r/ChristianDating

I believe that the problem of masturbation and similar practices lies in our difficulty in understanding the difference between how we deal with temptation and how human nature functions in relation to sin.

James 4:7 says: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

When we are confronted with spiritual attacks or adverse circumstances, as happened with Job, or even with deceptions and false influences, the Bible teaches us to resist. There is, in fact, a spiritual battle, and God equips us for it. We are well equipped for this kind of fight.

But when it comes to temptations related to the flesh, experience shows that directly and constantly confronting the impulse, relying only on willpower, is often not enough and can even intensify the internal struggle, since these temptations find a response within us.

We somehow experience an internal response to the very thought of temptation, which makes this kind of conflict different from other spiritual attacks.

The Bible also uses another approach in relation to this. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 it is written: “Flee from sexual immorality.” Here, the emphasis is not on debating or staying close to temptation, but on distancing oneself from what feeds it.

When Joseph in Egypt was tempted by Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39), he did not stay in the situation trying to resist internally—he ran, he fled. There is no room for dialogue with this kind of temptation.

In the case of masturbation, this leads me to understand that there are several factors that indirectly feed desire, such as movies, TV shows, magazines, images on the internet, and a wide range of stimuli that can awaken this kind of impulse.

Therefore, the believer should flee from these things, yes, flee from them, in order to prevent where the problem begins.

But it is important to understand that, although we should avoid these stimuli, it is not merely distancing ourselves from them that produces a healthy spiritual life.

In fact, the direction is the opposite: when we are in communion with God, this naturally leads us to avoid what distances us from Him. In other words, fleeing becomes a consequence of walking closely with the Lord.

Galatians 5:16 says: “Walk in the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh; they are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.”

So I see this as a process that involves practical vigilance, fleeing from triggers, and especially a continuous spiritual life, where closeness to God naturally reshapes choices.

I posted in the sub a while ago about my LDR of a little over a year now. Some background we live in two different states around 2000 miles away, he’s studying a trade and I’m studying at a 4 year university going into my junior year. He’s planning on earning certificates for his career and he’s on the 2nd out of 3 and wants to be moved in my state by the fall of this year. I feel Ike like we are in different places and we aren’t growing towards God at the same place and pace. I understand everyone’s journey is different but we struggle a lot with fornication together when we visit and apart. The situation that made this come to an head for me was last night. We were on the phone after my long 13 hour shift, I was tired and telling him my life grievances. I’ve been going through isolation from friends and dealing with questioning Gods plans for my gifts I’m studying in school. He sent me multiple verses and said for me to keep faith and he was going to talk to his priest (his an Orthodox inquirer) to help better. All great. But skip to earlier that day I said something that he took as me flirting sexually but I didn’t mean it but I was extremely fatigued because of my long shift being in the heat so my spirit was weak. I said it was to flirt and we kept just talking in text in this flirtatious manner that led us to break our abstinence in the past. He didn’t mention it when I called finally when I got home at 11, so I just vented to him and cried a little just about the stuff mentioned earlier. So at this point it was almost midnight and he was washing up and shirtless. Remembering earlier I started pointing it out and he didn’t shoot me down. It lead to us fornicating again. He broke down and self loathed, which made me angry. Later at like 3 am he called me and said he couldn’t sleep because he saw a “black entity watching over him”. I didn’t know what to say I told him to continue praying and he asked for me to stay on the phone. Today is Sunday I went to church and he stayed home because he felt like he had a cold or something so he woke up at like 11:30. love him so much because of his caring soul and he’s very sweetly supportive, but he lacks in the strong standing I’d need in a man for my husband. I feel like he takes accountability but says he “hates himself for falling constantly” but has little game plan or strong discipline. He’s been sheltered and he has ADHD which makes it difficult but not impossible. He also doesn’t have strong Christian parents that didn’t raise him to be a strong man. Sometimes I feel like I pressure him too much but at the same time I we cant keep sinning like this and tearing each other down. I need a man with strong self control to not constantly waiver in leading and putting boundaries. We’ve been doing better modesty, less flirtatious conversations, and consistent Bible study the last couple of weeks. But this really made me feel so lost on whether we should step away and work on ourselves individually or continue pushing towards Christ together as a couple. Sorry this is kinda long but I’ll summarize it too. 

