r/CatholicDating

I’m a guy, and lately I’ve been feeling kind of "used" in early stage of relationship

My current relationship is one-sided from the beginning, I ask out, initiate, pay for dates, show effort.

I had a fight yesterday with the gf, because I said that I contribute 90% to our relationship and she contributes only 10% or less. And I'm not talking only about money. I initiate conversations, I pick her up, I basically do everything and I can't recall a one thing that she did for me. She feels that she also contributes and shows effort, but I really don't see it.

My ex at least used to cook for me and clean my apartment and paid for dates sometimes. But my gf never offered anything like that, never offered to pay for a dinner or even ice cream or anything. Never took me out anywhere.

I'm spending so much time and money on her and she has a free ride and fun. Sometimes I'm asking myself what I'm even doing, sacrificing my hobbies, friends, time with my family just to see my gf and do everything for her, pay for it and get nothing in return. It really doesn't make sense to me.

Sorry for bad english

My previous dating partners all were Catholic and had their sacraments but were not practicing Catholic and only time would tell their walk with God. Yet, I have met a few Christian men who truly love the Lord and it feels like my heart really does want someone who loves the Lord, and lives by it, but then I think about some nuances that could arise like when I think about marriage and how I want to raise my kids Catholic. Of all the dates I have gone on, whether they were “Catholic” or “Christian”, this one guy I met who was raised Christian has truly been the most respectful man I have connected with. So it just has me thinking a lot.

I am strongly returning to my Catholic faith. I’m a medical doctor. I was engaged at age 20 and had a daughter with a non Catholic. Together for ten years, endless incidents of coercion and emotional neglect during the ten years. I have never partied or drank alcohol. Will my relationship history prevent me from finding someone Catholic with the same values?

Catholic male here. I tend to be more introverted and can be a little nervous in social situations, but I do make an effort to put myself out there and meet new people.

Recently, I've attended a few Church dating events. One of them led to a follow-up coffee date, which I considered our first real date. Overall, it was a positive experience, but after a while the conversation started to feel somewhat formal. It seemed like both of us were mainly thinking of questions to ask rather than having a natural flow to the conversation.

Afterward, I walked her to her car and gave her a hug goodbye. I was hopeful, but she later decided she wanted to move on. Looking back, I wonder if the awkwardness of the conversation may have been a turnoff.

That said, I also felt that if we had continued seeing each other, things might have become smoother as we got more comfortable with one another. Am I being naïve in thinking that?

I'm also curious about others' experiences. Is it generally better when a friendship develops first before dating, rather than going on a date with someone you barely know? And do most women expect there to be a strong connection or chemistry right away on the first date, or is it normal for that to develop over time?

I'd appreciate any thoughts or advice.

I (M29) and dating a woman (24) I met on CM. We have been on 4 dates thus far and things are going good - have plans for more.

We are both dating very intentionally and hope to get married in the next few years (irrespective of one another at this point). Since we are dating seriously, I intend to ask her to be my girlfriend soon.

My question is when is it appropriate to ask questions about substance use or history of potential mental health issues? And how best to do it?

For context: on our second date, we were traveling by subway and sitting next to each other. She reached into her purse for a piece of gum and I looked and saw a pill sheet for what I assume to be birth control. Now on CM, the app allows the option to pick if you agree with the churches teachings on contraception - she does agree according to the app. It’s possible that she takes the pill, but perhaps it wasn’t that. That got me then thinking if it’s not birth control then maybe it is some sort of SSRI or anxiety/depression or some other mental health drug?

Before getting into a relationship with someone, I would like them to be off of birth control and ideally any medication. Additionally, if they have a history of something relating to mental health or contraception I think it’s reasonable to want to know about it before committing to one another.

Any suggestions or help anyone can help me navigate? How to best approach?

I am not catholic, but have been exploring converting since I was dating a catholic. He proposed to me last year and we were deeply in love. We had our issues and arguments, but never gave up on each other and were able to work things through. The first time “broke up” he shared readings of the Bible with me and we reconnected stronger after. This was 5 years ago. Over the last 3 years, our relationship has grown and we also have grown as individuals a lot.

