r/Christianmarriage

Hello, I'm a guy in his 30's with a bit of a story to tell. I grew up Catholic and in a very Catholic household. I went off to college and did the whole party thing and I guess I grew in the ways of the world and not in the ways of God. I slept around and prioritized physical intimacy as the only way to determine if women liked me (I know now this is WRONG).

So fast forward I'm 28 and begin seriously dating a beautiful Catholic girl who's 24 at the time. She seems to be religious and check all the boxes. However we sleep together on the 3rd date and move in together and engaged in 6 months. I ran threw so many women who didn't want to sick with me and here I have a Catholic woman who can't seem to get enough of me and we really "click".

Fast forward to this current day I'm wrapping up the divorce. My wife changed almost instantly after the engagement, really controlling and not much room for me in the marriage to be a man. We went to conference after conference and spent thousands on marriage counseling. Things did get a little better but still my opinion mattered not. Turns out our therapist told me she had strong reason to believe my wife had a personality disorder.

In today's day in age it seems like women in general have gotten more spoiled, more demanding and more selfish. I also don't hate women just worried.

So I figured this go around I'd switch up my approach. The marriage did force me to grow closer to Christ so the whole "hookup" style is on it's way out. I figured no living together before marriage, gives both parties freedom to leave with less strings attached. Sex would be a serious conversation to be had versus go to a bar on the 3rd date and get in the sack.

My question is, are there real women out there who want to be in a Biblical marriage where the man leads and the woman follows? Keep in mind I was raised by parents who complimented each other. I don't expect dinner done when I'm home, I don't expect laundry done and folded, I don't ever wish to control my past or future wife. I'd let them do pretty much what makes them happy. But when it comes to big decisions I'm a pretty good decision maker and most of my decisions revolve around protecting the woman in the marriage. I simply want to be in a relationship where I can be respected and listened to for the intelligent person God made me to be. A husband, a provider and a friend.

This in no way is a personal ad, it's simply a concerned question about Christian dating and marriage in 2026. Thanks for any advice!

I’m just typing all this out so I can get it off my chest and hopefully get some advice and/or hear from others who have been through phases like this…

As the title states, I’m a 29 year old husband and dad of two that is completely burnt out. My wife and I have been married for 5 years now and are generally happy. We own our home, and have a 2.5 y.o. son and 11 month old daughter. I work a very stressful job that has its perks, but demands a lot from me. My wife stays at home with our kids and is a really good mom to them - attentive, caring, and genuinely does her best. I do as much as I can to lighten her load so that she doesn’t get burnt out, however I don’t think that sentiment is being reciprocated.

Examples of my duties around the house include: I do the dishes after dinner every single night, I do bath time for the kids, I put our eldest to bed, I do ALL nighttime kid duty which has been CONSTANT for the 2.5 years. Our baby slept wonderfully right until the point that her brother finally started sleeping through the night when he turned 2, at which point she is up multiple times per night. I also wake up early on the weekends and let my wife sleep in. This is every weekend, and the favor is never offered to me in return.

My job is nice in that I work 4, 10-hr days, so I get a 3 day weekend every week. The downside to our situation is that we only have one vehicle that is ours, I have a work truck that can be used to run errands and such during the work week within reason (and obviously for work related tasks), but we can’t use it on the weekends. So, often on the weekends my wife will say she needs a break from the kids and go out to shop or have coffee with her friends and leaves me at home. I am generally okay with this because I want her to have a social life, as being around babies all day is draining. My problem is becoming, though, that I rarely, if ever, get this opportunity. I’ve expressed this and she agrees in the moment, but if I ever have something that comes up as an opportunity she acts weird like I’m abandoning her and the kids “during the only time I get to spend time with them”.

I can go into more detail if anybody wants me to, but that is the gist of it. Am I crazy for feeling burnt out? Anybody dealt with anything similar, and if so, how’d you deal with it? Thank you in advance!

I posted this in an “ask a pastor” thread as well, but I wanted to get a broader perspective too. For couples who are around 30 and older, what are the main things premarital counseling should actually focus on? A lot of what I’ve seen seems geared toward younger couples in their early 20s, and while I understand the basics are still important, some of it feels a bit too foundational or obvious at this stage in life.

