u/Previous-Ostrich844

Wife and I are at odds with each other- what do we do?

Difficult situation I’ll try to keep it brief and clear.

My wife and I are both 39. I have a child from a previous relationship who is now 12. Amicable with ex partner and 50/50 custody.

I have stated with my wife I’ve not wanted another child from the offset. My wife previously said she didn’t want children of her own. Recently she has expressed she would have been open to having one with me. She has said ,” I would be happy if it happened but okay if it didn’t.” I tried to explain I believe both parties should be clear and it shouldn’t be a situation of if it happens it happens if not fine. I tried to talk about financial impact, childcare etc and my wife believed that is just excuse making and “people make it work.” Wife said two nights ago she feels I have taken the opportunity to have a child away from her.

Another aspect within this situation is recently we were getting intimate but didn’t have a condom so it remained oral based. Wife later said she felt physically rejected whereas I said it’s irresponsible to not use protection. Previously have used the contraceptive pill and I am in the wait list for the snip.

I appreciate this is heavy and difficult. I don’t know where we go from here. I love my wife completely but my viewpoint on having a child has not changed.

Okay quite a complex one which I will try and keep brief but clear.

39 M with two kids (12 and 8) from a previous relationship - all amicable and have the kids completely 50/50.

I have a new partner and wife (also 39). Feel truly blessed and lucky. From the outset I expressed that I didn’t want to have any more children. Wife said she didn’t want any of her own and has been a great step mum.

Recently, and I don’t know if it’s with us being almost 40 we’ve had a few tough conversations. Wife has said although she’d never wanted kids previously she would have been open to having a child with me. She feels ,” I have taken that away from her”. An intimate example but recently we were getting down with it but didn’t have a condom so it was more oral based. Wife said she took that as a rejection whereas I tried to frame it as a precaution. In conversation this week wife said that she feels as though I act as though having a child with her would be “the worst thing in the world”. I said that isn’t the case at all but I felt I was clear from the outset and also said I feel that for any child two parties should both be on the same page and there needs to be some element of planning ( eg financial, childcare etc which would really stretch us)

I now have immense guilt that , in her words, I’ve taken this away from her. How do we proceed and move forward with this situation?

Okay quite a complex one which I will try and keep brief but clear.

39 M with two kids (12 and 8) from a previous relationship - all amicable and have the kids completely 50/50.

I have a new partner and wife (also 39). Feel truly blessed and lucky. From the outset I expressed that I didn’t want to have any more children. Wife said she didn’t want any of her own and has been a great step mum.

Recently, and I don’t know if it’s with us being almost 40 we’ve had a few tough conversations. Wife has said although she’d never wanted kids previously she would have been open to having a child with me. She feels ,” I have taken that away from her”. An intimate example but recently we were getting down with it but didn’t have a condom so it was more oral based. Wife said she took that as a rejection whereas I tried to frame it as a precaution. In conversation this week wife said that she feels as though I act as though having a child with her would be “the worst thing in the world”. I said that isn’t the case at all but I felt I was clear from the outset and also said I feel that for any child two parties should both be on the same page and there needs to be some element of planning ( eg financial, childcare etc which would really stretch us)

I now have immense guilt that , in her words, I’ve taken this away from her. How do we proceed and move forward with this situation?

Okay quite a complex one which I will try and keep brief but clear.

39 M with two kids (12 and 8) from a previous relationship - all amicable and have the kids completely 50/50.

I have a new partner and wife (also 39). Feel truly blessed and lucky. From the outset I expressed that I didn’t want to have any more children. Wife said she didn’t want any of her own and has been a great step mum.

Recently, and I don’t know if it’s with us being almost 40 we’ve had a few tough conversations. Wife has said although she’d never wanted kids previously she would have been open to having a child with me. She feels ,” I have taken that away from her”. An intimate example but recently we were getting down with it but didn’t have a condom so it was more oral based. Wife said she took that as a rejection whereas I tried to frame it as a precaution. In conversation this week wife said that she feels as though I act as though having a child with her would be “the worst thing in the world”. I said that isn’t the case at all but I felt I was clear from the outset and also said I feel that for any child two parties should both be on the same page and there needs to be some element of planning ( eg financial, childcare etc which would really stretch us)

I now have immense guilt that , in her words, I’ve taken this away from her. How do we proceed and move forward with this situation?

Okay quite a complex one which I will try and keep brief but clear.

39 M with two kids (12 and 8) from a previous relationship - all amicable and have the kids completely 50/50.

I have a new partner and wife (also 39). Feel truly blessed and lucky. From the outset I expressed that I didn’t want to have any more children. Wife said she didn’t want any of her own and has been a great step mum.

Recently, and I don’t know if it’s with us being almost 40 we’ve had a few tough conversations. Wife has said although she’d never wanted kids previously she would have been open to having a child with me. She feels ,” I have taken that away from her”. An intimate example but recently we were getting down with it but didn’t have a condom so it was more oral based. Wife said she took that as a rejection whereas I tried to frame it as a precaution. In conversation this week wife said that she feels as though I act as though having a child with her would be “the worst thing in the world”. I said that isn’t the case at all but I felt I was clear from the outset and also said I feel that for any child two parties should both be on the same page and there needs to be some element of planning ( eg financial, childcare etc which would really stretch us)

I now have immense guilt that , in her words, I’ve taken this away from her. How do we proceed and move forward with this situation?

I lost my dad two days ago. He was a great man and a wonderful grandad. I am devastated.

I have two incredible boys aged 11 and 8. This is the first time they will have experienced grief and loss. How do I best support them?

Thank you in advance ❤️

I lost my dad two days ago. He was a great man and a wonderful grandad. I am devastated.

I have two incredible boys aged 11 and 8. This is the first time they will have experienced grief and loss. How do I best support them?

Thank you in advance ❤️