r/RelationshipsOver35

I’m 37F and my husband is 35M.

For a while now I’ve noticed he spends a lot more time on his phone, especially over the Christmas holidays, and something about it had been bothering me enough that I finally gave in to a bad feeling and looked through his photos and Facebook watch history.

What I found honestly shocked me.

**There were a bunch of saved screenshots and screen recordings of sexualized women from Facebook reels/videos — nearly nude women, women flashing themselves, creators advertising explicit content, OF account screenshots, etc. It honestly felt curated and collected over time, not just random scrolling. I found a private folder too. When I checked his Facebook watch history, I also saw he watches this type of content almost daily**. I didn’t search his Reddit but I have a feeling he has more saved there too.

I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m **overreacting or whether this would genuinely cross a line for other people in a marriage.** I know porn and fantasy are normal, but the amount of saved content and repeated engagement is what’s bothering me most.

**What also hurts is that we already have an active sex life,** and I genuinely make an effort to meet his needs even though his libido is higher than mine. Seeing all of this suddenly made me feel inadequate and honestly kind of humiliated. He even made a comment to me this morning after sex, along the lines of “See when we have sex everyday how long I can last” and it just didn’t sit right with me. We have been having sex more often recently because I track my cycle and we are in a safe zone.

**For women in long-term relationships: would this bother you? At what point does “normal fantasy/porn behavior” start feeling excessive or disrespectful in a marriage? I do not watch porn but have never explicitly stated a boundary to my husband that he should not be looking at these videos or watching porn. I just assumed he would only have eyes for me and believe that this behavior isn’t healthy? I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s just not sitting well with me but I want to approach it rationally and calmly.**

I 49F have been dating a 48M for about a year. Overall, our relationship has been genuinely good. He’s caring, consistent, affectionate, energetic with me, and has never been cruel or disrespectful toward me. He’s very positive and encouraging.
He has 8-year-old twins that he sees every other weekend due to distance from his ex-wife. I’ve spent time with him and the kids on multiple occasions now, and I’ve started noticing a pattern that’s really unsettling me.
Around me, he’s upbeat, engaged, funny, energetic, and emotionally present. Around his kids, though, he becomes extremely flat, dull, monotone, low-energy, and almost emotionally shut down. It’s like he seems drained by their presence and just goes into this lifeless version of himself. The contrast is honestly quite shocking. At first I thought he was probably drained from the week or the previous activities he did with the kid but it seems like he is always this way with the kids plus he only has them 4 days a month.
I started seeing a side of him that feels emotionally immature, poorly regulated, and very different from the version of him I experience one-on-one.
Now I feel confused because the relationship between us has otherwise been very loving and stable. Part of me wonders if I’m overreacting to stress/parenting dynamics, while another part of me feels like I may be seeing who he really is. I honestly feel sad for the children. I guess I’m looking for advice on which is his true personality and if anyone has been through something similar. Will I end up with the version that the children see once the honeymoon period is over? I have lost a lot of respect for him as a parent and feel that this relationship needs to end.

We have a couple of couples that we used to socialize with and now my husband doesn’t want to socialize with them anymore. The main reason is that the male partner in the couple talks about himself all of the time. This doesn’t bother me because I just listen and most of the info is interesting and it keeps me from having to exert much energy. The wife is sweet and doesn’t talk as much… how to break up with them because it would be awkward for me just to go out with them… or should I? And make some
Lame excuse about my husband?

In relationships that last years or decades, we often fall into self-reinforcing negative loops.

It’s rarely just one person acting out; it’s a systemic chain reaction where both people believe they are just defending themselves, but they are actually reinforcing the cycle.

If you look objectively at your relationship, what is the repetitive cycle you get stuck in?

(e.g., trying to control a situation > partner resisting > escalating to being right > partner retaliating or tuning out).

Share your personal frustrating "dance" and let's use crowd wisdom to break them...

​

I recently moved out of my boyfriend’s place into my own apartment. Since then, our relationship has felt distant and stagnant. He barely communicates—texts a few times a week asking “how’s work?” or calling just to ask “do you love me?”—but never talks about the future.

I just spoke to my so-called boyfriend tonight and I asked him "are you happy in this relationship?" And he said "...well im not sad." Then I said "It just seems like the relationship is at a standstill right now and there is no progress being made."

He said "there's not much progress that can be made. I'm not doing anything else besides meeting your parents." What kind of disrespectful stuff is that? To propose and then meet your parents and ask for their hand in marriage."

I told him "this is between me and you--not my parents. You don't talk about where you would like to see the future go or anything." He said "right now, I don't see a future with you without meeting your parents." 😒 this conversation went absolutely NOWHERE!! Thoughts??? How would you respond to this? It was just dead silence after he said all of this to me.

He hasn’t visited my new place, helped me move (except for a few things a few months ago & that's it) or made any effort to spend time together. When I’ve asked for help with small tasks (like carrying items to my car), he’s complained, made rude comments, or refused, citing tiredness or headaches.

He criticized my quick decision to secure my apartment, even though I had to move close to work and could only afford a specific rent. Despite knowing I’ve been looking for months, he acted surprised and unsupportive.

I’m frustrated because his actions don’t demonstrate commitment—he’s not helping, planning a future, or showing care—while I’ve been managing financially and logistically on my own. I’m considering attending an upcoming online Speed Dating event because I don’t want to wait around indefinitely for someone who isn’t showing effort.