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for just over a year (about 2,000 miles apart). We both love Christ and have been working on growing in our faith, but we continue struggling with sexual sin despite making progress with boundaries, modesty, and Bible study. After a recent relapse, he became overwhelmed with guilt and later said he saw a "black entity" watching him, which left me shaken. I love him deeply and appreciate how kind and supportive he is, but I'm questioning whether he has the spiritual leadership, discipline, and self-control I hope for in a future husband. I'm torn between continuing to pursue Christ together or taking a step back to focus on growing individually before moving forward.

I'm 27m never had a relationship and only gone on a few dates with one girl many years ago. I don't really interact with single women and none that I have seen around have ever indicated that they are interested in me. Am I simply lacking in experience and need to talk to more women or am I just kind of hopeless at this point? I'm a pretty introverted person and I'm not the best at having interesting conversations. I think these things are very detrimental to me.

Hi y'all. Sorry if this is long.

I'm looking for christian advice. I currently feel sad and terrible about my relationship with my LD bf. We met on a language exchange app. He's from Japan and im from the US. We started talking everyday since mid april, then switched to talking on instagram. Eventually we shared pics and started calling often. our feelings grew. It was natural. We decided to become official around end of May.

The thing is that hes not christian. He grew up in a dysfunctional family. he grew up in the church in the Phillipines but turned away at 16 because he didnt feel that God was listening to his prayers. He says he was genuine with his prayers. He didnt ask for things but that God would heal his parents' relationship but it only got worse. His dad left when he was 13. Now theyre seperated. His dad lives in the Phillipines with his older sister and he lives eith his mom in Japan. He says his dad is Christian but his mom isnt. She has lots of hatred towards his dad. And his mom is quite mentally unstable because she had also mentally abused my bf and threaten to kill him and herself many times during fights growing up.

So basiclaly his heart grew cold towards God. But he still holds some of the biblical values but not all. Such as he believes in waiting for marriage. We agree on lots of thing but I realized ive been disregarding other things about him which I think was my mistake. He knows im christian and he says he doesnt have any issue with that but he just doesnt agree with lots of things the bible says. I try to share the Gospel if the conversation is related to it. I pray for him daily that his heart will one day soften and open his heart to jesus.

But the things ive been trying to ignore but i know i cant is that he smokes, he cusses, hes gained so much weight. Because I work in Healthcare field I told him about the effects of smoking. That I would love to help him. He says eventually he wants to quit but he just enjoys it too much. He also said he signed up to go swimming to lose weight because thats one of his goals. Hes tired of being fat. I praised him for that.

Now, because of his willingness to lose weight, I thought ok maybe he will eventually do the same with smoking.

But I have a feeling he may not quit. He said he enjoys it. Even if I have presented him the facts about the detriment effects of smoking. Hes probably not going to stop. I love him and care about him but im completely heartbroken about this. I heard its very difficult to stop smoking. Many can stop but eventually go back on it.

He said he definitely wants to marry me without a doubt. He would like to go to church with me someday. He wants to build a family with me. He wished he could travel to see me but he financially cant because his job doesnt pay well. I told him once i finish college ill save money to visit him. It would take two years because I need another year to finish school and then another year to be financially stable and save. I still live with my parents btw.

He didnt go to university but he eventually wants to get an english degree. We are both willing to wait to meet in person. In the meantime we FaceTime 4 times a week.

I know that I cant unequally yoked according to the bible. That was my mistake. I know my bf truly loves me. Hes very sweet and caring, his heart is delicate and he is scared he'll lose me. Tbh hes crazy in love with me. More than I am with him. He truly does not care if im ugly or fat. He loves me the way I am. Even if I went bald he says he doesnt care. I feel I can truly be myself with him. And this breaks my heart

Ive prayed to God that if this relationship is not his will, then to remove his feelings for me. Id rather him lose feelings than me tell him I dont feel the same anymore and break his heart.

