r/ChristianDating

I’m (25F) dating another christian man and we’re talking about marriage not engaged yet but we’re engaged preparing for engagement/marriage. Anyway, I want to know if my standard for finances is too high or ridiculous or selfish…

I think that he should pay for just about everything— bills, groceries, etc. however I think what I buy should be up to my discretion. And naturally I know that I would be out buying things for our children my self and him that he wouldn’t have to think about. I would likely pick up the groceries frequently during the week. I just think he should be at least expecting to provide financially completely and because I make money I would still spend it toward the household and put away savings for us and handle our finances/ accounting and investing.

I think that my jobs and roles that I would play would be equivalent to his providing. I would have my hands in many roles and projects to keep our home running not only functional but thriving. There’s so many ways I want to make my house a self sufficient, loving home… take on all th emotions of all the people in the house… cook and clean for everyone… teach the kids how to do everyday household things… be obedient to my husband…and this will be work. Why should I also have to bear the weight of financially providing too??

All answers welcome

I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask for help. I’m really hurt and just hope for understanding.

I’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 years, and we’re engaged. He is 27 and I am 26. Aside from both of us having dated one other person we are each other’s only relationship and have had a lot of time to build together. Early on, we talked openly about pornography and both acknowledged having struggled with it. I told him I would always rather he be honest with me if he ever slipped up. He seemed like he would be more than willing to and relieved I understood.

Throughout our relationship, I’ve asked him directly if he was watching porn, and he always said no. Yesterday, I found evidence that he had been consuming it. When I confronted him, he initially denied it until I told him I had proof. He then admitted it, but said he hadn’t used it to masturbate but that he just watches it like a show on TV (🙄). Later in the conversation, he admitted he had been struggling with it seemingly his whole life but he also acted like this was more of a recent slip-up. He kept giving contradictory information, but it ended up coming down to this being problematic for years.

What hurts me most is that he repeatedly lied to me, even when I gave him plenty of opportunities to be honest throughout our relationship. I have asked him several times throughout our relationship and always prefaced it by reiterating how I understand the struggle. Yesterday, I again blatantly asked him if he viewed it, and he told me “no.” He gave me the same answer as before until I told him I had evidence. My previous relationship ended because my ex was a sex addict who hid things from me, so this situation is bringing up a lot of those same fears. He also knows how my last relationship ended and so I feel extremely betrayed that he would essentially repeat the same trauma I’ve already endured.

We’ve talked about marriage, but I’m uncomfortable moving forward when I feel like he was willing to enter a marriage without being honest about something he knew was important to our faith and me. He says he wants counseling but he couldn’t even acknowledge his problems so how is that supposed to work? I don’t know if I even want to be with him anymore.

I’ve struggled with porn too, so I don’t want to be hypocritical or act like I’m judging him as a person for struggling with it. But that doesn’t mean I agree with the behavior or think it’s okay. I’m deeply hurt by the porn use itself, but the secrecy and lying are what have hurt me most. I feel violated by the whole situation, and I don’t want acknowledging the lying and secrecy to undermine how seriously I feel about the porn use.

I think I know how I plan to proceed. I guess I’m just curious as to anyone else’s experiences. Again, I’m not even sure if this is the right place to ask. I’m sorry if this offends anyone. I’m just really low right now and feel so misled. I’ve prayed for a sign about this relationship and perhaps this is my sign God gave me.

Would you consider this a serious enough breach of trust to reconsider the relationship? How would you proceed in this situation?

It’s been about 3 months since our break up & I still love this woman & can’t get over her . There’s a part of me that wants to get back with her while feeling it may not be a good idea cause I can’t get over she’s had sex with 5 guys before me. These are guys she was in a relationship with . I’m a Christian & my views on sex is sacred . Part of me regrets losing my virginity. I felt in my heart I truly loved this woman & wanted to build a future with her . I honestly don’t have the desire to meet other women even after these 3 months cause I still love my ex. Part of me wishes I wasn’t so hung up on the guys she slept before me . This woman was my best friend & I’m just having a hard time moving on cause I still love her & wants to get back with her but it would be difficult cause it hurts loving her while I still feel a certain way about her past . Her & I would pray before every meal together . I’m honestly lost & still hurting a lot everyday even though the break up was about 3 months ago . I just need help navigating this . Any input would help . Thanks !