We were the happiest for 2 months after the engagement until his mother arrived and lived with him for up until recently. I never asked for a grandiose wedding and would have been the happiest with getting married in Church (he wanted to make sure it would be in Church) with close family, him and I and the priest officially joining us. His parents offered to pay everything for a larger wedding, but never paid any deposit although we had 2 potential dates in mind.

Since we are in long distance, his mom coming living with him prevented him to visit me or me visiting him as we used to do. He started communicating less and I would get frustrated with the lack of decision for the wedding. I had a bad feeling that his family was just making excuses to push the wedding off.

As time went, we argued more and more and he communicated less and less. His mother never liked our engagement pictures and always made the wedding planning about herself.

The mom just left the country and he “broke up” via text with me. I have asked to at least call and communicate as basic respect.

I am at a lost. I understand that it might not be a sin to break an engagement, but for me, even though I didn’t grow up catholic, that promise was sacred. I feel lied and manipulated into thinking there was a wedding and a future while his mom did everything she could to prevent this.

I know I should give up, but it almost feel like a voice is calling to ask me to wait??? I am so confused. I have also had a feeling last December that a voice was telling me the relationship is not good for me.

He hasn’t been going to Church and multiple times, I have had to ask him to please go together (even if I cannot take the “bread”. I really enjoyed going with him).

I want some help to help me understand the voices (I assume God?). Should I give him time to think this through more as it seems like he has been under a lot of pressure?

I know that we were no officially married, but it always seemed that we were to me. Idk how wrong this is, but almost as if God planned it for us to go through hard time, overcome, grow and be together.

“Matthew 19:4-6: Jesus quotes Genesis, emphasizing that a husband and wife are "no longer two, but one flesh," and warns against anyone separating what God has joined.”

I feel like his mother separated us and I am at a lost. He realizes that the last year has not been fair to our relationship because of her. How can he just end things over text? He still interacts with me over social media and would selectively reply to my messages, but ignore all the requests to communicate.

How can I help us and him get back to God? It almost feel like I am responsible to do so. I am very confused, because I have never felt that way (I am not religious), but I feel a calling to be together and bring him back to Church and have us talk to God.

Please help me understand

I would like to ask you a general question. Being this subreddit U.S-centric, are U.S. Americans really open to Long-Distance relationships with people from outside the US? I ask because I´ve been doing some research into this and it seems part of the reason many don´t want a LDR, is because they don´t want to be uprooted from their families, which I understand and respect.

However, what happens when there are few matches in your area? Also what is your view on other cultures? Do you see yourselves being compatible with them?

Salut !

Je suis une femme de 24 ans et je suis actuellement en période de discernement avec un jeune homme de mon âge. Nous n'avons jamais avoué nos sentiments ouvertement. Tout est implicite, mais nous le savons tous les deux (regards, sourires, etc.). Nous parlons de mariage, etc., et il est « officiel » entre nous (sans que nous ayons jamais déclaré nos sentiments) que nous sommes en période de discernement ensemble. C'est complexe à expliquer, mais il est clair pour nous deux que nous sommes exclusifs (tout en restant libres, bien sûr). Cela dure depuis environ six mois.

Cependant, étant militaire, il part dans quelques semaines pour une très longue mission à l'étranger (plusieurs mois). Je voulais lui avouer mes sentiments avant son départ. Qu'en pensez-vous ?

Devrais-je en parler d'abord à mon directeur spirituel ? Pour des raisons d'organisation, je comptais lui avouer mes sentiments avant de revoir mon père spirituel. Dois-je lui dire explicitement que je l'aime bien ? On sait qu'on s'aime bien, mais on ne se l'est pas dit. Est-ce que ça pourrait changer quelque chose ? Avez-vous des conseils ? Devrais-je attendre ?

Merci beaucoup ! Que Dieu vous bénisse !

