ideal living space is within nature, and far away from cities. Though at the same time having access to the city, information, resources.

Think about this. The problem is not in you, and there is a path forward. This is what we must do to fight the good fight.

Support individualism and technology. Fight against the hordes and collectivism, that is what causes bullying/pecking orders.

DM me if you need help. PEACE.

Title: I reported workplace sexual harassment with evidence, and it’s had a major impact on my mental health. Looking for advice.
I’m looking for advice from people who have been through workplace sexual harassment or know how these situations are usually handled.
When I first started my job, I experienced sexual harassment from a coworker. I have video evidence related to what happened, and there was also an incident where the coworker followed me to my car, which made me feel unsafe.
After everything happened, I noticed my mental health started declining rapidly. The anxiety and stress became overwhelming, so I started seeing a therapist and have been in therapy ever since. It has taken me a long time to process what happened.
I eventually reported the harassment to management and my union.
I also have back problems that have made work more difficult, and I’ve informed my employer about them.
Since reporting the harassment, I’ve been scheduled to work alone at times, I’m being told I’m making mistakes, and some of those “mistakes” are based on the way I was originally trained. I don’t know if this is poor management or if I’m being treated differently because I spoke up.
I’m trying to stick to the facts and not make assumptions. I just want to understand whether anyone else has gone through something similar and what steps you took to protect yourself. Is there anything I should be documenting? Has anyone successfully navigated a situation like this?
Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

we hired a FE developer last year and she is super toxic to say the least, in christmas party she talk negatively to people in the party about me, this year me (backend dev) and a senior backend dev worked with her on a simple project and every week she kept blaming us for the delay, even on the first meeting of the project she started micromanage our work and that led us to be frustrated and be less performant in the project and get slower.

she tagged people on slack to help me with something i'm not even working on, some colleague corrected her and btw she was talking that i don't know how to work and make a terrible job in private before writing publicly to others that i need help.

she started blaming backend for being the blocker of the project publicly when we started doing some progress.

she talks all the time in a passive aggressive way.

i have talked to my manager about it but because he wants me gone from the company, he said that i'm the problem in front of her without giving any details. i reported him for discrimination against my disability and racist and genocide comments.

i have requested a team change from the CTO and he said it's doable.

the issue is the new team lead thinks that she is "annoying but in a cute way" when i talked to him about her so i'm concerned that she will try to get me in the new team by manipulating the new lead.

whats the best way to deal with this? currently i'm responding to her in a friendly manner and not overreact and keep it professional but i feel like i need to tell the CTO with everything that is happening but would that backfire?

Messed up the PIP on day one.

Sent an email to my boss of a document she requested. She laid out in the PIP I need to send her a QA checklist and forgot to send it. Hoping I can send it early Monday morning but wondering if I’m gonna be gone by then.

I also made an error with the table of contents. To be fair I’m paralyzed with fear.

On my last contract same company was a superstar now I’m out the door. Even 2 months ago she gave me a performance bonus. I’m confused as hell.

I don't really know where to start.

I'm incredibly confused and hurt and just don't understand what's happening.

I'm working in a primary school and I'm working very close with three other people, for like 3 years now.

We grew close, supported each other, meet outside work etc., I would've considered us friends.

Earlier this year in mid April I got sick and was home sick for almost 4 weeks.

Since i came back to work, I noticed them ignoring me more and more, shutting me out, not really talking to me anymore, snapping at me for nothing, they kicked me out of our WhatsApp Group ( it was just the four of us), are talking bad about me behind my back, not giving me informations I need etc.

I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong.

I always really enjoyed working there, working with them and it was almost kind of a safe space for me.

Now I'm crying everyday after work, I don't wanna go to work anymore, I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells, one wrong word or move and everything goes wrong.

I'm so afraid to speak up, to say something wrong.

I just don't understand where this is coming from and it's triggering me so much. I wanna speak up and ask them what's wrong, what happened, but I don't know how. Even thinking about it makes me anxious and scared.

Workplace bullying and harassment have changed me. I am not the same person anymore. The old me died last fall. I am trying to escape, but so many dead ends. I am angry at humanity. Makes me want to become a villain on some real shit.

