r/GuyCry

It's Sunday morning and like many Sunday mornings before I (M/37) feel absolutely miserable about myself. I feel that it becomes harder and harder for me to mentally move away from blackpill ideology, i.e. the idea that your looks determine your dating success, and specifically that my own looks are to blame for not having any success in that regard. I am already trying to reframe this kind of thinking by blaming my personality instead, but it becomes increasingly difficult to keep this mindset intact. Do you folks have any suggestions how to move past blackpill ideology?

My divorce has just been finalized. And I come to find out that she has been seeing someone for over a month. We have 3 kids and finically have to still live together for the next 6 months. We spoke and both agreed that dating other people isn't a good idea as long as we are still living together. Then I find out she has a hinge, then I find out that she took a "me" day to go have a dick appointment. Then I find her crying cause her "friend" who promised her the world called her a crazy bitch with 3 kids and too much drama. My issue is I never wanted to get divorce and for some reason no matter what she does to me my feelings just dont change. I dont know what to think what to feel. I know this isn't my problem or my fault but I cant shake the feelings I have for her. Does it ever get better?

When I was at my aunt's this afternoon for a family occasion, the topic came to relationships and when my aunt asked if I was single, I said yes. Her daughter kept on asking throughout the afternoon why am I single and "is it because I am bald?" I tried to brush it off but it felt cutting and left me feeling terrible inside. Thankfully, the gathering finished and rushed home.

First of all, my cousin recently turned 10, so I understand that she is a kid and not fully aware of her words.

Even so, I just felt terrible - being in my mid 30s, never being in a relationship or even kissed a woman already had me feeling as if something is wrong with me. Today just made me feel terrible and I just want to shut myself off in the world.

Working out will not help if you are a man who did not work on other factors

Been told I’m jacked since I was 15, and 11 years later I got told again by another dude.

Now that I realised all this while I’ve never been on dates, and realised working out will not help. Honestly, confidence and grooming matters. Guilty to admit, I have always been afraid to be near a girl even until now

I made a post on here recently saying how I essentially look up to women as superior than me. A lot of people gave some tough love advice about how I need to see women as people instead of an object of desire. I totally understand but there is a bigger problem at play here.

I cant help that feeling. I generally gain more attraction to women when they are better than me everyway.. for example, I was working out next to a woman who was able to outrun me on the treadmill for this class I was part of. I legit couldn't keep up. Not only that the instructor was also a woman.

Feeling that helpless made me feel more attraction in the moment.

I notice even when I was younger, I used to like the nerd girl who dominated academically. I love the idea of a woman being better than me. I even get fantasy that when I get married, my wife will make more.

I like the idea of just being a supporter.

I dont think a therapist would be able to unpack that, but I might be wrong as well.

I was raised in a religious culture where sex and romantic expression is not allowed. I finally was opening up to the freedom of expressing myself.

I liked her a lot and was gonna tell her. But she decided to tell me first and then said we will hang out and see where things go. I did not tell her about my inexperience but she called me over one night and dropped some vague hints which i did not pick up.

She ended things a week later saying she isnt feeling it. I liked her a lot and losing virginity was not my goal but I was looking forward to being intimate wjth her and she did this.

I cant say i reacted well to that and cringe thinking about that.

I have been blessed with everything one can ask for . I have great parents who raised me well . I used to be good at academics and sports .

Fast forward to when i was in 8th grade, got addicted to video gaming . It was pretty bad . My academics tanked.

A couple of years later came Covid , i picked up binge watching . Used to stay in my room all day in the guise of studying for college entrance tests . Video gaming and binging watching is what i did . Disappointed my parents.

I was used to love football . I was very good at it. My skills tanked. Its been more than 5-6 yrs, my game never came back to the level it was at before. Have been so inconsistent.

Took a year off to get things sorted , tried to get a good college . Failed at it .

Found the girl of my dreams in college . I messed up things with her because of my stupidity.

I am what they call a monumental fuck up. I have self-sabotaged so much.