At this point, most people already have a sense of communication, conflict resolution, finances, etc., so I’m more curious about what the deeper or less obvious focus areas are supposed to be. Is it more about alignment on long-term expectations, values, family dynamics, or something else people tend to overlook?

Would be interested to hear what others think or experienced.

Hello, I’m married for two year. I have known my husband for almost 4 years. With this said that’s also how long I’ve known my in-laws. It’s been a very rocky relationship especially after I became a mom. I’ve also realized a lot after becoming a mom. I want to move on from all these things but I am struggling a lot. I am hurt. I am upset. I am disappointed. I am frustrated.

- while engaged they scolded me for not correcting my friend over her “rude” behavior towards a family member during my bridal shower. My friend claims she was never rude. Either way I got scolded for not correcting her and having her apologize after.

- three days before my wedding they sat me down and told me they had fears I was taking their son away and they would never see him. A very wrong assumption of me since I consistently tell my husband to see them since married. A very wrong view of me and it hurt a lot they saw me like that.

- they treat me like I’m a orphan and it’s all about their side of the family. They forget we have to divide time with my family.

- after the baby was born I really thought my MIL would be more present and supportive. Instead she was absent. Never checked up on me. Never contacted me to see how the baby was. To this day she doesn’t contact me. If she want to know how I am or the baby she contacts my husband.

-first Mother’s Day she was very dismissive towards it being my first and made it all about her. She didn’t tell me happy Mother’s Day or anything. My husband told me she was probably having a hard day. I don’t understand why I deserve that.

- with the previous two bullet I have realized she doesn’t want a relationship with me. I really wished she wanted one because I do/did. My husband recently told me that I should stop trying because we clash a lot and maybe she doesn’t want a relationship with me.

With that said I know I can’t change or control anyone. As a Christian I am struggling a lot with everything that has happened (there’s a lot I didn’t mentioned). I’m holding on to these things and I want to stop. They hurt a lot and every time something happens everything I’ve been through comes back. It’s holding me down. It’s constantly disappointing me. It’s constantly upsetting me and sometimes it just really makes me cry that I ended up in these situations. I want to just be free and move on and not care. I don’t know how. I don’t know how to not let these things affect me. I’m in therapy but I don’t think it’s really helping me. I’m still stuck and just hurt.

As someone who has been lifting for most of my life, I have your typical callous hands. My wife does not like it. I know some women say they like their men’s hands to be rough because it feels more manly and masculine… well mine doesn’t.

One big reason is, and this is going to get graphic, my hands are rough so during sex when I’m touching her around her body or even when I try to finger her, it doesn’t always feel great and even sometimes hurts. The issue is that she can’t orgasm through penetration so clitorial stimulation is the only way. So she even wants me to wear lifting gloves.

It makes me feel emasculated because I’ve always felt like men don’t use that. Also even when I was in high school wrestling when I first started lifting, my coach used to call the squat pads “p u s s y pads” so it’s drilled in my head that using pads and gloves is unmanly.

And plus I do like having some callous. It definitely makes doing yard work and lifting heavy objects around the house easier and less prone to cuts.

Not sure how to go about this. It’s not ruining our sex life but it’s definitely not allowing the best.

So, looking on how to best support her with this situation. So please be kind. She is 21. He is 23.

My daughter has been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. Been engaged for almost 1. The LORD keeps putting up barriers for them getting married. She also deals with some health issues that cause her to need to take care of herself and advocate for herself which shes not done a good job of. So for most of their relationship hes pushed her to do things that made her conditions worse, not necessarily realizing, but in wanting to please him too.

But now shes hit a wall with the pleasing. She is trying to advocate for herself and speak up. Like she doesnt deal with heat well at all and he loves the heat. So car rides shes dripping sweat, while he says he's fine. His car AC doesnt work, so when he puts the window down, it doesnt help much. She confessed to him its upsetting he doesnt take notice that she is dripping sweat and feeling poorly. That is one example. He is not good at reading the room. Like she looks insanely awkward or is feeling badly and its over his head. He says he wants to learn to read her better and I know the long distance affects that when the most time in a row they've spent is 2 weeks.

