r/workplace_bullying

Please share any advices, examples, or your experiences. Thank you.

We all know the classic workplace toxic archetypes—the blatant credit-stealer, the loud micromanager, or the endless office gossip. But lately, I’ve been dealing with a specific type of toxic colleague that is draining the life out of our entire team: the passive-aggressive martyr.

​This is the person who constantly complains about being swamped, yet aggressively rejects any genuine offer of assistance. If you ask how a joint project is going, you get a heavy sigh, rolled eyes, and a muttered, "Well, someone has to keep this department afloat."

​Here is the exact playbook they run on a daily basis:

​The Help Trap: You offer to take a chunk of their workload. Instead of accepting or politely declining, they treat the offer as an insult to their competence—only to send a group chat two hours later complaining about "staying late again while everyone else logs off."

​Strategic Gatekeeping: They hoard key updates and files until the absolute last minute, claiming they were "too bogged down doing everything" to send an email, which leaves the rest of the team looking unprepared.

​Paper-Trail Guilt-Tripping: Sending emails at 11:45 PM or on Sunday mornings with phrases like "Just wrapping this up since no one else had bandwidth" with management casually CC'd.

​It creates an exhausting dynamic where leadership views them as an indispensable workhorse, while the rest of the team has to walk on eggshells around constant hostility and manufactured emergencies.

​I'm currently trying the "grey rock" approach—keeping all interactions strictly professional, documenting everything in writing, and refusing to take the emotional bait. But when you have to collaborate with them daily on high-stakes tasks, the mental fatigue adds up fast.

​Has anyone successfully managed to deal with this specific personality type without getting dragged into their drama? What are your go-to strategies for protecting your peace?

For context, I spent 4 years working as an exemplary employee at a healthcare facility/office. I never missed deadlines, took on massive extra workloads—including taking on duties for my supervisor and her favorite enabler—and gave my absolute all. I endured 4 years of targeted psychological harassment, constant lies, and sky-high stress. That environment took a severe physical toll on me, including enduring multiple miscarriages with zero time off or support.
My supervisor made it her life’s mission to get me fired because she was terrified I was after her position. Things escalated even further when I met my now-husband; she constantly tried to manipulate me into thinking he was cheating, wasn't right for me, and attempted to isolate me. Anything to keep me small, depressed, and dependent on that job.
3 months ago, I finally had enough and walked away. My resignation forced her to actually take back her own workload along with everything I had been carrying for years. Unsurprisingly, her life unraveled.
Last week, she crossed a massive line. Through a professional connection with a visiting doctor, she met my husband’s aunt. She used that opportunity to corner his aunt and claim that I am a "filthy liar who talks trash about my husband’s whole family (including relatives in other countries I’ve never even met!) and his parents," and told her I "should be kicked out of the family."
She couldn't break me while I worked there, so now she's trying to attack my marriage and personal life.
How do I handle this? How do I address this with my husband and his family without giving this unhinged woman the reaction she’s desperate for?

I am wondering what works as evidence since some places do not allow video recording or audio taping.

For a dated written entry with specific detail, the other party can simply dismiss it with a "it did not happen", no? This seems more like a he said she said thing and seems like it is not a hard enough evidence. Or anyone had success with this?

I have read some entries where when they bring up to higher management or HR, it backfires on them.

This thread is filled with a lot of bad experiences so I am thinking about resolutions.

So I need some outside opinions on this because I’m honestly pissed off, embarrassed, and also somehow blaming myself at the same time.

I had a really personal medical situation recently. Long story short, I accidentally had a tampon get stuck inside me and had to go to the doctor to have it removed.

I told a few coworkers I actually trust about what happened, including one male coworker who I apparently very stupidly assumed would keep it to himself.

Well, he told another male coworker.

Then that coworker he told literally stopped me at work and started joking about it. He was saying things like “ohhh I know what happened to you” and then straight up said “you got a tampon stuck inside you” and was basically teasing me about it. It went on for at least a minute.

I was so caught off guard and uncomfortable that I did the absolute worst thing possible for my own sanity afterward and awkwardly laughed but I could feel the horror spreading across my face during the whole encounter.

I was NOT fine with it. Once I actually processed what happened I felt so violated, grossed out, embarrassed, and angry. Like this is something extremely personal involving my body and a medical visit, and now I have no idea who else this guy told or who else knows about it.

What’s making me second guess myself is that I told another coworker about what happened afterward and she basically told me that it was my fault because I chose to tell someone in the first place and that if you tell coworkers personal things, you should expect them to repeat it.

