r/Christianmarriage

This might sound shallow, but I’m genuinely curious if any other Christian women who waited until marriage have struggled with this.

I’m getting married, and lately I’ve been thinking about how when I was younger and much skinnier, I felt like my body was at its physical peak. I had the tiny waist/body that I personally loved, but I was a virgin and committed to waiting, so no man ever got to see or experience my body intimately during that time.

Now that I’m actually going to have a husband and finally experience that kind of intimacy, I’m heavier and don’t feel like I have the same “hot” body I had back then. It almost makes me frustrated thinking, Why did I have that body when nobody could see it, and now that my husband finally can, I don’t look like that anymore?

To be clear, I’m not saying I regret waiting until marriage or wish I had slept with people back then. It’s more like I’m mourning that version of my body and wishing my future husband could have experienced me when I felt the most physically attractive.

Has anyone else who waited experienced this feeling before marriage? Did your perspective change once you actually got married and became intimate with your spouse?

So I don’t have biblical grounds for divorce, but is it ok to for me to separate from my husband and live on my own. He’s not abusive or a cheater and we don’t have kids. But my problem is that he doesn’t care for marriage at all. 3 months after we got married he said he needed more freedom and time to live out his own desires. He has been living that statement out ever since. Everyone and anything comes before me. He does not consider me. We can’t have talks about anything important/semi- important or he will shut down. He moved us 4 hours away from our first home without even talking to me prior. He does not like to spend time with me and if I ask he makes it seem like he’s doing me a huge favor. I’m very isolated in his small hometown that he moved us to and feel even more isolated with the way he treats me. I’d rather be alone than to lose my mind in the toxic cycles of him being hot and cold. I’m 25 and just trying to make do in these unfortunate circumstances.

What's the bare minimum 2 people need to have in common to be equally yoked & be able to spend their married lives together according to God's will?

did any christian couples here did the deed before marriage?

my bf, now fiance, have been together for a total of 7 years already and is due to get married in 2 months. in the lifespan of our pre-marriage relationship, we did get intimate for like 10 times (very few), but on top of that, it's mostly oral.

i feel guilty of doing it even though i know it's strictly prohibited in the christian community. but we both had no sexual experiences from other people as we both are each other's first bf/gf. but now, we decided to go celibate for like a year now so we get to enjoy sex to its full potential after marriage.

am i wrong and sinful to have done this?

My husband and I are not extreme on either side or even on either side, but I read a lot from both sides, and he doesn’t bc he doesn’t have time for all that. His algorithm will show the things that are more conservative, bc we both lean that way. But the thing is, he has certain opinions about things based on that that he’s either not getting the whole picture or he’s getting the wrong picture. However I also appreciate our conversations bc he will also keep me more balanced in certain areas. I think we both kind of do this. But the issue we don’t see eye to eye on is to me a deep Christian issue too. We love each other very much and I won’t let politics divide us, but we are Christians first, so I feel like we should always start there. I won’t argue but I just tell him there’s more to this than he thinks. And I leave it at that.
Let’s say the topic was abortion, it’s not. But that is one of those fundamental differences that I wonder how couples who don’t agree navigate that.

I've heard some say that the husband is the responsible party for making sure the marriage is healthy, conflict is resolved, etc. Like for example... even if the wife snaps, or reacts poorly, it is up to the husband to make it right, to change his behavior, to die to self, BEFORE the wife does.

Do you agree? Why or why not?

Just curious about what’s normal with toddlers running around. No judgment, just trying to see what real life looks like for other parents.

Hello! My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship, so in person premarital counseling is not an option. Does anyone have any good recommendations for an online or virtual premarital counseling service? (Preferably the cheaper the better, but I know you can't have it all so I'd be willing to consider all options).

I would also appreciate your book recommendations.

Thank you in advance!

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

For Christians who are single and considering marriage, this is something that should be thought through seriously and prayed about. I do not think people always realise what kind of life they may be entering when they choose to marry someone who is not a Christian. It is easy to focus on how much you like a man or woman right now, but marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment. People change over time, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse, depending on whom you choose to serve. Faith affects more than church attendance. It shapes how you handle conflict, raise children, spend money, face suffering, your purpose in life, your calling, and how marriage is supposed to be. Lots of what I see with unequally yoked marriages is that divorce rates are high, and the Christian spouse is often hindered in their calling by their unbelieving spouse. Being unequally yoked causes a great deal of unnecessary suffering. Often, what happens is one day that spouse looks over at you and despises you in their heart, just as Michal’s did to David as he danced for the Lord. You will be like What changed? They loved me before? And suddenly they treat you differently. You begin to fight, and it's just never the same as it once was. You wonder where is the person that you married? You still love your spouse, but they no longer love you. Sometimes it even results in abuse. ^(3) Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

I’m married and currently in a long-distance marriage because my husband and I live in different countries (due to the visa problems).
My father in law recently planned a vacation with his children. My husband suggested Japan as the destination because he also wants to attend a coffee convention there in April.
I asked my husband whether my mother in law would be joining, and he said that the trip is only for the children and he said he doesn’t know whether his father will ask me to join.
I understand that parents may want to have a vacation with their adult children, and I’m not saying that I’m automatically entitled to be included. However, because I’m his wife and we already live apart, I felt a little unsure about where I fit into this situation.
From a Christian perspective, how would you view this? Is it reasonable for a parent to plan a “children-only” vacation when their adult children are married? And should a married spouse expect their husband/wife to consider them when making plans like this, especially in a long-distance marriage?
I’m genuinely looking for balanced perspectives, including if I’m looking at the situation incorrectly.

