r/daddit

My husband recently shared that he feels insecure because our 4-month-old daughter (formula feed) doesn’t always calm down with him the way she does with me. When I tried to reassure him, he mentioned that dads commonly experience this kind of insecurity.

It made me curious whether is this a dad thing.

From my understanding, at this age it’s more about soothing technique (how the baby is held, rocked, timing, etc.) rather than a real preference for one parent.

For context, my husband is a genuinely wonderful, loving, and very involved father. This feels more like self-doubt than an actual issue.

How can I support him and help him feel more confident with the baby?

Without going into all the details, five-to-six nights a week, I sleep in the girls’ room and my wife wakes me up when my alarm goes off. Sunday, I don’t because it’s the one evening that my wife is reliably home, so we both take our bed.

Historically, one of the girls will start crying in the night and my wife will get up because she’s a much lighter sleeper than me and refuses to wake me up when the kids cry despite my entreaties partly at least because she gets so few bedtimes with them.

But she was still in bed when I woke up! The twins slept through the night! I knew we were close to this, but it’s happening! I’m so close to sleeping in a bed instead of a pad on the floor.

And it reminded me how much down time there is with just 1 kid. The house has been clean the whole time, I’ve made some awesome meals, worked out daily. He even had a sleep regression this week, and it still felt like I had too much time. Anyone else experience this?

I am incredibly proud to say I joined the dad ranks two days ago, and im now the proud dad of a perfect baby boy.

We knew he was a boy for months before he was born, we had a name picked for most of that time, and we're both thrilled (as we would have been if he were a girl!).

Never had any issues accidentally calling him a girl before he was born, but since hes been born, I keep accidentally saying her, or good girl - even while hes actively peeing on me.

Not actually concerned about this, and its much better now im less deliriously tired (we were in hospital for like 5 days), I just thought it was really funny, and was curious if its a shared experience.

Any other dad's misgender their newborns? Any idea why?

Dear Dad’s of Daddit, It is with a heavy heart and overwhelming sense of weakness that I come to you today to ask your forgiveness as I have done the unthinkable and ceded my yard maintenance duties to a 3rd party. After an entrenched years long assault on my position as master and maintainer of my domain, I have finally succumbed to my wife’s “logic” that my time is, indeed, worth more. I pray that I shall not be judged and that I will continue to be welcomed into your fold with open arms and terrible jokes. While I know my newfound free time is purely an illusion quickly to be filled with honey do’s and diaper changes, I look forward to the sound of gas powered yard equipment interrupting my morning coffee on Tuesday. Until then I plan to indulge in the World Cup while my neighbors roll their eyes at the height of my grass. Amen.

Currently on screening #9,837 of Moana.

Yesterday we went to July 4 parade/potluck. Everyone gathered at this house that is converted into a business. Once everyone was done eating, I put my wife’s pasta salad in the fridge. As we were leaving, I asked my 12 year-old to get the pasta salad out of the fridge. I told him to go in the back door by the bathroom, open the fridge and the pasta salad is in there. He comes back empty-handed because he claims he didn’t hear me say fridge so he couldn’t find the salad.

Jump to the evening we’re getting ready to leave for another potluck. We are planning to light some fireworks so I asked him to grab the orange Home Depot bucket that’s in the family room by the sliding door. He walks past the bucket and the glass sliding door, to the sliding pocket door that leads to the kitchen, opens the pocket door and walks into the kitchen. I asked him why he’s looking in the kitchen, and he said I didn’t specify which sliding door and he thought the bucket was on the other side of the pocket door. I told him then that would be in the kitchen, not the family room.

Jump to dark and we’re about to late fireworks. I asked him to fill the bucket 3/4 full of water. He fills it 1/4. He he kept saying he didn’t understand what I meant by 3/4. So I explained to him if I gave him one $.25 coin and I took three $.25 coins would we have the same amount? He said that’s a different measurement when it comes to money.

Is he doing this in the hopes that I will stop asking him to help out? I’ve heard stories of adults being a task to order pizza for a large group and they only order one whole pizza just so they can never be asked again.

Horrendous night. My wife and I have a goal of moving out of our city by 2028 since the schools are considered poor, but last night has shifted that up to pre-4th 2027. Launching until 4 am.

Anyway, where’s my coffee

It always makes me feel like a piece of shit, but on the really rough days - which today is already shaping up to be - I admit that I fantasize about bailing. In detail.

I‘d hop in the truck, drive up the interstate, pick up the little camper trailer I would have pre-ordered, and head west. I’d bounce around between Wyoming, Idaho, Washington, Oregon, Colorado, California, Utah… I‘d hang out in crappy little off-season ski towns and beach resorts. Hike. Play guitar. Smoke pot. Hit on townies.

I would never do this. I’m not a piece of shit. I would miss my kids and my wife almost immediately. I’m a good dad. They deserve a good dad.

But I fantasize about it more than I probably should.

First off, I know a therapist is the best place for this, but getting it out here will help for now.

I have a remarkable 3 year old (who turns 4 soon) and an incrediblly supportive wife. I have always been a very hands on and supportive dad and husband; I definitely do my damndest to ensure my wife feels supported, that we are both giving equal efforts for our kid, and that I never let them feel neglected.