Pour information, nous sommes totalement chastes (aucun contact physique).

Charlotte

Hello. This is a bit of an update on another recent post of mine, but long story short, I (26M) will be returning to college in the fall to get a degree and improve my career and have become interested in dating. However, I talked it over with my close friends (all devout Catholics as well) and they've cautioned against it, for a few reasons: firstly, I don't have a good enough paying job right now, whereas many men my age do, so I wouldn't make a good provider, secondly, I'm not extremely strong or physically imposing, meaning I might not make a good protector either, plus I'm not the world's best communicator either. They encouraged me to pray about it, which I've been doing a lot of. I'm coming to realize that God might not have designed me for marriage, even though it's been a lifelong goal of mine.

To be fair, this wouldn't be unbearable, nor would it be entirely surprising, but I'd be pretty crestfallen about it. Are there any good strategies to accept this, or should I simply keep praying about it?

I think about dating/marriage and I simply don’t care, of course I think it’s beautiful and of course I would enjoy a relationship but it won’t satisfy me in any way, I will still feel the (very strong) call to something deeper. So I basically can not bring myself to care about it, I can’t take women seriously, nor any flirting and it’s not that I’m incapable because I very much am but it feels to me like a compromise almost?…

The best analogy I can give is: let’s say you really want to be an artist, but you decide instead to take a business class for whatever reason, of course a business class is not bad in itself, but you are an artist and you have no place in a business class. Likewise, I imagine dating/marriage as giving up what is good for what is worse.

So I want to ask, does anyone else not care? for lack of a better word.

I (28F) have been seeing this guy (26M) I met on a dating app over the last month. Our dates consist of going to mass and adoration together, cooking dinner together, concerts, and most recently watching a show together at my apartment alone.

I firmly believe the man should be leading in the relationship and the woman responds, especially in early dating, it’s important to observe while not being passive. I did a good job of this at first but the more I started to like him, the harder waiting and responding has become so I do recognize my role in this as well. And when I mean waiting I don’t mean anything sexual or physical, I just mean letting the relationship play out at the pace it has been.

I’m not super happy that I’ve been the one to drive all the real conversations. After 8 dates I asked him what we were doing, if he was still seeing other people on the dating app, & if were exclusive. I tried to be patient but after 8 dates I was so confused and frustrated I felt it was more prudent to bring it up than continue to wait.

Now with purity I’ve asked if we can carve out time on our next date to discuss boundaries to ensure we don’t fall into the near occasion of sin. Again, not super happy I’m the one driving this conversation. I feel as the man he should be protecting my purity and driving these conversations.

I’m not sure if I’m not being patient enough / rushing or if he simply isn’t at the spot I need in a future husband. I believe he can get there but I also don’t believe it’s my job to teach him how to a certain extent.

I have a tendency to overthink & self sabotage so where’s the line between being prudent and discerning vs being overly critical and self sabotage?

I (27M) am a good looking, decently fit man with a good job and interesting hobbies. I write short stories, I dress well, and I think I am a smart guy.

Despite all this I have never had a gf. I go on dates but they never go anywhere. I look around online and all I ever see is women talking about how they're looking for "the right vibe" from men. Is that all that matters to women is what kind of emotional stimulation I give them? It feels like nothing else about me matters to them.

I am looking for genuine advice and not emotional support for this question.

So a couple weeks ago I met this girl through friend of mine. We were all hanging out over the course of a weekend and I'm pretty sure she was flirting with me. I'm usually terrible at reading that kind of stuff, but this seemed too obvious. She teased me multiple times with comments and jabs, asking me hypotheticals, what my dating life is like, where I'm going/what I'm doing to find other girls, venting her frustrations in not finding a guy, etc.

She talked like this exclusively to me. Like her eyes would light up and her laugh was a lot more enthusiastic if I cracked a joke compared to anyone else that was there. Granted, my friends are all married, so it's a little bit different of a vibe when I'm the only non-married person, but the other things I mentioned make me think she liked me.