Perhaps i took things for granted because everything came easy to me be it studies or sports . Failed at maintaining consistency in everything i was good at.

I am fully aware everything is my own fault. I have messed up everything.

If this post gets negative traction I'm gonna delete it immediately.

To be specific I've been exposed to how negatively women think of us since like, age 15 and it's been seared onto my brain forever I feel. Every media that I consume is either centered around or at least has mentions of how bad of an experience women have with men and honestly, fair enough, I'm not going to disagree. But I feel like it has soured my interactions with women & society for almost 10 years now. I can't talk to a woman without thinking that she secretly hates me.

I've done everything right btw. I got lean, I've been trying to get over a deeply toxic relationship that I had when I was 21, I keep my flat clean, I know how to cook, got my money up, interact with people positively, volunteer for good causes all of that. But I just never know what the woman I'm talking to thinks about me and it makes me turn away before anything even happens.

It's not the biggest problem in the world but at 27 I feel like it's just not a very healthy thing to have. Also I live in a part of the world where marriage is rigid and important and you're expected to be married by 35 if not earlier, I need to at least get to a point where I have agency over this. I also don't think this is something that an older millennial or older would understand at all so it's okay if you don't get it.

I dont care what people say i want a family of my own. I'll keep searching trying to find that special person to give my love to and spend my time with them.

Some people may say im not happy with myself but I am; i have friends that love me, family that loves me and I have a good time with them, yes I vent on here when im at my lowest points pouring my heart out but it doesn't mean im desperate.

I want to make someone happy and thats what I care about relating to them on a personal level knowing them for them; I had some niche advice earlier and it really angered me but im casting that aside im not going to let him get to me im going to keep being this fun loving goofy guy everywhere I go even if it is a mask I wear I dont care it is my mask and I will wear it with pride.

Until I find that person to where I dont need to wear it anymore whomever you are that said I wasn't ready and I would damage the relationship thats fine your entitled to your own opinion.

But you don't know me and the type of man I am, i persevere I didn't quit then im not quitting now ill find someone and make them the happiest person in the world I promise you that im not going to let anything bring me down even if im met with more silence ill keep going until someone sees the true me.

I heard this from four years ago from a very abusive ex. I thought she was just saying shit to be as mean as possible, cause thats who she was.

But its true. My coworkers told me something similar. I made some lady friends at work and was going to go out with them. Making plans was going great until one of them said “Yknow… we may need a dude thats a bit more intimidating. I don’t feel like OP could do much if shit goes bad.”

This fucking crushed me and I cant believe Im crying over it. Its true. I am weak. Im underweight, I flinch if anyone even touches me, and I shake uncontrollably in any kind of confrontation. Ive never been a fighter.

I want to be strong. I want women to feel like they can be protected around me. It sucks knowing that the one thing a man is biologically made for, I cant fucking do. I know that if shit goes down, I would protect my friends/partner with my life. But I wouldnt be able to do shit, just be fodder.

Idk dudes. It just sucks. I felt so emasculated. I never gave a shit about being masculine. Like I never gave a shit about being strong or whatever. I never wanted to go into boxing or any kind of defense sport cause like I said, I flinch just from the smallest of touches.

I just feel like im losing myself. Am I even worthy of love if Im this fucking weak? No, not from what Ive been told and what Ive seen recently. So yeah. I gotta lock in and hit the gym until my hands bleed and im shaking from it.

Im a considerate dude, whos funny, who tries to make everyone around him feel better about themselves, who does a good job at work, cares for his pets, cleans. But I guess none of that matters.

Man I sound like such a redpill incel. Fuck. I need to lock in.

Don’t waste too much time on me because I’m not actually suicidal right now. Technically it’s a level 3 on the chart thing because I have a specific deadline, but it’s not an urgent thing. It’s more of a distant thing if it never materializes, but I was encouraged to post here and tell someone so hear I am.