She keeps listing the problems they have but it doesnt sink in. They both made bibical lists of what the other can do to improve the relationship and hes trying but doesmt get it.

Shes at her wits end and told me shes now day dreaming about being single.

He is a nice man, wanting to please the Lord. He wanted to sign up to mentor the youth but hes missing his mission with his fiance currently. ​

This was his first relationship. He treated her more like a buddy than a girlfriend most of the time. When they got engsged he said he was finally glad to seal the deal.

The day before they got engaged they were playing a small game of kickball in the backyard with her younger siblings but using a soccer ball. No one was keeping score, just having fun. While she ran from a base he threw the ball at point blank at her and hurt her really badly. He did not grasp that was wrong. First off it was a soccer ball, Secondly it was insanely hard. He said he had to get her out. Then went on to hurt my other children in order to get them.out as well. Noone should be hit hard in the face in a game of kickball. We pulled him aside to explain to him why these actions were wrong and he said he had to win. I said first off its a hard soccer ball and secondly you never throw a ball at the woman you love. He told me any other girl would be fine with it. He wasnt understand that wasnt gentle. Noone even knew they were gonna have a ball thrown at them.

Theres been lots of these issues but we just chalked it up to him being young.

But now my daughter is losing patience. He says getting married will fix anything. They were supposed to be married last October. Then this saturday and the Lord messed that up so it didnt work out.

They are in pre marital counseling.

Any thoughts?

Just genuinely wondering if I am in the right place. Every time I ask a question on how I should respond as a Christian wife to something in my interfaith marriage, I for the most part get solid replies and people trying to help. I also always get hit with “that’s what you get for marrying someone who’s not a Christian” and nothing else helpful in their replies.

I acknowledge that Christians should date/marry other Christians and that not doing so can make life and faith more difficult. But not everyone was a Christian when they got married (like me). My marriage really is a solid happy marriage despite our religious differences but like everyone who is married there can be hard or stressful patches. Those patches don’t have anything to do with religious differences. I only mention my husband isn’t religious because he will not accept advice to talk to my pastor or read scripture. I am more or less asking what I should do as a Christian wife. I’ve talked to other people (mostly wives) who have also been shamed for being in an interfaith marriage. My marriage is not “doomed” solely because we’re interfaith. Timothy’s mom was in an interfaith marriage. We make lemonade out of lemons.

I am genuinely asking, not just venting: do Christians in interfaith marriages belong here or should we seek advice from other forums? If this space is solely for marriages where both are Christians, I understand and I will go to a different forum for advice. If this forum is for Christians regardless of who they’ve married, I would love to stay.

I am dating someone seriously but we are Long Distance and are thinking about marriage in 1-2 years. I want to know how you knew you were ready to be married, what steps you took to ensure you were in the best place for marriage, and any advice you wish you had taken on board in the dating stages that you think is important now you are married. I am particularly interested in any marriages that started out as Long Distance or with some kind of financial hardship, and how you were able to navigate it. Thanks for any info you can provide!

I'll start. My husband and I sleep on separate beds because reasons A through Z. When I share this factoid with people, they almost always smile at me like hide the pain Harold. It's ok if you have to look that up. No one will know. 😏

So my friend and I were on FaceTime tonight and she just keeps telling me that you don’t have to be happy for a marriage to be holy, and honestly I think that mindset is really strange. I’m a Christian too, but this whole situation feels off to me.

She’s 18 and her boyfriend is almost 20. Earlier this evening, they had a conversation where they decided they aren’t going to spend time alone together, won’t kiss, cuddle, or really show any affection at al, because they think that Satan is ruining their relationship by tempting them to be physically intimate. The only physical intimacy they have had has been making out by themselves. I know that this is how far they’ve gone because she tells me everything and would immediately call me if something greater were to happen. What concerns me is that HE was the one who brought all of this up, and she just goes along with everything he says. She’s become very wishy-washy and can’t seem to see how unhealthy some of this sounds.