Im devastated. I was planning to maybe wait until the end of the year and see how it goes when I go back to college in August. I told him I wont be able to talk as much throughout the semester beause I need to prioritize school and he understands. He wants me to focus and do my best.

I dont want to break up so soon when we just started dating. And I want to see if he'll still feel the same while im in school or hell lose feelings. Because, again, I rather him lose feelings for me. I dont want to hurt his sweet heart if I tell him. I dont want to breakup at the height of our relationship which is where were at right now. Because our feelings are strong at the moment it would be too painful. Especially for him. And breaking up before college or during collegel would affect me and my studies since I have less than a month before I go back.

I continue to pray for him and our relationship. If this isnt what God wants then, I hope he loses feelings while im in school and that at the end of the year we breakup.

I would greatly appreciate any advice. Need someone else's perspective and thoughts.

I don't know if this is a stupid question, but I feel like I can never move past the talking stage with guys. When I say "talking stage” I mean the initial conversations where you're exchanging pleasantries, asking about family, work, school, hobbies and getting to know each other a little more. I usually steer the conversation toward faith pretty early because I don't like spending a lot of time on surface level topics if we're ultimately not aligned. I don't want to waste anyones time, including my own, so I'm pretty upfront about asking what their faith means to them, their church involvement and things like that.

The problem is that the conversations almost always stall. They never seem to move off the app, numbers don't get exchanged and dates never happen. I've experienced the same thing talking to a few people on Reddit too. Things usually fizzle out after two weeks max….. and I’m typically left on read. And then I’m back on the drawing board of chatting with another person.

Part of me wants to blame the current dating culture, but I also don't want to assume it's everyone. I want to take accountability and ask if there's something I could be doing differently.

As a woman, I don't want to come across as pushy by asking, "When are you going to ask for my number?" or "When are we going on a date?" I prefer to let the man take the lead in moving things forward. I feel like I already show initiative by sending the first message and expressing genuine interest, but after years of online dating, I still can't seem to get past this stage.

I'd really appreciate advice from the women of God here. Is there something I could be doing better? Are there questions I should be asking or not asking? I genuinely try to be Friendly and be the best version of myself. I'd love to hear your perspective.

THIS IS A NSFW POST YALL

I'm not quite sure how to word my questions but they are directed towards men (and women who are/have been in relationships) and sex and lust.

For context, I am a virgin and the most I have been physical with a man is a kiss. I've never touched their private areas nor have they touched mine and these kisses occurred in the context of dates in early relationships (e.g second and third dates). I have noticed a pattern now that every time I kiss a man he becomes er*ct almost within the first 3 seconds. He either tells me it's happened and pulls away or I don't realise until I can feel it (which due to my inexperience doesn't register straight away). This is happening almost immediately (not after a long time of kissing, not after touching etc). I'm also not a very sexual person, so I don't flirt sexually beforehand either (which I think mitigates arousal in the lead up). Regarding clothing, I don't like showing skin so I'm typically covered but I tend to wear figure hugging clothing - unsure if this is important.

Am I causing someone to lust in these occasions? I don't really believe that being turned on equates to lust but I'm afraid of where his mind and behaviour may wander after the kiss, and I'd feel partly responsible for that.

Is the only solution to this to never kiss?

If you're a guy and this happens, how would you like the woman to respond? What would be respectful for you? One guy told me I should be flattered it happened and I don't know how that sits with me.

I, am 19(F) looking for some life/ dating advice.

I have not always been a follower of Christ, in fact its something pretty new. I have always been a believer although my life took a dark turn and I turned to tarot and crystals which I have since repented for.'

I met my now boyfriend of 3 years in the middle to end of that phase, he is a Christian but does not have what I would call a super strong relationship with God (this is a hard thing to say or judge because I am only human but in order for context). That being said he is a wonderful person, and knowing him brought me back to life, with proper love and kindness I became a better person. I really believe God set him to me and that he was my husband.