And like… I understand that technically once you tell someone something you can’t completely control where it goes. I definitely regret trusting this guy now.

But I also feel like there’s a massive difference between “maybe I shouldn’t have told him” and “therefore it’s completely acceptable for him to spread an intimate medical story about me and for another coworker to come up to me and joke about it.”

I’m considering going to HR, mostly because I want it documented and I want the discussion about it to stop before it spreads any further.

Am I overreacting here? Would you go to HR over this?

This girl is SO unnecessarily rude to me, doesn’t do her job, leaves early and leaves her work for everyone else to do after being EXPLICITLY told to finish it. Cusses me out for no reason, etc. She’s a peice of shit and harasses me, (managers don’t give a damn) how do i respond to this?

UPDATE!
This girl KNEW i went to speak with management about the horrible ways she’s been treating me. Today management asked to speak with me and apparently this girl accused me of PUNCHING HER!!!😭 never would i do that in a million years I’m not stupid. They have cameras but they refuse to check them. Guys this is so dumb.

So, A bit of context here. I'm a 22F who took a job at a special ed school because they were reimbursing my grad school tuition for art education. I'm a teacher's assistant in a multiple disabilities support classroom, meaning that almost all of our students have personal nurses that work with them the whole entire day and night and know the kids very well. All of the other adults in the room are older than me (40s-60s) and they frequently make comments and jokes about my youth. I'm a people pleaser, so I kind of just laugh along.

However, there's one nurse in her 60s (let's call her Meredith) who's the worst. Meredith constantly makes comments about politics and race that are at best unprofessional and at worst blatantly racist. I'm a POC, and she has also made comments about my own race that aren't as racist as other stuff she's said, but definitely suspicious. She also makes a lot of "edgy" jokes and ALWAYS says "I swear to god I have Tourrettes, I just can't stop running my mouth!" and additionally has a history of bad mouthing/beefing with other staff members who she either doesn't like, or who have reported her for prior things. She does this in front of all the other nurses and teachers, but no one really says anything. We're only a month and a half into the school year.

Anyways, yesterday I was taking a student out to the bus as the end of the day and one of their wheelchair's wheels got caught in Meredith's slipper and she was holding the door for us. I apologized and she laughed, said it was okay and joked that she had 5 more pairs of sandals just like the one she was wearing. We were both chuckling and as I was passing her to go out the door, she smacked my butt and went back inside. This all happened over the course of like 10 seconds and was very casual. It took me a second to realized where she touched, and I was still walking out to the bus loop. I saw another coworker (a different nurse in our class who had left the room earlier than me) and in a daze I told her what happened. She just frowned and said "hm that's weird".

I keep thinking that maybe I'm being dramatic and overreacting, and I'm not sure if this constitutes HR. But, I hate this job so much and the only reason I'm here is for the tuition reimbursement. I left my old job that I loved so much just to work here so that I wouldn't have to take out more loans. I feel like if I report Meredith, she's just going to shun me the way she's done with those other staff members. I don't have friends at this job since the majority of staff are middle aged people who speak to me like a child. I could also quit and go back to my old job, and the prospect of that actually makes me very happy, except I would no longer have tuition reimbursement. Does anyone have advice or suggestions. Has anyone else been in a similar position before?

At first he we would just crack jokes and it helped the day pass by quickly but now he tells me to be quiet and says he doesn’t care about what I have to say. Even though he constantly approaches me and teases me. He will act nice one day and then switch to being extremely rude. He has also said he isn’t interested in me twice in front of coworkers and customers. Which I never was. I feel he does it to belittle me. I just don’t understand why?
I feel like he doesn’t like me or assumes I like him more than coworker level. So intentionally makes me dislike him? Idk it’s honestly irritating and I am done with this pattern of nice one day and extremely rude the next. The other day he told me “my sister saw you and said you were very pretty and I told her ew why she looks like a sloth” (honestly I think sloths are cute so I didn’t really gaf and give him the reaction he wanted) same day a male customer was asking for my number and he kept passing by and after when the customer left, we were passing by each other and he loudly was like “get tf out of my way damn” from how I reacted he came back up and apologized. But that really just set me off and he later started acting nice but I didn’t care and he tried playing victim saying “oh why are you being mean to me when I’m trying to be nice to you”

How do I stop this crap.
I am trying to completely stop giving him a reaction and not interact with him but it’s a small business and it’s just him and two others. I genuinely like this job but the way he has switched on me and becoming worse is becoming irritating.

