u/pseudocfoch

Hi. I picked a random girl from a tango chat group and texted her, and told her to go to an concert. I am not really interested on the girl at first appearance. But we have some interest in common and I know very few people as I am not from the city. I was straight, and told her that if she is interested we can go and have a drink before the event. She said she is in, and she bought the ticket first. Then I bought it myself next to her.

Now she is ghosting me, after I tried to brak the ice hours on Monday with "How's it going?" and on Wednesday with my straight proposal to the café location. Yesterday another girl I mentioned about the event texted me that was interested in the concert, but I told her I am already going with someone else. This other girl has a similar behaviour that she replies every few days. I am a bit angry now, because I wanted to go to that concert yes, but not alone, as I told her. If she changed her mind that is fine, but she does not disclose it, and I do not know if she is just lazy to reply or she does not want to go.

What would you do? Go alone and ignore her, try to cancel it now, try to change the seat number now and invite someone else, wait until she replies. The concert is on Saturday. We have a seat next each other. That's a bit awkward. Today is Wednesday, I also thinking if I should send her an ultimatum, or just be patient.

I also consider just going alone, seat in an empty seat not next to her, then approach her, and tell her that she is not an empathic person, and acts through social media without impunity.

I really enjoy the music, but I want to meet people now.

Title: Need advice: 6-year relationship vs new connection — I feel lost

Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I feel stuck and don’t trust my own judgment right now.

I am from South America. I’ve been with my girlfriend (Polish) for 6 years. We met in her country while I was on vacation, then built a long-distance relationship for about 1 year during just before and during COVID-19 times when I went back to my country, and eventually I moved to Poland to live with her.

Our relationship has had ups and downs from the beginning:

• at the very start of the relationship, she had a sexual experience with a friend while we were together
• she has tried to break up several times due to uncertainty about her sexuality (she is bisexual)
• she also tried to end the relationship when I moved to Europe
• in practice, if I hadn’t gone back to see her after she warned me online, the relationship probably would not have continued

Last year she almost ended things again because she claimed she did not have enough experiences with girls, and that’s when I proposed an open relationship. In practice, I was the only one who actually explored it.

I’ve also felt quite alone at times. I bought a flat here in Poland and had to deal with contractors, stress, logistics, renovation work, and everything that comes with it. She is Polish, but she didn’t really help much in those situations. I ended up doing most things myself (cleaning after renovation, DIY work, coordination), and even with small things like translating or negotiating with contractors in her language, she helped only occasionally. She would sometimes do lighter tasks (like painting once), but overall I often felt I was carrying it alone.

We don’t usually fight, but we also don’t talk that much in general.

About 7–8 weeks ago, I met another girl — she is Ukrainian — during that open-relationship phase.

Since then, we’ve been seeing each other regularly. We dance tango together, and with her the connection feels incredibly natural — I’ve never felt that kind of flow dancing with anyone else. I had suggested tango to my girlfriend before, but she didn’t enjoy it.

This new girl even suggested we practice just the two of us, and we ended up dancing alone in the park, which we both really liked. We’ve gone out for coffee, movies, a concert, etc., and she has invited me to her flat.

There have been small moments that felt meaningful but still unclear:

• she gave me a small angel “to protect me” at the movies
• we briefly held hands (just a few seconds), which didn’t feel purely platonic
• Dancing tango in a quiet area of the park

She knows I have a girlfriend. She has also said she doesn’t want to be “the girl who breaks relationships,” and even suggested that at some point we could all meet together. She mentioned she once lost a friend because his girlfriend made him choose between her and the friend. She has also shared that her father was unfaithful and not a good role model in relationships, which seems to influence how she views commitment and trust. She is also a very devout Christian with clear expectations about relationships (faith, marriage, etc.).

One thing that stands out is that she actively helps me in daily situations (like translating in classes or events), while I often felt alone dealing with things with my girlfriend. Also, I naturally talk a lot with her, while communication with my girlfriend feels more limited.

Now things are complicated.

I told my girlfriend that I’ve been thinking about this other girl and that it’s been affecting me. She thanked me for being honest, but things have clearly changed between us.

She also saw private messages I wrote to AI about possibly ending the relationship. I had not planned to tell her about this until I had more clarity about my situation and my feelings, but she discovered it, and it opened a box of problems I didn’t want to bring into the relationship at that moment. She does not want to leave me, but I am now in a state of doubt with ambivalent thoughts, and the emotional tension between us has increased significantly.

Emotionally, I feel:

• disconnected from my girlfriend
• very connected to this new girl
• but unsure if this is real or just intensity/novelty

There’s also a practical side:

If I leave my girlfriend and pursue this:

• both the new girl and I are foreigners here
• we might need to leave the country eventually

Part of me sees that as a problem, but another part sees it as freedom:

• I could be closer to my family
• I own a flat in my home country (no debt)
• I’d be in a better financial situation

But that would also mean:

• selling my flat in Poland
• potentially losing money
• and taking a big risk on something uncertain

So I feel like I’m choosing between:

• a 6-year relationship with history, but emotional distance and unresolved tension vs
• a new, intense, very natural connection, but with a lot of uncertainty

Help me to clarify my decisions. I feel too ambiguous.