I’ve never written a Reddit post before, but I wanted to share my experience with Miah Huber and her Christian matchmaking program, Happy Medium, because I wish I had been able to find more firsthand experiences before I paid for it.

For anyone unfamiliar, Miah has an Instagram account where she posts videos “connecting” single Christians with other single Christians. She has talked about helping create hundreds of marriages/relationships through what she does. I can’t personally verify those claims, but seeing her content made the program seem legitimate and exciting.
A huge part of what appealed to me was the Christian aspect of it. She talked a lot about being prayerful and intentional, seeking God’s guidance, and wanting the process to honor the Lord. As someone who grew up in the church and actively follows the Lord, that really resonated with me.

To be considered for Happy Medium, I paid $200 for an interview. I understood from the beginning that paying did NOT guarantee I would be accepted into the matchmaking database. My issue is not that I might have been rejected. My issue is how the process was handled after I paid.

After I paid through Venmo, I was supposed to receive the link to schedule my interview. I never received it and had to reach out myself. She then sent it to me, and I interviewed with her in mid-April.

I actually felt really good about the interview. She asked about my past, my faith and beliefs, what I was looking for in a future spouse, etc. I also provided a reference. She contacted that reference, and later I provided another friend as a reference as well.

Then I waited.

By July 17, roughly three months after my interview, I still hadn’t received a decision. I emailed and messaged her on Instagram to check on the status of my application. I understood that she had a lot of applicants, so I was genuinely trying to be patient. I didn’t receive a response.

On July 24, I followed up again. She responded and told me she still had not made a decision on my application.

On August 5, I followed up again because she had previously indicated she was hoping to finish the first round of applications around that time. She told me she still hadn’t processed my application, that she had HUNDREDS of applicants, and that she would process mine that week.
I waited again.

On August 25, I reached out because almost three more weeks had passed. I reminded her that on August 5 she had said she would process it that week. I was still trying to be understanding and even said I hoped I hadn’t somehow missed an email or communication because I was still interested and eager to hear back.

She told me she was “prayerfully” going through the applications and trying to be intentional, so the timeline wasn’t guaranteed. She told me she would reach out to me via email the next day.
I thanked her.

The next day came and went, and I never heard from her.

By September 1, I was feeling really discouraged. At this point, it had been around 20 weeks since my interview. During this time, I was still following her Instagram stories and seeing her continuing to take applications and conduct interviews with new applicants while I still couldn’t get a decision on mine.
I finally told her how discouraged I was feeling with the process.

She told me that she didn’t feel “peace” about adding me and was trying to decide whether she wanted to keep the database smaller or make it bigger. She also told me she didn’t currently have anyone to match me with.

She then told me she was going to “sit intentionally” with my application that night and would get back to me first thing the next morning.

Again, I waited.

I didn’t receive a text the next morning or afternoon. That evening, instead, I received an email from her assistant saying they needed another reference from someone I had known for longer than four years.
So I provided another reference.

At this point, I started feeling very uncomfortable with the process. After months of being told that my application was being prayerfully and intentionally considered, being told multiple times that I would hear back by a certain time and then not hearing anything, and then suddenly being asked for another reference, I started questioning what was actually happening behind the scenes.

What bothered me most was the repeated use of spiritual language throughout the process. I obviously cannot know what someone else is actually praying about or what their intentions are. But from my perspective, phrases about “prayerfully” processing my application, not feeling “peace,” and “sitting intentionally” with it started to feel increasingly uncomfortable when they were paired with repeated missed follow-ups and months without a decision.
On September 7, I finally decided I was done. I told her I wanted to withdraw my application and asked for my $200 back.

She told me she would not refund me because of her refund policy.

The problem was that I had never been sent this policy, never signed it, and did not remember being asked to acknowledge or agree to it when I paid. I told her that. Her response was essentially that everyone had access to the policy.

