u/Agile_Layer223

I'm 45M UK, I was with someone 2009-2019, had twins and got married. Was a good relationship overall lasting that long, she was serious about finding someone, the chemistry was strong but not 100% which helped us get on I think as I found previous more intense relationships became rollercoasters.

Her dad died in 2018 and it was like she became a different person, full of anger and wanting to control anything, it ended in a messy divorce where she became very greedy and a nightmare to coparent with.

My next relationship lasted two years, she was younger, lovely, we got on better than my ex wife, but she had very extreme views about men (some day I would definitely hit her because I'm a man apparently) which really pushed me away, also the co-parenting struggles put me off having more kids which she wanted.

Next relationship was 3.5 years, last two years spent navigating PMDD which was utter chaos and has left me scarred and more nervous.

Then 5 months of someone with quiet BPD, obviously didn't know til the end, another scarring experience.

New relationship - first six months have been incredible, so happy, she told me she had high functioning Asperger's early on, never seemed an issue. Her parents are awful and still treat her like a child and expect her to do as they say which interfered with our plans and caused some issues. In hindsight I think I reacted a bit strongly to this, bullying is a trigger for me. It's now got in a bit of a mess and with her Asperger's she's struggling. I think we have a way forward, but I have noticed two things. One, only women with some sort of underlying intense mental health condition seem to really excite me, more typical women bore me. Two, I seem demanding in relationships and it becomes a problem at times, I want all the romance, the bedroom stuff, all the dreams, and I'm sensitive if this doesn't work out. Am I unusual? How do I become easier to be with?

Tl;Dr how do I find more happiness in a relationship and stop being so demanding?

So as above I'm in a decent position, however a lot isn't liquid - £437k in my house, £318k in a DC pension which has returned 12% on average over 23 years, and £60k in a DB pension. I have £155k in my business earning around 12% via an index tracker and £64k in stocks and shares ISA hitting 15% over three years, over my target of 12%.

My costs are low - no mortgage, £25k on living costs, £8k on travel which won't last forever, £7k on car finance for another 3 years. I have taken a career break the last three months and I'm loving it, can concentrate on fitness, wellbeing, simple things in life. Happy to keep myself busy doing random projects and learning new things.

Safest thing to do is find another contract or two to get another £100-£150k in my business....but I've done this work 27 years - it's so dull now. Anyone got any other realistic ideas how I bridge this "nearly there" position? I could just work 3-4 months a year but would rather find something new to keep my brain interested and learn something

​I (45M) have been with my girlfriend (40F) for six months. Everything has been amazing, and we’re planning a future together. She has a 12-year-old daughter, and I have 12-year-old twins.

​Four months ago, we visited her parents at their home in Kenya. While there, a family friend revealed that when my GF was 10, her dad let her nearly drown, refusing to use his boat to save her because he didn't want to cut a stuck rope. My GF confirmed this and told me she grew up vomiting with fear from things he forced her to do.

​Later, her mom revealed that the dad resented our visit because he wants regular sex, and the mom uses hosting as an excuse to avoid it. For next year, the dad invited my GF, her daughter, and me, but explicitly excluded my twins—essentially treating us as a buffer so the mom has "energy" for him. I refused to go under these terms and suggested we all stay in a hotel as a blended family instead. Her parents rejected this, so the trip is off, causing major friction.

​Since then, my GF revealed her dad has had multiple affairs and her mom suspects he was literally poisoning her water at night during periods when he wanted to leave her, as she became violently ill. I am terrified of this man and want a strict distance.

​Now, her brother got engaged. Her dad has banned me from the family party for canceling next year's trip, demanding to know "who I think I am."

​My GF wants to sweep everything under the rug and keep treating them normally. Tonight, I told her I am sick of his behavior, I won’t have myself or my kids around him, and she is part of the problem by pretending nothing is wrong. I told her if she doesn't handle it soon, I will confront him directly when he is next in the UK. I warned her this will likely cause a permanent fallout where she will have to choose a side.

Tl:Dr girlfriends partner appears dangerous and unpleasant, starting to be disrespectful to me, have pushed back to my partner on it

Been with my girlfriend six months, couldn't have gone better, already making plans for future etc. after two months we went to Kenya (her family are all British ancestry Kenyan) to meet her parents. All went very well meeting them, mum lovely and very friendly, dad bit quieter but all good. They have a massive home, we stayed there.

While I was there, a family friend told me a story that my girlfriend and younger brother was sent to swim in the sea by her dad when she was about 10, the waves changed and she got washed away. Her dad refused to use their boat to save her as the rope was stuck and he didn't want to cut it. After half an hour they convinced him to cut the rope and they were saved. I was shocked and asked her about it, she told me of other similar less extreme stories and said she'd regularly be vomiting with fear at things he made her do but he ignored that.

She stayed out there for a few more days, when she got back she told me her dad got angry with her for being there and said she was an inconvenience to them. Her mum explained that her dad wants to have regular sex with her, she doesn't, and when she's busy she uses that as an excuse. I couldn't believe this. He told her she and her 12 year old daughter were invited again next year, I was invited by my 12 year old twins weren't (they hadn't came this time), basically to make sure mum has energy for sex. I told her I wouldn't be going in those circumstances and I didn't think she should either given that and how disrespectful it was to our blended family. I said if she wanted to visit them we should stay in a hotel with our blended family and then she can hang out with them. Her parents rejected that idea so the trip next year is off, her parents didn't like this, but I think it's her dad's fault. They come to UK sometimes and she sees them then.
She then told me her dad had a number of affairs in the past and told her mum he wanted to leave her for some of them. The mum refused mainly and said it seemed her was poisoning her water for through the night as she had violently ill episodes any time she drank it. I was terrified and said I think we have to keep a distance.

The latest is her brother has just got engaged and there'll be a family party. Her dad says I'm not invited as a result of the trip next year being cancelled, and who do I think I am telling him who he has to have in his home. I was quite clear we'd not be staying there and would stay in a hotel, not sure if this message fully reached him via my girlfriend.

It causes tension between us as she wants to just forgive their bad behaviour and continue as if it's normal, but I want to protect our budding family and myself.

I'm 45M she's 45F, her parents are in their 70s. Has anyone been in this situation? I fear my options are either to play along with this charade and hope I don't lose my rag with her dad's unpleasant behaviour, or disengage. It seems likely that her mum and dad will then pile on to her with abuse about me, and she is hugely influenced by them, so I could see it causing real issues for us.

Any advice welcome! Sorry for the long post.