When to hold it, when to fold it
I (43f) love my partner of 4 years (44m) but life’s pressures are starting to fracture our relationship.
We moved in January and he’s been unable to find steady work which has been a major blow to his self-esteem. Meanwhile, I am thriving professionally and financially in our new city. Resentments is growing between us - I can feel it and nothing I try to stop it has worked. We are 100% financially independent (household costs are split 50/50) and he will not accept a penny from me, either in terms of increasing my household contributions until he is working steadily or treating us to a weekend trip to get away and (hopefully) decompress. It’s a point of pride for him I guess, but I really want to help with no strings attached.
He has grown increasingly moody, rigid and critical. Some days I feel like I get on his nerves simply by existing in the same space. I have given him a lot of grace, but I’m nearing my limit. He is so miserable and it’s affecting me. I feel stifled by his unhappiness.
Until the last 6 months, our relationship was great. He was kind, supportive and loving. We could communicate about anything. Now it’s falling apart before my eyes.
Reddit - what do I do? What would you do? How long do I keep waiting/making efforts to see if things shift? At what point do I accept the situation for what it is and just call it? We are both in therapy for our own stuff but our dynamic feels stuck.
I love him with all my heart but I can’t take the ups and downs for much longer.