I can only speak for myself: I did not know this policy existed when I paid the $200.
I told her that because of everything that had happened, I planned to dispute the payment through Venmo. She maintained that she was standing by her refund policy.

I want to be really clear about something because I don’t want this post to be misunderstood:
I am not upset because I wasn’t accepted into a matchmaking program.

I knew when I paid that acceptance wasn’t guaranteed. If I had interviewed in April and received an email shortly afterward saying, “Thank you for interviewing, but we don’t think you’re a fit for the database,” I would have been disappointed, but I would have understood.

What I have a problem with is paying $200, interviewing in April, providing multiple references, repeatedly being told my application would be processed or that I would hear back, having to initiate almost every follow-up myself, waiting approximately 20 weeks without a clear decision, and then being denied a refund based on a policy I don’t remember ever receiving or agreeing to.

The faith aspect is also why this experience bothered me so much. When a business or service is marketed specifically to Christians and repeatedly uses language about prayer, God’s leading, peace, and intentionality, I think there is an added responsibility to communicate clearly and follow through on what you tell people.

I’m sharing this because I searched for other people’s experiences when I was going through this and couldn’t find much. I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience with Miah or Happy Medium, and I’m not claiming to know her motives. I’m simply sharing what happened to me and the timeline I personally experienced.

If anyone else has gone through the Happy Medium application/matchmaking process, I’d genuinely be interested to hear what your experience was — positive or negative.

How do my fellow followers of Christ feel about being on dating apps as Christians? The mainstream ones like Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, etc. Can you really expect to find a true man/woman of God on the apps? Are we not trusting God's timing by going on the apps? Just curious to an open discussion as it's something I have been pondering and am open to perspectives.

I know porn is a huge issue in dating and relationships. Both men and women struggle with it. My question is how does a woman view a man that's addicted to a certain kind of porn. Sissy/trans. Not attracted to men but are attracted to femininity.

"Be fruitful and increase in number."

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

I literally know those verses exist. But what if I'm not meant for it? If I say something like that they think I'm getting driven away from God.

Verses like

"But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am."

probably don't exist in their mind or they're ignoring them on purpose to shove their ideas into mine.

I met this guy on a dating app. He seemed very reassuring and had collected Christian books about marriage and dating. He also attended church. However, one day, he asked me if I would take his virgin*ty when we met. I was shocked and told him that I didn't want to have s*x. He even suggested taking pills as another option.

He previously told me that he had traveled to different places in our state, so I asked him if he had met other women there. He said he had met girls at church. It made me wonder whether those women had experienced the same thing with him. (Or his victims)

I don't understand why someone who claims to be a Christian would try to have s*x, especially when we had only recently met.

Please, I need some advice. What should I make of this situation? I already told him we're not a right match and we can still be a good friends.

Maybe I could get some intel on here.
I’m frustrated at the moment because I (26F) can’t seem to get into the Christian dating world or even talked to by guys and I don’t really understand why.
I take good care of myself health and fitness-wise. I put effort into the way I look (not solely for men, but in ways that I like). I want kids and work with them. I want to go traveling with someone. Most importantly, I’m active in my church and my faith is the number one thing in my life and try to align everything with God’s will.
Yet any of the few times I’ve been asked out in the past or a guy DMs me, they’re the complete opposite and out of the few, I’ve been asked out by a lot of very overweight men. I mean this in the kindest way possible, I’m just not attracted to that because health is very important to me.
I may add that I am not the best at talking to people I don’t know (at least by myself😅) and always get anxious about saying the right thing, which I’m working on. I’ve had some really bad experiences from people (especially guys) that have left me hurt, which also makes me anxious. I’m working through this in biblical counseling atm.
I know this is kind of a lot of rambling at this point, but I’m just unsure why I can’t seem to attract the kind of Godly man I want to marry. Are Godly men just scared of talking to me or are none of them interested? I would love to get some outside perspective🫶🏻

My pastor said we need to break things off for a time. I am obviously really sad and grieving but know I am going to be okay. It sucks but I know it needed to be done

Do you guys think it’s better to shoot your shot pretty early after meeting someone you like at church, or let a friendship grow naturally first?

