u/Timely_Background705

I don't know if this is a stupid question, but I feel like I can never move past the talking stage with guys. When I say "talking stage” I mean the initial conversations where you're exchanging pleasantries, asking about family, work, school, hobbies and getting to know each other a little more. I usually steer the conversation toward faith pretty early because I don't like spending a lot of time on surface level topics if we're ultimately not aligned. I don't want to waste anyones time, including my own, so I'm pretty upfront about asking what their faith means to them, their church involvement and things like that.

The problem is that the conversations almost always stall. They never seem to move off the app, numbers don't get exchanged and dates never happen. I've experienced the same thing talking to a few people on Reddit too. Things usually fizzle out after two weeks max….. and I’m typically left on read. And then I’m back on the drawing board of chatting with another person.

Part of me wants to blame the current dating culture, but I also don't want to assume it's everyone. I want to take accountability and ask if there's something I could be doing differently.

As a woman, I don't want to come across as pushy by asking, "When are you going to ask for my number?" or "When are we going on a date?" I prefer to let the man take the lead in moving things forward. I feel like I already show initiative by sending the first message and expressing genuine interest, but after years of online dating, I still can't seem to get past this stage.

I'd really appreciate advice from the women of God here. Is there something I could be doing better? Are there questions I should be asking or not asking? I genuinely try to be Friendly and be the best version of myself. I'd love to hear your perspective.

I’ve been walking with God for about seven years now, celibate for five and I still haven’t been on a proper date with a Christian man. Not one. It’s a strange, lonely thing to sit with.

Before I came to faith, I used to crave male attention the way men looked at me mattered more than it should have, and I did things I’m not proud of to keep that attention. Now I try to live differently, but non Christian men still chat me up, and honestly it’s tempting sometimes just to be wanted. The Christian men I’ve met, though? They barely look my way romantically.

There’s a bloke at my gym genuinely lovely, asked me out twice now and I keep saying no because he doesn’t love God the way I hope a future husband would. But if I’m honest, I’ve thought about saying yes next time. Not because I’ve changed my mind about what matters, but because I’m tired.

Anyone else sat in this tension wanting to hold the line and wondering if it’s even worth it?

I've been in a pretty melancholic state over the past year reflecting on my lack of success with dating.

To preface , I should say that I'm in shape, live in a metropolitan area , and I'm generally confident in who I am. I'm more reserved than outgoing, but I'm comfortable in my own skin. People often tell me I'm attractive, and I only mention that because conversations like this often get reduced to appearance. I don't think that's the whole story.

I know dating in 2026 is difficult for a lot of people but I genuinely don't understand why I can't seem to get anywhere. I've been on dating apps on and off for about three years and have only had two proper dates. Most of the men I match with either flake, ghost or lose interest. I've even been stood up once.

I don't think my standards are unrealistic. I'm simply looking for a man who genuinely loves God and who I'm attracted to, attractiveness to me is multi layered. Looking back, a lot of conversations fizzled out because we weren't spiritually aligned, so I chose not to continue them. the few men who showed great interest weren't Christians. Made a mistake in entertaining a bloke once and I found myself in a compromising situation a couple times. Never again.

At this point, I'm wondering if there's something I'm missing. Maybe I need to understand men better or maybe I'm doing something wrong. I'd like to think I'm fairly self-aware, but after so much disappointment, it's hard not to question yourself. I'm honestly a bit fed up with online dating. I'd much rather meet someone naturally, but as someone who's quite reserved, constantly putting myself out there through social events or networking doesn't come naturally.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? If so, what helped you navigate?

I know there’s no official playbook for Christian dating (if someone has a good archive of past threads on this, I’d take it). But here’s my situation: I’m approaching my 30s, I’ve spent the last few years too scared to really try, and I haven’t had success getting off the apps and into an actual date. I’m ready to change that and actually invest the time it takes to date well.
I’m not looking to chase or over-pursue, but as a woman with zero real dating experience, I want to go into this prepared rather than naive. A few specific things I’m hoping to get advice on:

Red/yellow flags — behaviors early on that experienced daters learn to notice, that I might miss as a beginner

Timing of big conversations — like, how do you bring up things like waiting until marriage without it being a third-date deal-breaker question, but also not so late that it blindsides someone?