Essentially: he’s emotionally distant, unsupportive, and unhelpful, and the relationship seems stuck while I’m trying to move forward with my life.

i randomly asked him a week ago on the phone "so when are we going to see each other?" and he said "he doesn't know because he has to save his gas or something like that." smh. My friend said im single and my boyfriend knows Im moving on, but just hasn't addressed the situation and that his actions are not demonstrating the fact that he is in a relationship.

i called him yesterday after I got off work to ask him if he could bring my plastic container out to my car and my set of dumbbells and he said he "had a bad headache and couldn't do it." 😒

She thinks it wouldn't be wrong for me to go to this online Speed Dating event because things sound like they are over beteeen us. She said he hasn't tried to come to my new place to have dinner or spend time with me, or anything. Would it be wrong for me to attend the virtual Speed Dating event? I don't want to wait around forever for someone to show up for me and waste the rest of my 30s away.

Fast forward to now (a month later), there is another Virtual Speed Dating Event that is upcoming on May 27th, and am kind of considering going to the event. Would that be a bad idea? I just feel like relationship is going nowhere at this point and that there is little to no effort being put in to the relationship.

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I went over to my boyfriend's place a few weeks ago to get more of my things i was unable to get the last time (i.e, work monitor, food items in fridge, clean out older food items, etc) and I decided to ask him--"do you even like me?" and he responded and said "why not? That's a random question you asked me out of nowhere." I said "sometimes I feel like you don't." He replied & said "I'm sorry you feel that way." He asked me if I missed him & I didn't respond.

Then, when I asked him if he could help me take a few items to my car and he whined and said he was tired. He said "are you going to be able to take all of those bags out in one trip?" I'm not making a 2nd trip.

He even made a comment when I mentioned how there was no space for me to put any trash in the trash can--& said "its good that there isn't because you have alot of trash." smh. He just doesn't even TRY!!!

soooo frustrating...

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I recently moved out of my boyfriend's apartment this past Tuesday, March 17th. He wanted me to wake up at 6am this past Saturday (because that was the ONLY TIME he said he could help me take a few things to my new apartment before his barbershop appointment that was scheduled for 2pm). He said he needed to come back home, take a nap, & wash his hair before his appointment. It was super frustrating because he didn't help me take anything else to my apartment besides THAT DAY.

I still have to pickup my Work Computer monitor that I left at his place, swiffer mop, a few other small bags of things, and some food items in the fridge & freezer at this place. Should I let him know that I plan to stop by either today or tomorrow to pickup these things and should I give him back the key he gave me?

He even asked me last week "so your commute and you being closing to your job is more important than me?" SMH

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*TL; DR\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*Update!!

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*FINALLY got my keys to my new apartment ON MY OWN (Without my boyfriend).

Last week, he was not saying much to me for a few days & whenever I asked him what was wrong & tried to touch him, he said he was tired.

Well, I finally got him to open up to & start talking to me.

He finally revealed to me what was bothering him & said "Dont tell ppl stuff and then change your mind about it. One day you say you're gonna do one thing & then the next day, you say you're going to do something else. I feel like you're trying to mess me up. Then you said " I got the apartment. Then I'm thinking I gotta figure out how im gonna get 600 dollars in 2 weeks.

I replied to him & said "I'm sorry you feel that way. Im not trying to intentionally mess you up.

I told you I would still give you money to go towards some of next month's rent. I just explained to you how I only received Half of a paycheck for my first check & would have to wait until my 2nd paycheck (when I receive a FULL PAYCHECK) to pay you."

Btw, he has not offered to help me take anything that needs to go with me to my new apartment to my car--LET ALONE help me move at all. He said "I don't really want any movers in my apartment." He also said "you don't really have alot of stuff & you don't live that far away to be making multiple trips to your apartment to drop stuff off." 😒

How would you even respond to this??? Its just frustrating. All I really need is a moving company to transport my items (clothes, food, extra bags, etc) to my new apartment using their truck or van. But they all charge for a minimum of 2 hours of labor and I was quote $340 to $414 for it--which is insane. I don't even have any furniture to move smh.

He criticized me for being quick to get the apartment because the leasing agent told me about a deal. I told him I did not qualify for the apartment that was more money because I don't make 3 times the monthly rent. He said to me "so you really think NO OTHER apartment that is as affordable as the one you got now is going to be affordable in a few months?" And I told him "no, because the rent prices tend to increase alot when the weather gets warmer."

I decided to move because I just started a new job & have an extremely stressful & hectic commute. I wanted to be as close as possible to work especially during my probationary period. I need to make a great impression and not struggle with my commute & time as much as possible. I expressed this to my boyfriend & told him i was trying to find an affordable apartment as soon as possible so that I would have an easier commute--especially since I have to be at work at 8am.

He knew about how I was looking for an affordable place to live for several months. So I don't know why he's acting so bothered and surprised now. He has not expressed or discussed any plans of wanting to get married to me in the future at all--so does he think im just going to wait around for him Forever?!

I told him I would give him $250 or so for utilities since I would not be able to give him the normal $680-$860 i normally give him-ESPECIALLY since I am no long getting unemployment.

I was recently unemployed from September 2025 to Earlier this month & was STILL paying him money for my portion of the rent.

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Since I moved out of my boyfriend's place and got my own apartment last month, we have been distant. he has texted me a few times every week asking me "how's work?" but nothing else. He has called me a few times as well and hasn't said anything about where the relationship stands at all, which is frustrating. He has asked me everytime we spoke on the phone recently--"do you love me?" and that's it.

i randomly asked him a week ago on the phone "so when are we going to see each other?" and he said "he doesn't know because he has to save his gas or something like that." smh. My friend said im single and my boyfriend knows Im moving on, but just hasn't addressed the situation and that his actions are not demonstrating the fact that he is in a relationship.

i called him yesterday after I got off work to ask him if he could bring my plastic container out to my car and my set of dumbbells and he said he "had a bad headache and couldn't do it." 😒

She thinks it wouldn't be wrong for me to go to this online Speed Dating event because things sound like they are over beteeen us. She said he hasn't tried to come to my new place to have dinner or spend time with me, or anything. Would it be wrong for me to attend the virtual Speed Dating event? I don't want to wait around forever for someone to show up for me and waste the rest of my 30s away.