I’m a salaried employee that does relocations for my company. I was told to do a relo “asap” due another incident of violence. I asked what the nature of this violence was, where the destination is and to kindly define asap. I was told to look in the file. There is a destination address, but no other info. The file states that the relo should be treated as urgent due to ongoing safety concerns as the building has experienced documented incidents of violence in the lobby and surrounding area. I asked again for details before I can appropriately plan and execute. I also need a better understanding of what urgent means - immediately, within a certain timeframe or a defined deadline? I was clear, I’m not seeking confidential or personally identifiable info. However, as the person responsible for planning the relo, I need to ensure the safety of both myself and my crew. I need to understand the nature of the incidents, whether there are security measures in place, if the staff is currently occupying the space, and whether there are any specific precautions we should be taking while on site? I’m trying to evaluate operational risks in order to create an execution plan that reasonably addresses the safety concerns and ensure reasonable precautions are in place to protect my crew, company personnel and the company itself. I was told to “handle it”….no direction, no answers - just an address! I can make it happen, that’s not the issue. Do I need an armed guard, a weapon, a body guard or is it someone blowing it up? I don’t know!!! And when? And what’s moving, is there trash? Are we buying new furniture? What’s the layout? How do I get in? Any building rules? Insurance requirements? Time restrictions? The area is very rough, I get it…,should I call an employment lawyer or a bodyguard?

I (20F) am a first year optic student at med school. One of my teachers told our class that they’re looking for a person working at an optic clinic for 2 hours which seemed like a great idea at the time, so I took initiative and asked her about it. At the first I was very excited. I started in January although with time I started noticing how rude everyone was. My boss yells a lot at everyone, he has an attitude even with clients. His daughter works there too and she’s honestly worse. She’s always rushing people to work faster and when I ask them to show me how to do something they tell me “ugh, can’t you ask someone else?” Even though that’s why I started working there in the first place, to learn more about the profession. I just started on 8 hours it’s been 5 days and it’s hell. I was also super stressed from the beginning because it’s a job in the field I’m studying but at this point I don’t even know if I wanna do this my whole life and I’m really scared to  quit although I think I’m gonna do it because it’s getting unbearable.

During my time at one of the Big Four firms in Singapore, I experienced an incident that deeply affected me.
There was a male colleague, whom I’ll refer to as R. One day, I asked him what skincare products he used because I thought his skin looked good. Instead, he replied, “You can be my brother’s mistress.” I was completely shocked and hurt. I couldn’t understand why he would respond that way to such a simple question.

When I tried to tell one of my batchmates about what had happened, she dismissed my feelings and told me that I was “too sensitive.” That response made me feel even more alone.
The incident affected me far more than I expected. I struggled to sleep for weeks and kept replaying the conversation in my head, trying to make sense of it. Eventually, I spoke to both my mentor and my project manager. I requested not to be placed on the same team as R. I was also surprised that, from what I observed, he did not receive any disciplinary action after I had raised the matter with two managers.
Because the incident continued to affect my mental health and sleep, a meeting was arranged between the three of us. During the meeting, R denied ever making the comment. Hearing that was incredibly upsetting because it was completely different from what I remembered happening.

When I became emotional, he said, “I think she is too emotional at the moment, so let’s postpone the meeting.” At that moment, it felt to me like he was trying to avoid the conversation instead of addressing what had happened. His attitude also came across to me as though he wasn’t taking the situation seriously or showing remorse, which made the experience even more painful.
My mentor encouraged him to apologize, and he eventually did. However, I personally did not feel that the apology was sincere.

After this incident, during an onboarding session where HR was explaining the company’s policies, including those on sexual harassment, I observed R approach HR during the break and ask what the disciplinary consequences would be if someone were accused of sexual harassment. I don’t know why he asked that question, but seeing it left me feeling deeply unsettled. At the time, I felt that I should have been the one receiving support from HR.

Even after this incident, I found myself distancing myself from my batchmates and from R. The experience affected me so deeply that I struggled to sleep properly for months.

I’m not sharing this to attack anyone or any company. I’m sharing it because workplace bullying and sexual harassment can have a profound impact on someone’s mental health. No one should have to question whether they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect at work.

Ok it's been about a week since this all this went down and I'm still hung up on it so I just need some kind of outlet or I might explode.

I won't give a huge backstory I'll try and keep it short and sweet but I'm going to be fully honest and not twist this in anyway to make it seem like I'm not in the wrong because I also feel like I messed up in a lit of ways.