For example, he’s told her she’s “not allowed” to say “I love you” more than three times a day, and she just agrees with him and says she probably says it too much. He also doesn’t allow any PDA at all, not even hand-holding.

I tried explaining to her that marriage should involve happiness, love, and mutual care if it’s going to be healthy and God-centered. I brought up 1 Corinthians 7:33-34 because it talks about husbands and wives wanting to please one another, but she insists the Bible says nothing about happiness in marriage. She also keeps telling me that she’s not been forced into this and that she doesn’t want me to think that this isn’t her decision.

At this point I honestly don’t know what to think anymore, and it’s hard watching someone I care about go through this. Is this actually a normal Christian relationship dynamic, or does this sound controlling to other people too? And what does the Bible really say about happiness, love, and affection in marriage?

I’ve tried talking to her mom about this, but her mom agrees with her. In fact, her mom has been agreeing with the boyfriend and has been feeding her this same information. She even explained it to my friend how happiness isn’t a requirement in marriage and that your priority should be pleasing God instead of your partner.

I’m looking for some grounded Christian perspectives because I’m genuinely struggling to discern whether something in my relationship is a normal area for compromise/sacrifice or whether it may point to a deeper incompatibility before marriage.

My boyfriend and I are both Orthodox Christian, family-oriented, and intentional about relationships. We’ve actually known each other for nearly a decade and stayed in touch over the years before finally dating recently. Overall he is genuinely a wonderful man — kind, emotionally communicative, patient, affectionate, thoughtful, faithful, and compromise-oriented.

We’ve been together about 4 months and are intentionally taking things slowly physically and emotionally. The issue I’m struggling with is his dog being deeply integrated into nearly every aspect of daily life.

He was celibate/single for several years (before now being committed to me) and during that time it was essentially him and the dog together constantly, so I understand why this became his normal lifestyle and companionship.

At the same time, I’ve realized I deeply value peace, intentional intimacy, emotional closeness, quiet, and a sense of “just us” in a relationship.

Early in the relationship, the dog slept in bed with us when I would stay over and frequently interrupted cuddling/kissing/intimate moments by physically inserting himself between us, trying to lick our faces during kissing, whining for attention, etc. Emotionally I struggled more than I expected because I felt like we couldn’t fully build closeness naturally.

One example that really stuck with me was when I was sitting on my boyfriend’s lap kissing him and the dog climbed directly between us onto my lap. My boyfriend laughed because he thought it was cute, while internally I felt completely disconnected from the moment.

At the same time, I want to be fair because my boyfriend HAS listened and compromised. The dog no longer sleeps in bed with us when I’m there because I explained how overstimulated and disconnected I felt. If I’m overwhelmed he’ll redirect the dog elsewhere or create more space for me. He does care about my comfort and does not dismiss my feelings.

Part of my struggle is that I think this touches deeper emotional sensitivities in me because I grew up around chaotic family/pet dynamics and now strongly associate constant pet chaos with stress and lack of peace in the home.

I also think toward the future — marriage, pregnancy, newborns, raising children, building a peaceful home, etc. — and I honestly can’t tell whether:

- I’m over-focusing emotionally on this issue,

- whether this is something I simply need to mature through,

- or whether this may reflect a genuine long-term incompatibility in lifestyle and vision of home life.

I would especially appreciate perspectives from married couples who’ve had to navigate balancing pets, marriage intimacy, family life, and compromise in a healthy way.

My (F29) husband (M30) and I have been married for about 8 years. We met in youth group and church was a huge part of our lives. My husband fell out of church in 2020. He is a healthcare worker and many churches in our area were very anti-COVID. This really turned him away from the church and honestly, I don’t think he’s a Christian anymore. He won’t tell me that, but he tells me that he hasn’t prayed in years, he never has anything positive to say about Christianity, and always has an excuse as to why he can’t attend church if he’s off on a Sunday.

All of that to say, I was originally equally yoked but now I am not. I am trying my best to be a good witness through my behavior but honestly my marriage has been so hard for me, sometimes I feel so emotionally wrung out by him.