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He even made a comment when I mentioned how there was no space for me to put any trash in the trash can--& said "its good that there isn't because you have alot of trash." smh. He just doesn't even TRY!!!

soooo frustrating...

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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*TL; DR\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*Update!!

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*FINALLY got my keys to my new apartment ON MY OWN (Without my boyfriend).

Last week, he was not saying much to me for a few days & whenever I asked him what was wrong & tried to touch him, he said he was tired.

Well, I finally got him to open up to & start talking to me. He finally revealed to me what was bothering him & said "Dont tell ppl stuff and then change your mind about it. One day you say you're gonna do one thing & then the next day, you say you're going to do something else. I feel like you're trying to mess me up. Then you said " I got the apartment. Then I'm thinking I gotta figure out how im gonna get 600 dollars in 2 weeks.

I replied to him & said "I'm sorry you feel that way. Im not trying to intentionally mess you up.

I told you I would still give you money to go towards some of next month's rent. I just explained to you how I only received Half of a paycheck for my first check & would have to wait until my 2nd paycheck (when I receive a FULL PAYCHECK) to pay you."

Btw, he has not offered to help me take anything that needs to go with me to my new apartment to my car--LET ALONE help me move at all. He said "I don't really want any movers in my apartment." He also said "you don't really have alot of stuff & you don't live that far away to be making multiple trips to your apartment to drop stuff off." 😒

How would you even respond to this??? Its just frustrating. All I really need is a moving company to transport my items (clothes, food, extra bags, etc) to my new apartment using their truck or van. But they all charge for a minimum of 2 hours of labor and I was quote $340 to $414 for it--which is insane. I don't even have any furniture to move smh.

He criticized me for being quick to get the apartment because the leasing agent told me about a deal. I told him I did not qualify for the apartment that was more money because I don't make 3 times the monthly rent. He said to me "so you really think NO OTHER apartment that is as affordable as the one you got now is going to be affordable in a few months?" And I told him "no, because the rent prices tend to increase alot when the weather gets warmer."

I decided to move because I just started a new job & have an extremely stressful & hectic commute. I wanted to be as close as possible to work especially during my probationary period. I need to make a great impression and not struggle with my commute & time as much as possible. I expressed this to my boyfriend & told him i was trying to find an affordable apartment as soon as possible so that I would have an easier commute--especially since I have to be at work at 8am.

He knew about how I was looking for an affordable place to live for several months. So I don't know why he's acting so bothered and surprised now. He has not expressed or discussed any plans of wanting to get married to me in the future at all--so does he think im just going to wait around for him Forever?!

I told him the Leasing Consultant at the leasing office of the apartment told me to apply for the apartment ASAP because the units go fast & the prices fluctuate. I did exactly this because I also noticed that then rent was going to be over $1600 if I tried to move around March or April. I don't make enough money to afford an apartment that is more than $1480.

I told him I would give him $250 or so for utilities since I would not be able to give him the normal $680-$860 i normally give him-ESPECIALLY since I am no long getting unemployment.

I was recently unemployed from September 2025 to Earlier this month & was STILL paying him money for my portion of the rent.

I recently moved out of my boyfriend’s place into my own apartment. Since then, our relationship has felt distant and stagnant. He barely communicates—texts a few times a week asking “how’s work?” or calling just to ask “do you love me?”—but never talks about the future.

I just spoke to my so-called boyfriend tonight and I asked him "are you happy in this relationship?" And he said "...well im not sad." Then I said "It just seems like the relationship is at a standstill right now and there is no progress being made."

He said "there's not much progress that can be made. I'm not doing anything else besides meeting your parents." What kind of disrespectful stuff is that? To propose and then meet your parents and ask for their hand in marriage."

I told him "this is between me and you--not my parents. You don't talk about where you would like to see the future go or anything." He said "right now, I don't see a future with you without meeting your parents." 😒 this conversation went absolutely NOWHERE!! Thoughts??? How would you respond to this? It was just dead silence after he said all of this to me.

He hasn’t visited my new place, helped me move (except for a few things a few months ago & that's it) or made any effort to spend time together. When I’ve asked for help with small tasks (like carrying items to my car), he’s complained, made rude comments, or refused, citing

tiredness or headaches.

He criticized my quick decision to secure my apartment,

even though I had to move close to work and could only afford a specific rent. Despite knowing I’ve been looking for months, he acted surprised and unsupportive.

I’m frustrated because his actions don’t demonstrate commitment—he’s not helping, planning a future, or showing care—while I’ve been managing financially and logistically on my own. I’m considering attending an upcoming online Speed Dating event because I don’t want to wait around indefinitely for someone who isn’t showing effort.

Essentially: he’s emotionally distant, unsupportive, and unhelpful, and the relationship seems stuck while I’m trying to move forward with my life.

i randomly asked him a week ago on the phone "so when are we going to see each other?" and he said "he doesn't know because he has to save his gas or something like that." smh. My friend said im single and my boyfriend knows Im moving on, but just hasn't addressed the situation and that his actions are not demonstrating the fact that he is in a relationship.

i called him yesterday after I got off work to ask him if he could bring my plastic container out to my car and my set of dumbbells and he said he "had a bad headache and couldn't do it." 😒

She thinks it wouldn't be wrong for me to go to this online Speed Dating event because things sound like they are over beteeen us. She said he hasn't tried to come to my new place to have dinner or spend time with me, or anything. Would it be wrong for me to attend the virtual Speed Dating event? I don't want to wait around forever for someone to show up for me and waste the rest of my 30s away.

