r/Bumble

Started being back on Bumble Date after half a year of break after a break up. And I matched with someone I thought I clicked well with, he sent me a message first and it wasn’t generic at all - it was about something that I had on my profile.

But then his second response was about a day and a half later, and this slow response time continues. Usually it’s after 24 hours, 48 hours max. He does seem interested and is asking me questions back with multiple texts, I think from my side he can tell I am interested in him because I share quite a lot.

Yesterday he responded twice a day which was very generous coming from him but today again - nothing. It’s been a week of messaging now.

I feel like I am stuck, because we have the same interests and seem to get along well, but I don’t want to ask him out first because I already feel like I am much more invested.

He’s also a lawyer and he is an attractive dude. I’d also say I’m conventionally attractive, but maybe he has some other girls he’s more into, I am not sure…

I don’t know what to do, I guess once he replies back I’ll start pulling off. I stopped swiping because I tend to focus on one person even though I am not specifically looking for a relationship, I keep it open.

I have just joined this app and in the spirit of being completely transparent have labeled myself “liberal”. While I do not believe this encompasses the entirety of who I am, it reflects enough to give the sense of my values. I have been receiving about 80% of my likes from conservative Christian men.

My question is: What is it you would seek in a liberal woman? Perhaps my bias, but I would believe my dedication to career and causes to be antithetical to “traditional” values.

Is it the bio? (Leans nerdy). Probably location as well.

No judgement- just a query as to what would be the impetus of a swipe?

EDIT: Thank you for all the responses, particularly those that thoughtfully answered. They have been elucidating, albeit somewhat depressing.

Interesting discussion. Definitely learned some things. A final point from my perspective: I see I was using the app with a different intention than a lot of people, which was to meet a potential partner. I completely agree it is healthy to have conversations with people of different ideologies, and I welcome opinions and perspectives outside my worldview. For me, "liberal" was more of a shorthand for my values than my politics, though I can see why it reads as strictly political. In a partner, however, shared values are important and, respectfully, I wouldn't make a good partner to someone who holds "traditional" beliefs.

On a positive note, I've had some good conversations in the last day and met some nice folks.

Someone matched with me yesterday, and he liked a prompt of mine that said I was looking for someone fit/in shape. I scrolled down to his prompts, and the "You should not go out with me if"... and he answered, "You don't like chubby guys."

When I looked at his pics, he was lean. I thought since he liked my prompt about wanting someone fit, maybe he recently dropped weight and was working out and just hadn't updated his profile. When I returned the match, I asked if his pics were current. He admitted that he has put on "some weight recently and his pics were in the last year." He also said that he decided to add that prompt because a couple women were shocked by his appearance in person.

Can y'all please be honest about what you currently look like? He intentionally deceived women by putting up pics when he was thin. People aren't going to suddenly see how great you are in person and completely forget about you looking totally different.

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Why do some women still expect guys to do all the pursuing and put in all the effort when we are literally both on the app looking for dates?

I understand the traditional dynamic in real life. If a guy approaches a woman at a bar, asks for her number and asks her out, he’s clearly the one initiating.

But on a dating app, you both chose to be there, both swiped, and both matched. There’s already some indication of mutual interest.

Yet there can still be an expectation that the guy should come up with the opener, make her laugh, carry the conversation, ask her out, plan the date and basically prove himself.

I see things like “send me your best pickup line” or “tell me why I should hang out with you” and think… aren’t we both looking for someone?

I’m not saying everything has to be 50/50 from the first message, but if you’re interested in someone, why shouldn’t you show some interest and put in some effort too?

I just had the most ridiculous experience. I was supposed to meet a Bumble date at a coffee shop and ended up meeting the wrong person.

The person who I was supposed to meet was named "Mio", and was an Chinese woman in tech. The person I actually met used the username "Camio" on a different app and was Chinese and Japanese. She looked different from her pictures, but close enough that I thought with filters or misrepresentation they could have been the same person. When I asked if she was Mio, she just figured I'd misspoke and said "yes," so we just continued on the date.

When we started talking about work, she mentioned that she was a nurse. I asked about her mentioning tech and she said "oh, you must have me mistaken for another date". I didn't think that I had mistaken it, but on Mio's profile, they mentioned that their friend had made the account and that they were actually 2 years older than the account showed. So I thought maybe it was some sort of shared account or something. But figured what the hell, I'm already a 20 mins in, I might as well keep getting to know them.

I ended up spending an hour talking to this woman until she asked what I was looking for. I mentioned that I was looking for something long term. She said "oh, that's surprising - I didn't think that people usually looked for that on this app". At that point, it was a bit too different to reconcile. So I said "Wait, are we even on the right date? I feel like a lot of people look for that on Bumble."

Turns out we weren't. And when I opened the app, Mio had unmatched me. So Mio, if you got stood up today, you have reddit, and you somehow stumble upon this post, I'm so sorry! It was an honest mistake and I didn't mean to ghost you! If you have a boatload of understanding and can appreciate the humor behind what happened, feel free to message me any time. I owe you a coffee!

Edit: fixed typo

I (31F) decided to use a dating app for the first time because it’s so difficult to meet new people as an adult.

A lot of people liked my profile within the first day, but I wasn’t able to view any of them unless I paid. Then someone matched with me and opened asked me what new things have I tried (because in my bio I talked about stepping out of my comfort zone).

As a normal human, I replied oh I tried a hip hop class for the first time in my life, how about you? And he said oh I went for a bdsm meetup few weeks ago.

He unmatched me right after I said I’m not interested in bdsm despite him saying he recommends it and it’s part of ‘trying new stuff’.

I just thought… is this how people talk to strangers? Is this how dating is supposed to be nowadays?

I’m not saying he’s a bad person, just shocked that this is a conversation opener. I’m just thinking if I can even find someone.

It's the only app where a majority of the users are actually satisfied with their experience.

A large majority of users (especially men), aren't getting anything out the app and putting more and more money into non-useful paid features of the app.

For men on Grindr, I am immediately envious of you being able to use a dating app that actually works.

Is it really true that guys make better sandwiches than girls? Or do girls dominate the art of making a sandwich? How do you guys feel?

I (23F) have been talking to a guy (25M) that I matched with on bumble for about 3 weeks and so far we've been on a couple dates that have been fun.

However, when it comes to texting I can't help but feel anxious especially when it's hours without getting a response back. I am understanding that life happens and I don't expect to text all the time but checking in here and there wouldn't hurt. Like his job requires a lot of physical labor and because of that I understand he may want to decompress afterwards and have some time alone. Whenever he does text back he does explain where he was and why it took long to reply which is a bit reassuring.

Previously when I've dated guys and they don't respond for hours or days even and I address how it makes me feel to said guys, they never make an effort to improve and things usually end before a connection can really progress into something serious. Because of that I have abandonment/rejection issues as well as trust issues (which is a whole other thing for another day). I also have a fearful avoidant attachment style which doesn't help in this case fr.

I do like the guy I'm currently talking to. He's very considerate, family-oriented, funny, etc. I have yet to tell him how I feel about communicating which I'm hesitant to do because I don't want him to feel pressured or bad for it.

I hate that it's causing me anxiety and that I'm thinking of the worst. I'd like to keep seeing this guy
and the communication gap does bother me a bit because I do see him as someone I would date long term but I've also accepted if things don't turn into something more.

I've never been in an exclusive relationship before so I think that could explain why I'm taking this a bit serious. I've been told by friends to date around which I've tried but I've never had interest in that. While I'd like to be in a committed connection, I've also accepted that certain relationships only last a certain amount of time and don't expect potential suitors to be my life partner (unless it ends up that way).