So to cut to the chase: I wanted to ask her out, but there just wasn't an opportunity on the day I set my mind to it. It was either asking for her number in front of all of my friends, or waiting outside the bathroom door lol. Maybe there was something I could've crafted up, but I'm not rizzy like that I guess. After that night, she went back home which is out of state.

Her account however popped up on my social media this week. I know it's her because she brought up in a conversation what her nametag is online, and her account was recommended to me because we follow the same people.

Do I follow her account and send a DM? What does that opener even look like? Both of our accounts are anonymous, so I'm wondering how to navigate the situation while not being weird about it. If things did move in a good direction, it would end up as a LDR, which I have no problem with, but I feel like I should add that for context.

What do you guys think? Should I hit her up? How should I do it?

I have been talking to someone for a little over a month and we have gone on 2 dates in person and FaceTimed a few times a week. We seem to get along, but all of our conversations have been either complete jokes or philosophizing about life. So I want to say something along the lines of this

I need to talk about just life plans in general. If I am getting married, I like the Catholic idea of marriage where both people will work through their differences, but I do also think about the idea of discerning marriage with other people and what they want will not be what I want so there might be differences that can't be worked out. Which all need to be talked about.

So my question is, what is the perfect idea of a marriage?

I want to have a very holy relationship where we bring each other closer to God, raise children and obviously build a happy life. But the happy life is third.  I am willing to make sacrifices in my life, especially for people I love.

I want someone who wants to be a good father. Selfless for the children

I would like to have a house, it could be small I really don't care on a little bit of land. Preferably in a more rural area. But I do value the type of Mass I attend which might make me live in a more populated area. 

I'd be fine with Catholic school if the family could afford it, but if I had to work to pay for the school, I'd rather homeschool the kids at least until high school.

I like a more outdoorsy life

I like doing random things, I am pretty active and don't like having down time so I will find something to do.

I would like to have my husband be the head of the family. I am pushy though so he would have to be somewhat strong. I am okay with an emotional man, but I can't feign helplessness forever to make my husband feel manly.

Is it too much? I just don't want to waste his time or my time.

I went on a first date Friday night with a guy I met off of Catholic Match (we're both 27), and I just wanted to share my story because I thought it was cute and a lot of posts I've been seeing on here recently have been about struggling with dating or advice regarding breakups (I have posted about those things as well before, so I get it). Also, I want to write this as a reminder to myself that if it doesn't work out with this guy in the future, it doesn't negate the fact that I had a great time with him and felt a genuine connection with someone. It's a very long story-time with many details, and I know that sometimes it's hard to be invested in reading long posts, so there's a tl;dr at the end.

Story time: So, we had been talking for about a week and a half before he asked if I wanted to grab ice cream with him. I honestly was surprised that he had asked me out so soon because some of his messages on Catholic Match made it seem like he wasn't super interested even though we did mutually like each other's profiles (those and matches are good way to avoid the 10-day waiting period if you didn't know about those). For example, it'd be a few days between messages, or he wouldn't ask follow-up questions, so I felt like the effort in the conversations wasn't shared most days. I was the one to give my phone number to get off the app since Catholic Match is buggy with their notifications.

He just moved to the same city as me for a summer job he was assigned to by his work which is about 14 hours away. The Airbnb he's currently at is about an hour away from me. He asked for ice cream shop suggestions, so I sent him two that are relatively close to me. He chose one and we both were saying how we were excited to meet each other the day before and morning of! I got the last parking spot available at the shop and thanked God that I didn't have to try and find street parking lol. He was waiting in his car doing work but got out when he noticed me.

He was wearing a blue button-down shirt and khaki pants, probably what he wore to work, and he looked as handsome as he did in his profile pictures. He apologized for looking scraggly as he woke up at 5am that morning, and I told him, "You look fine." I was so annoyed at myself for saying that instead of "No, you look nice" because he goes on to say how I looked really nice and commented on how my dress was very pretty. He opens up the door for me, and we go inside together to look at all of the different flavors available. The employee looked impatient as we were trying to make up our mind (mind you, it was probably less than 5 minutes total).