Fast forward to now (a month later), there is another Virtual Speed Dating Event that is upcoming on May 27th, and am kind of considering going to the event. Would that be a bad idea? I just feel like relationship is going nowhere at this point and that there is little to no effort being put in to the relationship.

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I went over to my boyfriend's place today to get more of my things i was unable to get the last time (i.e, work monitor, food items in fridge, clean out older food items, etc) and I decided to ask him--"do you even like me?" and he responded and said "why not? That's a random question you asked me out of nowhere." I said "sometimes I feel like you don't." He replied & said "I'm sorry you feel that way." He asked me if I missed him & I didn't respond.

Then, when I asked him if he could help me take a few items to my car and he whined and said he was tired. He said "are you going to be able to take all of those bags out in one trip?" I'm not making a 2nd trip.

He even made a comment when I mentioned how there was no space for me to put any trash in the trash can--& said "its good that there isn't because you have alot of trash." smh. He just doesn't even TRY!!!

soooo frustrating...

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I recently moved out of my boyfriend's apartment this past Tuesday, March 17th. He wanted me to wake up at 6am this past Saturday (because that was the ONLY TIME he said he could help me take a few things to my new apartment before his barbershop appointment that was scheduled for 2pm). He said he needed to come back home, take a nap, & wash his hair before his appointment. It was super frustrating because he didn't help me take anything else to my apartment besides THAT DAY.

I still have to pickup my Work Computer monitor that I left at his place, swiffer mop, a few other small bags of things, and some food items in the fridge & freezer at this place. Should I let him know that I plan to stop by either today or tomorrow to pickup these things and should I give him back the key he gave me?

He even asked me last week "so your commute and you being closing to your job is more important than me?" SMH

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*TL; DR\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*Update!!

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*FINALLY got my keys to my new apartment ON MY OWN (Without my boyfriend).

Last week, he was not saying much to me for a few days & whenever I asked him what was wrong & tried to touch him, he said he was tired.

Well, I finally got him to open up to & start talking to me. He finally revealed to me what was bothering him & said "Dont tell ppl stuff and then change your mind about it. One day you say you're gonna do one thing & then the next day, you say you're going to do something else. I feel like you're trying to mess me up. Then you said " I got the apartment. Then I'm thinking I gotta figure out how im gonna get 600 dollars in 2 weeks.

I replied to him & said "I'm sorry you feel that way. Im not trying to intentionally mess you up.

I told you I would still give you money to go towards some of next month's rent. I just explained to you how I only received Half of a paycheck for my first check & would have to wait until my 2nd paycheck (when I receive a FULL PAYCHECK) to pay you."

Btw, he has not offered to help me take anything that needs to go with me to my new apartment to my car--LET ALONE help me move at all. He said "I don't really want any movers in my apartment." He also said "you don't really have alot of stuff & you don't live that far away to be making multiple trips to your apartment to drop stuff off." 😒

How would you even respond to this??? Its just frustrating. All I really need is a moving company to transport my items (clothes, food, extra bags, etc) to my new apartment using their truck or van. But they all charge for a minimum of 2 hours of labor and I was quote $340 to $414 for it--which is insane. I don't even have any furniture to move smh.

He criticized me for being quick to get the apartment because the leasing agent told me about a deal. I told him I did not qualify for the apartment that was more money because I don't make 3 times the monthly rent. He said to me "so you really think NO OTHER apartment that is as affordable as the one you got now is going to be affordable in a few months?" And I told him "no, because the rent prices tend to increase alot when the weather gets warmer."

I decided to move because I just started a new job & have an extremely stressful & hectic commute. I wanted to be as close as possible to work especially during my probationary period. I need to make a great impression and not struggle with my commute & time as much as possible. I expressed this to my boyfriend & told him i was trying to find an affordable apartment as soon as possible so that I would have an easier commute--especially since I have to be at work at 8am.

He knew about how I was looking for an affordable place to live for several months. So I don't know why he's acting so bothered and surprised now. He has not expressed or discussed any plans of wanting to get married to me in the future at all--so does he think im just going to wait around for him Forever?!

I told him I would give him $250 or so for utilities since I would not be able to give him the normal $680-$860 i normally give him-ESPECIALLY since I am no long getting unemployment.

I was recently unemployed from September 2025 to Earlier this month & was STILL paying him money for my portion of the rent.

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Since I moved out of my boyfriend's place and got my own apartment last month, we have been distant. he has texted me a few times every week asking me "how's work?" but nothing else. He has called me a few times as well and hasn't said anything about where the relationship stands at all, which is frustrating. He has asked me everytime we spoke on the phone recently--"do you love me?" and that's it.

i randomly asked him a week ago on the phone "so when are we going to see each other?" and he said "he doesn't know because he has to save his gas or something like that." smh. My friend said im single and my boyfriend knows Im moving on, but just hasn't addressed the situation and that his actions are not demonstrating the fact that he is in a relationship.

i called him yesterday after I got off work to ask him if he could bring my plastic container out to my car and my set of dumbbells and he said he "had a bad headache and couldn't do it." 😒

She thinks it wouldn't be wrong for me to go to this online Speed Dating event because things sound like they are over beteeen us. She said he hasn't tried to come to my new place to have dinner or spend time with me, or anything. Would it be wrong for me to attend the virtual Speed Dating event? I don't want to wait around forever for someone to show up for me and waste the rest of my 30s away.