All I ever wanted to do was love my wife. More than anything else. Ever since I was a little boy, and I used to see the couples out, holding hands, walking together, chatting, I knew that was the thing i wanted out of life

I just wanted one woman, whoever my wife was. She didn’t even have to deeply love or desire me, I just wanted her companionship and the experience of being in a long term relationship. I just wanted someone to sleep next to and life with. To experience sex in a routine long term relationship way and to know what it’s like to know your partner completely. I just wanted someone to go grocery shopping with and to decorate the Christmas tree with.

But, I turned out to be 5’4, which turns out to be very bad as a man. I’m average looking at best, and quiet and introverted and shy. Basically the perfect combination to go unnoticed in this modern hellscape of dating.

The saddest part is I’m building a good life. I’m on a full ride at university, I have 57k of excess funds, I got a 4.0 so far in my classes, and I’m studying a very stable and employable major. But it all feels hollow without her.

What’s the point if there’s never going to be a her. No family, no kids, no woman to drive around with and sleep next to and go places with.

So, I’ve set a deadline for myself. I won’t tolerate this endlessly. If life won’t give me her and meet me halfway than I’ll leave. At 35, I’ll either have her or I’ll be on my way out. I’m 19 now, so I have 16 years for her to show up or find me or me find her

Anyway, I was recommended by Claude that I share this somewhere, so here it is. Sorry if I wasted you people’s time.

Contrary to popular belief, I think the things that most lonely, single men miss most is not the sex, rather, it is the daily companionship. Body: I believe that despite the very popular and frequent view that all men want is sex, I believe that is wrong, though, due to many conditions it is easy to pick up that view.

Many conversations about male loneliness or even the incel community focuses on the lack of sex and male’s desire for sex, but I belief that the reason that the conversation always goes there is because it is more socially acceptable for a man to openly want to have sex, but it is less socially acceptable for men to openly want some of the other things that they would get to do in a relationship, like the daily companionship of living with a woman, or getting to sleep next to a woman most nights in a non sexual way.

I think many men who are lonely and single and unable to find a partner, even some of the incels, desperately want these non sexual aspects of a relationship, but feel unsafe in expressing those desires outwardly, so it all gets wrapped up and expressed under the cover of sex.

Anyway, I’d love to hear any of you people’s thoughts on this, and if you think I’m wrong and mistaken I’d love to hear why you think so. Thank you all for engaging if you do.

Boyos, I'm truly sorry to say this might be it for me. I continue to self destroy myself. I am a alcoholic and see no way out. I'm fucking up every thing I have ever loved. I want out. My family won't talk to me after I came out about the sexual abuse I went thru in foster care. I just I'm broken.

Well it's been fun, guess I will never even get the opportunity. It's been so many years since I even was on a date but people don't even give me the chance. I just wish I would be enough a single fucking time.

Hey everyone, 6 months ago I posted on here at an extremely low point of life that felt the most mentally dark and the tunnel vision was so intense it became claustrophobic. (Link to post https://www.reddit.com/r/GuyCry/s/bQ130tcmdK here if anyone wants context)

First and foremost: a massive thank you to everyone in the comments and that DM'd me with support, the advice was monumental in snapping me out of the funk I was in and the care I felt from being personally messaged is indescribable. Apologies for not responding with anything, I'm not overly familiar with Reddit and have an easier time talking with people face to face instead of online which leads me to my update.

I did sit down with my partner when she got back and it got heated again from a mutual apathetic attitude we held for one another at that point, at then suddenly all at once it hit me seeing a potential future without her, my best friend, in my life with her no longer looking at me with kindness, with my son having to learn a dynamic I never went through and would have no clue how to relate or teach from personal experiences, and how no matter what path in life I went down I'd feel alone inside if I wasn't making it work with her. I hated these images and knew I needed to snap out of whatever I was in because I didn't want that to be where it all ended. To which I broke down in tears at that point and said all of that to her which I think broke through the shell she had retreated into

We both took a step back and after collecting our thoughts we both apologised to one another and our son in his sleep had a giggle which wrapped everything up with a smile as it was so precious to see. We ended up addressing the major concerns when we went to professional couples counseling and we've had some follow up appointments too and it has certainly helped with putting everything in a better perspective as well as getting past the mistranslations in our communication with one another. Lots of forgiveness on both sides being worked on successfully and strategies to sort any issues we have at home in a calmer manner.

