*I believe this is more of a discussion, but if not mods help me out with the right flair, ty! *

So girlies are yearning to eat cake without a special occasion attached to it, in whatever manner they choose, and I love it. On TikTok, I’ve been seeing posts about having a “counter cake” or buying a sheet cake on a random day just because, and I honestly find it kind of radical.

While I do appreciate cake etiquette and I believe it has its place at weddings, birthdays, and other celebrations with large groups of people, I also think we should loosen up our ideas around how we indulge in cake when it’s not centered around a formal occasion. In American culture, cake is tied to all kinds of meanings such as celebrations, family, rewards, femininity, and even morality. People develop all these little unspoken rules around cake.

The “counter cake” trend on TikTok is so lovely to me because it almost feels anti-etiquette. It rejects the social performance surrounding cake. In one TikTok I saw, a woman said she would be taking the middle piece with no shame, and it’s funny how culturally rebellious that statement sounds. There are all these rules around not taking the best piece, not ruining the presentation, not appearing greedy, and being grateful for whatever slice you receive (even while people subconsciously give the best slices to elders and whoever they favor most).

My perspective is, if I don’t take the middle piece, somebody else will (like at the end of the day that piece is going to be taken regardless). For some reason, it’s considered rude to openly admit that you want it. There’s this expectation that you should pretend not to desire the “best” part too much, even though everybody is quietly aware of what the better slices are. The social politics around cake can get kind of ridiculous.

Anyways, I think more Black people should be buying whole cakes and eating cake just for the hell of life, not only when something monumental happens. What do you think?

EDIT COMMENT: I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded to this post. It’s actually been very telling in a lot of ways. I genuinely did not expect this conversation to become such a generational one lol. It’s branching off in so many different directions, and I really appreciate how emotionally connected so many of you are to this topic in your own ways.

I don't know if the comments I receive are based on racism but it's my immediate thought when I hear them. In 2 workplaces now, I've experienced someone being surprised by my intelligence. In the first, after solving an issue, a colleague said to me "you're actually smart". It's the "actually" that gets me, as if the default assumption was that I wasn't as intelligent as everyone else.

At my 2nd workplace, after creating a new resource for the team, my boss confided in me that someone had said to them "I didn't know she was smart". I think my boss thought I'd take it as a compliment, but honestly I felt a bit offended.

I've also had other colleagues talk down to me until management publicly talks about the quality of my work. Then it's like a switch flips and I'm suddenly treated like an equal.

Maybe I'm reading too deep into things, but I feel like it would be wrong to ignore how these comments feel in my body.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Ladies !!! As summer is approaching, and we are out enjoying ourselves and we may run into someone or someone who may mean us harm. I just want us to stay prevalent on our safety. Reminding us not to be so trusting, reminding us to trust our gut. Stand up for yourselves. Practicing saying no. Defend yourself. Try to defend yourself as much as possible. Don’t let the excitement over long sunny days, good drinks, and good sm0ke cloud your judgment. And if you do meet someone always do a background check ! Always stay alert ! Love ya

Context into what prompted me to make this post, me and my family have a group chat, where we were discussing something that brought up an old ex family friend who was arrested in 25 years ago for the rape and impregnation of 2 stepdaughter’s. This person is now getting out this year after 25 years and it haunts me that this person will be walking the streets again, and has the opportunity to link up with the unsuspecting woman. This made me realize that 25 to life for 25 years is really not enough many rapist and murders are still walking among us. LADIES BE SAFE 🤍

I gave up social media, mainly TikTok and Instagram in February because I realised I was witnessing more racism online than I was experiencing offline.

Since deleting those apps, I’ve done more volunteering, more reading, and I’ve started calling and texting my friends more often because it’s now the main way I keep up with what’s going on in their lives.

It’s really noticeable once you step away from social media that the people around me who seem the most fearful and irritable also tend to spend the most time on it.

I think this might be my last month on Reddit. There’s so much good in the world, but if you stay online too long, you start becoming too afraid to actually live in the real world.

And by performing femininity I mean stuff like wearing wigs, lashes and nails along with more form fitting clothes. I’m a black girl that tends to dress more tomboyish with baggier clothing and I wear no makeup makeup most days. I noticed that when I had faux locs especially I was mistaken as lesbian more and wondered if me not wearing lashes, wigs or form fitting clothing along with faux locs as locs are often associated with masculinity had to do with it. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like black women have to keep up more with maintenance in order to not be masculinised compared to the average non black woman. and this never happens when I wear protective hairstyles that are seen as more traditionally feminine. I feel like non-black girls can dress tomboyish and even have hairstyles that are traditionally seen as masculine without being seen immediately as lesbian.

