r/Adulting

I feel like the definition of upper middle class varies so much depending on where you live, family size, debt, lifestyle, etc., so I’m curious what it looks like in real life.
For those who consider themselves upper middle class:

● editing to add -Your Age range
● What is your household income?
● How much do you have in savings and investments?
● Do you own a home? What is your mortgage like?
● What kind of cars do you drive?
● How often do you travel or take vacations?
● What luxuries do you regularly spend money on?
● What do you still consider “too expensive” or have to budget carefully for?
● Most importantly, do you actually feel upper middle class?

🦖 SECOND EDIT: how long have you been making the income that you’re making right now?

I’m genuinely curious about the difference between the income level on paper and the actual lifestyle that comes with it.

​

"Half-employed" because my parents, both in their early 50s, don't have a real job. They basically rent out rooms to pay for the mortgage and live off the rent.

They're not rich but I can say that they're pretty well off, owning 2 Teslas.

We live in a suburb in Socal, about 40-minute drive from downtown LA.

My partner and I (late 20s) both work and make okay money. We're trying to save every penny for our own house down payment. We make our own food and drinks at home. Our budget for eatout is basically $40/week because I figure that'd somewhat help with my wife's mental health.

My parents never paid for my degree. I worked several jobs and took out a loan.

We pay $1100/month for a master bedroom. We also pay half of the groceries, our own insurances, and the entire family's phone and Internet bills (5 people, including siblings).

I got angry when they want to increase the rent to $1300. It's still cheaper than renting a single bedroom apartment around where we live but it's really draining our savings for our house. Is this normal?

Edit: $1100 is just for the room. Everything else is separate.

How did you become disciplined enough to lose the weight?

1. How much weight did you lose and how long did it take?

2. How did you do it?

I always say I'll cheat just one more day and start tomorrow. Then I tomorrow myself into weeks and months of not doing anything.

How can i be a strong woman with her emotions in control?

PS: Dont suggest therapy as i am already in one

What would you do ? So I’m so confused m/45 about the time I ate some weird acid that left me comatose dead to the word I mean I was pissing on my bedroom floor but anyway I woke up to my fiancé f/32 for over 2 years coming into our room naked o yea I forgot to mention that my sister was living with us she had 2guy friends over all night and some other people but my girl wouldn’t even go out there naked when my sister f36 given because I’m at a loss

I'm 26, and one thing that's been frustrating me lately is that people always say "it's never too late to learn," but a lot of hobbies don't actually feel that way in practice. You either just "try something out" but if you like it, boom there's no way to improve or grow your skills further unless you spend thousands on private lessons, but kids and youth groups will always have a LOT of opportunities and training groups, so if your parents weren't rich to put you in something, you're out of luck for any hobbies, skills, sports, arts or anything you want to get better at and learn.

Last year I got really into outdoor rock climbing. I took courses, learned rescue and safety systems, bought gear, practiced a lot, and put a lot of effort into improving. The problem is that outdoor climbing depends on partners. Whenever I'd post in Facebook groups looking for people to climb with, the first question was always how many years I'd been climbing or whether I could lead hard routes. It felt like nobody cared about the training I'd done because I didn't already have enough experience. But how am I supposed to get experience if nobody wants to climb with less experienced climbers?

Now I'm running into something similar with dance. I've been taking hip hop and choreography classes twice a week for about 5 months now. I've taken around 40 classes and genuinely put effort into improving, but drop-in classes only get you so far. Every class is different, instructors don't really get to know you, and there isn't much progression from week to week. A studio I attend held auditions for a year-long competitive training program. It was expensive, but I was excited because I wasn't looking for competition itself, I was looking for the structure and opportunity to learn something and grow in it for a year, and improve on prior week's skills. A full year with the same coaches, training multiple times a week, building on previous skills, and actually having an environment designed for improvement instead of random drop-ins. Before auditioning, I asked multiple times if beginners were welcome. They said yes, and that they'd try to place everyone on a team. Their website also talked about being inclusive and welcoming all levels. I did the audition, didn't expect a top team or anything, and figured I'd be placed with other beginners who wanted to train.

Weeks later I got a generic email basically saying I didn't make it and that "other opportunities are coming soon." I know nobody owes me a spot. What bothered me wasn't being rejected. It was realizing, once again, how few opportunities there seem to be for adults who genuinely want to learn something seriously.

Kids get progressive programs, coaches, teams, development pathways, and years to grow. Adults get told to show up to drop-in classes and somehow figure the rest out on their own, and if you really like something or progress further in it, well good luck. I guess that's what I'm really asking: has anyone else felt like the hardest part of learning a hobby as an adult isn't the actual learning, but finding opportunities to progress once you've moved beyond being a complete beginner?

Edit: Since people here are giving advice but too lazy to read my post. I just wanted to say I do NOT want to compete nor do I already think I'm good. I have taken 40 classes in dance so far to try to learn and grow. Given I grew up with zero skills and never being in a single hobby or sport or musical instrument (my parents didn't put in anything at all), I want to just throw myself in something for years and just grow. Is that so hard?? I'm willing to pay a lot to literally just train for a year in something I really like, like rock climbing or dance, and not having opportunities taken away just because I'm an adult but every youth kid can still be in any training programs they want (this is sports too). I just want to progress over a year in a conditioned environment with a coach and team that will learn my strengths and weaknesses and help me grow, rather than random once a week drop in classes with 30 people where the coach does not even look at you, and the next week, its something completely different and does not build previous week's skills whatsoever. Most drop ins I have done seem to be introducing people to something, but there is no point of introduction if there's no way to get "into" the main thing that they are introducing you to.

What should I do ?

I keep seeing posts, both here and in my friend group, that treat adulting like a personal character arc: get motivated, become disciplined, then finally feel like a Real Adult. My hot take is that adulting is mostly about building boring systems so you do not need motivation in the first place.

When I was younger I treated life like a grind. I figured if I pushed harder I could keep up with bills, laundry, email, appointments, budgeting, and still have energy for fun. Now motivation feels like Monopoly money: it spikes randomly, disappears without warning, and you cannot budget it.

What actually worked for me was setting up small, repeatable defaults:

- Bills: put utilities, rent, and subscriptions on autopay, and pick one day a month to check anything that changes.

- Money: one weekly time block to glance at accounts, and no shame if it is only 10 minutes.

- Chores: fewer decisions. Same laundry day, same grocery day, and 2 or 3 staple meals I can fall back on.

- Fun: schedule it. If it is not on the calendar it gets eaten by errands.

It is unglamorous, and honestly it is boring. But the moment I stopped waiting to feel like an adult and started designing my week like I design a simple routine in a game, my stress dropped.

Anyone else feel like adulting is less about willpower and more about systems that make the boring stuff automatic?