For most of our relationship we were having pre-marital sex, I slowly started to feel convicted and then finally I realized I was not willing to lose him for sin. To be totally honest the conviction started from fear of God taking him away from me, that I could not have a relationship with God unless I did this. Or fear he was not the husband God made for me after being so so sure of it. I decided to re-wait till marriage. At first, it was a bit of a learning curve for him, and I felt like he was only on board because I asked him to be but slowly (he says) he understands it is so our relationship honors God and without God we cannot have a good relationship. Despite this, I feel lately my relationship with God dwindling and after 8 months we fell to sin and fully messed up. My problem is (not to TMI) I knew I was going to fail; we even planned for it as we were on vacation. I feel not guilty but horrible, especially because, this is hard to explain but I'm not even mad we did it even though I do not plan on doing it again. So, tonight I found myself in the same anxiety spiral of "what if he is not my husband" and this paralyzing fear in order to create a better relationship with God he and I have to break up. I have had these fears time and time again, and part of me feels like a fake and like this is the only reason I seek relationship with God.

I know this seems like a question only the lord can answer, but no matter how many times I ask or what I read in the bible. I just don't know, I don't feel an answer or a presence. Usually when I pray about it, I feel peace after and the fear goes away. But if not this, what is wrong with me? Why can't I grow closer to God? I don't want to go to hell, and I don't want my boyfriend to either. Other than this our relationship is great, peaceful, respectful, and full of love. Is this a me problem? Is it an us problem? I also feel like its faulty logic assuming the future rests in my hands, as I know its all up to God, however, when I try to let go and let god, I fall back to sin.

If you read this far, thank you, any help is appreciated.

29F | Looking for a genuine connection rooted in kindness and faith

Hi! I'm a 29-year-old Christian woman who believes the strongest relationships are built on faith, honesty, respect, and genuine friendship. I'm an introvert at heart, so I appreciate meaningful conversations over small talk, peaceful evenings, nature, good music, and the simple joys of life.

My faith is an important part of who I am, and I'd love to meet someone who shares Christian values and is striving to grow in their relationship with God. I'm not looking for someone who's perfect—just someone with a kind heart, integrity, humility, and a desire to build something real.

I value loyalty, compassion, open communication, and treating each other with grace. If you're looking for a relationship that's intentional, supportive, and centered on love, trust, and shared values, I'd be happy to get to know you.

If this resonates with you, send me a message and tell me a little about yourself or simply share your favorite Bible verse or something that has encouraged your faith lately. 😊

Basically, the only thing I've wanted in life is to find my soulmate, or what I like to call my spiritual companion. I've been trying to find someone since I was 18. I'm now 35, and still never dated or been in a relationship before. I never really met anyone who was interested in me. I would really like to have a family someday. But the older I get, the worse my depression gets, as well as feeling more rushed.

I went to a wedding today, and it really broke me. On top of that, I lost someone that I cared about at the same time, who I met on here.

I feel hopeless and very depressed, despite being on antidepressants, It's not helping in this case. I can't stop thinking about how my my life turned out, and often have very negative thoughts, which I don't act upon, but I do personally believe things would be easier if I didn't have to deal with the pain anymore.

What should I do if I can't find anyone locally, or online? I've tried for years, with no luck.

I just recently broke things off with a girl I’d been involved with for 7 months. I know it was the right thing to do but damn it hurt. I really liked her and wanted a future with her. What do I do now? I feel so alien and have no idea what to even do lol. How do I “get back out there”. Is this a good place for that? Thank you in advance.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some Christian‑based recommendations on a guy (M) I’ve been talking to for about a week. I’m very attracted to him, and he seems faith‑centered and intentional, but also pretty forward.

I feel like I've asked him almost every question I can think of so far and am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for me as far as some other super important questions I can ask him?

Another thing I wanted to add is that I have asked him almost every complex thing I could think of. I asked him if he was married, when his last relationship was, what he's looking for, etc.

We haven't texted in a few hours and I would like to keep the conversation going, even though im sure he's busy with his son.

Would an okay question to ask him be:

1. are you and your son's mom on good terms?

**What else should I ask?

Also, Im a curvy, thick girl sooo if he can't tell in my picture--then should I tell him "im a curvy, thick gal so I don't know how you feel about them?"