Long distance — if it comes to that, what actually works and what doesn’t

General wisdom — anything you wish someone had told you before you started dating

Honestly, my church growing up didn’t really teach dating, it was more “meet someone, get married fast.” So I’m trying to fill that gap myself. I know I’ll make mistakes and get disappointed sometimes, that’s part of it, but I’d rather walk in with some wisdom than completely blind. Appreciate any advice 😊

I've been trying to keep myself occupied, but I keep landing in the same anxious headspace while dating waiting for the inevitable ghosting. I think of myself as fairly engaging and curious by nature, but the men I match and chat with always seem to take their time getting back to me: one text a day, sometimes a 24-hour gap between replies, going on like this for weeks - until eventually they just stop responding altogether.

Ive become increasingly frustrated with talking to guys online, whether it's on Reddit or dating apps. I don't understand why so many conversations feel so one sided. Maybe it's a generational thing, but it often feels like there's a lack of curiosity, reciprocity and genuine conversational skills.

I get that topics like your favorite color, favorite show, or what you did this weekend are good icebreakers. But at some point, I'd like to move beyond surface level small talk and talk about things that actually matter. Recently, I asked a guy I matched with a simple question about his faith and he never responded. On another date, trying to discuss anything remotely personal or thought-provoking felt like pulling teeth.

I often feel like I'm carrying the entire conversation. I'm not trauma dumping or unloading my deepest secrets I’m sharing meaningful parts of myself because that's how you build a real connection. What frustrates me most is that so many people claim they want deep conversations, yet we never seem to get past the equivalent of "What's your favorite color?" Maybe I'm not the only one experiencing this, but I'm honestly getting tired of these lackluster online conversations.

Edit: i’m good yall, literally taking a break from dating. this was just a rant. Kindly asking that you stop with the DM’s.

For those who are single, SINGLE—the kind of single where your DMs are quiet, you're not getting good morning texts and there isn't anyone you're currently talking to. why do you think things haven't worked out for you yet?

Do you think it's been timing, personal choices, standards, lack of opportunities, healing from past relationships, God's timing or something else entirely? Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently or do you feel you're exactly where you're supposed to be right now?

Curious to hear different perspectives and experiences.

That’s pretty much the question.

Edit: Because of financial limitations, it's difficult for us to see each other regularly since he lives in another country. This is my first official Christian romantic relationship and it's also my first experience with a LDR. Part of me feels tempted to end things preemptively because I'm worried the physical attraction may not be there (I am very attracted to him. Not sure if he is to me). At the same time, I'm probablyy overthinking and psyching myself out. We've known each other for about three months, and things became more serious around a month ago.

I find myself in a frustrating place in life. On one hand, I am growing in contentment with this season of singleness. On the other hand, I deeply long for partnership, marriage and a family of my own. I’m 29 and I’ve never had a boyfriend or even experienced a romantic relationship with a man. I was on and off dating apps from 2021-2026, but it’s been about four months since I last logged into any of them. Most of my experiences ended in ghosting, lack of compatibility or conversations that simply went nowhere.

What makes this even more difficult is something I’ve never shared with anyone before: I’ve been struggling with same-sex attraction. I find myself attracted to masculine women. Over the years, women have approached me and expressed interest, while I can’t seem to get a Christian man at my church to bat a lash at me. If I’m being honest, there have been times when I entertained some of those interactions. In the moment I justified it by telling myself, “If Christian men don’t pay me any attention, why not entertain this instead?” But afterward, I felt convicted and ashamed. I know that wasn’t right and I recognize that it reflects both my impatience and my tendency to seek immediate comfort rather than trusting God with my desires.
The hardest part is that I do like men, but it often feels like men don’t like me. I want to be married someday. I want to have children. I want a fruitful, loving relationship. Yet it feels like the very thing I desire most remains completely out of reach.