I work in a hypermarket and I’m currently training to become a department manager. I’m generally a kind, polite and hardworking person, but I’m also not naturally confrontational. I suspect I may be autistic/Asperger’s, although I’ve never been formally diagnosed. I do have a confirmed diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

Recently, I’ve started getting the impression that a reputation has spread among some coworkers that I’m someone who “can’t defend himself.” Because of that, some colleagues seem to make subtle or indirect comments about me, sometimes using a more sarcastic or provocative tone.

What makes it frustrating is that I’m genuinely trying to improve and progress toward becoming a manager, so dealing with this kind of behavior is really stressful.

I’m not sure what the best approach is. Should I simply stick with the coworkers who treat me respectfully and ignore the others? Should I be more assertive and firmly shut down these comments? Or would telling them to “fuck off” or raising my voice just make things worse?

I actually tried standing up for myself once, and the other person responded aggressively, which made me feel even worse.

I don’t want to create drama or start fights. I just want to be respected and learn how to handle these situations without either staying silent or completely losing my temper.

How would you deal with this situation?

When I had my first job after college I was ecstatic. I earned barely more than minimum wage but to me it was everything. I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty, but long story short even though I tried to be as kind, positive and helpful as possible, my supervisor made it clear she didn’t like me through her actions, she’d obviously gossip about me with my coworkers, and the engineer (in his 30s) would literally say in front of everyone that he likes everyone except me. He did this several times and when I didn’t react he got frustrated. Upper management liked me but with most people isolating me and literally laughing at me I felt I had no support since I was there for only 3 months when I decided to quit.

I tried everything to reaching out to them and asking if everything was alright, never gossiped, etc but every mistake made would be made into a big deal and if I asked any questions to try and improve they acted annoyed and angry. My supervisor would embarrass me in front of customers and try to make me look stupid, make snide comments etc. She didn’t have to like me, but there’s no need to be mean to someone you don’t like if they are being kind to you.

To this day I think about it even though it was a few years ago. I still feel upset at those people. It hurts knowing that even if I explained to them what happened, how they hurt me, and how it’s unfair that I was overly criticized even though they got away with making the same mistakes after years of being there they will try to justify their actions. Especially since I never did anything to hurt them and I was even open to valid criticism if I was doing anything wrong. And they’ll go on with their lives, not finding anything wrong with what they did while I still think about it. I do my best to move on and it has gotten better over the years but I still feel as if I were gaslight throughout my employment.

In the midst of it, I remember I could barely touch my food, and even though I’m an outgoing person I’d go home everyday and I couldn’t speak. I’d just sob. I remember to when I went into the restroom at work I’d just cry sometimes because by their standards, I could only do wrong. Even at work, there came a point where if my supervisor tried to speak to me, I couldn’t even get words out of my mouth.

How did you guys physically react? Did your situation affect you mentally also?

I have been working at this store for 3 months now but I have been with this company for more then 10 years. I am now being bullied by 2 older employees due to them being upset that I am working. Because I came in and I work throughout my shift and don't want to sit down and do nothing because I like to be busy it passes time so much faster. They are mad and have been bullying me and trying to get others involved just so they can get me fired so they can go back to doing nothing. The thing is, I don't even care if they work or not its not even my business but they just THINK I do.

Anyone who plans on saying well you need to stop and work your wage. I am working my wage. During my interview with my manager because he knows that I use to be an assistant and what I know and can do, we spoke about what he wants me to do and his expectation from me but the problem is he didn't tell the ppl bullying me that. I am working my wage not working their wage. They just dont know how much I get paid.

The question I have now is because they are causing all these problems and getting everyone else against me can they get me fired still?

Hi, I (19F) work part time at a library where my job is to put the books away. My coworkers Clara (22 F) and Mary (24 F) (fake names).

I don’t work the same days as Clara and Mary, they work Monday and Wednesday and I work Tuesday and thursday.

For some context Mary does not like me, because at one point I texted Clara and Mary asking for confirmation about something that happened on Monday, and Mary responded saying how inappropriate it was to text her, I was 17 and this is my first ever job and I wasn’t aware that it was inappropriate, I apologized and told her i wont text her again.

She then reported me to our boss for harassing her, and after showing our boss the messages and explaining the situation, he didn’t write me up and just told me not to text her again.

Now fast forward to last Tuesday, when I accidentally left my phone charger, which has 3 chords with different types of plugs. I come back on Thursday and see my charger completely broken, with one of the plugs taken off and one of them bent out of shape. I assumed it was an accident and bought a new one.