He paid for our ice cream, and he suggested we go outside to sit down and eat since it was a really nice evening. We talked about movies, cowboy hats, old-school video games, and his home state before I suggest going for a walk since the chairs were pretty uncomfortable. We walked around for a little while, talking about how the houses all looked so unique in the neighborhood and other random things. It was raining earlier that day, and he was being really considerate by telling me to be careful in some areas with puddles since I was wearing sandals. Probably after 20 minutes or so, around 8:30pm, he says that we should head back and I reluctantly agreed.

By the time we got to my car (only three cars away from his), we continue to chat - this time about nicknames and how you shouldn't give someone a nickname if they don't introduce themselves that way (like someone who introduces themselves as Matthew but people call them Matt instead), how some names are generational, our jobs in Engineering and Accounting, our unique work places, toe socks, and we watched a tow truck almost take away a guy's car that was illegally parked. Periodically, he would say that he should let me go home since it was getting late and that "We'll have plenty of time to talk about stuff later", but we kept on finding new things to talk about. Finally, when we did decide to call it a night it was 11:30pm. Before leaving, he suggested that we do something else sometime soon, maybe like going to a museum or something local to the city.

I felt kind of bad because he had an hour drive back to his place, but also, I felt so happy because we talked for 4 1/2 hours and that was the best first date I've been on in a long time! He told me to text him when I got back home, so I did and asked him to do the same. When he texted me around 12:30am I told him, "I forgot to say it earlier, but thank you for the ice cream!" and he said, "Of course! Thank you for the good company!" I was trying to be cheeky with my response when I replied, "You're welcome! Glad to be of service." and I fell asleep before seeing his reply. I woke up the next morning to "Haha. Good night!". I texted him good morning while mentioning that I was going with my brother to pick up some furniture and hopefully be able to load it into my mom's minivan to take to my new apartment. He told me to let him know how it goes, so I texted him a picture after we finished of how we successfully managed to squeeze both pieces of furniture into the car. He replied with an "Oh my!"

He sent a picture of his view from his front porch when I asked what he was up to, so I decided to call him since I was just eating lunch. We talked for about an hour and a half, this time about weather since it was raining where I was but not in his area, how hurricanes happen a lot in my city while the area he's from there have been more tornadoes in the last decade. We talked about family recipes, when you should put up and take down Christmas trees and decorations, and his woodworking projects he wanted to do this summer but are going to be postponed. I decided we should end the call since he had stuff to do that day, and I needed to take a quick power nap before moving some more furniture.

We both said "Talk to you later" before hanging up, and now it is the day after, Sunday afternoon. He has yet to send any sort of follow up text, and I am impatiently waiting. Although I don't want to jinx it, I'm 99% sure he'll try to set up another date. I can't help feeling very excited for a second date although it's not official yet.

TL;DR: I went on a great first date with this guy Friday! I am very physically attracted to him (I'm assuming it's reciprocated lol), he was a gentleman, was very funny, we have a lot in common, had amazing banter, and the conversation flowed really easily. The date was 4 1/2 hours long, and he mentioned that we should go on another date sometime soon like to a museum or something else local since he's new to the city. His "good night" text turned into a "good morning" text from me since I fell asleep before seeing it, and I decided to call him around lunch where we proceeded to talk for another 1 1/2 hours. Now it's Sunday afternoon, and I'm waiting for him to text me to schedule our next date. I know in reality it's only been two days since our date and we talked quite a bit yesterday, but my anxious self can't help but get inside my head about how he hasn't sent me any texts regarding making plans or just a general "How's your Sunday going?" Hopefully he's in the middle of planning a second date, and it'll be as fantastic as the first 😄

Sorry this happened in church but the Christianity sub Reddit not good with dating stuff.