Anyway I have this co-worker, lets call her Erica. We both started working at this place at the same time and at the beginning she was ok. She was always negative, complained about all the night people, and whenever someone forgot to do something she would throw side eye but when she forgot something it was a “silly mistake”. Small red flags but it wasn't hurting me in anyway so I continued trying to be on her nice side.

I noticed right away she's very sensitive to being told she messed up or any sort of negative comment so it was like walking on eggs shells. But she is the only other morning person so I just did the best I could without causing anything. I’ve covered several of her shifts, have come in to help her on my days off, and have been as positive and supportive as I could be. The one and ONLY time I called out of work my manger told me I had to ask if anyone could cover for me. Obviously it has to be Erica because she's the only other morning person. But because I'm required to I did. She didn't sound happy about it but accepted anyway. I told her I was super greatful and that I appreciated it so much. So while I was sick in bed I got non stop calls and texts about how she hated coming in and that she's never taking anyone shift ever again. Ok awesome I guess.

Fast forward to more recently if ur here thanks for reading :)
She was texting me if I could come in and help her in the morning and I wasn't doing anything the next day so I agreed. However later that night I went through a depressive episode and wasn't feeling mentally stable. I left a voice note to my boss and Erica crying (I know embarrassing ) saying I needed time off and I couldn't come in tomorrow to help her. At first she was concerned but when I told her what was going on she became less concerned and more pissy. I went to go stay with my brother so I wasn't in town anymore anyway. She told me that “it wasn't fair to her that I couldn't come in” and I snapped and said “what the fuck do you want me to do I'm literally out of town and I'm not feeling mentally well” and also may have mentioned to her that I was a danger to myself. Ok I totally messed up here. I know I'm not the perfect person either and I can admit I should have just put down my phone before lashing out. The reason I said something so personal is because she before had been very open and personal with me. This was the first and last time I did that. I said I was sorry and that I was looking into a therapist and the next morning apologized again. She said I rubbed her the wrong way (fair tbh) and I don't really remember what else because I deleted her number but I told her id leave her alone from now. She at some point said “I won't be covering any of your shifts” as well.

Well the other day I get a message from her on a different app if I could cover her shift. I said “nope” and she BLEW UP AT ME. Calling me petty and hostile for not covering her shift and that it was my fault that she doesn't want to cover for me anymore (idk it was a whole paragraph I didn't read all of it). I just said “are you ok”? And she just kept going off.

Since then I've been in a really depressive mood and I wonder if it really was my fault and if I'm a weird and terrible person. Am I overly nice? Do I read relationships wrong and go to far? I'd I've just been spiraling and want to move on with my life.

(Also I did end up getting a therapist yay!)

(side note I low-key was being a little petty with not taking her shift lol)

For the past 4 jobs, I have dealt with “mean girls” on the job, either just one main one or multiple. And everyone stands around as bystanders because they don’t want to be the target of her bullying. They put my work down in front of managers and belittle me to other coworkers and smirks to eachother. I am over it and at the point of asking why me? It’s been crushing my already fairly low esteem, which I have been actively working on in therapy. I have tried approaching things differently at new jobs, but it’s always the same result and I end up leaving the job because my mental health suffers while being there. I’d like to stop this cycle.

edit: any book recommendations? *

For context, I embarrassed myself by oversharing at my new job and responded by becoming quiet, standoffish, and filled with latent hostility. I build rapport with new coworkers, but end up feeling betrayed once I do something embarrassing in front of them. I'm at a point where I've gone through the socialization phase and I just wish to open up to my coworkers again, but I'm not sure how. I'm afraid of embarrassing myself again and being put in a position even worse than bitter silence. Any suggestions? I'm not the best conversationalist.

I work in a large agency with small offices and HR is coming to talk to an entire branch. From upper management I was told there are a few issues coming across HR's desk that they thought it would be better to just speak on it in person. Apparently we will be meeting singly, in pairs, and then as a large group at the end.

Our agency has been conducting efforts to create a "respectful workplace" the last several years, however at my office we work in cubicles and naturally bullying and toxic behaviors are rampant. I love my clients at my job but my coworkers are very disrespectful and rude and I want to quit because of this.

Is there any hope for actual change from this meeting or is the agency/HR just trying to cover their ass? Anyone ever see anything like this? Upper management told me "dont stress - I think it will be fun". 🙄