He’s very sensitive and emotionally volatile. He’s highly ADHD, his mother is bipolar and his maternal grandmother was institutionalized most of her life. His father was also briefly institutionalized but I don’t know why. Point being, there have been a lot of mental health issues in his family. I didn’t know this until after we married.

Here’s an example of what this can look like. A few months after we got married, my husband took his father to a college football game for a team they loved. It was out of state, my husband booked the room and his father was in charge of printing off the tickets. When they got to the stadium, my father-in-law hadn’t brought the tickets. My husband called me to see if I could text him the tickets but I missed the call because I was in the shower. I called him back within 5 minutes and did end up getting him the tickets. They both got into the game on time, nothing about their plans were changed or altered.

But, my husband berated me over the phone and through text for hours afterwards and really the whole rest of the weekend. He told me I was too immature and he never should have married me so young. That I was such a disappointment to him as a wife, I failed him. Just screaming, yelling at me no matter what I said. Again, it wasn’t my job to bring the tickets and he never asked me to be ready for a call. In fact, I’m the only reason they got into the game. But me missing the call because I was in the shower was unforgivable. In reality, the chance they wouldn’t get into the game made my husband extremely anxious. Because I didn’t respond and “fix” his anxiety right away, I am to blame for him having to bear that anxiety.

Or last year on vacation, our daughter was one at the time and we were driving about 12 hours to the beach and we split it into two days. He was screaming, yelling at EVERYTHING. How he hated this vacation, how I better make the baby shut up (so I’m in the backseat whispering pleas to the baby not to cry as dad is screaming). At one point, he was screaming about how embarrassed he was about behaving this was but still screaming. Then he went on to act like nothing happened and have a great vacation. He doesn’t understand why I’ve shown no imitative to plan a vacation this year. That experience just killed any desire I have to travel.

Just incident after incident like this. Calling me at work to chew me out over laundry or dishes. I’m the breadwinner by a very wide margin so my job is very important to our family. He demands I answer every time he calls and he doesn’t care if I cry about it or my coworkers hear. I do cry easily when I’m upset, my husband has said many times that my tears don’t do anything for him and if anything, just make him more angry.

In my view, he wants to be prioritized at all times because he is too emotionally reactive to handle things when they go wrong. So someone has to be ensuring they go right. I had to be induced at my 38 week appointment. I had packed my hospital bag just in case but they didn’t let me get it from my car before they put me in the maternity ward. So when my husband arrived, he had to get my bag from my car. When he got to the room, he said I needed to apologize to him because I didn’t describe the location of my car well enough so it took him longer than necessary to get my bag. Because of that, I was inconsiderate to him because I inconvenienced him. Keep in mind, I was actively in bed, with my water broken, in labor while he demanded this apology. It took him probably 10-15 minutes to go from my room, get the bag, and come back.

As I said earlier, I don’t think he believes at all anymore. He is very firm that we are equal partners in marriage and life, which I agree with. But, he has so much more power than me and overrules me on decisions. I am naturally conflict averse and more timid, my husband thrives in conflict. I can’t out argue or out yell him. So it feels like he wants me to bring in money and work around the house at a MINIMUM 50/50 with him (although I out earn him and do more housework) but he wants the authority. I’m fine with submission, but he doesn’t want to lead me with gentleness and care. I feel that what he truly wants is me to submit to making sure nothing ever goes wrong to trigger him. If it does, I need to bear the weight of it so he has something to externalize his emotions onto. Of course, that’s not possible. But I have tried and I cannot convince him that he sets impossible standards for me or has no grace for me.

Obviously, I am not objective in this situation and I have my own biases. I’m sure that my husband could raise many legitimate instances of me not being the best spouse. My husband has always worked hard for our family. He does help out more around the house than most husbands. He did half of the overnights with our daughter and watches her twice a week all on his own. He’s not a deadbeat and does contribute.