But I cannot allow myself to do what I want without feeling so damn guilty. For example, I love photography. I have a beautiful camera that I just love getting out and shooting with. I of course have tons of family pics, but I especially love getting outdoors in solitude and just spending time with my camera. But I can't even allow myself to do that because I always feel guilty, like I'm robbing my wife of an hour or two just for myself. My wife is ALWAYS supportive of me getting out and shooting, but I just feel like a bad husband for taking time for myself, especially because my wife never asks for alone time in return.

Idk, maybe I'm looking for people that relate. I know on a logical level I'm being really silly, but emotionally I feel like I'm being extremely selfish and it is such a hard thing to shake. I know I can't be all things at all times, but when I'm focused on myself it just feels like I'm putting my lovely family on the back burner and that is hard.

Hey dad's, I'm.feeling a bit of burnout and just looking to vent to some fellows dad's and maybe someone in a similar situation will offer some sage advice on how to not just combust internally.

My partners a SAHM with our 3 year old. My daughter is an absolute joy, she's full.of energy and just so loving and caring. I'm working 45 hour weeks in a warehouse with a very early start in the morning.

Despite being a SAHM my partner does very little around the house, I do all the cooking, clean up after I've done said cooking, hoover, clean bathroom, run baths, cut grass, maintain garden etc. Everything apart from tidy the living room and washings, although that being said I still clean the living room at night and put washing on in the morning.

As soon as I get in from work my partner just sits on her phone and passes everything over to me, I have zero issue with this as I absolutely love the time I get with my daughter, it is what gets me through the day. I'll sort out everything for dinner and then bathe our daughter then she takes over at bedtime. When she's getting our daughter to bed I then have to go and clean up all the mess from the day. Then once that's done I'm heading to bed to get up early then next day, or making dinner for us before going to sleep. I feel like I'm just constantly on the go as soon as I wake up and I don't really get anytime to enjoy films or gaming. I try to get up a bit earlier on weekends to enjoy a little bit of time to myself, then I just get questioned as to why I haven't done a, b or c.

I just need a little break sometimes and I don't get it, I make sure she gets a break when she needs it. Just looking to see if any dad's have had/still currently have a similar experience. I'm trying my best to make sure no resentment is built up anywhere but it is really hard guys.

I have an 8-month-old son, and I love being his dad. That's not what this is about.

I've been struggling with something that I don't think started with becoming a parent. Fatherhood has just brought it to the surface.

A little background: I grew up with an alcoholic father. My parents divorced when I was 13, and as an adult I've realized I identify with a lot of the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) Laundry List traits. Looking back, I think I spent most of my life focused on surviving, adapting, and trying to keep the peace rather than figuring out who I actually was.

Now I'm a husband, a dad, and I work full-time. Somewhere along the way I've realized I don't really know who I am.

I don't mean that in a dramatic way. I just don't feel like I have a real sense of identity outside of being useful to other people or checking the next responsibility off the list.

I see people who seem to know who they are. They have passions, purpose, and a strong sense of self. I honestly don't know if I've ever had that.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially if you grew up in a dysfunctional home? Did becoming a father bring these kinds of questions to the surface? What helped you start figuring yourself out?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you.

It's almost 7am and I'm just awake, thinking about this topic. A topic of parenthood I never even thought about. Friendships are an amazing thing, all of my kids have amazing friend groups. I have always tried to be the parent who doesn't become too controlling over who they are becoming friends with. But so far they have always made friends with people who are kind people with good values.

Until yesterday when my 14 year old son invited some new friends over. Which is fine. But I could immediately tell his new friends did not have a lot of respect for rules but also they seemed to not have a lot of respect for girls and women. They walked into the house, saw my 7 year old daughter and said to her (as a joke but still) "Make us some lunch whilst we're here". Obviously I gave my son a dad glare, to tell him to make sure his friends stop with those jokes towards the other people in this house. But that got my guard up immediately, I've tried to raise sons who respect women and understand that men and women equally are in charge of keeping a household running. They we're all hanging out in the upstairs living room and I overheard them talking a lot about red pill content online (My son doesn't have social media but they were showing him videos of some "alpha male" podcasts). Just overall podcasts videos talking about treating women terribly and how men have to be a certain way. Then more podcast stuff that was very bigoted.

Yeah that was my last straw. I went in the room and politely asked his friends to leave the house, they did but they did think I was joking at first. Obviously my son was annoyed at me, I understand that. But we did have a talk. He told me he met those friends at a birthday party for one of my sons friends from theatre. I think my biggest concern was that my son is very much the opposite of those friends. As far as I can tell, he respect girls and women, he knows men don't have to fall into societies stereotypes. So I do think he did become friends with these people to try and fit in with them. However, as a parent, I just don't want my son exposed to people who clearly will have a bad influence on him, especially cause at his age he would so easily be influenced.

I did tell him that he is not allowed to hang out with those people anymore. We had a long conversation as to why and trust me he definitely understands and agrees that those people were not a great influence. So he did block them and delete their numbers. But what he is upset about is the fact that I stepped in, he says he would have figured out eventually that those friends weren't good influence. However, I feel like I did the right thing, his brain is still developing, right now I think he could very easily be influenced by people like those friends.

This whole situation is just replaying over and over again in my head. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he isn't friend's with them anymore but I'm still wondering if I was right to step in and tell my son to end the friendship. He's 14, I want to trust him, but at the same time it is my responsibility to raise kind individuals, and I know my son hanging out with that group of people would have led him to gaining some views that are straight up bigoted. I am raising free thinkers, but I do draw a line somewhere. You can be a free thinker, but under my roof I'm raising children who are kind and accepting of other people. That's non negotiable.