My husband is literally demanding that I get off of Lexapro. He says that “I cannot connect with God” because I’m on it. I don’t want to be on Lexapro… but after having a mental breakdown after losing my dad to cancer being 3 weeks postpartum with my third baby it helped me be normal again. I’m at a loss for words.
I don’t know what to do anymore, and I need outside perspectives.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. I started helping raise his children when I was 18 years old, and since then we’ve had three children together. Lately, it feels like nothing I do is ever good enough.
A lot of our conflict revolves around health and lifestyle. He’s extremely strict about health, detoxing, avoiding toxins, eating as clean as possible, and optimizing everything down to the cellular level. I care about our health too, but I’m not as extreme as he is. Our kids are healthy—I homeschool them, cook about 90% of our meals from scratch using mostly organic ingredients, and I genuinely try my best. But no matter what I do, it never seems to be enough.
Tonight he kept me standing there for about an hour while he criticized me. He called me disgusting, lazy, unmotivated, and said I’m ruining our kids. He brought up the fact that I had a C-section (which I had to have) and used that against me. He also called my mom disgusting, my sister disgusting, and said I’m right behind them.
He constantly tells me I don’t exercise because I’m lazy, that I don’t want to do hard things, and that I’m failing as a wife and mother.
One thing that really stuck with me was that he criticized me for feeding our daughter spaghetti one night and cheese quesadillas with organic sweet peppers the next, asking, “What kind of mother feeds her child that?”
I’m far from a perfect mom, but I truly try to give my kids a good life. Hearing that I’m a terrible mother over things like that has made me question myself.
This isn’t just about tonight. I feel criticized for almost everything I do. I walk on eggshells because I never know what he’ll attack next. It’s gotten to the point where I question whether I’m actually the awful person he says I am.
After tonight, I was crying so hard I was shaking. I feel emotionally exhausted, heartbroken, and trapped. I don’t currently have a job, so the thought of leaving feels overwhelming.
I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know anymore: Is this emotional abuse? Has anyone else experienced something like this? If you left a relationship like this, how did you even begin when you felt financially and emotionally trapped?
Please be honest, but kind. I really need perspective because I don’t know what’s normal anymore.
Update***
Thank you all for your comments. I’m new to posting on Reddit, and honestly, I made this post because I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts anymore.
My kids are safe and happy. As I mentioned in another comment, they truly have no idea what’s going on unless they happen to pick up on my energy after he’s finished talking to me. From the outside looking in, we look like the “white picket fence” family. We aren’t struggling financially. He has a successful business, and he provides very well for our family.
At the same time, our finances are often used against me. I’m told that I spend too much or that I can’t control my spending, when in reality my biggest expense is groceries. Even basic groceries are expensive these days, and choosing grass-fed and finished meat and organic fruits and vegetables costs even more. It adds up quickly.
I know I’m venting at this point, and I’m sorry for the long post. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. I truly appreciate your kindness, your concern, and your different perspectives. I’ve read every comment with an open mind, and I’m grateful that so many people cared enough to respond. ❤️
Hi everyone! I’m a 32 years old and since 2021 I have been suffering with crippling anxiety. I have had anxiety most of my life and OCD. It wasn’t until 2021 that everything kind of exploded. I ate what I thought was a CBD gummy (2) but it was laced with THC. It was like a fire was going on in my head, it literally felt like it was on fire. Constant panic attacks, couldn’t hold my head up from depression, intrusive thoughts constantly, OCD different themes every week, and allllllll the physical symptoms that came with every thing I had going on. I got on lexapro and was doing so good and like a moron got off of it a year later. I ended up having to go back on it last year around this time. My lexapro(20 MG) has helped my depression but my anxiety is literally at an all time high. I feel like I can’t see straight, I don’t take full breaths, I keep my jaws together, I never have any peace. Ever. I take 0.125 mg of Klonopin a day. I know it’s a small dose but I don’t want to be dependent on even more medicine. Please help me. No one understands.