I’m also aware I’m not perfect. But, it’s not an exaggeration to say that 95% of our fights are started by him telling me about how I’ve done something wrong, been lazy, disappointed him, someone in my family has done something and I didn’t handle it right, etc. I feel like I am being crushed emotionally.

But, he also wants to hold me every night and have me comfort him always. I feel that he wants my gentleness and softness but does not want to return that to me. I don’t know, again, I’m not objective. I’m just overwhelmed.

It’s not all like this. In 2026, it seemed like my prayers for him had been answered and things had turned around. He was totally understanding, gentle, our connection and intimacy blossomed! I told my therapist that it was truly an answer to prayer. But two weeks ago, it started back up again over dog food and now it’s the same pattern.

When I talk to him, he says that I am overly sensitive and I’m making a much bigger deal of this than it is. Also, that I AM at fault for the things he blames me for and I do deserve this treatment. He will acknowledge that he’s said things to me that no one should say if they want to remain married. But, if I wouldn’t have done x, y, z, he wouldn’t have reacted that way. He always says I can’t read him and anticipate his needs. Maybe I am sensitive! It is possible that when he says “you f***ing suck, have the day you deserve” he’s only 4/10 upset. But, comments like that still really hurt me and he says I’m not able to take criticism from him. I do think there’s truth in that. Although I’d contribute that to being heavily criticized for years.

I am trying to be a witness to him through my actions. I know that I’m representing Christ to him and our daughter. It’s also very important to me that I’m doing the right thing even if that means I “lose” the fight. But, I’m losing ALL of the time. I can’t handle the pressure of being a full time employee in a management role, a mother, I have a ton of household responsibilities, I do all of the finances and bills, and have a husband who puts so much pressure on me. I feel like I can’t emotionally keep it together anymore. My endurance is running out.

What do I do? I’ve been praying for years, do I just keep praying? Are there things I should be doing that I haven’t tried? I feel so crushed and totally flattened emotionally, spiritually, everything. I really need some advice and encouragement.

I see a lot of posts here of wives rightfully complaining about their husband’s use of pornography. They don’t always specifically mention masturbation, but I would assume that’s included with habitual porn users.

I masturbate regularly WITHOUT porn. My wife and I talked about it a while back and she told me she has absolutely no problem with it and told me to masturbate as often as I like. Yesterday, while she was napping on the couch, I slipped into the bedroom to masturbate and closed the door from the living room. When I was close to finishing, she entered the master bath from a different door and hollered out to me, “Hey! What are you doing in there?” I answered, “Masturbating,” to which she replied with her joyful voice “Oh. Ok.” That was the end of the masturbation discussion. I met her in the bathroom shortly after and we conversed about some random topic as I was cleaning up.

MY QUESTIONS

Are there other couples with this same type of agreement? Do other men (and women) masturbate without porn? What do other people think about their spouses masturbating WITHOUT porn?

My ex-husband (37M) and I (33F) divorced almost a year ago after 12 years of marriage and 2 children together (7 and 4).
There were multiple affairs throughout our marriage, including one during my first pregnancy, though he still denies that one. The final affair lasted nearly 2 years and also involved emotional, physical, financial, and verbal abuse, alcoholism, abandonment of our children, hidden unemployment, and several physically aggressive incidents. Multiple counselors, my church, and even the court system identified his behavior as abusive. We went to three different marriage counselors and all three asked for individual sessions where they gave me resources on abuse and told me they could not continue to see us together or for reconciliation. We attempted reconciliation several times before and after divorce, but each time he continued the affair while pretending to reconcile and many abusive behaviors.
During this entire season, my faith became stronger than ever. I truly felt God guiding me to leave through answered prayers, undeniable revelations, and wise counsel from trusted believers and professionals.
Now he wants reconciliation again. He says he’s changed, attends counseling twice weekly, reads his Bible daily, and I do see some improvements in coparenting interactions. But I still see flashes of anger, and while he takes accountability for the affairs, he minimizes the abuse and claims the later betrayals “weren’t affairs” because we were separated — despite actively pursuing reconciliation with me at the time.
I’m struggling spiritually. I know God can redeem anyone and restore marriages. I know divorce is permitted for sexual immorality, but I also know reconciliation can happen through true repentance. I can’t tell if my hesitation is wisdom and protection for myself and my children, or if it is from a place of unfaithfulness and desire for control over surrender. Am I guilty of abandonment if I don’t attempt reconciliation? Is it sinful to refuse reconciliation if there is true repentance from the unfaithful spouse?