I come into work today and one of my supervisors, I’ll call her Angela, told me that on Tuesday Clara and Mary told Angela that THEY had broken my charger, by repeatedly stomping on it until it broke, they then told Angela that I‘m too fat to move the big carts of books around and that I’m too short to reach the top shelves (Im 160lbs and 5’5). After Amanda I immediately went to our boss and told him everything Amanda said, I blocked Clara and Mary, and told boss that if he needs proof I can show him the charger.

The next day I work I’m told that Clara and Mary were both written up for what they did.

Now here’s where I don’t know if I messed up. Clara came up to me and said that it was just Mary that broke the charger, and that it was a complete accident and that Amanda was just lying. I told her I don’t believe her and that her and Mary have always been rude to me and are weirdly petty all the time. She said that getting a write up really affects her career and that she didn’t do anything to deserve it. I don’t know if Amanda was lying or if I should have taken her word for it. Did I mess up??

I joined my current workplace and eventually started dating someone from the same workplace. What started normally eventually became a very toxic and manipulative relationship, and due to some personal reasons the relationship ended abruptly without no closure.

The problem is that we still work together.

My workplace was already kind of toxic before all of this. There's a lot of gossip, office politics, people taking sides, and unnecessary drama. But after the breakup, everything feels so much worse.

My ex is extremely good at charming people. He's friendly, social, and knows how to make people like him. So while I know what our relationship was actually like, most people at work only see the version of him that he shows them.

I haven't told everyone about the things that happened in our relationship because I don't want to turn my personal life into workplace gossip. But because I'm not constantly defending myself, it feels like his side has automatically become the accepted version.

And now I'm kind of alone.

He has people around him. People joke with him, talk to him, support him, and seem completely comfortable around him.

Meanwhile, I feel like I've lost the person I was closest to at work, and I don't really have many people left there who I genuinely trust.

The weirdest part is that I can be surrounded by people all day and still feel incredibly lonely.

I know I shouldn't expect everyone to take my side, and I'm not looking for revenge or trying to make people hate him. I just wish I didn't feel like I was the only person carrying the weight of what happened while he gets to move on like nothing happened.

How do you cope when your ex is still at your workplace, seems to have everyone's support, and you suddenly feel like you're completely alone?

Hey guys, i was the one same person who spoke about being bullied at my job that's part time at a nursing home. Today i got a call from my parents that my eldest brother passed away today.

I don't like how my manager responded or how he said he can't accommodate me about getting my scheduled changed.

Should i just put in my two weeks notice?

hello, I'm afraid to ask for help regarding what happens at work.

I'm told to go to HR or to call the manager of my manager but I simply can't.

I trusted people but too often I asked for help and was dismissed and not taken serious.

I also lost confidence in myself. People offered to be there but they often also leave.

Right now I would need to talk to a lawyer I guess, or atleast to HR but I simply don't know what to do.

I wanted to ask for clarification and talk with the team about the harrassment and bullying but what use would it have when the manager participates in it?

I'm also asked to describe the incidents and tell them exactly what happened but what is when I struggle to find words?

I

For those who have worked in HR, Employee Relations, employment law, compliance, or corporate management: what typically happens behind the scenes after a complaint against a manager is investigated and ultimately labeled “unsubstantiated,” but the investigation still uncovers concerning behavior?

I understand that “unsubstantiated” doesn’t necessarily mean HR concluded that nothing happened—it may simply mean there wasn’t enough evidence to substantiate the specific allegation.

What I’m curious about is what happens internally afterward.

Does HR/ER still document concerns about the manager, monitor them more closely, coach them, flag patterns, brief senior leadership, or take other actions that the complaining employee would never know about?

I’m also especially interested in how the situation changes when:

A witness independently corroborates some of the concerning conduct.

A witness reports their own negative experiences with the same manager.

A second employee later files a separate complaint against the same manager or management group.

Multiple allegations individually fall short of substantiation, but collectively begin showing a pattern.

The investigation reveals poor judgment, inappropriate communication, retaliation risks, or management problems even if discrimination itself cannot be proven.

At what point does HR/Employee Relations stop viewing these as isolated complaints and start treating the manager as a potential organizational risk?

I’m particularly interested in perspectives from people who have actually handled these situations for employers. I understand HR’s role includes protecting the company, but presumably protecting the company can also mean recognizing when a manager is creating repeated employee-relations, legal, retention, or reputational risk.

What actually happens on the corporate side that employees usually never see?