u/Gullible-Explorer768

i’ve (19F) faced over 10+ romantic rejections, with absolutely no success even after putting myself out there. i have truly tried everything. everyone around me has had people like them back and have had partners before, and they make it look so easy. yeah, they’ve faced rejection before but they at least have some romantic success that have made that process worth it. i don’t have that. it’s insane to me that people have that situation where the guy they like actually likes them back, that sounds so nice. i feel like men are incapable of true romantic love and attraction, but I know they’re not. i think i just feel that way, despite knowing it’s not true, as a defense mechanism because the reality hurts so much. i used to think all men were mean and bad (not an assumption, they were just always mean and bad TO ME) but then i saw how gently and kindly they treated beautiful women. i’m trying to find my identity in God and my love for Christ, not my looks or achievements or validation from others, which has made me so much more happy but sometimes i think about these thoughts and it makes me cry. at first, i reflected on why guys rejected me, worked on myself, i was always working on myself and i tried to figure out what lesson they taught me, despite them rejecting me. but i feel like i’ve not learnt anything about myself or life in last rejections, and i’m trying to figure out what God is trying to tell me or if the devil is working through these men which is why I’m so hurt. i thought that this was a sign that religious sisterhood was for me, but i really don’t feel called towards the celibate life. it seemed that i was searching for God’s love in the men i liked but now i’m accepting God’s love and still crave romance. i don’t think i could become a religious sister without crying over how i could never get married. someone here said that God’s messages are never confusing, so this must be the work of the devil. does anyone have any advice?

I’ve met the perfect man for me on catholicmatch.com. He’s Catholic, empathetic, intelligent, hardworking, understanding, patient, and so so so attractive. I keep looking at pictures of him. He even likes me back and is so cute about it.

But, at the same time, I keep thinking about this talking stage (lasted many months, we chatted after i had finished my alevels and was going into my first year of university) i had last year before i reconverted that ghosted me this year but i still feel physically attracted to him.

I’ve always been very inexperienced and thought that guy was going to be my first boyfriend, and everything. up until recently i was following him on Instagram because i still felt physically attracted to him even though he ghosted me after I told him that was basically my worst fear. i was delusional and hoped maybe he’d reach out as he’d look at my stories. i’ve blocked him now but why do I still think about him even after we haven’t spoken in months.

Don’t get me wrong, i really like my current talking stage. I look forward to his messages all day, i always want to call him, and he even said i looked at him in a way that showed that i liked him, and i sent him a letter with loads of cute stickers, and after I vented to him once about a friendship breakup, I nearly said ‘I love you’ but i just can’t stop thinking about that one guy.

I don’t know why i still think about him when i genuinely like the guy I’m currently talking to and want him to be my first boyfriend instead. I don’t know how to forget this guy who would never ever EVER care about me ever, and if he did he would have brought me so far away from God.

this is also making me feel like a bad person. my current talking stage is literally too good for me, and wants to commit to me and yet im thinking about another guy. I really wish I could erase him from my memory so I could just enjoy the amazing Catholic guy I’m much more likely to have and will be so good for me. what is wrong with me? please please pray for me and help me out i want to forget that guy so badly.

I recently joined CatholicMatch.com and every single man is scarily conservative. I thought that I could compromise on this because we’d be united by a mutual love of Christ, but I just can’t look past the homophobia and misogyny. It genuinely makes me feel unsafe. I know they’re not going to change their minds, even though I have good reasoning behind why I think abortion and contraception needs to be legalised, even if Catholics refrain from using them.

I believe that abortion being illegal would go against the sanctity of life, because illegal and dangerous abortions would occur, killing both the pregnant person and fetus. If they mist happen, I’d prefer the woman to stay alive than two lives passing away.

I feel as Catholics, we need to focus on causes that would prevent abortion indirectly: fundamentally unpicking rape culture; accessible and cheap daycare; reforming the adoption system; tackling the cost of living and unemployment crisis; and free healthcare, free from medical misogyny/racism so that pregnancy and childbirth is a less traumatic experience. These would be so much more productive than just getting rid of abortion, whilst protecting the lives of, not just girls and women, but ALLpeople.

Also, the majority of people in my country aren’t Catholics, so why should people be forced to follow our rules? Imagine if the government banned pork because Muslims don’t eat it? That would be shocking! Unfortunately, we are religious minorities in some countries and we just have to accept that, and let the world do its thing whilst we do our own thing.

I also think that loving someone could never be a sin, and I hate how some Catholics excessively sexualise gay people. One guy I spoke to associates queerness with sodomy, which I think is a popular opinion online (unfortunately).

Queer people can experience sweet and wholesome love, in fact, I believe they experience the most sweet and wholesome love as their love isn’t tainted by societal expectations and patriarchal domination. Sometimes it feels like heterosexual sex is about a man dominating a woman, whereas queer sex often feels like an expression of mutual pleasure, they’re not restricted to such a harsh gender binary. They look beyond societal expectations, and they’re left looking at one’s soul. This is just my interpretation though, I do know that heterosexual relationships can be loving and exceed gender norms, or gender can be expressed in a healthy way, but I’ve personally had some negative experiences in this arena online. (In person, I’ve never gotten into a relationship before).

I think we oversexualise gay people, when they simply love the same way we do. We should hold everyone to the same standards, so ultimately, neither heterosexual nor queer individuals should be having premarital sex or rely on validation from sex because that may bring you further away from God.

As a straight person, I’ve found that my heterosexual tendencies have brought me further away from God, but there is a double standard between how people treat heterosexuals and homosexuals even though we all have the same human inclinations.

And, even if being queer was a sin, so what? In 1 Peter 4:8, it says “above all, love one another deeply, for love covers over a multitude of sins.” But I have an inkling that if one of these Catholic conservative read this, they wouldn’t care or listen to me.

Equally, I’m too scared to be with athiest men because while they’re more likely to be ever-so-slightly more progressive (or at least, are better at hiding any conservative inclinations), I’m scared that they’ll won’t be happy about waiting until marriage to have sex and I’ll miss out on bringing each other closer to God, going to Mass together, and holding hands during the Our Father.

I’ve been contemplating religious sisterhood, and I know it would be the best life for me as finding my identity in Christ has brought me the most happiness, but for some reason, I still feel this intense pull towards marriage despite the odds not being in my favours (I’m 19, and have never been liked romantically before). I also have some mental health issues, so I fear I wouldn’t pass the psychological evaluation required for religious sisterhood.

I feel so conflicted, and scared, and need guidance, kind words, and prayers.

I feel so alone in this predicament. Please be kind to me in the comments, I’m distressed and tired so I haven’t articulated myself as well as I’d like to and I would hate to be divisive.

I’m 6 hours away from home. I was antsy when the journey started and then I settled into the journey and when we got to the hotel. I was starving and comfortable, and then when we got to a restaurant, I started feeling anxious and lost my appetite. It’s so frustrating, I just want to enjoy myself like everyone around me is. Help.