I (M, 36) posted a couple of months ago that I was leaving for military training and my wife (F, 33) of seven years shared she no longer felt attracted to me and no longer wanted intimacy.

This morning she called and shared she was filing for divorce a week before my graduation and before I see her and our children.

I cannot express the anger, hurt, and sadness I have been feeling. I have desperately over the phone tried to fix things to no avail. Last weekend, I told her I loved her and she hung up. In another call I said “I miss you” and she responded “mmmhmmm”.

I have sought support with family and chaplain here. It’s devastating to know I am beginning a new chapter and my wife has just checked out.

I've been considering how small gestures might occasionally have a greater impact on a marriage than large ones.

For those of you who have been married for some time, did you establish a simple routine together that turned out to have a greater impact than you anticipated?

It may be as easy as praying together, talking for a little while before bed, checking in during the day, or simply trying harder to express gratitude.

What has truly worked for other couples would be interesting to hear.

Hi all, I need some input.

My background: was married for ten years to a man who was in ministry when we met, but it eventually came out that he had been cheating on me the literal entire first three years of our relationship. We attempted reconciliation but he left the church and was extremely neglectful so it never really improved. We have three children and I would be home alone with them and taking them to church alone the whole time we were married. We separated two and a half years ago and are now divorced.

I have refrained from dating during this time so I could focus on the kids, but recently started dating a man I know from my gym. He is absolutely lovely and is extremely intentional about me and is clear about wanting marriage and to look after me. He is kind, patient, calm, and seems to really really like me. He values family above everything else in life and he makes me feel peaceful.

However there are two things I have a potential issue with: a) he is Catholic, whilst I am non denominational (and doesn’t seem to be super dedicated, not to be judgemental). I don’t think this is a problem but my sister is kind of against the concept so I am wondering if I am wrong; b) he doesn’t think it’s wrong to have a sexual relationship with a partner if the intention is to eventually be married. Honestly I got so used to having frequent sex in marriage, there is no guilt attached to sex with this man so we are already involved in that way. However I know what the Bible says and I want to honour God.

Frankly the way I’m feeling right now, neither of these things are actually problems. My first husband seemed to be the ideal Christian man and look how that turned out. To be honest I didn’t manage to wait until marriage with my first husband, which maybe was an indication that he didn’t have self control? But I’ve seen so many Christian marriages around me who didn’t manage to wait either and they are still together and happy.

I would just love some input here. I know he would go to church with me because he is an extremely chill person and does anything I ask (within reason of course lol). I would have no issue going to mass with him and in fact I intend to. But am I deluding myself about the long term repercussions of any relationship?

I’m also very aware that I’m a single mom of three and don’t have much market value for Christian men. I never had much luck with Christian guys even before, and doubt a strict Christian would want me now. This isn’t insecurity speaking, I’m very confident that I’m a child of God and am content in where God has me, I’m just being realistic about the dating world.

My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years. We met at a Christian college and began dating early in his freshman year, when I watched him fall in love with the Bible and deepen his relationship with Christ.

During the early stages of his growing faith, I also felt he sometimes struggled with legalism (drinking was a huge no, birth control was a sin, etc.). He has since changed his mind on those topics, but I see some hyper-spirituality and legalism creeping back into our lives.

My husband takes his responsibility as the spiritual head of our family very seriously, which I LOVE and admire. When we first got married, we would pray together every night. Then, about a year in, he listened to a sermon about family worship and decided we would do that together every night (with exceptions usually on vacation) at exactly 9:00pm, which would include reading a chapter of the Bible together, reciting and memorizing a catechism, singing a hymn, and ending in prayer (using the ACTS method).

This was a big jump, and I was hesitant to make that commitment every night, but we've done it for over a year now, and it's just what we do. I've at times asked to do it at a different time to free up my nights a bit more, which was only recently listened to and done.

Soon after we began family worship, he started making sure we pray together every day before we leave for work. I enjoyed doing this, as it was good to start our day praying for one another.

But last week, he started insisting that we read 1 Corinthians 13 every morning on the car ride to work. Mind you, we both read our Bibles and pray separately every morning. And this was the needle that broke the camel's back for me.

Liturgy is like a gateway drug for him, and he constantly wants more and more. And I honestly feel like what we have is more than enough.

Is there such a thing as too much Bible reading and prayer?

Am I in the wrong, or is it really over the top? And how do I talk to my husband about this without undermining his God-given spiritual authority to lead our family well and communicate to him that he's doing just fine and we don't need to keep adding daily habits to literally everything we do?