So, there’s this girl I find attractive at the gym but I’ve never spoken to her. Fast forward, my father (who’s a pastor) got invited to a church, and he asked me to accompany him. When I arrived, I saw her and said No way So, I waited for the church to end and went up to her, introduced myself, and then left.

I then saw her at the gym and we finally spoke and had a conversation. then the following month( took a break from the the gym) she came up to me and said where have I been and mentioned why I haven’t went to church and I told her that I had a church and was just visiting hers. She then said, “Oh, I’m going to church this Sunday if you want to come.” I said yes, I would be there. But when Sunday came, she wasn’t there.. I then saw her again in the gym 3 days later and asked what happened and she said her mom was preaching at another church so she couldn’t come and told me go today this Sunday, I go and she didn’t go again so I got stood up twice at a church that isn’t mine

What should I do I don’t want to ask her what happened again

I’m truly and genuinely curious because this happens to me all the time and I don’t get it.

I’ll have guys totally avoid me at gatherings but then message me on social media or add me. Or they’ll even message me on dating apps if they see me on there. But they never talk to me in person. I absolutely do not get it.

Can any guy give me some insight on this?
Maybe I’m doing something wrong? I try and have a smile on my face and I’m quite welcoming. But it does make me feel odd that they feel better talking with me behind a screen vs in person.

Edit to add context: I do go up to them and say hi and chat with them. So I don’t avoid them. But they just act awkward and don’t seem to want to engage in conversation.

Hello 35 male who's a catholic here and that loves Jesus a lot. I never really asked men for advice but here I am now. I meet a woman on Facebook dating and the next 5 days I believe. She hardly responds back to me through Facebook dating and trying to tell me that she's busy with her daughter's Granduation Day which ready passed already but she did tell me through text that her daughter is trying to have a graduation party. So yes she has three kids. Two girls 6 and 17 years and boy who's 13 years old. I feel like she's coming close to the catholic church as well to and giving up practicing tarot reading cards but as for me. I get worried so much and I feel like I wanna go mentally crazy just telling her off. The reason I'm behaving like this. Because she never saved my cellphone number at all. She's busy and busy but doesn't seem to tell me really why though? She also a gardener for her burgundy roses. She said she likes me but she wants me to be patients with her. I don't woman at all. Could any of you men give me a great advice. Please. Oh ya. She's also 31 years old!

I’ve seen a lot of guys on hinge that are catholic, but they have “open to children” on their profile instead of “wants children.”

I want a husband who actively wants kids and wants to be a dad. So I tend to swipe no on the guys who have “open to children” on their profile.

Am I overthinking this, or is that how other people interpret “wants” vs. “open to” ?

I've had a crush on a guy in my Catholic community for a few years now. This crush has survived multiple chapters of my life, including me dating other people.

I am thinking of finally biting the bullet and asking him out.

Positive signs:
He seems genuinely happy to see me and engaged when we run into each other. We met because he approached me first and introduced himself to me after MASS 2 years ago. If he sees me at events, he'll come over and talk to me and hug me, and spend several minutes chatting with me. He remembers details about my life and follows up on our chance encounters (have never planned to go to events together we just consistently bump into each other for years now). MOST OF ALL.. we have easy banter and tend to build off each other's jokes!!

Several friends have commented that there seems to be a connection/chemistry between us.

Negative signs:
He’s an all around friendly & warm guy. When I’ve tried to chat with him over text, he responds but our convos frequently die over text. He doesn't consistently respond to messages (and I know he is single). Neither of us has really made a move or dropped a blatant hint…

Because this CRUSH has been 2 years long, I often end up flustered around him. Part of me feels like if he were interested, something would have happened by now. Another part of me wonders whether we've both just been existing in this limbo of mutual familiarity and Catholic-event encounters.

Catholic men and women, what would you make of this? As a woman, would it be too forward to ask a man who has known of my existence for two years! Would a coffee invitation feel natural at this point, or is this too high of a risk knowing that we orbit the same circle and making things awkward when he may only see me as a friend?