I’m a woman and I’ve had a couple of great conversations with a really cute guy at my new church. I’m debating whether it would be too much to kinda shoot my shot, e.g. send him a text? But I’m also wondering if it would be wiser to just keep seeing how things go and let him make a move.

What do you guys think?

Truthfully, I am the problem, but it’s okay. I can accept my lot in life.

I got a lot of issues and a lifetime of experiences and philosophies that have shaped the way I think, feel, and perceive the world around me, so much so I couldn’t really articulate it well or even begin to truly speak on it concisely. There is a lot of history and a lot of steps that landed me where I stand.

Fundamentally, I may be a tad broken. I couldn’t even begin to make sense of it really, or even if I can pinpoint when or where things slipped to loosen the screws.

Well, I suppose one of the bigger issues is that I’m emotionally… odd. I can see emotions, recognize them, and understand triggers and reactions, but I don’t really feel them. To me, they are just things itemized in my mind, not really something I feel. When emotions rise, they’re like sparks in the dark, flashes that burn then die. I watch people curiously and wonder how their emotions seem to manifest like they do. The only consistent emotion I feel is sorrow. I don’t get angry, I get annoyed. I don’t get happy, that feels misplaced. I don’t know if I feel love or be loved, it feels foreign to me. I have to put tangible actions to emotions for me to understand them whether from me or from others.

I don’t know, something isn’t quite right, and I am worried the disrepair has driven an unseen wedge between myself and others. I can laugh, I can cry, I can smile, and dance the dance, but afterwards, it all feels like a sink draining of water and I’m left in an odd state of limbo questioning if what I felt was real or if I merely convinced myself it was real.

Sometimes, I try to recreate certain feelings, place myself into situations where I can trigger that spark. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but I always feel like I’m just acting. I sit a countless number of times, observing, analyzing, reflecting, and testing all in an effort to understand the why. Why do I feel so disconnected from the world, from people, and at times from myself?

Something is fundamentally broken, and I cannot place it. A screw has come loose somewhere along this road. I am in no way upset, just curious. I pray a lot, often such prayers are me pondering with Christ like two friends sitting on the shore of a lake. Why do I only ever really feel sad? Why do things not last? Why am I the one stuck behind the glass? Truly, God is the only one to understand, and I yearn to be away from this world and return home. He has not invited me back yet and it saddens me because I’m beyond tired.

Just Sunday morning musings.

When me and my partner first got together I was obsessed with him and thought he was the most handsome man in the whole world. 2 years later (won’t be married for likely another 2 years due to age and finances) I am really struggling to find him attractive at all. I think it’s because we don’t have sex and there’s a weird sense of rejection. I know I can’t have sex with him so I struggle to see him as more than a friend? I don’t know if this makes any sense. I struggled with lust before so I feel like I like trained myself not to see him as attractive in that way so I wouldn’t want to have sex but now it sucks. He’s an amazing partner and I hope when we get married and have physical intimacy I can see him like that again?

I don’t think I’ll be breaking up with him over this or anything like that. I think it’s my brain trying to cope with lust. He’s genuinely a great man and is so loveable. Any advice or experience or encouragement would be great.

I pray weekly over us and our relationship. We’ve been dealing with difficulty surrounding his insecurity and inability to trust and while I have been trying to remain patient it is now to the point where nearly everything is interpreted as a personal slight which creates consistent issues. I empathize but it feels like his inner turmoil is spilling outward and flooding every area of our relationship.

I recently prayed for “new experiences” that bring me closer to the vision God has for my being/life. I genuinely meant new friendships, opportunities, responsibilities etc. This was a prayer for alignment I have spoken over him many times. But he was deeply bothered by this, calling me wicked and stating this revealed the “truth of my character.” Am I wrong for thinking he is being unreasonable here?

Im struggling with feeling like patience and empathy are required to love someone well, but also feeling like continuing to validate his emotions is holding him back