It's insane to look back and see how I was feeling only a couple of months back but honestly it feels like that was eternity ago now. My son is crawling around like crazy, loves to be carried which is getting harder cause he's twice the size of every other baby his age and his development seems to be progressing so quickly and I'm so glad I've been able to be here to be apart of it every step of the way.

If I could say anything to any man out there who may be where I was or is an expecting father - do take post partum seriously, the resources are out there to help and it's worth going. There is no prize for being able to tough it out but there is a reward in seeing your child giggle and your partner feeling security when they're going through the hardest moments of they're life. Thank you again everyone.

I don't know what else to say. I'm so alone

I'm gonna try and not go too long here...

I'm mid 30's. Married for 12 years. Have two little kids around early elementary age.

Bumps as there always are, but overall we had a great 9 years. rocky 10th, and bad 11th. 12th has been separated and divorcing. It's been hard.

Maybe slight exaggeration here, but all I ever wanted was a family to be with and to love.
I don't fully understand what happened - a lot played into it. Politics, religion, personality, some outside influences, whatever. Lot's happened and she now claims I am abusive despite every friend and every professional counselor I have or we have seen together believing that I am not abusive and rather we have such different personalities we're just not compatible.

Now my family is ripped apart, my wife is basically claiming full right over the kids without a court order or similar. I can fight it, but she spent the majority of our money over the last several months and I spent the rest getting a place after she made the home so hostile it wasn't safe to stay so I can't afford an attorney.

We had a old school relationship in that we both worked until we had kids then she dropped to stay at home mom and I kept working.

Now because I work she wants me to support her but I barely made more than enough for our family when we had a mortgage and I can't afford child support and a mortgage and an apartment.

I'm not suicidal but have been feeling very much like I can't keep doing this and I can't go on.

Basically the only thing in the world I care about is my wife and my kids, but she wants nothing to do with me and is making anything more than a couple visits occasionally with the kids hard - demanding details for what I will do with them or refusing to allow it, she has told the kids doctor I don't feed them despite feeding them meals that would make many single dads look bad.

Anyway, the only thing I care about is them, but it's so miserable I don't know that I can keep on being there for them and supporting them well. I feel I'm turning into a bitter old man and that's not helpful to them.

Do I walk away and hope she takes care of them?

I can't bring myself to really consider that but this relationship is so toxic I'm feeling like it's the only thing that makes sense.

Us being at each others throats is not going to help them do well. She's said she will only talk via a court communication app and insists I do but she continues to occasionally send me notes, yell at me in front of the kids, etc but legally there's nothing wrong with any of that so I can't stop it.

If it's so toxic, is it better for them to leave?
She's not caring for them well but I believe she has the best intentions and potentially if I left she would feel better since she views me as the source of all her issues so she may do well if I were gone.

I don't know what to do. It feels so backwards to even consider walking away from them but it seems to almost make the most sense.

I'm so stressed my hair is falling out and my gut is so upset I can't eat much.

I've got a therapist (I've had a few and none have been any better than this one) who basically says this really is hard and we can't make the hard go away so deal with it. Little nicer than that but that's what it feels like the takeaway is. And I get this really is hard but also what do you even do?

I've historically been incredibly resilient and persistent and maybe therapist has picked up on that and knows I'll figure it out and make it through, but right now I feel like I can't.

What do you even do? I need some kind of support for me. I don't even know what kind.
I will need financial support very soon or go broke if she's going to get child and spousal support which she likely will.
I want friends, but it seems nobody is interested in friends with a single dad of high needs kids. (oh yeah, severe ADHD and often very intensive therapeutic needs for one kids and other mirrors the behavior and all that to say they really are a handful sometimes.)
I have a few friends who will spend time with me but somehow don't really wanna hang out if the kids are around. How do you find others with kids who are willing to put up with intermittent high needs of kids? To round it off, I'm an introvert so making friends is so so so draining on a normal day making me feel like I really just can't make new friends.