Hi all,

My husband (32M) and I (30F) have been married for a couple years now. He’s a stubborn person who hates any semblance of feeling controlled - which I knew before getting married, but feel like it’s gotten worse since. To illustrate, during a double date, the other man’s wife told my husband to go grab food from x restaurant (that he hates), and then to bring our hiking shoes for a hike later (he hates this too). For whatever reason, he was more than happy than happy to oblige on both items, but snapped at me when I asked if he wanted to hike with me a couple weeks later.

Recently, he offered to “go with me” to a concert of my choosing as my birthday gift, since he hates concerts and would never do so willingly. The thing is, we went on a concert for our first date and he never complained or expressed dislike LOL. We both agreed that we wanted 3 children before we got married and for the past year, I’ve been asking him if we could start family planning because I felt ready for children and offered a compromise of adopting a cat if he didn’t feel ready — he has firmly said no to both, he doesn’t want anything (not even cats) to impinge on his freedom of child-free life for now. I’ve compromised by bringing in foster cats since he won’t let me keep a pet long term. All that to say, I’ve been feeling under appreciated, as though he gives me what I perceive as the bare minimum but expects me to take it as a “gift” or him being extremely generous. I feel duped, as he’s never expressed such staunch stances before marriage (absolutely no pets, no children, no concerts, no exceptions). It makes me resentful and wishful that I had married someone different, someone who would be willing to at least indulge me.

I’ve tried to model being a good and supportive spouse, going to his favorite state (KY) twice over the past 2 years so he could further his whiskey hobby, though I don’t have a great interest in it. I feel discouraged in our marriage. I feel like I married a cruel and selfish man. I’ve prayed for our marriage and for God to change my husbands heart or change my perspective, and to be honest I haven’t seen a change in either.

Do yall have any advice? I’ve brought up professional counseling or church counseling with my spouse and he has staunchly refused on both terms — saying he doesn’t believe in therapy and doesn’t want to talk about his emotions, and that he doesn’t want our pastors into our personal lives.

so long story short my ex that I last dated when I was 17 thought it was fine to tell me that he regrets letting me go. we broke up because of racial differences and me growing up in a strict first generation immigrant household. he did try to get back with me multiple times when we were younger but that always worried me because of parents, and all the other things I was going through in my young adult years.

fast forward twenty years. ive been with my husband for 12 years, 7 of them married. he was not a believer when we met and I was going to walk away but he said he will never stand in the way of my faith. eventually he found God and we got baptized together the year we got married.

our marriage started off with a lot of losses. his grandparents then our first baby, then more infertility and more losses and then his mom, even before we hit the first 5 years. so there’s a lot we’ve been through and perhaps didn’t have a chance to develop a strong emotional connection as we were just surviving.

my ex has been in my life, but dormant since I was 15. we dated at 15 and then 17, but didn't go to the same school and didn’t have the same circle of friends. so a lot of stacked against us. plus we both had our own family issues to resolve and neither of us I guess thought we needed to fight for it then. so now 20 years later we met, he tells me that I’m the person he should’ve chosen but he didn’t have the clarity and the maturity he has now. like I said he tried to ask me out three times but I said no because again I was afraid of my parents and wasn‘t ready for forever.

right around the time I met my husband my ex wasn’t in my life. he needed to take some time for himself. so when he did come back I was deeply in love with my husband and left it all behind.

now, I’m so confused as to why his admission/confession has rattled me to the point of I want to leave my marriage. not to chase my ex, just want to leave my marriage to be on my own

my husband is not a bad person but we haven’t been on the same page in almost a decade. again a lot has happened in our marriage that drifted us apart and separation was on the table very seriously about 3 years ago. so it’s not like we are or were perfect.

i guess the question is do I stay in this marriage eternally because it’s what Christ called me to do even if he’d be probably much happier with someone who’s a better match for him?

