u/Sarbear8468

I am female, 28 years old. I feel like I’m genuinely obsessed with someone I dated when I was 12–14 years old, and I’m trying to figure out whether I need to let this go or whether other people have experienced something similar.

Every time I’ve gone through a major breakup, my mind goes back to him. I was in a five-year relationship, it ended, and I thought about him. Then I got into another relationship almost immediately afterward that lasted 4.5 years. That relationship ended too, and here I am again thinking about him constantly.

Recently, I added him on Instagram. He ended up messaging me, gave me his phone number, and we’ve been talking. He says he’s interested and says a lot of the right things, but his actions make me question it. He’ll regularly take 5+ hours to respond, and sometimes he literally takes a day or two. I understand that adults are busy and nobody owes me constant texting, but the overall energy just doesn’t feel reciprocated. I’m obviously much more emotionally invested than he is.

He’s also very attractive and probably has plenty of options. I’m currently overweight, and although people tell me I’m attractive, I know I’m not feeling or looking like the best version of myself right now.

The part that makes this so difficult is that I have always had this bizarrely strong intuition about him. Even when we were teens, I felt something with him that I have never experienced with anyone else. I’ve had two serious adult relationships totaling almost 10 years, and somehow I still come back to this person.

Now that I’m religious, it’s even harder to explain. I feel this almost spiritual, magnetic connection to him. When I look into his eyes, I feel like I see God. It feels like God walks alongside him. I know how dramatic that sounds, but the strange thing is that I felt something similar when I was 12 years old, long before I became religious in the way I am now.
For years, I’ve had this feeling that I’m eventually going to marry him. Not necessarily tomorrow or even anytime soon, but that somehow our lives are going to keep circling back to each other until we finally end up together.

At the same time, I’m trying not to romanticize someone who isn’t actually choosing me in the present.

So I guess my question is: how do you handle feeling spiritually or intuitively convinced that someone is meant to be your spouse when that connection isn’t being fully reciprocated right now?

Do I keep engaging with him and give this time to develop? Do I pull back because his communication is showing me that I’m not a priority? Do I completely stop pursuing it and trust that, if we really are meant to find each other again, it will happen naturally in the future?

I especially want to hear from religious people who have experienced that overwhelming feeling that God was somehow leading them toward a particular person. Did that intuition turn out to be right? And if the timing was wrong or the feelings weren’t initially mutual, how did you handle it without either forcing the relationship or giving up on something that might eventually happen?

I am female, 28 years old. I feel like I’m genuinely obsessed with someone I dated when I was 12–14 years old, and I’m trying to figure out whether I need to let this go or whether other people have experienced something similar.

Every time I’ve gone through a major breakup, my mind goes back to him. I was in a five-year relationship, it ended, and I thought about him. Then I got into another relationship almost immediately afterward that lasted 4.5 years. That relationship ended too, and here I am again thinking about him constantly.

Recently, I added him on Instagram. He ended up messaging me, gave me his phone number, and we’ve been talking. He says he’s interested and says a lot of the right things, but his actions make me question it. He’ll regularly take 5+ hours to respond, and sometimes he literally takes a day or two. I understand that adults are busy and nobody owes me constant texting, but the overall energy just doesn’t feel reciprocated. I’m obviously much more emotionally invested than he is.

He’s also very attractive and probably has plenty of options. I’m currently overweight, and although people tell me I’m attractive, I know I’m not feeling or looking like the best version of myself right now.

The part that makes this so difficult is that I have always had this bizarrely strong intuition about him. Even when we were teens, I felt something with him that I have never experienced with anyone else. I’ve had two serious adult relationships totaling almost 10 years, and somehow I still come back to this person.

Now that I’m religious, it’s even harder to explain. I feel this almost spiritual, magnetic connection to him. When I look into his eyes, I feel like I see God. It feels like God walks alongside him. I know how dramatic that sounds, but the strange thing is that I felt something similar when I was 12 years old, long before I became religious in the way I am now.
For years, I’ve had this feeling that I’m eventually going to marry him. Not necessarily tomorrow or even anytime soon, but that somehow our lives are going to keep circling back to each other until we finally end up together.

At the same time, I’m trying not to romanticize someone who isn’t actually choosing me in the present.

So I guess my question is: how do you handle feeling spiritually or intuitively convinced that someone is meant to be your spouse when that connection isn’t being fully reciprocated right now?

Do I keep engaging with him and give this time to develop? Do I pull back because his communication is showing me that I’m not a priority? Do I completely stop pursuing it and trust that, if we really are meant to find each other again, it will happen naturally in the future?

I especially want to hear from religious people who have experienced that overwhelming feeling that God was somehow leading them toward a particular person. Did that intuition turn out to be right? And if the timing was wrong or the feelings weren’t initially mutual, how did you handle it without either forcing the relationship or giving up on something that might eventually happen?

I am female, 28 years old. I would appreciate hearing from other Catholics.