I’m struggling more than I know how to put into words. I don’t have anyone I feel safe confiding in about these thoughts and feelings. I guess I’m just venting but I genuinely don’t know how to handle the intensity of these emotions. The loneliness, the longing, the disappointment, and the temptation all feel overwhelming at times.

I understand that we live in a very hypersexual world and as someone who was exposed to pornography at a young age, I’m still unlearning certain ideas about sex, men and even my own body.

Recently, I watched a podcast where Christian women were asked a question that surprised me. The question was essentially: If you're waiting until marriage to have sex, do you also wait to find out what your future husband is "working with," or do you want to see his body beforehand before fully committing to the relationship? The women on the podcast said that while they were committed to abstaining from sex until marriage, they still wanted to know what their partner was "working with" before moving forward toward marriage.

That response genuinely caught me off guard because it has never crossed my mind to want to actually see a man's private parts before marriage. However, it made me wonder how common that perspective is among Christian women. Is this something many women think about when discerning whether to continue a relationship toward marriage? I’ve also had honest conversations with some now married women who admitted that, before marriage, they wondered whether their future husbands would be “well-endowed”

Because of the distorted ideas about sex that I’m still working through, I’ll admit that similar thoughts have occasionally crossed my mind when getting to know a guy, even though they’re not thoughts I dwell on.

For those of you who are waiting until marriage, what are your thoughts on this? Is physical endowment something you think about or want to know before marriage or is it not something that factors into your decision making?

I want to start by saying I understand that anything God blesses us with isn't because we're worthy or because we've earned it.

That said, I often find myself wondering if I'm too messed up to be in a romantic relationship. I've never had a boyfriend, and as I'm getting older, it's becoming more frustrating hearing family ask when I'm going to start dating or get married.

I've genuinely tried over the past several years, but nothing has worked out. One thing I've struggled with is that it's hard for me to have a crush on a guy without my thoughts eventually going in an impure direction, which I know is connected to my past exposure to explicit content. For a long time, fantasies became an escape from reality and a way of coping with watching my friends get married, have kids, and live the life I want for myself.

I have taken steps to turn away from that. I got off social media, stopped playing simulation games like Sims 4, picked up hobbies and filled my schedule with activities to avoid falling into those temptations. But now I find myself liking a guy and struggling to think about him in a pure way.

Honestly, I'm mostly venting, but if anyone can relate or has advice, I'd appreciate hearing it.

I'm a 30F and I've never been in a romantic relationship, so I don't always know how to interpret these situations. Last year, I DJ'd a friend's birthday party. One of her boyfriend's friends introduced himself, complimented the music I was playing and that was the extent of our interaction. A friend teased me about it afterward, but I assumed he was just being friendly (they know I don’t often get approached).

A couple months ago , we ended up in the same car on the way to a wedding. We spent a few hours together w/ my friend and her boyfriend playing games and having mostly light, trivial conversations. At the wedding, he approached me and complimented my makeup. Again, I didn't think much of it.

Recently, my friend asked me to work with him on a project for a surprise party she's hosting for her boyfriend. We started texting about the project, but our conversations gradually expanded beyond that. We've been texting daily for a while now. He often checks in to ask how I'm doing or how my day is going, and our conversations have become pretty natural.

One thing that stood out to me was that he remembered something I mentioned during that road trip conversation a month earlier. It was a small detail that I didn't expect anyone to remember. I'm very cautious about assuming someone is interested when they're just being kind. My friends keep telling me that most men don't text women every day "just because," but I feel like it's safest to assume he's simply being friendly unless he explicitly says otherwise.

From an outside perspective, does this sound like genuine interest, or am I reading too much into normal friendliness?

