Am I overthinking this, or is my coworker already labelling me as the “angry Black woman”?
I recently started a new job, so I’m still very new to the company and getting to know everyone. I’ve had an uncomfortable interaction with one coworker, and because this has happened so early on, I’m trying to work out whether I’m reading too much into the way she’s now describing me.
I was on a speaker call with my manager. My coworker had left the room, came back in and started interrupting while I was still on the call. I gestured for her to be quiet, and afterwards I said something along the lines of, “Please, next time don’t interrupt my call.”
She immediately responded, “Oh, is that what we’re doing now?” The conversation then became about me supposedly wanting to hide things or keep conversations private, when my point was simply that I was on a call and didn’t want to be interrupted.
She told me I was being rude.
About ten minutes later, I went back to her because I didn’t want there to be tension and tried to reset the conversation.
She later sent me an apology, but in it she said something along the lines of, “I know you and I are both quite feisty.”
That word really bothered me.
I have never been “feisty” with this woman. I haven’t shouted at her, argued with her previously or behaved in a way that would make that an obvious description of my personality. I’m also new she barely knows me. We had one disagreement, and suddenly I’m being described as “feisty.”
What also stands out is that she is noticeably softer in the way she communicates with my manager. Yet when I’m direct with her, my directness is described as rude.
There was also a comment afterwards asking whether this was my first time working with Dutch people, almost as though the interaction could be explained by Dutch directness. It isn’t. I’m familiar with Dutch people and direct communication.
I’m a Black woman, and this is where my concern comes in. I’m very conscious of the stereotype where a Black woman being direct or setting a boundary gets reframed as angry, aggressive, difficult, “feisty,” etc.
I’m not claiming I can prove that this is consciously what she’s doing. But I also don’t want to ignore language that could start creating a particular narrative about me at a workplace where I’ve only just arrived.
Would feisty other you in this context, particularly coming from someone who barely knows you? Does this sound like normal workplace friction, or would you also be paying attention to the way you were being characterised?