I have repented of my past sexual sins and have committed to remaining celibate until marriage. I’m not dating anyone right now, and I genuinely intend to wait, no matter how long that takes.

The part I’m struggling with is the Church’s teaching on masturbation. I understand what the Church teaches, but emotionally and practically, it feels almost impossible to me. If I end up waiting several more years before marriage, I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to never masturbate during that entire time.

I’m not trying to justify sin or argue against Church teaching. I’m trying to understand how other faithful Catholics actually live this out.

Is this something that becomes easier over time? What has helped you? Have any of you genuinely been able to remain both celibate and abstain from masturbation for years?
I’d really appreciate thoughtful and charitable responses.

I am female, 28 years old. I would appreciate hearing from other Catholics.

I have repented of my past sexual sins and have committed to remaining celibate until marriage.
I’m not dating anyone right now, and I genuinely intend to wait, no matter how long that takes.

The part I’m struggling with is the Church’s teaching on masturbation. I understand what the Church teaches, but emotionally and practically, it feels almost impossible to me. If I end up waiting several more years before marriage, I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to never masturbate during that entire time.

I’m not trying to justify sin or argue against Church teaching. I’m trying to understand how other faithful Catholics actually live this out.

Is this something that becomes easier over time? What has helped you? Have any of you genuinely been able to remain both celibate and abstain from masturbation for years?
I’d really appreciate thoughtful and charitable responses.

I am female, 28 years old. I’m looking for honest opinions, especially from people who have experience with mental illness or have dated someone who does.

I have PTSD, ADHD, and bipolar I disorder. I’m stable in the sense that I take my medication exactly as prescribed, I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and I’ve been in therapy for about 12 years. I fully intend to continue treatment for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes.

Lately I’ve been realizing that I may never be “100% healed.” There will probably always be some struggles, even if they’re well managed.
That has left me wondering: Is it okay for someone like me to be in a relationship, or should I just accept that dating isn’t the right thing for me?

I mean ethically. Is it unfair to another person if I know I’ll probably always have some mental health challenges?

For context, I’m not abusive, I don’t cheat, and I’m very loyal. I genuinely try to treat my partners with kindness and respect. I don’t have explosive outbursts or anything like that.
My struggles are more internal. I have anxiety, some attachment issues (probably a mix of anxious and avoidant), and I have a hard time being emotionally vulnerable early in relationships. Saying “I love you” or being very affectionate doesn’t come naturally to me, especially during the first year or two. I do become more comfortable over time, but it takes me longer than most people.

One thing I worry about is that I seem to attract unhealthy partners, and I know some of that probably comes from childhood issues and my own attachment patterns. I’m actively working on those in therapy, but progress isn’t the same as perfection.

I guess what I’m want to know is this:
At what point is someone “well enough” to be in a relationship?

If you’re doing everything you reasonably can to manage your mental health, but you know you’ll probably never be completely free of your struggles, is it okay to keep dating?

Or is it more responsible to stay single if you know you’ll always have these challenges?

I’d really appreciate thoughtful perspectives rather than just “go to therapy,” because I already am and have been for many years. I’m asking about the bigger question of whether people with lifelong mental illnesses can still be good partners.

I am female, 28 years old. I’m looking for honest opinions, especially from people who have experience with mental illness or have dated someone who does.

I have PTSD, ADHD, and bipolar I disorder. I’m stable in the sense that I take my medication exactly as prescribed, I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and I’ve been in therapy for about 12 years. I fully intend to continue treatment for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes.

Lately I’ve been realizing that I may never be “100% healed.” There will probably always be some struggles, even if they’re well managed.
That has left me wondering: Is it okay for someone like me to be in a relationship, or should I just accept that dating isn’t the right thing for me?

I mean ethically. Is it unfair to another person if I know I’ll probably always have some mental health challenges?

For context, I’m not abusive, I don’t cheat, and I’m very loyal. I genuinely try to treat my partners with kindness and respect. I don’t have explosive outbursts or anything like that.
My struggles are more internal. I have anxiety, some attachment issues (probably a mix of anxious and avoidant), and I have a hard time being emotionally vulnerable in relationships. Saying “I love you” or being very affectionate doesn’t come naturally to me, especially during the first year or two. I do become more comfortable over time, but it takes me longer than most people.

One thing I worry about is that I seem to attract unhealthy partners, and I know some of that probably comes from childhood issues and my own attachment patterns. I’m actively working on those in therapy, but progress isn’t the same as perfection.

I guess what I’m want to know is this:
At what point is someone “well enough” to be in a relationship?

If you’re doing everything you reasonably can to manage your mental health, but you know you’ll probably never be completely free of your struggles, is it okay to keep dating?

Or is it more responsible to stay single if you know you’ll always have these challenges?

I’d really appreciate thoughtful perspectives rather than just “go to therapy,” because I already am and have been for many years. I’m asking about the bigger question of whether people with lifelong mental illnesses can still be good partners.