I’ve struggled with body insecurity for as long as I can remember. A lot of it started at home. My mom would call me fat and constantly compare me to my slimmer younger sister. Growing up, I always carried more weight in my midsection/trunk area, even though people would compliment my legs.
For the last 4 years, I’ve been lifting consistently and pretty heavy too. I recently hit a 365 lb deadlift PR, which I’m really proud of 🥹 My strength and muscle mass have definitely improved, but if I’m being honest, I always wished I had the glute gains and proportions I see on so many girls online. I still feel like my upper body/midsection carries weight more noticeably, while my legs stay relatively small.

A couple weeks ago, I bought hip pads because I had to wear a fitted bridesmaid dress. I honestly wanted to cry because I hated the dress so much and I just knew after the bride picked it. My insecurity is going to overtake me. Most of the other bridesmaids had more pear/hourglass shapes, and fitted dresses have always made me self conscious because they emphasize my midsection. I figured I’d try the pads just for the wedding. The thing is… I loved how I looked in them.
I felt confident in a way I honestly haven’t felt before. It gave me that extra shape I’ve always wanted without surgery or anything drastic. Since then, I keep wanting to wear them, and now I’m conflicted. Part of me feels guilty or worried that I’m “deceiving” people, especially if a guy finds me attractive thinking that’s my natural shape. I also catch myself wondering if people can tell or if they’re staring, though that could just be my anxiety talking.

I guess I’m posting this because I needed to get it off my chest

I’ve never been in a relationship, and I’m not a particularly touchy person, even friendly hugs feel uncomfortable to me. So whenever I see friends being affectionate with their partners or getting into each other’s space, I get this strange, almost irritated feeling that’s hard to explain.

I mentioned it to a friend, and they suggested I might be jealous not of their partner specifically, but of the relationship itself, since I’ve never had one. It was an interesting perspective that stuck with me.
I’m genuinely unsure what’s driving the feeling. Is it some buried frustration or bitterness about never having experienced that kind of connection? Or is it something more fundamental a deep discomfort with physical affection in general, to the point where witnessing it just feels repulsive and grating?

Can anyone relate to this ?

When I first met him, I didn’t know he was in a relationship. He never really brought up his private life since we only had a work relationship. We barely interacted at first, and eventually I found out he was Christian. He was always so kind, but he was kind to everyone, so I couldn’t really read into any of his interactions. He would always go out of his way to help people, which honestly feels so foreign to me.
Anyway, I came back to work after taking a few days of PTO, and he was wearing a wedding band. Then I overheard coworkers talking about how he had tied the knot with his fiancée.

I was disappointed because I don’t really know how to have a healthy crush. I’ve sinned and fantasized about us being together, and I’ve had to repent and bring it before God. I congratulated him and genuinely meant it.

But when I see him, my heart still flutters and it’s honestly annoying. I don’t think about him romantically anymore, but my heart still races a little and I get nervous around him. I don’t know what to do. I’m praying that these feelings will go away so that I can interact with him as a brother in Christ.

I work in operations at a charter high school, so I don’t interact with students too heavily outside of them coming into my office when they need something. I’m not a school leader or dean or anything, but as faculty we’re all expected to help “hold the line” when needed.

The other day, a staff member needed support clearing the hallway so students could get to class. I was just passing through and figured, sure, why not. There were three girls standing around one locker just lollygagging. I greeted them and asked two of them to head to class since they were just standing across the hall and not actually using the locker.

Immediately, they caught an attitude and said it was their locker too. I calmly repeated that I needed the two of them to head to class. They then blatantly ignored me and just started talking to each other like I wasn’t even there. I’m not going to lie, I felt invisible in that moment. I just walked away thinking, f'dem kids. To be honest, it also feels like our school systems don’t really have meaningful consequences for disrespect. I should add that I’m naturally more soft-spoken, though I can be stern when needed.

For those of you who work in education, how do you deal with attitudes and disrespect from teens without letting it get to you personally?

I work in operations at a charter school, so I don’t interact with students too heavily outside of them coming into my office when they need something. I’m not a school leader or dean or anything, but as faculty we’re all expected to help “hold the line” when needed.