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I went over to my boyfriend's place today to get more of my things i was unable to get the last time (i.e, work monitor, food items in fridge, clean out older food items, etc) and I decided to ask him--"do you even like me?" and he responded and said "why not? That's a random question you asked me out of nowhere." I said "sometimes I feel like you don't." He replied & said "I'm sorry you feel that way." He asked me if I missed him & I didn't respond.

Then, when I asked him if he could help me take a few items to my car and he whined and said he was tired. He said "are you going to be able to take all of those bags out in one trip?" I'm not making a 2nd trip.

He even made a comment when I mentioned how there was no space for me to put any trash in the trash can--& said "its good that there isn't because you have alot of trash." smh. He just doesn't even TRY!!!

soooo frustrating...

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I recently moved out of my boyfriend's apartment this past Tuesday, March 17th. He wanted me to wake up at 6am this past Saturday (because that was the ONLY TIME he said he could help me take a few things to my new apartment before his barbershop appointment that was scheduled for 2pm). He said he needed to come back home, take a nap, & wash his hair before his appointment. It was super frustrating because he didn't help me take anything else to my apartment besides THAT DAY.

I still have to pickup my Work Computer monitor that I left at his place, swiffer mop, a few other small bags of things, and some food items in the fridge & freezer at this place. Should I let him know that I plan to stop by either today or tomorrow to pickup these things and should I give him back the key he gave me?

He even asked me last week "so your commute and you being closing to your job is more important than me?" SMH

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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*FINALLY got my keys to my new apartment ON MY OWN (Without my boyfriend).

Last week, he was not saying much to me for a few days & whenever I asked him what was wrong & tried to touch him, he said he was tired.

Well, I finally got him to open up to & start talking to me. He finally revealed to me what was bothering him & said "Dont tell ppl stuff and then change your mind about it. One day you say you're gonna do one thing & then the next day, you say you're going to do something else. I feel like you're trying to mess me up. Then you said " I got the apartment. Then I'm thinking I gotta figure out how im gonna get 600 dollars in 2 weeks.

I replied to him & said "I'm sorry you feel that way. Im not trying to intentionally mess you up.

I told you I would still give you money to go towards some of next month's rent. I just explained to you how I only received Half of a paycheck for my first check & would have to wait until my 2nd paycheck (when I receive a FULL PAYCHECK) to pay you."

Btw, he has not offered to help me take anything that needs to go with me to my new apartment to my car--LET ALONE help me move at all. He said "I don't really want any movers in my apartment." He also said "you don't really have alot of stuff & you don't live that far away to be making multiple trips to your apartment to drop stuff off." 😒

How would you even respond to this??? Its just frustrating. All I really need is a moving company to transport my items (clothes, food, extra bags, etc) to my new apartment using their truck or van. But they all charge for a minimum of 2 hours of labor and I was quote $340 to $414 for it--which is insane. I don't even have any furniture to move smh.

He criticized me for being quick to get the apartment because the leasing agent told me about a deal. I told him I did not qualify for the apartment that was more money because I don't make 3 times the monthly rent. He said to me "so you really think NO OTHER apartment that is as affordable as the one you got now is going to be affordable in a few months?" And I told him "no, because the rent prices tend to increase alot when the weather gets warmer."

I decided to move because I just started a new job & have an extremely stressful & hectic commute. I wanted to be as close as possible to work especially during my probationary period. I need to make a great impression and not struggle with my commute & time as much as possible. I expressed this to my boyfriend & told him i was trying to find an affordable apartment as soon as possible so that I would have an easier commute--especially since I have to be at work at 8am.

He knew about how I was looking for an affordable place to live for several months. So I don't know why he's acting so bothered and surprised now. He has not expressed or discussed any plans of wanting to get married to me in the future at all--so does he think im just going to wait around for him Forever?!

I told him the Leasing Consultant at the leasing office of the apartment told me to apply for the apartment ASAP because the units go fast & the prices fluctuate. I did exactly this because I also noticed that then rent was going to be over $1600 if I tried to move around March or April. I don't make enough money to afford an apartment that is more than $1480.

I told him I would give him $250 or so for utilities since I would not be able to give him the normal $680-$860 i normally give him-ESPECIALLY since I am no long getting unemployment.

I was recently unemployed from September 2025 to Earlier this month & was STILL paying him money for my portion of the rent.

I’m 38 f & he’s 41 m. We’ve been together for almost 7 yrs. We are at the point where I feel so lonely in the relationship. He no longer even looks at me when I have something to talk about. It has become so bad that I literally have to ask him to please stop what he’s doing & look at me when I’m talking to him. It’s embarrassing, reminds me of the time I worked as an educational aid in a special education class in an elementary school. Last night we had an argument about money. Long story short this man is not good with his finances. He makes more money than I do & yet he always complains of not having money. I asked what does he do with his money & had no answer.

I’m a beautiful girl, I’m 5’7 Latina with long black hair & beautiful big brown eyes. I have a great smile & above all, I am an amazing kind person. I love to help others & I love hard. My love language is cooking & doing things for the person I love, like doing their laundry, helping them with any chore, I’d get him his favorite snacks from the grocery store or even help him get a gift for his mom for mothers day while he’s at work.

Yet doing all those things, at the end of the day I feel lonely. I feel alone in our king sized bed. I thought to myself last night in the dark. Wtf I’m to fucking beautiful to be dealing with this! We no longer have sex like we used to, we went to the fair day before yesterday & I chose to hold his hand but he would let go for any reason.

Things don’t feel the same, he proposed to me like 3/4 yrs ago & he has no concern about actually getting married but it’s for the best. & when we go out to dinner or anywhere, he immediately bitches about how everything is so fucking expensive. I love & care for this man but I feel I’ve done everything on my end to be the best gf/fiancé and I’m done telling a grown man child what to do & what not to do. Also, he’s a very negative person.