I used to think God created one person for everyone and I was so sure it was my husband until my ex showed up and showed me maybe that’s not true. my ex also showing up shows all the ways I’m unsatisfied in my marriage and I don’t know what to do.

again, I would not leave my marriage for an ex. I want to end the marriage because I think there‘s too much of misalignment and mismatch for us to continue. if I leave I would be alone tbh because it’s what I prefer

ETA: we do not go to bed at the same time. We don’t share meals together. My parents never modelled a Christ centred marriage so A lot of this is hard for me to do. We’ve done counselling through the church twice and once through a psychologist who wasn’t that great. Our pastor has advised us to give selflessly and serve one another. I rather be alone than to do all of this

Jimmy Evans said: “If you can't find one hour a day to talk, you are too busy, and you need to find another area to cut back on. Don't cut back on your marriage.”

Say no to a friend. Say no to other activities.

Second, communication is vitally important. 86% of people who get divorced say they had bad communication. Consider making it a habit to have good communication.

Third, when talking, use the right “tone.” A person who has a positive tone when speaking doubles their chance of having a great marriage. Consider always working on having a positive, loving tone. A kind, gentle tone.

Fourth, we all have a moment when “We just don't care right now.” That is bad. Be a fraud, act like you care. Make “caring” a goal. It is a trait that helps preserve marriages.

Finally, talk with your phones off. Act like it is 1974, before cell phones. Consider acting like your marriage is more important than your phone. Your spouse will appreciate that.

A few good habits will go way farther than you think in helping your marriage. What habits would be smart to work on for you?

I was just wondering from a christian perspective how you would navigate a marriage if your partner transitioned to the same sex as you.

Biblicalky the only grounds for divorce is adultery, but also biblically same sex relationships are a no. So what would you do?

Ive always wondered this! Thought it would be interesting to discuss

My wife and I are Christians.

I told my wife that I feel like she treats me too harshly, with a lack of patience, and just speaks to me without any care. I've asked her multiple times to treat me better, to speak to me more gently and patiently, and in a less harsh tone.

She replied that this is just her way, that I am "too sensitive," and that I need to stop acting like a woman, be a man, and stop being so fragile.

I got really upset with that response at the time because I don’t think that just because I'm a man, it means I can't be upset about being treated rudely.

But now I'm thinking... Am I being too sensitive? Should a man not care about these things?

Has any man here actually gone through something like this in real life, or have any thoughts about it? Any advice on how I could stop being this way, if that’s the case? I’m willing to improve.

I had a really bad migraine. It happens sometimes during 'that time of the month' so I was pretty miserable. I asked my husband if at some point today he could grab me more meds as I was getting low.

He said he'd go after we're intimate. The comment really upset me because he knew I felt horrible and instead of caring just assumed or I guess more like announced that we'd be intimate anyway. I didn't want to argue or disappoint him, especially since he feels I reject him way too often and I really am trying to work on that. So we go in the bedroom and I was trying, but laying down was making me more nauseated and in general, when I have a migraine I get sensory overload so it wasn't going well.

My husband stops and starts screaming at me for not being into it. I explained I just didn't feel good and I was sorry but he continued on. That my nausea story was BS and that it always seems I have an excuse when he doesn't care about excuses. He goes on about how I don't care about him and I tell him I felt like he didn't care about me because he just sees my migraine as an annoyance that's getting in the way of what he wants. I told him most husbands would probably let their wife rest instead of expecting more out of them. He said most wives wouldn't deny their husbands and would still at least put some effort in. I tried. I really did, but he's convinced I made no effort at all and this is just another failed time of intimacy that I ruined with my excuses. I asked him to have more patience and that it wasn't fair to blow up at me but he says he's all out of patience and my actions are what's responsible for getting him mad like this.

I really feel all of this was deeply unfair. I know if I had just said no in the first place I would still have gotten an attitude from him so it really was a lose lose situation unless I got over my needs and served him. That doesn't feel right. Am I looking at this the wrong way?