Looking for thoughts from both husbands and wives. And please don't do the Reddit thing where we jump to conclusions and say he's controlling or I should leave him. Everything he is doing, I fully believe, is out of love. I just don't know when too far is too far.

Has anyone gone through the Freedom Fight Program online? What was it like? Did it help?

A brief history. Happily married for 27 years and have three children aged from 17 to 22, who still live at home, and who have ADHD.

My birthday was last Sunday and whilst I got a card and gifts from my wife, I got nothing from my children, not even a card or a happy Birthday.

Im starting to worry that this is a reflection on my fathering.

So some background i have been married for 5 or 6 weeks now. My husband is from Africa and i am American. Me and my husband have been arguing all the time and for a long time. It has really had a negative impact on me. To the point yesterday I was really considering ending my life or ending my marriage. I really wanted to just let go. I got so angry and i know I can't go on like this.

Our argument was about my husband consistently saying hurtdul things to me. I am currently pregnant and I like to have the occasional soda, chips, or candy. And my husband says I'm being irresponsible because I'm not thinking of our baby. Which since I've been pregnant I have significantly cut back on those things. And I only have them sometimes rather then everyday. I feel as if I'm doing good but it never good enough for him.

Today is Monday and I went to work still being affected by the things that happened yesterday and seems to happen everyday. I spoke with my supervisor who is a strong Christian and I was telling her my problems. Because in the Bible it say we should confess our sins one to another. I came in asking for the Employee Assistant Program because they have free therapy. I know everything isn't on my husband because I have problems too that I need to resolve. She agreed with me and thought is was a good idea. I know I can't keep going on like this it seems like I am just filled with anger. And the anger could have been going on before I got married. Thank God I was able to get an appointment for tomorrow. Which I thought was a blessing from God.

Then I get home today and tell my husband about it. And the first thing he says it why didn't you tell me about. He then thought it would cost money but it does not. Then he went on to day the only person you should be confiding in is God and no one else. He literally said I dont believe in God because I want to go a therapist to help me woth my problems. That deeply hurt me because I am literally trying to better myself and become stronger and he heeled my past traumas. And now the person who is supports to support me eay I don't believe in God enough because I'm going to a therapist.

Am I Wrong or do I believe in God less for going to a therapist?

Let it be a friendly reminder. That you do not need to blindly obey your husband, your are not his property, you are first a daughter of God, second a human.

That in the same way we are taught to honor our mother and father, there is separate scripture that a mother and father do not mislead their child.

There are too many men we hear about who desire submission of a woman, than of a wife equally yolked under God.

If you see issues in your marriage, please seek a church or marriage counselor or pray.

Hi friends, I’m looking for some outside perspective because my husband 30M and I 30f see this situation very differently.
My 1-year-old had been running a fever since Wednesday night. By Friday his symptoms seemed to be getting worse, so I took him to his pediatrician. His doctor heard some chest congestion, prescribed albuterol with a nebulizer, said it appeared to be a cold, and recommended continuing Tylenol.
I followed those instructions, but Saturday evening his breathing became really fast and I could visibly see his chest moving with each breath. His fever also wasn’t responding to Tylenol the way it normally does. With nighttime approaching, I became concerned he could get worse, so I made an urgent care appointment.
On the way there, my husband told me I was being emotional and wasn’t thinking about our son because I was taking him out so late at night.
When we arrived at urgent care, they immediately sent us to the ER because his heart rate was around 178–185. At the ER, they put him on monitors because his heart rate continued fluctuating. His oxygen was okay, but they continued monitoring him and did an X-ray to make sure nothing more serious was going on.
After several hours, we found out he tested positive for rhinovirus and also had a pretty significant ear infection. We went home with antibiotics and instructions to continue Tylenol, fluids, rest, suctioning his nose, etc.
The next morning, my husband still stood firm that I acted out of emotion, “led with my feelings,” and unnecessarily kept our son at the ER late at night because I “didn’t give it to God.”
I’m struggling with that perspective. From my standpoint as his mother, I saw my child breathing abnormally fast, visibly working harder to breathe, running a fever that wasn’t improving, and then learned his heart rate was high enough that urgent care immediately sent us to the ER.
I would much rather have my child evaluated and be told everything is okay than stay home because it’s late and potentially miss something serious. I also don’t understand how seeking medical care and trusting God have to be mutually exclusive. I can pray and trust God while still taking my child to a doctor when something doesn’t look right.
What’s especially frustrating is that because my husband felt I handled the situation incorrectly, he said he needed time to himself yesterday and again today to go to the gym for a few hours to “unwind” and calm his mind.
Am I genuinely missing something here? Was taking our child in an emotional overreaction, or was my concern reasonable given the symptoms and the fact that urgent care immediately sent us to the ER?

My husband is literally demanding that I get off of Lexapro. He says that “I cannot connect with God” because I’m on it. I don’t want to be on Lexapro… but after having a mental breakdown after losing my dad to cancer being 3 weeks postpartum with my third baby it helped me be normal again. I’m at a loss for words.