But let me clarify that when we met, the first 3 yrs he was a completely different person. He was super charming & romantic and generous but it was all a lie. I see now he wasn’t being himself. I see now how women are happy being single.

Its over

I met the love of my life in December of 2022. Just after my divorce. He was everything I had ever dreamed of. After our first date we were together every single night after that. We couldn't stand to be apart. We'd either spend the night at my house or his. Finally it was time for us to meet each others kids. Instant connection, their birthdays on the same day. Finally it was time to move in together. All went great. No problems. Until a little ways down the road, when he became irritated that my daughter had not accepted him as a dad and was lying to him and wasnt willing to work with him. it became an all the time thing. there was never a day he didnt complain about something she did. I would stand up for her. but he would play victim until he got what he wanted. he kicked her out fall 2024, I followed not long after. we planned for me to move back in later that year of 2025. but that never happened. I drove there to spend weekends with them during the winter, during the summer it became less because he was threatened to get off my parents property. and they have every right. and from there we weren't able to see each other. I had no vehicle at the time and he wouldn't pick me up. finally I got my own vehicle but it was already threatened to me that if I went back there I would be kicked out. and I didnt want that. so I didnt go back to see him. and finally in September he told me it was over. fast forward a few months and were back knocking on each other messenger talking about how we cant find anyone else, that we are made for each other, that there will never be another me. we meet up a few times in the back of his car, do what we can with what we got. then telling me he didnt want me around the kids, but yet bringing the twin girl to see me. we had one good night together recently at my place and that was good closure. because we talked and he said my daughter owed him and his kids a big apology and they'll never get it because shes so selfish. and I told him im not going to listen to this anymore , I chose my kid and right now I want to be alone. and he said he's sorry that it came to this but that he would always love me. and I know thats not true because he would have tried. ugh. If Im meant to be alone, take away my desire to be loved.

every guy I have been in a long term relationship with really turns off the romance and sex once they move in. this is the third time this has happened so Im thinking its a me thing. anyone else have this happen to them frequently?

My (F42) BF (47) and I have been dating for eight months we have known each other for three years prior to this. He is a very kind, affectionate and fair person, and in every way treats me better than anyone else has, I respect his kindness and integrity hugely, however although we knew each other for three years prior to getting together it was a working relationship, since dating and the honeymoon period wearing off, I have noticed that our conversations are surface level, for example; how’s your day been? The weather et cetera? He seems to have a lack of curiosity in conversation not only with me but other people in general, I had hoped overtime he would open up to me, share his feelings with me and become more expressive the more he trusts me. On the few occasions over the last few months where I have wanted to talk through some emotional problems, not necessarily with the relationship but personal to me, I have become increasingly frustrated with his inability to engage ,reciprocate with follow-up questions,or anything like advice or empathy, he will hug me if I am upset, and repeatedly asked me if I’m okay, but I honestly feel like telling him I am not okay that leaves him in a place that he is not able to handle. This increases the distance I feel between us he is introverted by nature and it is not just me, he is like this with, but I honestly don’t know if I can sustain a long-term relationship where the other party cannot open up or express and share feelings. I had hoped over time this would happen. After continuously feeling frustrated I bought this subject up to him. He now says that he feels I am looking for Mr perfect and that he is not good enough unless he changes. I don’t know how to respond to this or where the relationship ultimately should go, does anyone have experience of this and have any advice to offer?

I [39M] have been with my [31F]SO for about 10 years now. For whatever reason she cannot hold a conversation about anything if I do get her to talk it’s like pulling teeth. I can be very talkative as I have many interests, an odd job and just a curiosity for the world. Her on the other hand will not speak unless I say something first. I originally thought maybe it was our age gap or the fact that we had polar opposite upbringing but I’m finding she has very surface level thoughts and opinions for just about everything. I’m very ADHD so I admit I can be a bit random and maybe jarring but I just thought after so long she would have more to contribute but it’s just not there. I noticed myself getting frustrated mid conversation and shutting down because I don’t feel she’s interested in anything I say or even our relationship. She claims it’s cause I’m a talker and she isn’t so she’s good at listening but that’s like not how a reciprocal relationship works. I just find it baffling to me she never has a random thought or opinion on anything. The way she makes it seem when I bring it up is that she’s not much of a talker I honestly never knew how much I needed that out of my partner until recently. It’s probably been a lowkey problem the entire time but maybe I ignored the signs or maybe I’m finally at my wits end with this. I guess I really don’t know what to do about this. I do not want to make it into too big of a deal but it kinda has been bothering me for some time. I guess I just don’t want to trigger her or create a situation where she feels like I’m attacking her or being mean or forcing her to be something she isn’t. If anyone has anything to say or any ideas that would be great.

Should I make this a big deal?

How many times should I bring it up before I just accept that she doesn’t have much to say about anything.

(Sorry formatting is terrible I’m on mobile)

I am 36M. Just split with my long term partner of 12 years- it was clear we were not compatible for the future and for marriage and kids so had to do the brutal thing for the sake of both of our happiness for the future.

All feels very strange but I know we did the right thing. I’m anticipating many months of a rollercoaster of emotions and trying to keep myself as busy as possible whilst also allowing some time to think and sit in the emotions and feelings of loss.

I know it’ll get easier but the adjustments over the next few months feel all rather overwhelming right now.

Any advice welcome!

I have been dating my M/34 partner for 5 years. We have lived together now for 3. Been engaged since the fall.

The more and more time we are together, the more I feel like we aren’t going to last long after marriage.

From the moment we started dating, he came off to be as annoying. He laughs at things that are not funny. He is way too messy for my liking. He asks questions that he knows the answers too. He has always been a gamer nerd which isn’t exactly my type. Also, the physical attraction on my end is not there. Never has been.