I don’t mean men with low testosterone, a low libido, or men who aren’t interested in sex. I actually mean the opposite. I mean men who clearly have a masculine presence and healthy sexuality but don’t constantly make sexual comments, flirt aggressively, or bring up sex early on.

For some reason, that kind of restraint is incredibly attractive to me. It makes me feel much more drawn to them than a guy who’s always making everything sexual. It’s like there’s confidence and self control there, and it builds anticipation instead of killing it.

Am I the only one who feels this way, or do other women find this much more attractive too?

I’m 28 F, and after reflecting on my past relationships, I realized something uncomfortable. My exes did hurtful things, and I’m not excusing that, but I also noticed that I was asking them for more than just being a boyfriend. Emotionally, I wanted them to be my daddy too, not literally, but in the sense that I wanted them to make me feel safe, protected, reassured, and secure in a parental way. I think I asked too much from my exes because of that.

I didn’t just want a boyfriend. I wanted someone who felt like an anchor.. so super steady, protective, mature, and honestly, sometimes to manage my life for me. I didn’t grow up with a father (he left when my mother was pregnant).

To complicate things, I’ve also noticed that when I hand over the wheel like that, it can attract controlling or narcissistic people who like that dynamic. I’m not trying to shame myself. I’m just trying to be honest.

I’ve done a lot of therapy over the years (12 years of seeing psychologists), and I still feel this pattern pretty strongly. Is it something anyone else relates to? Is this something that changes? And is it unfair to date if I know I have this tendency?

I don’t know that I can ever be fully healed. Is it even possible to date while working on this?

I’m a woman who recently returned to Christianity, repented of my past, and decided that I want to wait until marriage before having sex again.

I had a fairly wild sexual past, particularly in high school. At the time, I had undiagnosed bipolar I disorder, and during that period I made many impulsive and unhealthy choices. I’m not using that as an excuse, but it is part of the context.

My adult life has been very different. I have had around four sexual partners as an adult, and two of those were serious, long-term relationships..one lasted about five years and the other about four and a half years.

I know that some Christian men are committed to waiting until marriage, but I sometimes hear men say they would only do that with a virgin. That leaves me wondering where women like me fit in.

Now that I have returned to my faith, genuinely repented, and want to live differently, would Christian men still be willing to wait until marriage with me even though I’m not a virgin? Would my past automatically disqualify me from being considered for a serious Christian marriage?

I would especially appreciate honest responses from Christian men, but please be respectful. I already understand that my past choices were sinful, and I’m not looking to be shamed. I’m trying to understand how Christian men realistically approach forgiveness, repentance, and dating someone with a past.

When things are going well and nothing bad is happening, I feel extremely anxious. It feels like my life is in danger or like something terrible is about to happen, but I have no idea where it’s going to come from.

I become very hypervigilant and panicky, and I cannot fully relax even though there is no actual threat around me. It’s like my body does not believe that things are safe.

But strangely, when I’m in a genuinely intense, high-adrenaline, or potentially dangerous situation, I feel very calm. It almost feels like I can finally breathe. My mind becomes clearer, I feel more relaxed, and everything somehow feels more manageable.

It’s such a strange contrast. I feel the most afraid when nothing is happening, and the calmest when something actually is happening.
Does anyone else with PTSD experience this?

I’m (Female, 28 yo) having a really hard time believing in relationships anymore. I want love. I don’t want to be single and alone for the rest of my life, and I would like to have a family someday. But at this point, I honestly do not know whether I believe that a healthy, faithful relationship is possible for me.

The guy I lost my virginity to in high school cheated on me. After that, I was in a relationship from age 17 until about 22, and he cheated on me too. Then I had another serious adult relationship from around age 23 to 27, and he also cheated on me.

After having the same thing happen repeatedly, I am starting to wonder whether something is wrong with me. I cannot stop wondering whether I somehow caused it, whether I keep choosing the wrong type of men, or whether I am just not enough.

My self-esteem has gotten very low. In high school, I was very attractive, but as an adult I do not feel that way anymore. I feel like my face is asymmetrical now, and I have not aged very well, I am also overweight. I am 5’3” and about 175 pounds. I recently started going to the gym because I want to improve myself and feel better, but part of me still wonders whether the men I was with cheated because they were unsatisfied with me physically. Then I think, why be with me in the first place?

I also grew up in a household where relationships did not feel safe or stable. My dad left when my mom was pregnant. I only saw him one time when I was seven years old, when he came for a weekend visitation, and after that he never came back or tried to be involved in my life again.

My uncle and grandfather filled the father role in my life, and they did a good job. They are genuinely good men, and I am grateful for them. But I have not been able to find a man like them for myself.

My mom was also in several abusive relationships while I was growing up. I witnessed physical and emotional abuse in our household, so I think I started out already feeling disappointed by men and afraid that relationships would eventually hurt me.

Please provide your male perspective.