u/elletonjohn

Hi all, I need some input.

My background: was married for ten years to a man who was in ministry when we met, but it eventually came out that he had been cheating on me the literal entire first three years of our relationship. We attempted reconciliation but he left the church and was extremely neglectful so it never really improved. We have three children and I would be home alone with them and taking them to church alone the whole time we were married. We separated two and a half years ago and are now divorced.

I have refrained from dating during this time so I could focus on the kids, but recently started dating a man I know from my gym. He is absolutely lovely and is extremely intentional about me and is clear about wanting marriage and to look after me. He is kind, patient, calm, and seems to really really like me. He values family above everything else in life and he makes me feel peaceful.

However there are two things I have a potential issue with: a) he is Catholic, whilst I am non denominational (and doesn’t seem to be super dedicated, not to be judgemental). I don’t think this is a problem but my sister is kind of against the concept so I am wondering if I am wrong; b) he doesn’t think it’s wrong to have a sexual relationship with a partner if the intention is to eventually be married. Honestly I got so used to having frequent sex in marriage, there is no guilt attached to sex with this man so we are already involved in that way. However I know what the Bible says and I want to honour God.

Frankly the way I’m feeling right now, neither of these things are actually problems. My first husband seemed to be the ideal Christian man and look how that turned out. To be honest I didn’t manage to wait until marriage with my first husband, which maybe was an indication that he didn’t have self control? But I’ve seen so many Christian marriages around me who didn’t manage to wait either and they are still together and happy.

I would just love some input here. I know he would go to church with me because he is an extremely chill person and does anything I ask (within reason of course lol). I would have no issue going to mass with him and in fact I intend to. But am I deluding myself about the long term repercussions of any relationship?

I’m also very aware that I’m a single mom of three and don’t have much market value for Christian men. I never had much luck with Christian guys even before, and doubt a strict Christian would want me now. This isn’t insecurity speaking, I’m very confident that I’m a child of God and am content in where God has me, I’m just being realistic about the dating world.