The other day, a staff member needed support clearing the hallway so students could get to class. I was just passing through and figured, sure, why not. There were three girls standing around one locker just lollygagging. I greeted them and asked two of them to head to class since they were just standing across the hall and not actually using the locker.

Immediately, they caught an attitude and said it was their locker too. I calmly repeated that I needed the two of them to head to class. They then blatantly ignored me and just started talking to each other like I wasn’t even there. I’m not going to lie, I felt invisible in that moment. I just walked away thinking, f'dem kids.

To be honest, it also feels like our school systems don’t really have meaningful consequences for disrespect.

I should add that I’m naturally more soft-spoken, though I can be stern when needed. For those of you who work in education, how do you deal with attitudes and disrespect from teens without letting it get to you personally?

I dealt with a lot of loneliness, low self-esteem, and struggles with self worth as a child. By the grace of God, I’ve been saved and redeemed, and I understand now that my worth is found in Him. But if I’m being honest, I still have moments where I feel incredibly invisible. I think it gets highlighted at work sometimes. I’m naturally a more reserved and quiet person, and most of the time I just keep my head down and try to do my job as best as I can. The people I’m comfortable with have definitely seen my more outgoing side, but in general I tend to stay to myself.

There have been so many moments where I’ll be standing there talking with a coworker, and leadership will greet the other person while completely overlooking me, almost like I’m not even there. And I’ve worked for this company for four years, so it’s not like people don’t know my name especially leadership.

I know someone could say, “who cares?” but I guess part of me does care. I don’t know. I think I just wanted to talk to other people who have dealt with feeling invisible or unattractive, because sometimes those feelings can hit harder than we want to admit especially when it comes to dating.

I care deeply about the people God has placed in my life, especially my brothers and sisters in Christ. Naturally, I want to see my friends not only fall in love, but build relationships that are healthy, God honoring, and sustainable long term.

When I meet someone my friend is dating, I genuinely want to get to know them as a person and be welcoming. But at the same time, I also believe that for Christians, compatibility should go beyond emotional connection, chemistry, shared interests or even life goals. Spiritual compatibility matters deeply too. I’ve noticed that when I ask friends what they admire about the person they’re dating, the answers are often things like: they’re funny, they’re thoughtful, etc etc. Those things absolutely matter. But sometimes I walk away wondering: What does their faith actually look like? And How seriously do they take their relationship with Christ?

Especially for women pursuing godly relationships, I do think spiritual leadership and character in a man matter. Fruit matters. Integrity matters. Consistency matters. I’m not asking these things from a place of judgment or superiority, and I definitely don’t want to come across as controlling or intrusive. Ultimately, it’s my friend’s relationship and their decision whom they choose to pursue. I fully respect that!!

But I also think many people end up in painful marriages because important conversations never happened early on. Sometimes people are deeply emotionally compatible but spiritually unequally yoked in ways that become obvious later.

So I guess my question is……
What are some thoughtful but meaningful “hard questions” you think Christians should ask before marriage or serious commitment? And as a friend, how do you encourage those conversations without overstepping boundaries or sounding overly intense? I’m genuinely coming from a place of love, care and discernment not criticism. I’d love constructive feedback from other you guys on this.

Perhaps I already have my answer, but I do wanna talk about this. Dating whether Christian or not has been discouraging lately, and I wish we treated each other with more care instead of mirroring the same flaky patterns as the world.

I matched with a Christian guy, who seemingly loves God and we initially connected well. He even suggested a call, but whenever I tried to schedule it, he’d flake or something would come up. This went on for days. I tried to be understanding (people are busy I get it) but the pattern didn’t change. We follow each other on social media, and I’ve noticed he’s active, posting regularly and watching my stories and yet he hasn’t replied to my messages. When it comes to actually setting up time to talk or meet, he’s vague and noncommittal. I’ve made the effort, so the ball is in his court. At this point, it’s been over a month of just texting with no real progress. It’s weird because he spoke about wanting to get to know me more and has expressed his attraction many times. I too have expressed that I want to get to know him as well. I feel like I already have my answer it just stings to admit it.