is it wrong to still love someone who cheated, and how do I actually let go or forgive them and move forward
Long story short: been with my girlfriend since June, long distance (I’m in England, she’s in China). Found out a few weeks back she’d been planning to sleep with her ex (she never actually physically cheated on planned to) - saw the emails myself, and she later admitted it outright in a group chat. Ended things that night.
Since then she’s gone back and forth - admitting it, denying it, saying cruel things to me, then begging to get back together, offering to change, even saying she’d give up her socials so I could check on her. Last night she spent hours trying to win me back, then in the middle of it said something to me about her ex that honestly made things a lot clearer.
I ended it for good. I know it was the right call looking at the facts. But I still love her, and some nights (like last night) it’s genuinely hard not to give in when she’s upset and pleading.
As a Catholic, I keep thinking about mercy and forgiveness, and whether walking away for good makes me a bad person, or whether protecting myself from someone who’s shown this pattern (twice before this she’d threatened to end things too) is actually the wiser and even the more loving thing to do for both of us.
There is also a fact, that her ex used to be severely physically abusive to her, and I know she really struggles with it to this day. I’m not trying to justify what she did, but there’s something about victims getting attached to their abusers, and not being able to move forward. I’m not sure honestly.
I haven’t fully blocked her or ended it yet asked for time to think, she today apologised for everything saying she regrets trying to meet him and everything and that she will never do it again. I’m really torn as to what to do, as I love her so much….
Anyone been through something similar? How do you square forgiveness with actually needing to let someone go?