He does have really great qualities. Generous, financially sound, kind, loyal.

But there are qualities I wish he was better at. Listening, providing guidance, paying closer attention to me and our household. Being more mature.

Our sex life has always been hit or miss bc the timing is off. Or schedule don’t match very well. He is also very less experienced than I am in the bedroom and get awkward and silly in the bedroom which is not attractive. He doesn’t understand foreplay and seems to think I am suppose to be the initiator. I’m not comfortable with that. I’m used to men not being able to take their hands off of me but my fiance doesn’t have the same sexual drive. For a while I thought he was asexual.

Now we are engaged and I find myself even more annoyed, less attractive and really enjoy my time alone. I think what keeps us together is a stability type of thing. I am comfortable in my home, financial situation and with my career.

When I was younger, I felt that men only wanted one thing from me which was sex. When I met my fiance, I was literally trying something sooo different. We didn’t have sec right away. He took me on so many dates and still does. I am pretty spoiled to be honest but I am bored out of my mind and I feel like I am not in love with him. I have a lot of love for him as a person and a partner but there is simply no passion. I don’t know if I can live like this forever… being annoyed and having no passion.

I don’t think I want to sacrifice passion for financial stability but it seems like that is what I am doing. I know we will have a stable life together but I want to be deeply in love and that is not what I have.

I feel like a higher power wants us together for practical purposes, but I want what I want which is to be deeply and passionate in love. He is in love with me, but the feeling isn’t exactly mutual.

So the wedding is scheduled. Venue is booked. I feel stuck. It’s not a bad place to be stuck in.

Feedback? Advice ? Guidance ?

I (36F) just saw my ex (35F) on Hinge after only being broken up for 12 days. I know, I know, well I was on Hinge too. It's not the Hinge part that upset me, it's the fact that all of her prompts were perfect for me. The way that she described what she's looking for and what partnership means to her are all things that she couldn't give me in our relationship. She said she's looking for a life partner. Throughout our 3 year relationship she told me she couldn't give me more time. Plus, her pictures were all ones I took of her, which I know happens. But it was still a gut punch.

I felt so sad and jealous when I saw her profile. I felt my heart drop. If I didn't know her and just came across this profile I'd be psyched to swipe right. Based on her profile we seem so aligned in what we are looking for, our interests, and sense of humor. But in real life that's not true.

It doesn't help that we've been in constant communication since breaking up. We talk on the phone every night for hours. We both seem to be in the stage of not wanting to let go, but also wanting to see what else is out there. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed to be going through a break up at this age when all of my friends are married.

I need some reminders that just because someone writes that they want a life partner in their Hinge profile doesn't actually mean that they are going to put in the work to be one themselves.

60 year old here.

I broke up with a woman two years ago after being together 10 years. About three weeks ago, I bumped into her while I was on a walk. We talked for less than five minutes. All the feelings cam back by the time I got home.

I texted her a few times and got a response a couple of times. The last time I texted her she did not respond. It's been two weeks now.

I now live with my current girlfriend and wish I was with my ex. Every moment of the day. I wonder if she thinks about me. I wonder if she's found someone else.

I know where she lives but I make it a point to stay away even though errands sometimes have me drive near there.

I deleted her contact information from all my devices so I can't text or call her.

And yet, after two years, I am hurting and I made the

I was the one who broke up with her. Now, I wonder if she went through what I am going through now. And, if she did, I am truly sorry I put her through that. I am tearing up just writing this.

I was on the verge of breaking up with my current girlfriend last weekend because the feelings are so strong. I am going to give it another six months to see if they go away.

Not really looking for advice but please share if you have any.

I’ve (40F) been with my boyfriend (40M) about 6 months.

There’s so many things I love about him but one thing I don’t like is he doesn’t ask enough questions.

For example, I am part of a religion and he has never asked me much about it. So I tried just bringing it up and he listened but didn’t ask anything.

Additionally I will ask him questions and he often doesn’t reciprocate. So for example I ask him if he finds it hard staying friends with his mates who live a long way away. He answers the question but doesn’t ask about me. So I’ll be like ‘I have friends who live far away’ but this doesn’t prompt him to ask.

It’s only a small thing but the longer we are together the more it kind of bothers me. I feel like we don’t have very in depth conversations because I ask him about his life but he doesn’t ask much about mine.

I know everyone is going to say just tell him that this bothers me. But…I want him to ask me questions about me and my life because he is genuinely interested. I don’t want him to do it because I told him to.

Should I tell him I feel this way anyhow?

I just…don’t get it. He’s not the type who wants things to all be about him. I’m not sure if it just doesn’t occur to him to ask or what?

It’s so overwhelming to even think about how to encapsulate this in a single post, other than I was broken up with for the fifth and final time by my partner of 3 1/2 years.

To provide some context on the following, we both came from pretty abusive traumatic upbringing. I have done years of therapy and have come a long way in my healing process. He has only just begun his process in the last year to two and has not been consistent or dedicated other than the last month. I had previous addictions with cannabis use and binge drinking but have been sober from cannabis since 2021 and alcohol when I met him in 2022. He has struggled with alcoholism since he was a young teenager and has only been sober for very short bouts. He was actually only a week sober when we met on the dating app, which I didn’t find out until after the fact all of that to say we both bring a lot of shit into our relationship.

We had a wonderful relationship in many aspects, nearly all aspects, but there was one key sticking point we could never figure out - 99% of the time when I brought up a complaint or difficult emotion about our relationship or him or even a general insecurity or fear, I was always met with defensiveness, coldness, and a near outright refusal of providing any reassurance, empathy, compassion, comfort, or love.