I was M27 with 0 bodycount and started meeting escorts. Within a year my bodycount reached 52 which includes people different races/gender Indians, Africans, Asians, South Americans, Mexicans, Trans, 3sm, 4sm, Low class to elite escorts, Angels to ugliest. I really enjoyed and got addicted to it till I realised that my 5years savings got emptied. I got fucked frustrated for a month then I started to visit cheap african escorts and trans on shot basis. I know what am doing and how it's affecting me physically, mentally and socially yet I can't stop the thing. After few months of visiting cheap escorts I hired a North Indian from MR and I fell into fucking pimp scam and lost 100000 in that night. It was a hectic night which made me realise what the fuck. But it did helped me to overcome this. It's been a year since my last visit and I'm much better now. I can't change my past so I stopped thinking about it and living the present but nowadays those things are haunting me sometimes triggering me to go back.

I was hanging with people I’ve know for years in discord (we hang out in person as well). The topic of stuff we are interested into lately gaming and content wise came up and suddenly when I spoke everyone was surprised with what I mentioned (Zelda and Starfox) and said that was new to them. Idk why but that just made me realize I have never had the confidence to mention anything I’m into unless I know someone else was also into it. I just talk about the same games or show.

It made me realize that I don’t have anyone I can really be me around because I never had and I’m too scared to. I’m fucking 34 and I’m bawling my eyes out over this. It’s just made me feel stupid and my depression has came back so extreme now. I thought I had gotten out of it a long time ago. Now I just wanna hide and bury myself in the sand. Fuck…

I've never shared this with anyone in my life. Not my friends, not my family.

The only reason I'm writing this here is because Reddit is one of the few places where I can be completely anonymous and not worry about people judging me or seeing me differently.

I'm a 28-year-old guy. I've never been in a relationship, but I wouldn't say I've never experienced love or heartbreak.

When I was in 12th grade, I fell deeply in love with a girl who never felt the same way. Those feelings stayed with me for nearly three years. It wasn't a relationship, but it changed me in ways I still struggle to explain. It taught me about hope, rejection, longing, acceptance, and letting go. I know some people might dismiss it because we never dated, but that experience shaped my understanding of love far more than most people realize. It was one of the hardest emotional chapters of my life.

Since then, there hasn't been a relationship, a situationship, or even someone I've come close to romantically.

For years, I convinced myself that love could wait. I focused on building my career, becoming financially stable, taking care of my responsibilities, improving myself, and becoming someone I'd be proud of.

I kept telling myself, "Once I get there, I'll be ready."

Today, I genuinely feel ready.

Not because I think a relationship will complete me, but because I want someone to build a life with. Someone to celebrate small wins with, support through difficult days, and grow alongside.

The problem is... I don't have that person.

Lately, the loneliness has started feeling physical. It's like something is eating me from the inside.

I come home after work, and there's no one waiting to ask, "How was your day?" No one to hug me when life feels overwhelming. No one to share my victories with, no matter how small. No one to comfort me when things fall apart.

And maybe the hardest part of all is realizing that I've spent years saving so much love for someone who hasn't entered my life yet. Sometimes I wonder where all of that love is supposed to go while I keep waiting.

People often say, "Enjoy being single," or "Love yourself first." I understand where that advice comes from, and I don't disagree with it. But I also don't think wanting companionship means I don't love myself.

I've spent years building my life, and I'm proud of how far I've come. But somewhere along the way, I realized that success doesn't replace having someone to share it with. A promotion feels different when there's no one excited to celebrate it with. A bad day feels heavier when there's no one to lean on.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone else has felt this, like you've built a good life, yet there's a quiet emptiness that achievements can't fill.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? If you eventually found your person, how did you deal with the waiting without letting loneliness slowly consume you?

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing your experiences.