Today was my youngest’s last day of high school (graduation is in 10 days) and apparently I am not okay??

I’m so proud, don’t get me wrong. But also… why was I standing in the kitchen getting emotional over absolutely nothing today?

This is my last baby, and it’s hitting me that all my regular “mom duties” are basically wrapping up. No more school routines, no more being needed in that same everyday way.

And now I’m sitting here like… so what am I supposed to be doing next?

Because being a mom has been 90% of who I am or what I did for 20 years.

It’s not the first time I’ve thought of this, but I still have no answers. I’m very much in my feelings right now.

This is so tragic. I am praying for their parents. I cannot imagine the pain of losing three daughters in a single night.

It also just really emphasises the importance of swim safety, especially amongst black people. I've visited the sea where they drowned in, and it's normally calm but can get very choppy.

i’ve been thinking about starting a blog to share my thoughts, particularly fashion and beauty. but I’m curious if anyone would read it. im not big on short form content like TikTok for me it takes too long to produce. It’s easier for me to write and get my thoughts out as soon as possible. I also feel like i flow better with writing vs making videos

I’m unsure if I’m supposed to post this and tattoo advice or black ladies😭

Hello ladies. I am moving specifically to Colorado springs at the end of next month. I have never been that far out west. Are any of you located in that area? What is the vibe being black there? I have heard that it is very conservative (I am not), and suburban. I am most concerned about the amount of snow and having to shovel myself out before work. Any tips, tricks, or anecdotes to help quell my anxiety about this place?

29+ years. Twenty fuckin nine years of suffering with endometriosis until a Korean male Gyno took my complaints seriously. (I love him )

If your period pain is unbearable, causing you to miss work, vomiting, heavy bleeding, immobility, crying, over soaked pads or tampons, headaches, a gerbil trying to claw its way out of your lower abdomen, handfuls of anti-inflammatory over the counters, or smokin weed until it numbs the pain demand a pelvic ultrasound during the week of your cycle for an official diagnosis while it’s occurring. If you feel unheard get another doctor and file a complaint on their ass.

Reporting pain is not drug seeking, it’s a cry for help.

There is treatment for this.

Mild discomfort is normal. Excruciating pain is not normal. Taking over 800 mg of ibuprofen multiple times a day for pain is not normal. Complaining of pain during your period and being ignored without further diagnosis to rule out other factors is not normal.

For the US folks. After a diagnosis you have the option for absence coverage under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). It grants you job protected absences for up 12 weeks per year. (I have up to a week once a month) Request the documentation from your employer.

I am 31 and have had painful periods basically since menarche. In HS I was having periods 2-3 times a month, anywhere from 2-3 days to 5 days and each time full blown cramps. I went on BC for 2 months which made me suicidal so with my moms guidance we made the decision to stop it and my periods have been regular ever since.

Since then and currently, if I do not take pain medication (OTC) like clock work starting a couple of hours once my period has begun a few things will happen:

1.My cramps get so debilitating that I will vomit (if I have eaten previously) due to the nausea and pain (which makes me unable to keep medicine down and the food to go with it)

2. If the pain is bad enough I will pass out. Thankfully it happens when I am somewhere safe.

3. I will writhe and moan in pain (for up to 3 hours at times) and even against what my stomach is telling me, try to breathe through the pain so I can drink broth, crackers, etc in an attempt to get some medicine in my body. In the last 2 years Ive resorted to taking children's pain reliever suppositories when it gets this bad because then its just a cycle of vomiting or dry heaving and passing out.

Ive been prescribed Mefenamic Acid which made my period last longer (its been 3-4 days long for a few years) as in 7-9 days at times and I wasnt a fan of the side effects. It also didnt help much with the cramps, I still needed to take medication like clockwork to attempt living a normal life.

I at one point was prescribed cylcobenzaprine but it would just make me sleep which doesnt help when I have to work.

Ive been to the doctor (multiples over the years) and they tell me I most likely have adenomyosis or endo althoughI dont have any of the other symptoms that go along with these diagnoses like heavy periods (I have one heavy day), bloating, long periods, pain during intercourse.

Well today I vomited 4 times, 2 being at work and 1 while I was as actively driving home in debilitating pain, just trying not to pass out. I am at my wits end about what my next step should be. I do want atleast one child in the next 3-5 years and my worry is that they may go in and find fibroids or anything else, and just scrap my whole reproductive system basically. I know this is long but I am hoping they'll be someone in here to give me insight. I just want to be heard by my doctors.