Last night, we had a wonderful evening and upon returning home, a small blip brought up some difficult demotions inside of me. I sat with them for a few minutes and decided to bring it up calmly, without accusations, “I” statements, defining that this was a fear and not something that was actually happening. And yet, the same cycle repeated until we fought for hours, and he ultimately left my home instead of sleeping over as we had intended, making me feel abandoned in the end like I had many times in the past when this happened.

I allowed him to reach out today, allowing him the opportunity to try and repair with me while holding the firm boundary I’ve ever held in my life in a romantic relationship that I was not gonna tolerate this another time. That I had already tolerated it many times, that it had led to so much stress in our relationship to him ending the relationship multiple times in the past over the same issue, not getting resolved.

And when he did finally reach out, it just evolved into another fight, neither of us willing to budge. But I did stand my ground that I feel like his emotional immaturity and defensiveness is what’s causing the majority of our upset because he will just never receive me emotionally when I am vulnerable scared upset, or hurt. So he said “I can’t give you what you need, bye”. And hung up the FaceTime. Just like that, over.

It’s a shame because there’s so many qualities about this man that I love, but I feel secure in the fact that this is a dealbreaker for me, it’s a need and not to want, and I’m not willing to continue without feeling like I can have a partner to turn to with my deepest, darkest emotions and fears.

Here’s the turning 40 this summer and being single and starting over 🥲 fucking hell.

So me F(29) and my bf M(28) have been together for the past 5 years. In all this time we were smoking a lot of weed, all day long, (I didn’t smoke that much before him) and now we (I think it’s more me tho) decided to quit, it’s not the first attempt but for me it feels like this time I’m really done with that stoner lifestyle, it’s making me really sick and depressive, so I’m done, he also wants that. For a little more context we got together 6 months after my toxic relationship ended (with DV), I also have a lill abusive family and lost my V-card beeing rpd and my brother went psihotic 2 times…I know it’s a lot..I’ve been to therapy and now I’m fine..just sharing for context..so that was my baggage while entering the relationship, my boyfriend didn’t have it all that hard, he has a loving family and the only bad thing that happend to him is that he was bullied during football school. At first our relationship was fine, i felt safe with him but the longer the time passed I began to see some patterns..he depends very much on me, is kinda insecure, I have to explain a lot of things to him(like how people work or how to choose himself etc), i also am responsible for the house ( i do the main cleaning, the cooking, the planning), i also invest more in the relationship as we live in my apartment and i sometimes buy more thinks, because i have a good job and I can afford my lifestyle. He also works but he isn’t paid that much and now he is learning day trading and got funded but it’s only been one good month, in which he wanted to do everything very 50/50 and all he talks about si trading and fotbal or music he is also a musician…subjects which I’m not necessarily attracted to, I’m more of an literature & visual & psychology person…and we never or too little go out together or do fun stuff..so I don’t know o feel like his mom or big sister, our intimate life is completely gone, I don’t feel any attraction at all, but he is such a nice guy and i feel safe with him, he is really supportive and I don’t think I would have been this good and confident now without him loving me and giving me patience and time and I really do believe that he truly loves me…but I don’t know if I do anymore…and I don’t know if I should stay a lill longer cuz maybe all this dinamic is also the weeds fault and things will get better, cuz I see him wanting to be better for me and him…and I’m also beginning to be very pasive aggressive with him…or if I’m self sabotaging a nice relationship cuz of my past, but I’m tired trying to feel something or to handle this alone…i don’t know…any advice?

Hi everyone! As the title says, I am in the healthiest relationship of my life. We’ve been medium-distance for a year, and it’s truly wonderful. We both have our baggage, but I’ve recently discovered a personal struggle: when he shares his feelings or critiques a situation, I shut down instead of communicating in the moment.
The most recent incident happened after a family event. An encounter with a notoriously harsh relative left me feeling small and upset. When my boyfriend checked in, I told him I was sad but didn't want to elaborate..partly because I was still processing the "blur" of the event. The next day, when I tried to brush it off as "no big deal," he got upset. He feels there is a wall between us and that, after a year, I should be more open.
I’m confused because I feel like I tell him everything. Now, a small voice in my head is telling me to run before this becomes a deal-breaker. I love him deeply, but I’m worried I’m not "right" for him if I can't break this habit. How do I stop shutting down when things get heavy?
* I am in therapy but it’s inconsistent

To make a long story short - I (37M) got back into dating a couple of months ago, after a couple years alone following a bad breakup and severe injury. A month ago I met two girls a couple days apart that I really hit it off with. We have been on roughly the same number of dates, although things have moved faster physically with one (only recently). There is a lot of intellectual, emotional and physical compatibility with both of these girls, which is making this very difficult.

I am having serious issues deciding between the two, and want to make that decision sooner than later, to avoid hurting them needlessly. I legitemately never thought that this kind of situation was possible, as it was always very clear to me who to pursue. I am having pretty severe panic over the thought of having to hurt one of them like this, because I can tell that they are falling for me. I am not a player-type that wants to date multiple girls at once, and am looking for a meaingful long term relationship.

Any tips on how to move forward would be much appreciated. How have you handled this in the past? How did it work out? How long is it acceptable to date both before going exclusive?Most importantly - how did you decide? The advice I have gotten from my personal network is ALL OVER THE PLACE - ranging from "it's OK to date nonexclusively for 2-3 months before deciding" to "you need to pick as soon as things start getting physical." I am trending towards the latter. Going to make a decision in the next week, depending on how things go over the weekend, although I'd like to gauge sexual compatibility with the other because that could tip the scales.

Yeah, I know, steak too juicy... lobster too buttery lol. I get it, but I am very mentally unwell over this and would love some support if you can.