Also, he has the same as my nephew who passed a few years ago and told him his name will always hold a special place in my heart. I dont know if its too soon to tell him this. But he told me alot of vulnerable stuff about him too.

Additional Info from Interaction with Cute Guy from Christian Dating App:

### **1. He came in strong from the beginning**

On the first day we talked, he made a bold comment about imagining us having a daughter together. It wasn’t sexual, but it was definitely fast and very forward.

He even said "I love being a dad and want a baby girl. But im getting old--I'll be 41 this year."

###

**2. He mixes boldness with faith‑centered seriousness**

Throughout the week, he’s said things like:

> “I just want some acres and a wife.”

That comment hit me emotionally in a good way. It felt mature, peaceful, and intentional. It gave me butterflies.

He also talks openly about wanting a God‑centered relationship and practicing restraint. He’s very expressive about his walk with Jesus.

### **3. He shared his testimony**

He told me he “died twice” and Jesus saved his life. He’s written two Christian books. He’s very open about his spiritual journey and seems passionate about his faith.

###*4. He’s involved with his kids**

He talks about being active in his children’s lives and seems proud of being a father.

###

**5. He’s consistent**

He texts me every day, checks in, and doesn’t disappear. I really appreciate the consistency.

###

*6. Compliments and faith‑based language**

When I asked what he thought of me, he said:

>

“I think you’re sweet and genuine 🥰.”

He also told me he feels like I’m a Proverbs 31 woman or that I strive to be one. That meant a lot to me.

### **7. Physical confidence**

A few days ago, he sent me a shirtless photo while driving home from work. It wasn’t inappropriate, but it was definitely confident and showed he’s comfortable being expressive.

### **8. Light flirting**

He sends kiss emojis sometimes, and I get butterflies when he does. He’s playful, sometimes shy, sometimes bold.

-For example, when I complimented him and said to him

last night that: "they don't have guys like him in my state," he said "really? And guys like me? Explain lol." Then I said

"I think you’re really attractive, mature, focused, and seem to prioritize your relationship with Jesus. And I love that you know what you want. I have not met any guys in my state who are like that yet."

--he sent me 🙈 emojis and then i said "**moves your hand away from your face." Then he said "moves hand away from my face and gives me a nice slow kiss."

###**9. A small roleplay moment**

He sent shy emojis, and I responded playfully. He followed with a romantic roleplay gesture (not sexual, just affectionate). I didn’t escalate it.

###10. My confusion

I’m extremely attracted to him. I like his faith, his consistency, his openness, and his confidence.

Everytime he texts me, I smile and looking forward to us talking--even though we have but I genuinely don’t know if he’s pursuing me as something serious or if this is just his expressive communication style.

### **11. My question**

For those who have experience with Christian dating:

- How do you discern whether someone is genuinely pursuing a Christ‑centered relationship versus just being emotionally intense early on?

- How long should we text before meeting in person?

- Does this sound like intentional pursuit or just excitement?

I’d love outside perspectives from people who value faith‑aligned relationships.

---

Hi 29M here. I recently finished grad school in a STEM adjacent field, but it’s been a grueling job search process. Over the past year I’ve been actively job searching and interviewing, and even was a final candidate for a couple of positions.

I have a temporary job outside of my field to (barely) make ends meet, and I’ve been putting in some time to build my skills.

My question are:

1. Would women understand my career transition phase?
2. Is it a good idea for me to date now anyways?

I’m 52. Have been dating a man off on for 4 years. He professes faith. There have been many issues. I have often broken up bc I didn’t feel this was headed to marriage. He would come back each time boldly declaring love and a future. Then he’d pull away at signs of me needing any emotional support (regular life things). Most recently, I’m facing significant personal challenges. We live in a smaller community and if these personal challenges found out, would lead to gossip. My oldest son also battled severe depression and recently I’ve been scared he’s suicidal. My BF will express words that communicate he hates that I’m in pain, but he will pull away and has said the situation is not “ideal for him” and he just wants peace. Now, I recognize that it’s ok if a person feels another’s issues are too much.. and respect it (why I’ve walked away repeatedly). But he has promised repeatedly we are each others’ person. I welcome thoughts in this as it regards to faith based manipulation/how a man should treat a woman romantically biblically. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is emotional abuse and I have cut all ties. I’m currently just working through the grief of this and it will be ok. But I’d welcome thoughts on this and especially from the men. Is it dramatic to call this emotional abuse? I’m 52/ he’s 54. We are each divorced and functioning well otherwise and what I mean is we each have great careers/ have raised families/ keep up with exercise routines/ community service. I think I’m trying to say it looks like we as individuals are living well. I on the inside feel this issue leaking into all areas of my life and want to biblically understand it so I can let God take this. Ty.

📸 Photo
Happy to exchange photos once we’ve chatted a little! 😊 I’m 5’4 165 cm), with dark hair, brown eyes, and I like taking care of my health.

🩺Area of Work/Study
I’m a doctor currently preparing for the United States Medical Licensing Examinations (USMLE). My goal is to relocate to the U.S. to continue my medical career(MD)

. Hobbies & Interests
• 🎵 Listening to music
• 🍳 Cooking
• 🌍 Exploring different cultures and cuisines
• ✈️ Learning about new places
• 👨‍👩‍👧 Spending quality time with family and loved ones

Faith Journey / Denomination
I recently started reading the Bible and accepted Jesus as my Savior. ❤️ My relationship with Christ is still growing, and I’m excited to continue learning and walking in faith every day. At the moment, I don’t strongly identify with a specific denomination—I’m simply focused on following Jesus and His Word.

What I’m Looking For
I’m hoping to meet a genuine Christian man who loves God, is kind, emotionally mature, and family-oriented. Having children is something that’s very important to me, so I’d love to find someone who shares that dream. Ultimately, I’m looking for a relationship that, God willing, leads to marriage.

Preferred Age Range
Ideally 26–33, but I’m open to someone a little older if you’re mature, have an established career, and share the same Christian values. Age matters less to me than character.

Long Distance / Relocating
Yes! I’m open to long-distance while getting to know the right person. Since I’ll be relocating to the U.S. for my medical career, I’d especially love to connect with Christians living there.

If you’re someone who loves Jesus, values family, and is looking for a meaningful, Christ-centered relationship, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to send me a message.

God bless! 🤍✝️

Something I've observed in the Christian community is that you people want unicorns and there's sufficient evidence to back this claim even in this sub.

But sometimes you need to get back to the drawing board and take a look at yourself. Strip naked and look in the mirror if it helps😂. Analyse your social skills, conversation skills, physical image, spiritual immaturity, finances, career, traits like discipline, solving conflict, etc. ........Then ask yourself "would I date someone like me?" Then go back to your long list of demands and compare the two (eg "she must be intelligent, beautiful,funny,virgin, devoted to God, young etc") and ask yourself "would this Christian man/woman want me?" ......Sometimes we should be willing to compromise eg if you aren't a virgin why are you hyperfixated on getting a virgin partner? I think it's only valid to tick that off your long list of deal breakers.(Just an example)

Anyway find areas in your life where you are lacking and make it your life's mission to improve those little things. I think that's what the purpose of being single should be (Of course nobody is perfect and perfection is never the goal but we can be better).

Spirituality should move alongside self awareness imo. Have a blessed weekend

Just looking to see any success stories or people's experiences with dating after moving - Good or bad, I suppose!

I'm currently in the Midwest (IA/IL border) and it's tough here. I get around, but I'm mostly running into people who aren't marriage minded - even within the church communities, which is slightly... baffling? I'm 40, so I'm ready for a change, I guess...

Thnx.

For years ive been praying and trying, and each time I feel so close its all just gone. And I pray so much for this and express everything and my gratitude for progress ive gotten only for it always to all dissappear.

Im talking to a girl right now and it feels like its going good, and shes amazing and would be perfect. Our hobbies align, our personalities, our school.

I feel so guilty for telling God if he really exists he would help me find the person for me and make me feel happy.

I just want someone to tell me to not give up searching for someone if this fails for the 20th time. If you guys could just pray for me on this please